God does honor HUMAN! =DD

I am SOOOOO amazed with God.

I am so grateful for Him...He loves me so much, at times I think He spoils me *LOL* (ok joking, God doesn't spoil His children. He is a good Father!)

I have gone through many problems, and mistakes because of my own fault. I have no one to blame. But through all these mistakes, when I pray, and I learn to just accept I have done a mistake, and I prepare my heart to receive the consequences and be responsible for my actions, God always come into the picture.

I pray, and I told God...its ok God, I understand. I know I have done mistakes, but right now I would just want to pray that You will help me receive the consequences with a peaceful, calm heart and to still be grateful for everything.

GUESS WHAT?!?! He ALWAYS does more than that. He provides alternatives and new solutions to the problems, mistakes, actions that were not even His to bear! And He RELEASE and RELIEF me from all of it. He truly carries my burdens, to this very day! WOW! It is such an honor to have such blessings and favor from Him. LOVE YOU TO BITS DADDY!!

I am so overwhelmed and grateful, that I really need to pen this down. He just blows my mind each time. I don't know how He does it, but He just do that ALL THE TIME. XD

Who would comprehend, the love He FREELY gave
The Angels (and HAZEL) stand amazed. IMPOSSIBLE GRACEEEE

God, You're awesome. Thank you for loving me and honoring me this much. I can never ask for anything more, but for You to just STAY in my life. I promise, I will never take anything for granted.

:)))))))) weeee~~~~ HAPPINESS to the power of infinity!

The Journey....

 

This is the craziest period in my whole life. I am unbelievably occupied all the time! Yet, this is one period that I realize I slacked the most too especially in studies...heeee...mainly to escape (really really bad...I am working on it!) Proven a high S person. I would sleep or divert attention when I get stressed up...LOL...

I have been having fever for three days now. Still slightly sick....Don't like the feeling really. Makes me feel very vulnerable and helpless. Can't do much in anything and everything. The head tends to spin whenever try harder. Nonetheless, through this semester, I realized I learned so much more about myself, and about things around me...that I felt, I am stepping into the zone or a season where my destiny defining moment is about to POP OUT! So excited (*wiggle*)

Recently I have learned a lot about things that are going on in my life. I have learned not to take life as just an everyday walk, or a routine to just go by....But truly to appreciate each and everything, and to really look intensely into every event and learn something from it. Truly, I want to emphasized here, that NOTHING we go through in life, is wasted. NOTHING happens by chance. And I am so convicted with this. And I just feel...life is really very very very beautiful....very...indeed. :) I regret nothing.

As I am in the library waiting for my next activity of the day which will be in half an hour's time, I really feel I should take the opportunity to pen all these down before I ram into the battle of workloads again...LOL...Like I mentioned before, this blog is like a place for me to jot down all my breakthroughs for myself and hopefully able to bless others..Here it is! Hope you guys enjoy.

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Recently I have a breakthrough that truly brings me closer to God. As most people who knows me long enough know, I was actually quite an emotional person in the beginning. I wept at everything, get affected easily, one word from another person got me worry the whole week, I was always sad, depressed and expressive about how I feel things didn't work out, I always blamed myself and provoked self-pity, I wanted people to pity me, I wanted people to know I was emotional, I wanted to be emotional, I wanted to look weak....LOL....(that was really terrible to say, but yeah...that was me!)

Until one fine day, when my beloved leader who had picked me up as a broken vessel came into my life and spoke a "revelation" into me....haha :P I think if you scroll back to the first few blogs, you might read that particular event that occurred too! Shirley, told me this:

"Hazel, you are too emotional. You cannot be like that. You must learn to manage your emotions and have self control. Else, you cannot lead the people under you."

So that one word, cause me to really wrestle with God, and ask God to help me manage my emotion. I was indeed successful! I began to manage my emotions really well with the help of God, I begin to become very good at it, that perhaps, unnoticingly I can even do it without God's help anymore. Only this time, when I have very emotional events occurring in my life, I shut down, I push it behind my head, I think I begin feeling proud being able to do that. haha. Nonetheless, it is not that I become emotionless, or that I do not understand how people feel. Ironically, I still understand and I can really emphatize if people were to feel the emotions they feel in a particular event. But if it was me in that same scenario, I wouldn't be happy with myself feeling that.

Thus, I become really legalistic with everything I feel...I get upset with myself if I begin to have emotions. So I shut down time and time again. Until....one day, once again, I was "revelationized" by my leader....hahaha...Shirley said: "Hazel, it is okay to feel certain feelings. You are a HUMAN!"

Now, that again, spark off a new journey of discovery. I realize, I have become so robotic with my emotions, that when people try to do their best to appreciate me and make me feel touched, I find it hard to respond, I barely care about what people say about me negatively (ok maybe this is a good thing..haha), and I cannot bear to see myself as a human.

One morning, as I was praying, God spoke to me telling me that how I would miss a big part of my beautiful journey with Him if I continue discounting my emotions as unimportant. I negotiated with Him of course. LoL...and I came to realize, that most people who shut off emotions, are not actually managing emotions, but rather, afraid to face the realness of feelings that could be surface through emotions.

I was not excluded. Nonetheless, that day, I just knew that I have been too proud trying to manage everything on my own, that in this part of my life, I have not allowed God to work on with me. God is interested in emotions. In fact, He made it, and He wants us to even worship Him with the emotions we have. So after that morning, I realized, that it is okay to feel emotions, but NOT be emotional. One is the feeling, the other is the action. The managing part, is where the action comes, not suprressing the feelings. Honestly, psychologically it is unhealthy to suppress any feelings ....haha...

That morning, God said one thing to me: "Hazel, why not stop being legalistic, feel what I have made you to feel...go through what I want you to go through, and rely on Me each time for a breakthrough. Admit that you have pain, you have hurts, but not let it affect you, by depending on me?"....

Since then, my life was really different. I learned to feel what I need to feel, and I learn to capture every feelings I have, every emotions I have, and present it at the altar for God to use and to move and to make a change. With all these, I feel so much more closer to God. Like He is part of something really close to me. And it is amazing how God can always bring peace and solutions later on. I have experienced a new journey with Him, and begin to understand Him so much more better now.....hence, I really feel a step closer to my destiny...because I believe this discovery is a step to a new journey of a new discovery in the ministry He has for me.

And because of this, I am humbled....knowing that I need Him each time I am angry, disappointed, upset, sad, unhappy, happy, touched, overjoyed, excited....Naturally, I would just tell Him there and then what I feel....and with all these, the greatest thing I have gained, is that I begin to learn to worship God with my emotions. When I sing a song, I could really feel the words and the lyrics, and the closeness of Him and me being together. It is really an awesome feeling....and with all that, my heart is now, able to be broken by the things that break the heart of God...

Conclusively, emotions, are not wrong. But being emotional is bad. So you can feel everything you need to feel, but you just need to manage the way you express it. Why show the whole world when you are sad or angry? Lock yourself in your room, and encounter God. It is those times that you can be truly humbled knowing that you need Him....I am officially humanized...and the everyday's journey with Him has been so different eversince. And because of all these I have learned to appreciate the events in life. Good, bad, ugly, beautiful...And I am so grateful to be alive at such a time as this.

The best is yet to come! I have finally found my home and purpose.....and I know....I am really really stepping closer to my destiny. Emotions Rocks! But God Rocks even more! :D hehe

Funny, how I thought I have learned so much and I do not know what else there is to learn, and God still keep giving me new lessons and discoveries about myself, things, people and matters around me. It is so exciting. I am so thrilled about what I am going to learn more in my future journey with Him.....

p/s: If you find this too spiritual? It is truly my personal encounter and for my own leisure. This is what I have been discovering recently. And I really really wish, the journey never ends....I have so much more to learn and discover. I think I am in love with Him all over AGAIN...teehee

Hope you guys are blessed!

toodles~