Simple is Virtue - Myanmar 2013 :)

26th May 2013 - 29th May 2013....mark another journey of life that I will never forget.

I went to Myanmar for a mission trip with my ever amazing mentors - Shirley and David, the power couple. This time, I was on a discipleship journey in managing the team by my spiritual ibu. As usual, apart from giving, I was looking forward to be inspired again. Indeed, I was never let down. Every mission trip, I never fail to see God's goodness, and experience His amazing presence.

I came to Myanmar six months ago, in November 2012. The very same day we left the country, Barrack Obama (President of USA) came and left as well. We were stuck in some traffic jam for his departure. And the day, our second mission team arrive at the airport, apparently the President of Japan was suppose to come as well. It blesses my heart that every time we are doing mission in that country, seem to be a significant time for the nation.

Six months later, as I stepped into Myanmar, I can see drastic changes. From a one money changer airport, now there were many, advertisement of credit cards were everywhere, road condition improved, and many more. In my spirit, I sense revival is happening in that land. And I am so grateful to be a part of it. I literally felt that there is something happening that will turn the nation around and it is happening very fast, and soon!

The next day, as we were preparing ourselves at the Global Children Conference, David had an amazing sharing during devotion. On what is gospel truly to the poor. When we read it in the bible, we often thought Jesus wanted to preach His coming to the poor. But lets think about it properly. Gospel to the poor, cannot be about Jesus' coming. What is the value of the good news of His coming and dying for us, when our basic needs in life are not met? Gospel to the poor, is meeting their needs, healing their hurts...and that is when we establish God's kingdom in our society. Jesus didn't come to preach about Him dying so we could get saved. He came to give to the poor what they lack. When we bring forth the good news, through our living, only then we are able and qualify to tell them about Jesus' coming and dying for them. The Maslow's hierarchy stands true till today. And I was impacted. How will a nation or a society hear you speak? It is when you bring THEIR gospel to them....before pushing down the gospel you know, into their throats.

After moving around the city to purchase some medication for our medical booth this trip, I stepped into the National Theatre of Myanmar to attend the Global Children Conference. I was moved to tears. I saw many children of Myanmar, raised in such god-fearing condition. My heart was overwhelmed. I knew the nation will have hope if the children were raised in such a way as this. Children leading worship, children praying for the seven pillars of the nation, children preaching....children....just loving Jesus. I was truly inspired. There's something about little children when they sing, preach and pray....their faith are just so pure.

As we know, mission is always a place to step out and breakthrough. So that night as we were all rehearsing for the G.O.D conference the next day, Shirley alerted us that after the first G.O.D Conference session, we need to break into two groups. One group will follow her to Hmowbi for a second session for the people there. The other group will follow me to a church youth group to preach. And after that split into another two smaller groups to preach in another two cell groups.

That was a faith-stretching moment. Mostly for those who have not preached before. Leonard will be preaching for the afternoon session, I will be preaching for the cell group of 60-70 people. I have not prepared any sermon for the trip! But I know, mission is like that. We have to be ever ready to serve. So I prepare a sermon on Joshua Generation which I have preached to my cell group before this. Only thing I changed the sermon a little to cater to my new crowd.

So it was the day for G.O.D Conference came. Everything went smoothly. The presence of God was very strong each time I hear the people of Myanmar worship God. Somehow, they sound so genuine, without walls....just singing with all their hearts, loving Jesus, no other agenda. And the churches in Myanmar are all so united, helping each other despite of denomination. It is really a blessing watching how they work....so the conference ended with a big bang as David preaches about how one person can change the world. I was impacted again and again everytime I hear the same message. And I was really motivated for the day.

See, I know in every mission trip, God wants to teach me something. I knew this trip was gonna be life-changing again, I just don't know how God will do it this time... I believe God knew that preparing sermon wouldn't be that difficult since I have archive for it. But God knew, there are things I cannot let go and would tend to play God. It was precisely in these things, the Lord tested me. I learned a big lesson that night. I stepped in the cell group that night with 60-70 people. Realizing that they are mainly women....and women who are preparing themselves to be domestic helpers in Singapore. They will leave the country soon. I was thinking to myself....I am about to preach about Joshua generation for their own nation.....how will I relate then?

I was contemplating to change my sermon halfway while worshipping because my flesh says....its not easy to challenge a group of immigrant workers to be to be a Joshua Generation, only to realize, I did not have my laptop or even any other sermon notes with me. Guess it must be destined. So I went on preaching my message. And the translation wasn't very smooth, as the translator has to translate into Chin, another tribal language of the Chin tribe in Myanmar (not the regular Burmese language).

So, I was getting a little frustrated with the minor setbacks I felt I am experiencing. Message was becoming too long, and I was told Chin language isn't an easy language to translate. The translator did his best and took awhile to process, translate, and because of that I believe it must have been very hard for him to keep up the same momentum as me...at that point, I was just praying and hoping that whatever is being preached, it was translated right, and the people could understand well..if not, the presence of God must come and do His work, because I have completely no control over that. It was precisely because I have no control, that I felt frustrated.

Nonetheless, God came...almost everyone responded, some with streaming tears...the presence of God fell down. Yet things were still not right with my heart. I wasn't very satisfied with the little glitches...I have to admit, I have been spoilt by the high excellent culture I am placed in. I am grateful for the excellence I am taught to embrace. But sometimes, instead of instilling values that help us give our best to God, excellence could take over the total focus of all....if not careful.

As I was about to go to bed, God rebuked me that very night. I was questioned about the attitude of serving. I was forced to look at my heart. Why do I need perfection in my service? Don't I trust Him to move? ...I was negotiating with God, telling Him, it was just a momentary feeling, didn't mean I was totally unhappy since so many responded. Then God said this......"Exactly...that was because, I moved. You were hoping for me to come according to the way you pave for me. You felt, that would be the best way, no? Are you God? Do you need to control and predict the best way for me to come? Do you serve to feel good about the service, or do you serve to bring Him glory and to touch the life of others?"

My walls were torn down that night. I repented. I realized my attitude wasn't right. I was taking control too much. I have missed out the god-element. That night, I had to decide to unlearn all that I know, to break all mindsets on what "good atmosphere" is suppose to be, and let God be God. I wasn't suppose to try to make sure everything is in order so God could come. I was just suppose to do my best and trust God to do the rest. God didn't need my help. I need His! And my focus shouldn't be on how smooth things was for me, but how I can be a vessel, a servant for God to use.

In may ways, I thank God I was put through this. I know I would have never realized or learnt this any other way if not given a situation like this. What struggles do we have when everything is within our expectation? We are so well-trained and programmed. I questioned myself that night, who was I performing for? Everyone was a stranger there. And God is able in every single sense....That was the moment when it hit me...I had begun to play God.

See, people in this nation, do not need fancy things, events, lights, perfect sound, translation or anything to allow them to serve God. I was the one that felt that these things were necessary. I was playing God. God can come anyhow, any time, however He deems it to be. People of Myanmar were very simple. All they wanted was to seek God....I was caught up with the mindset of having everything smooth, so that God can come easier. Music to build atmosphere, etc....I am not saying all these things are bad....if we have the luxury we should really utilize all these...but there is NEVER a situation that God can become dispensable. However bad a sound system may be, however bad a lighting may be, however hot the place may be....people still worship, people still teared, people still run to the altar. Why? Because they didn't come to feel good....they came for God.

This very moment with God, make me ponder. As a cell leader, have I trained my members well enough to just come to church and cell group....not because I preached a good message, I preached well, worship was led well, games were fun, everything was prepared for them....but because they truly, purely are hungry to see God face to face? They are hungry for a Word from Him? I am not saying excellence is not important....but truly, what drives us today? Events? Perfections? Our so-called perception of "perfection"? Or was it really God?

I am so inspired to build a generation who are excellent in their service for Jesus, but will never miss the main point of coming to church and going to cell group to serve. That is to want more of God...

The next few days, I was very cautious of my role. I constantly reminded myself, I gotta do my best....but I should let God do His part....I was really blessed. I went to Insein church  leading a team to minister there. It was Kevin Khoo's turn to preach. I played guitar for altar call...even though a "caplang" guitar player...many still responded. God was indeed in control. Chatted with Pastor Charity and she told me how she and her team are working on reaching the President of Myanmar, inviting him to the next Christmas party, going on national TV LIVE every day, to give a one-hour preaching. Talk about cultural mandate? These people are way ahead....I was really moved in my heart. It got me thinking, what can I do for my nation.

In Malaysia, there were many restrictions for sure. But we are from a much developed nation in comparison to Myanmar. What other excuses do we have? I want to bring the "gospel" to my society. Good news my society sees it. Medical booth was life-changing for me. I saw how Kingdom of God can be established among the broken, the poor, the needy. I washed hair for a bunch of kids who had never used shampoo in their lives....and I realized there were children who didn't have shoes or pants to wear because they couldn't afford them, couldn't go to school because they had no money for school fees and books....and could not understand half a thing I said because they either do not understand translation well, or were too shy to respond....low self-esteem.

I followed 3 siblings back to their home that day after my first medical clinic. My heart ache at the condition of their home. Just a shade. No furnitures, no father. Mom working for a living. No fan, no clothes, no closet, no food, no fridge, broken floors, torn ceilings, holes on their walls and roof...a milk bottle with moulded teat...and the little boy was drinking from it. They were bullied almost every other day. I was there to save one of the boys twice, pushed around and beaten up by the older boys in the village. But what happens when I am no longer there? So there I was, with my two other members. Pooiyan asked why not I pray for them. I prayed...in English...and I saw the older sister....trying to hold her tears as I prayed. I knew she didn't understand what I said....but I believe she can sense it in spirit God's love for her that day. I pray one day when she is hopeless, there is where she will go to seek for hope in life. And truly, there's nothing else I could do...but just to pray...

Next day, my team went to Hmowbi to set up another medical clinic, it was a slow day. Not many patients, but an old lady came in claiming that she is dying and that Jesus had called her home. Someone came out to tell me she had depression. I was just randomly mentioning....I think we should have psychological clinic apart from just doctor's clinic. David randomly said...Hazel....go do your counselling work. And I was laughing....didn't thought much about it as I took it as a joke. I couldn't speak Burmese...counselling would be such a barrier with translated words...meaning may get distorted.

So after awhile, I randomly walked toward the old lady and stood by her as she was telling Doctor Debbie and others about her stories and etc. I was just "looking around" until suddenly the old lady grab my hand and pulled me down. She asked me....have you eaten? (in Burmese of course...its a courtesy)....So, I thought, since she wanted me to sit with her, why not just minister to her the best I could. It was funny how the translator was trying to tell me that she is now like a child, and I couldn't understand. I kept thinking her family treated her like a child. So....finally it got into me that it is pointless counselling. She is no longer thinking as an adult.That was when I offered her prayed. After that she kept talking to me in Burmese. Whispering to me secrets... Nobody was there to translate. So I was just there...listening and nodding...as though I understood. I looked into her eyes. Something caught my heart that day..behind those eyes....so much fear, so much disappointments, grief, welled-up tears and I look at her wrinkled face...I knew this woman has gone through much more than I could imagine. Not only did she had stroke, and that her husband passed away, she must have had so many other disappointments. I was feeling so much compassion for her....but I realized, all I could do was to pray...

I have never came to an extent when I pray for others, I would cry. But in this mission trip, there were so many time....that I cried as I was ministering. These hearts were so pure...so genuine. I felt God's love so much for them, and theirs for God....This will be a great nation. I truly believe in this country. And the people....

Many other silly experiences that I had with the team. One of them was to be in the long dusty road as we travel from places to places, Grace and Richard's proposal (which we planned so hard for it), Shirley's surprise during the stationery donation event, the many "joker" moments such as Anthony singing in wrong key, forgot his lyrics, Kevin Khoo trying to be arty in his speech, and got the pastor shock when he was suppose to translate "yesterday I was leading the army of darkness against Christ" lol.....the diva moments of Leonard as he brought his own toilet shoes, the random moments of Shu Qing (beep beep and so forth).....and the dangerous late night when we walked out to get our dinner....cockroaches crawling around with me and Jan literally screaming and jumping like girley girls. hahaha!

It was an amazing experience. Apart from being closer to one another and learned how to organize a mission trip with Shirley, there were so many heart-warming moments. I teared a lot this mission trip. I was really touched in many occasions. How a kid who would have nothing, when you give them food, they would give to others. Yet sometimes, we have so much and we are so hesitant to even give to our brothers and sisters. How there were so many technical glitches, yet nobody was distracted. Everyone was waiting to receive from God. How the pastor of the church can be so humble. One pastor, did the keyboard playing, the announcement, the translation, the song leading, everything.....How a pastor would sell his home when a church has been destroyed by the cyclone, and buy a small property to build a new church, live in a shade behind, how a pastor would have risk being killed starting underground churches where wars are going on.....but they do it anyway because they want to see God's move in the midst of war.

Talk about true civilization.....our definition may be the way our society live....but in my opinion, the people of Myanmar understood civilization better that most of us...because with the little they had, they not only did not complain, became selfish, become greedy, or exploit others....but responded in selfless acts toward one another. They had made me understood civilization in another level.

I spoke to Pastor Charity and Pastor Daniel the other day. They told me in the past, the main religion group militants would come into villages and get Christians wiped out. Today, the condition improved much and Christians are rising up to build the nation, because many selfless Christians before that decided they would live for Christ, and gave their best for their people. The very same day when we were travelling from our mobile clinic from Insein, I saw a monk holding a gun (I presume it was a toy gun)...pointing at our truck. My heart was beating very fast because I just heard that story! (LOL), and I couldn't tell whether was it a real or fake gun from afar.

 But that was when a question popped up within my heart.....will I truly live for Christ, and have I got what it takes to truly do that....something to ponder :)

Thus sums my journey. Someday, if God wills, I will build a school to give free education to the poor, and probably adopt a few children as my own (if my husband wills) haha. But truly, the truck ride, the dusty roads, the technical errors, the lack of lighting, the long hours of bumpy ride, the pollution, the sweat, sun, late night practices, late night briefings, late night sermon preparation, the dirty children, the slumps and rubbish....is all worth it when you see how hungry these people were...

Thank you, God...I am longing to be the Joshua of my generation. Gotta prepare myself.

This is a simple song by Myanmar people....singing about Jesus saving their nation:

Loving mission trip. Everything simple seems so amazing in mission trip :) I simply live for You....I will do my best for my nation.

A little feverish now. Signing out~

Journey of a Malaysian....

This recent season, I have been very "political" as my nation is going through a big transition....the 13th General Election. I figure, I want to document this moment so that I could remember the reason why I did what I did this season....something to look back when I grow older in time.... 

My current boss, David Oh was a big influencer in getting me pumped up for my nation. It is true. Once you realize the truth, it is very hard for you to ignore it. And you can't help but want to do something to make a difference. I want to thank him from the bottom of my heart for that. I used to be really timid...but I am blessed to have bold people around me who showed me even I....the timid Hazel Saw can take a step to be bolder when someone would "borrow" me courage and inspire me to take that step.

With that, I hope God would give be a bolder and more courageous heart with time so I could borrow others some of it and be the inspiration God can readily use too. I want to answer the call of a Joshua generation...and I know it has to begin with steps of faith from within. Making a difference not only in religious context, but in the society I am placed in. I know I am no politician, and there are many others who are doing what I am doing.

"What difference would it make?" people often asked...."nobody would notice your contribution..."

Yes, they are right....nobody would notice. But they are wrong when they said it wouldn't make a difference. See, the issue was never about being noticed, but bringing about awareness, making a stand....not as AN INDIVIDUAL....but as a collective people....for what? For a better nation! This is for our children! This is for our future. I don't need to fight battles only to be recognized. I need to fight battles that I know would bring about a promising future. That's what we are all fighting for. For this HOPE of a better tomorrow.

"Why do you need to be the one? There are so many fighting already. Aren't you selfish for not thinking about how worried sick your family would be?"

I know many would think that I am being really selfish for not thinking about my worrying parents. In fact, I feel bad that they are worried. That is the reason why every single time, when I make a stand for my nation, I  don't do it recklessly. I make sure I take all precaution, to keep myself safe. Yes, there are risk, but I do not blindly plunge into one. I do my best to keep myself safe for them....for the fact that I felt even more selfish, if I know what's going on today and do nothing about it for my future generation. What about my children? Wouldn't I want to fight this battle now, so that in future, they do not need to be the one fighting this, and I am the one sitting at home worrying about their safety? And I believe deep down, my family knows what I am doing is right, and they will one day understand when they come to realize the importance of standing against corruption, standing for justice and righteousness.

My journey for this election, comes from the very first time when I joined the Bersih 3.0 rally. It was during Bersih 2.0 that I was exposed to how ugly things were from within my government. The dirt, the corruption, to an extent, the media was lying, and people who were brutally beaten up for making a stand for Clean & Fair election. 

What does that reaction say? Simple. Nothing we have here right now, is clean and fair.

 Here is my eyewitness account on Bersih 3.0 rally, written on April 30, 2012

I remembered 428 clearly. When we were all walking toward Dataran Merdeka wearing yellow, every motorcyclist, pedestrians who walked by, cheered us on, gave us a thumb's up. We cheered back. That is 1Malaysia...When the teared gas / water canon were shot at non-provoking crowd, salt and water were passed down...that is 1Malaysia. When someone was hurting, everyone rushed over to see if there's anything we can do, that is 1Malaysia. When all races come together chanting BERSIH, fighting for ONE cause, singing Negaraku..that is 1Malaysia. When mothers, those in crutches and wheelchairs marched forward hand in hand, that is 1Malaysia...I witnessed all that...I was there...And for the very first time in my life, I truly felt proud to be a Malaysian. This is something I will never, and will never want to forget about my nation..

Hence, we as a people of this nation, has to make a stand. Suara rakyat, suara keramat. Our voices need to be heard. We refuse to be terrorized. And we mean it.

Feeling really patriotic for my nation, I began posting up many different things on Facebook with regards to our current political situation. Many are still unaware of it. And many do not know the cause we are fighting for. 

I remembered the best birthday present I ever received was when our dearest PM, DS Najib finally announced the parliament was dissolved on 3rd April 2013. Boy, I was rejoicing!! And hence, the series of posts on how important it is for each of us to know what will be happening during election period, and all the ongoings in the polling station to avoid fraud. In fact, the message is clear. The people have to rise against corruption and fraud during this coming election.

Someone actually encouraged me to compiled the posts that I have posted on Facebook. I think that's a cool idea to document the journey that I would want to remember for life.

On April 7, as I just had a heated up discussion with one of the many older generation who feared the repetition of May 13 incident, I posted up a post on FB.  May 13 incident is referring to the clashes among two major races in Malaysia (Chinese and Malays) that happened in 1969.

To those who fear that MAY 13, 1969 incident would repeat in this election.....let me assure you that we are living in different times today. Do not let fear "terrorize" you that you will compromise to choose a party you do not want. Having said that, I am not telling you to vote any specific parties, but be BOLD in your decision. 

Those who intentionally want to put fear in you will continue to "terrorize" you in every possible manner. But do you want to live under such fear and compromise a better change / tomorrow for your children, your future generation? I am not claiming that our nation would be better, but it is better than not TRYING / RISKING at all. If it is not, vote again next election. 

REMEMBER, you have the power within your hands. What lies in our power to do, lies in our power NOT to do. You are not small and insignificant. All of us added up together, we can build a better nation for our future generation. This nation is made up of its PEOPLE, and this is our responsibility. 

Today, with social media advancement, with the cyberworld, have faith that things would be better.....because THE WORLD's eyes are watching. If anything should happen, the world will become our judge, and I am sure advocates all over the world will stand up for us.

Don't fear! Just decide. Vote boldly!! Ini Suara Mu, Malaysia! 

I love Malaysia. And, I am standing for a better Malaysia. 

 I hope the message was clear. That, what we fear should not be bloodshed, or change....but being shortchanged of a better nation for our future generation. We are responsible for what will happen tomorrow to our children through the decisions we make, today.

Social media has been a great source of campaign especially for the opposition party during this GE13. There were many posts that I posted up with regards to the dissatisfaction toward the ruling regime's misuse and abuse of power even during campaigning period (who did many things that only an elected government is suppose to do, but because parliament has been dissolved, they are of no longer the ruling government, and hence should not be abusing their power).

As May 5th the election day is approaching, the patriotism spirit begin to arise within me. That's when I began to join some political campaigns to hear of how these two competing parties are intending to build the nation upon being elected as ruling government

Even urged my friends to go back and vote for the upcoming election. Wrote an FB post in malay on May 3rd, 2013.

Dulu-dulu masa di sekolah, saya amat meminati subjek Sejarah. Seringkali subjek ini akan melahirkan rasa patriotik di dalam diri saya. Ya, benar. Saya memang bangga dengan negara ini....negara yang saya cintai, Malaysia....bangga dengan pengorbanan bapa-bapa kemerdekaan, dan moyang-moyang kita....kerana Malaysia mencapai kemerdekaan tanpa pertarungan di medan peperangan. 

Tetapi, satu perkara yang selalu menjadi topik pendebatan dalam diriku, kenapa dasar ekonomi baru, dan dasar-dasar lain di Malaysia ingin memisahkan kaum-kaum antara satu sama lain? Kenapa kita tidak boleh menikmati hak-hak yang sama? Bukankah kita harus bersatu padu sebagai rakyat Malaysia?

Kata cikgu, dasar ekonomi baru, sememangnya akan menyatukan rakyat...dengan memisahkan mereka. Apakah logiknya? Tanya lebih mendalam, dikatakan isu sensitif. Tanya ibu ayah, mereka turut menjawab, ini isu sensitif. Tidak boleh dipersoalkan. Oleh itu, saya belajar untuk berdiam diri. Apabila saya tidak dapat jawapan, ataupun mendapat jawapan yang saya rasa tidak munasabah, saya berdiam diri....saya fikir "mungkin saya akan faham apabila saya lebih besar nanti"

Sekarang saya sudah berumur 26 tahun. Saya masih tidak faham apakah logiknya kita dipisahkan mengikut kaum. Tetapi saya faham, sistem pendidikan kita memang sebegitu. Kita tidak boleh menyoal. Oleh itu, ramai yang ditindas rasa tidak dibela...sebab kita tidak boleh menyoal walaupun kita tidak puas dengan sistem negara kita. 

Sebagaimana kaum lain sayangkan Malaysia, saya juga sayang Malaysia. Asal-usul moyang saya sememangnya dari negara China. Tapi, saya dilahirkan di negara Malaysia. Oleh itu, saya mahu berbakti kepada negara saya sendiri di Malaysia. Kata ibu bapaku, mereka mampu hantar saya ke luar negara untuk belajar. Saya boleh berhijrah ke situ untuk kehidupan yang lebih baik. Tapi, saya tolak niat baik mereka. Bukan kerana saya tidak mahu kehidupan yang lebih baik....tetapi kerana saya sayangkan negara saya

Negaraku, tanah tumpahnya darahku....

Kawan-kawanku....kita bukannya bangsa Melayu, Cina, India, Kadazan, Dusun, Sumazau dan sebagainya. Kita berbangsa SATU sahaja. Kita berbangsa Malaysia. Saya anak Malaysia....dan saya pegang teguh kepada rukun tetangga....Kesetiaan kepada raja dan negara. Oleh kerana saya sayangkan negara ini, saya tidak sanggup melihat Malaysia dieksploitasi berkali-kali, rakyatnya ditindas.

Mana keadilan? Adakah ini erti kemakmuran? Negara ini milik menteri-menteri sahaja? Negara ini juga kita punya. Tiba masanya kita berjuang untuk apa yang benar, apa yang adil, apa yang bersih. Saya tidak akan membenarkan orang-orang yang tidak berperikemanusiaan bermaharajalela dan bertakhta kuasa di negara ini.

Pilihanraya umum ke-13, kita akan mencatat sejarah. Bukan sekadar sejarah untuk kemenangan parti mana-mana, tetapi sejarah kerana anak-anak Malaysia bersatu tanpa mengira kaum, berjuang demi kebenaran dan keadilan, berjuang demi masa depan anak-anak kita.....berjuang kerana kita cintai negara kita....

Bila tua nanti, saya mahu cucu-cicit saya faham dan tahu, inilah negara mereka. Mereka ada hak, dan mereka berhak bersuara dan berjuang demi masa depan mereka. Sekurang-kurangnya, nenek mereka (saya) telah cuba sedaya upaya untuk mempertahankan hak kebebasan demi masa depan mereka....

Ini Kalilah! Jom balik Undi!! 

Anak-anak muda, inilah yang kamu boleh lakukan demi generasi akan datang. PerUBAHAN di TanganMu!

So, the day came, when we all needed to perform our duties as a citizen of Malaysia, to determine the destiny of our nation. To VOTE. I couldn't sleep the whole night. Was too excited. The next day, I arrive as early as 7.30am at my polling station. Voting only starts at 8am. Nobody was there yet, but a few of us exciting first time voters were queueing up expectantly.

So yes, we voted!

Unfortunately the indelible ink, was delible. Such disappointment. Hrmm..

disclaimer: the finger below does not belong to me, but a friend of mine. 

So the whole polling day was like a day on a mission for me. I have signed up as Pemantau, and hence was driving from school to school to see if there are any hanky-panky going on in the voting stations. Well, Taiping is small, hence nothing much was discovered. I have heard so much actions happening in the other polling stations in Selangor (eg. Ferrying buses of foreigners in to vote at polling stations, giving out of bribery, cash and money...)....action....action...drama...drama...

Then it was the time we were all waiting for. The announcement of the vote counting. Sharp 5pm, most polling stations were closed, and votes were counted in the polling stations with the assistance of PACABA. I was waiting anxiously in front of the TV. But was very much agitated by the bias reporting that was going on in the mainstream media. As I sat in front of the television, I realized, the poll results for areas where the current ruling regime (who has been in power for the past 55 years) were quickly announced, but the rest of the results were being delayed. Still, I waited patiently. There were some unofficial results which were announced by some of my friends who were PACABA. Seems like the opposition party is striking big wins.

Nonetheless, at about 10.30pm, when I realized many other polling stations were still delaying the announcement of their results, I began to sense something fishy going on. Quickly I went online and log in to the facebook, only to realize much commotion has been going on. Blackouts, and extra ballot boxes turning up, you name it! I was really furious, and angry.....and that was the moment I realized, that's it. That is all I can do as a citizen. When the ballot boxes and everything else is being sent in, in the wrong hands....we can all do nothing...but to pray. Our responsibilities ended the moment the ballot boxes were being sent in to the Election Commission. This is precisely why...clean and fair election is so important.

My heart was really heavy that night. Before the official results were completely announced, I knew the chances for us to experience change in this nation was very slim...

May 5th, my post on FB

Today...I am truthfully grieved, and I mourn for what has become of this nation's leaders..I can only pray..

May 6th, 2013 mark the deepest, darkest, saddest day across our nation. I saw on Facebook, may profile picture became black....the citizens of Malaysia were mourning...mourning out of realization that democracy is dead in our country. There is no true democracy, there is no true clean and fair election. This is also the beginning of many who realized what we were all fighting for in Bersih 1, 2 and 3....I believe if, there is ever Bersih 4.0 it is going to be really huge in scale. And I mean....really huge..

May 6th, as I was riding on the express train back to KL, thinking through and feeling sad for all that has happened, I decided, it is about time for Malaysians to be united as ONE. I posted:

Rakan-rakan seperjuanganku di Malaysia, terima kasih atas sumbanganmu terhadap negara kita tercinta.

Hari ini kita tidak mengalami kekalahan. Kita telah menang kerana perpaduan rakyat mengemparkan seluruh negara.
Hari ini usaha kita tidak sia-sia. Anak-anak muda menjadi lebih prihatin dan lebih sanggup untuk berjuang demi keadilan dan kebenaran.
Hari ini, demokrasi tidak mati. Api demokrasi membara lebih lagi dalam hati generasi muda.

Generasi sebelum kita mungkin rasa kita tidak menghargai apa yang kita nikmati di negara kita sekarang. Bukan kita tidak mengenang budi, tetapi kita lebih menghargai kebebasan, keadilan dan kebenaran. Ini membuktikan rakyat negara kita telah menuju ke arah tamadun yang lebih maju.

Hari ini saya amat bangga dengan rakan-rakan seperjuangan saya di Malaysia. Terima kasih kerana memberikan saya harapan untuk Malaysia yang lebih baik. Walaupun kerajaan masih yang sama, apabila setiap rakyat dekat dan jauh pulang untuk mengundi, rasa sayang rakyat kepada masa depan negara menjadi begitu jelas. Kita tidak lagi dipisahkan oleh pagar-pagar perkauman. Apabila kita semua menuju ke pusat pengundian masing-masing untuk harapan dan impian yang sama, kita telah menjadi satu bangsa kerana kita semua mencintai negara yang sama.

Apabila taktik-taktik kotor digunakan untuk mencapai kemenangan, kita sama-sama berasa marah, sedih dan dianiayai. Kita berkabung kerana hati kita diguris oleh perbuatan maksiat mereka yang berkuasa. Apa ertinya? Kita sudah menjadi sebuah keluarga.

Kawan-kawanku, Malaysia adalah sebuah negara yang makmur, bahagia dan bertuah bukan kerana pencapaian atau pemimpinnya. Malaysia menjadi sebuah negara yang bahagia keranaMu, rakyatnya.

Terima kasih kerana mencipta detik sejarah yang begitu penting dan berharga dalam hidupku. Aku puas hati kerana saya tidak berjuang seorang diri. Aku puas kerana seluruh Malaysia berjuang bersama-sama. PRU13 akan menjadi satu kenangan yang tidak akan saya lupakan buat selama-lamanya...

Jangan berputus asa! Di mana kita jatuh, kita berdiri lagi. Ayuh, kita terus berjuang... Demi keadilan, demi kebenaran, demi masa depan anak-anak kita.

The next day, headlines all over Malaysia's mainstream newspaper (Utusan, The Star etc)....that the elections results (increased votes for opposition party) stemmed from ungrateful Chinese. The event was labelled as "Tsunami Cina".....and on another newspaper headlines "Apa Cina mau lagi"......I was in complete shock. Since young, I was taught that sentimen perkauman...racism issues, are sensitive issues....should not be brought up at all. Whoever does it will be jailed for such act! Yet, on our national newspaper, mainstream media, our government would approve of such posting. Elected for 1 day, and there they are trying to instill fear, blame on others. This flares up anger, not only within the Chinese, but across the nation, across FaceBook, everyone was criticizing the government of such irresponsible act.

And so yet again, on May 9th, 2013....we took our cause to Kelana Jaya Stadium. To stand against a corrupted government, to stand against corrupted electoral roll, to make a stand for clean and fair elections, and to battle racism remarks....thousands of Malaysians, gathered that day....Many "fearful" messages had been circulated with regards to this gathering...but many still turned up. This proves one thing, the people are no longer fearful of those in power, neither are they willing to be deemed as powerless. We are the people of the nation. Our voice.....is the voice of the nation, and we demand the ruling regime's attention. 

"Don't deny the people of their rights" That very day....I was there...and I witnessed it all. 100,000 Malaysians, in one small stadium. Wanting one thing and one thing only.....a better Malaysia.

So as a proud Malaysian that day, on May 9th midnight, after the eventful night, here is my final post

Today yet again a historical day in my life when Malaysia becomes truly an image I have always imagined it would be. Full of life, full of hope, full of amazing people...

On the 8th of May 2013, I stepped in the Kelana Jaya stadium tonight, awaiting to be blown away by speeches of great politicians. Great analysis. The place flooded with thousands and thousands of people. Different races, different backgrounds, different age groups, different culture, but coming altogether for one purpose. We want justice, we want a better Malaysia. With hopes in our heart, despite all the fearful messages that have been circulated about the event, thousands and thousands gathered stating their stand against a corrupted government.

We want change, because we know we can be better. We are meant for better. Malaysia is a people. A people destined for greatness.

Today yet again I am proud to be called a Malaysian, not because of our nation's achievements, but because of its people.

I saw my potential nation leaders coming into the stadium in motorbike, being stuck in the very same traffic jam that we are all in. Yet without complain. What does that say? My leaders are willing to be a part of our daily lives, and would walk with the common people not losing their common touch.

I saw a Malay man who was willing to help me push through a jam packed crowd, just so that I could get back to my friends after using the washroom. "Ikut dekat-dekat ya, moi!" he said. This same Malay man makes sure I stick close to him even though he did not know who I was....this is clear to me, there was no racial barrier, and we were all one. What does that say? Malaysians care, even for someone of another ethnicity.

I saw people of different races cheering and laughing with one another even though they may not have known one another beforehand. What does that say? Malaysians are not divided by their races.

I saw people giving way, helping a lady when she almost pass out in the midst of a stuffy crowd. Nobody complained, nobody was ignorant. Everyone helped, everyone gave way....What does that say? Malaysians are not self-centred.

I saw a few older men, Malay, Chinese Indian....each and everyone stayed back 4-5 hours trying to mobilize the traffic, helping everyone to get out from the jam as much as they could voluntarily...What does that say? Malaysians are willing to go the extra mile for one another.

I saw an entire long row of jams just outside Kelana Jaya stadium after the event. Everyone's vehicle was obstructed, nobody could move. Yet nobody honked even once. Drivers and passengers came down from their cars and started getting to know one another while awaiting traffic to clear. What does that say? Malaysians are civilized, friendly and tolerant.

I saw the entire stadium of people who were pushing their way through the Stadium gate to exit the place, each and everyone stopped and stood still at their place when the national anthem was played. What does that say? Malaysians, even with all the discontentment and with the current state of the nation really, truly deep inside.....love our nation...

And this is precisely why I am so proud to be a Malaysian, to be identified as one.

Tonight, I did not just hear politicians speak, I saw people....not just any ordinary people, but amazing people who loves, cares, sacrifices, and stands for one another....I saw true MALAYSIANS...

Because of that, I know this fight...this stand I am making, every single step of hope toward a better nation....is all WORTH IT, and I know, I will never regret it. 

Malaysia....I believe that you will be a thriving nation. I love you Malaysia. I know, the best is yet to come....