Haha...I personally have been going through teasings, and beyond that....many interviews from older folks like my parents, aunts, cousins and so forth. Sometimes, I get a little quizzical with these indirect messages being transmitted across....
"So you are still single"
"How old are you?"
"Why?..nobody in mind now?"
"Why?...what are you waiting for?"
Singlehood becomes gradually abnormal for people above the age of 25. And truthfully, I don't think people of my age are really that old to be surprised still carrying a single status. But I would have to admit, this mindset is also existent among SINGLES themselves who are of my age, let alone those concerning uncles and aunties. And this is precisely the reason why I am writing this post...
This appeared quite as a surprise to me last two night as I was out with some of my childhood friends. Few of them asked what am I still being picky about....and start discussing the list of criteria they want for their partners (for the few who are also still single ...they are all my age)....and as much as they are joking and laughing about it...I know deep down, they weren't really proud with the fact that they are singles.
And it begin to dawn upon me....values play an important part in how you view life, including the partner you choose. Criterias listed were very much different in accordance to what you believe as important in life. In this case, my list was very much different from that of my friends'. And these lists do reflect the mindset you have. The reason why some of my friends think it is not OK to be single at this age, is because they needed a man....a man to meet their needs, a man to provide..a man to sweep them off their feet...a man who fulfils all that is more than enough, simply because they are tired of being independent and have no one to turn to. Not to say that it is a bad thing. It is necessary and good to have a hero in life of course. But I guess, in a way...the total completion of that person can only happen when the man/woman of her/his life is found. So people are on a hunt for a partner to resolve that incompleteness.
I may sound weird, but I feel singlehood is a cool stage because I know, that Godliness is above everything else. And having vision / calling in life comes next. I want a partner who knows his purpose in the Lord. And I guess, I have come to realize that it is not easy to find a man like this. And if I find him at my young age, it is a privilege! But before he is found, I need to prepare and equip myself to be a helper to this man of God. Therefore, it is less of what he can do for me (even though I do hope he can do most of the things for me and treat me like a princess. LOL)....but how I can be of a support to him....And I have a hard time trying to explain that to my friends. I am perfectly aware that I sounded like a "strong" "independent" woman to some. But, I was trying to depict that marriage is more than just a commitment, a relationship, and nothing else. Marriage can be more than that! You can conquer the world if you marry the right one.
I hope I don't sound proud but this is purely my own perception and opinions of things. Time may change how I view things I know....but I hope I will never compromise anything. I learnt one thing that night when I was out with my friends. How one approach something is so much reflected by the value we hold on to, and the future that we are anticipating. Some anticipates a quiet, peaceful, loving home...which is totally cool. Others anticipates life of adventure, meaning and mystery.
In many ways, I am really grateful that I have Jesus to shape my values.
Honestly, I am glad to be still single now. Not because I don't wanna get married. But, its the season of my life whereby I am discovering my destiny, working on my fears of life and etc....and I really appreciate the season I am going through now. In fact, I personally think that is the best gift I could ever give my partner - a healthy emotional life! Not to say that I must be flawless, but at least...I work on whatever I discover along the way as I prepare myself to be the right person.
Maybe my partner has been praying the same prayer I have been praying all along for mine as well...."BREAK HER, WHOEVER SHE IS LORD! MOULD HER! REBUKE HER!"
Hahaha. Brutal.
But yea...I am eager to know who that person would be....But I am more than willing to wait. I always believe good things come to those who wait. At the right place, at the right time. Desperation on the other hand, blinds you out from all the most important values of your life. That all you care about is having one, instead of preparing to be one. I have come across so many singles that eventually gets desperate due to age pressures, family and culture pressures, and all sorts of pressures. Probably motivated by loneliness as well? I would have to honestly say, many make a decision that they later on regret.
This is also a reminder to myself. Even though I may not have succumbed to the pressure now, but if you are not careful, these pressures may rob your sanity...and before you even know it, desperation has already conquered a big territory on your brain cells. Stay close to Jesus, and stay secure in Him. The best is yet to come.
Truth be told, I have completely no potential partners in my mind or at sight right now... But I am confident God is responding to my prayer: breaking, working on my future partner now, as He is also doing with me....and when we're both ready, we will cross path. So that when we both meet each other, we are prepared to live a sold-out life and be world-changers kali dua! Amen!
To singles out there, don't be afraid of waiting!....Really consider what kind of future you want, then wait for it. Society may increase their pressures on you. But don't you give in to that pressure...remember God wants to give you His best! And don't eventually succumb to desperation. Desperation is honestly disastrous as it causes you to make decision that you never think twice about. Because all you care about is having one and get it done with. Remember....this is a decision of a lifetime. Others may say all they want....but the person living with that decision is not them....but YOU.
My heart goes out to all the girls out there who are beginning to believe that your age determine your value....please don't give in to such lies. Girls, you are more precious than gems. Please do not compromise at all cause.....Wait....Anticipate that great future...and when he comes, you will know he is worth that wait :)
A great song written by Anthem Light....written for this very purpose. Hope it blesses you.
You are WORTH WAITING FOR :)
