Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Flashback 2013

2013 has been a year that I promised God and myself I wanted to make it count. I cannot thank God enough for this year. It has been the most divine and I believe God has been preparing me for something in 2014.

Started with a little girl who inspired me to live a courageous life. Her name was Destiny Zoe Oh, went back to the Lord 3 days after her birth because of Edward Syndrome. She was a fighter...a heroin...so are her parents.


Answering The Call

2012 ended with a lunch that I never forget with my boss, David. It was a normal catch-up and he asked me what was my plan for my future. I was a little confused back then...neither here nor there, because I was too afraid to step up. I shared with him the burden I had for sex workers and human trafficked victims since 2010...but didn't have the courage to do anything because I don't know if it is really time, or if it is really something for me...

So he said this: Instead of sitting here wondering...why not you just contact the person, go try once...and see if it is for you? Then you have a better picture, and you will know whether it is for you, whether it is time or not rather than sitting here do nothing? Doing something is better than nothing.

So I did. I took his advice. Contacted Redeeming roses, I contact I have gotten since 2010 but was too afraid to call up. Finally I did....and I was invited to join ICAP Conference....there I had many divine connections....crossed path with many people who are driven with the same passion.



Divine Connections

I met Carmen and Ruth in the conference. They invited me to try out an outreach to sex workers in Petaling Street. I joined them a few times...got discouraged once or twice...but each time, the experience was very fulfilling. Almost always, I encountered God in the journey...Eventually I joined Safe Community...and little did I know this small little experience have connected me to MORE divine connections.

Posted a post on Facebook regarding my street experience one day...and Phoebe Tan, an amazing girl who has been in the same church for so many years (we knew each other but were never close), contacted me with excitement...Asking if I go to the street. And we shared, exchanged stories....and she brought me to even more divine connections..that's when I met more crazy people who were all out for the same thing. I get to know people like Baboo, Radiance, John, SuWen and many more....who were young people going all out to establish the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. It was awesome...and meeting these people drive me further...inspiring me to me bolder in even more things.

It was also my Facebook post that got me reconnected to Emily Chan...who then shared with me more things on what they have been doing outside the four walls of the church...and she even prophesied and encouraged me in my walk with God....assuring me that 2014 will be a year where there will be many "Set free" moments

People who have somehow get connected with me because of this call were also people who are on their way to making a difference for this nation. I am grateful. David Oh, who is attempting to make a difference in the arena of poverty of our nation....Shirley Boon, who is also attempting to do something for sex trafficking victims in Malaysia, exploring all possibilities....Sharon Boon, who is attempting to make a difference in social entrepreneurship.. providing solar light to the poor....Yunn Min, the powerhouse doctor. I am not sure what are her plans yet, but I have a very strong feeling in my heart she is going to be a nation mover too....Shu Qing, who quit her comfortable job to work with World Vision. I know in days to come, many of my venture will help me to get connected to NGOs through her....Agnes, my roommate and confidant who is currently making a difference in our Puchong community. Her undying spirit is really really inspiring....YB Jullian, whom I got closer to in Sarawak...he has been texting me time in time out for prayers and also to update him on issues that he can bring up to the parliament. Such passionate man to make a difference!...Kelvin Yii, who is attempting to make a difference in the political world...Woon Hann, who is attempting to make a difference in policy making of our nation....

Somehow this season of life, we crossed path, and have opportunity to sit down and share at least once or twice on how we are each pursuing this dream God placed in our hearts. We are all on our way in making this happen. Someday, I strongly believe, we will all cross path again and work with one another to glorify His Kingdom.

With that, this year I begin to learn to move in the spirit...to pray for the sick and to prophesy over others. It was awesome. God has been good in the sense He also brought my church through the same journey. I always felt He was really giving me a lot of favor because it was the time that I was given many chance to practice...not only in service, but also during prayer meetings, and also bible study group! How can it not be God?






The Shift and Confirmations

Then it was Shirley's birthday and all of us did something different. We all decide to bless our leader with something eternal and spiritual, because we know if she gets more from God, the entire team will go to the next level. Hehe. So we collected money to send our dearest leader to Hillsong Conference 2013. I was watching the conference via web podcast because I was eager to capture even through the screen. Hillsong Conference...was amazing...even only through the internet.


In the conference...within that few days, I got the answers to what I was praying for during my annual 40 days fast. I got the answer to the masters that I was about to take, and the direction on the streets I was about to go with. I was so impacted...really truly impacted....that in that instant, the final service of Hillsong Conference, I was telling Jan....I am believing God that 2014 Hillsong Conference I will be able to be there personally....everything fully paid for. With that instance...within 30 seconds...Shirley texted me saying that she felt the prompting of God and have signed me up for Hillsong Conference 2014. I teared...immediately. My prayer was answered in 30 seconds!!



Now my tickets have been paid for. Believing for the other finances to come. Amen.

Shirley came back. At the moment, I felt that there is shift happening in the entire church. It was that divine moment....that was when our subzone was spinned out as a zone. And Shirley was sharing with me on her heart with regards to fighting human trafficking....my gosh...what could be more divine than that...At that moment, I just felt God's reminder saying...when the time comes, you will know.

So both Shirley and I met with Daniel, from CAMSA discussed on what we can do with human trafficking issues in our nation. It was an eye-opener indeed. In fact, we had a prophet who came to church early this year...Cindy Jacobs...who prophesied that God is doing something in this nation with regards to human trafficking. The moment I heard that, my eyes beamed with tears....another confirmation, I felt in my heart. And that was when I met many more of the same passion.

I shared my dreams with others, who then connected with many others....who finally brought me to a movement called "change the world"...there I saw many things to be done for the trafficked victims. 2013, I took a bold step to sign up for college once again. Masters in Clinical Psychology...something that I have put off since 2010. I wasn't confident. I am afraid that I have to go through the stress of studying, assignments, meeting deadlines, and most importantly I was not sure if my older brain can now cope with studies still. What about finances??



The Provision for a Vision

That was when God appeared again. My parents, offered me a chance to study masters again. And they said this: you do it now...before too late. You decide which masters you want....it will be fully paid for.


I considered this for quite awhile. Wasn't sure till the day I received confirmation during Hillsong Conference live podcast. So I signed up....and in the course of interviews I was discouraged...and made a prayer...God if this is Your will for me...let me pass through and get the course. I did. In fact, many others believed that i could go in, and even begin to prepare for me to re-enter college even when I wasn't sure if I could. Haha! Ok...no turning back.

It was also recently that I was wondering if I am able to find a friend in the class of 15. And God gave me a hometown friend who is also accepted into the same course. WOW. I am really taken care of :)

So 2014, I am geared up to equip myself in the furtherance of His Kingdom's cause.




The Chain Reaction

In 2013, I was very inclined to making a difference in my nation. I went to Myanmar mission trip in May, and I have to say, it was precisely those moments that inspired me how believers can make a difference. The people has been praying for their country...and the pastor we knew is now given a chance to go on television every week to be a witness for Christ. They even run Christmas parties for officials, and even roped in to give advise to the government in relatable matters. I was very inspired....as I entered their Children conference and I saw children praying for the 7 pillars of the nation, I was totally taken aback.


I came back...and I wanted to do the same for my nation. Here is where I met those whose heart is also heavy for their own nation...praying and believing for a breakthrough. The chain reaction happened. Throughout the country. I joined many interchurch prayer meetings praying for our country...and it was always truly motivating. Joined conferences, seminars...here is where I met many familiar faces whom I never realize have the same burden too. Chain reaction is happening throughout the nation among believers.

I also have the opportunity to connect more with someone dear to my heart from Russia. Her name is Charis Lian...she had been there to motivate me, seeing what she is doing over in Moscow was truly inspiring. And indeed a chain reaction is happening. Her entire fellowship changed in direction because of persistency and perseverance. A history maker indeed.. Adding on to that is Shirley's message on evangelismehould be concerned about who we can share the love of Christ with.



With that D-zone also embarked on a new project bringing the love of Christ outside the four walls of the church...to the homeless...it was indeed...a chain reaction. Many came back different after the mooncake festival experience. And many more joined for the Christmas Street experience. A chain reaction sparked..







Kick Off The Boat! Walk on Water...

This year I have two very amazing spiritual parents who constantly kick me off the boat and make me walk on water! Haha. David and Shirley are amazing believers of people.

They believed in me. From leading a small team in Myanmar, to going to business networking, to running half a marathon, to offering challenge in service, leading pre-service prayer meeting, praying after praise, to be entrusted a subzone...and eventually I led my subzone to Sarawak for mission trip.



In 2014 they are expecting me to join Bungee Jumping. A year of no-repeat indeed. Haha! Prays hard...But I truly thank God for people who believed in me.



Emotions

It is a year where God dealt a lot with my emotions as well. I thank God for the book "Captivating" a book many women should read. It helps us to be a healthy woman serving God and yet to be healthily completed by the Bridegroom...Jesus Himself. Not to be strong, but to be graceful and embrace love. To nurture.

I was brought through my hurts, pains, struggles, self-esteem, rejections, wanting acceptance, fears...things that I need to deal with, with God. I believe it is a time of preparation for more things to come in 2014. I am anticipating.




My Family

Finally, and most importantly....God has brought me through many breakthroughs in my family. It was this year that I want to commit more to my family. To come home at least once a month, and to make a difference every time I come home. It isn't easy. Old habits are hard to kill. But I was able to become closer to my mom and grandma. I wanted my family to see that Christianity is not just about a set of do's and don'ts....but extraordinary love for one another.

I came back most times just to show love. This year I was able to share with my mom briefly about Christ, even offered prayer...even though rejected...but I am very sure, something changed in her heart. I prayed for my grandma as well. I am believing 2014...more to come.

I am also very grateful for prayers answered. I have a pair of aunt and uncle from Hong Kong who are doing their best to reach out to my family as well as they are well respected by my parents. Also a music teacher whom I met through the event my uncle and aunt organized...saying that they will try their best to befriend and reach out too.



Salvation is near. I am believing God for their salvation...and for them to finally see values and things through His eyes. Pray with me if you would. They are really important to me. I often have my soft spots for them and I believe God knows the desire of my heart.

2014, I want to journey even closer with them....




There are many more things to thank God for in 2013...how I have been proud with many members of mine, how ministry grew, things become better in different areas, financial provisions, how I have got a new phone and etc. But I guess, all in all I am grateful to Him for the preparation and clearer direction He has spun me into, the divine connections He has placed in my life, and the amazing loved ones who never stopped believing in me. This year, I have also learned to dampen my suspicious heart, learning to give love more than judgment. Still working on it.

And...I will never exchange this for anything else.

2013 indeed has been an awesome year. In fact, the best year ever in my life. I know coming 2014, there will be many changes...many transitions...and I am going to experience many unthinkables...but I am very confident, with God...the best is indeed still yet to come. Anticipating 2014.


Happy New Year everyone!

Monday, December 2, 2013

You Will Never Make It...On Your Own

I was at Malaysian Gospel Music yesterday.

This song touches me the most. Watching Christians all onstage singing this very song....we are all ONE in the Kingdom of God....all in this same boat, in this same cause for our NATION....So many amazing Malaysians....loving our nation. It really makes me almost tear.

This part especially when they sing...Malaysia bangkitlah! There is hope for my nation :)



The night before I was in Global Day of Worship....so we were all singing worship songs...and the word Your Kingdom come Your will be done kept ringing in my ear. And I knelt down crying....saying...God I don't know how You are going to use me but I want to be used. And I have so many things that are holding me back...doubts, fears...and I want to surrender all

Then there came a part that Abel asked all of us to share with our partner 5 things we like about them....so the beautiful Jan was my partner....she told me one thing that really hit me...she said: "You are inspiring"...

At that moment tears began swimming in my eyes again. I felt so so humbled. Early that morning, I saw someone posted in reply to my comment...when I said....she was so brave and courageous....and she replied: "You are also really brave and courageous and many would agree with me for that"

All these kept swimming in my head. How could these people see me as inspiring, courageous and brave? That is insane! Those who know me would know how much I doubt sometimes....especially after many signs of assurances from God. The actual fact is in my heart...I am scared to death most of the time! And I will contemplate...and as Dr John Avanzini preached last weekend....I often comply to the second voice instead of the first voice. How can I still appear inspiring, brave and courageous? Ask me what have I done?....I really don't know if I have done anything really brave and courageous. Honestly....

But hearing these comments make me feel so humbled....so so humbled....and I told God...Thank You for letting these words encourage me...and thank You for showing me the little I do to step out can really seem so significant. It really begin to dawn upon me...what faith as a mustard seed means....or when we take one step toward Him, He takes a thousand steps toward us?

I still cannot comprehend...what makes me appear so inspiring or brave... other than being vocal and noisy on facebook. Haha.... I have still so much to learn.. I really do...and it makes me feel so so loved by God because those words is an assurance from Him that He appreciates my effort. In all honesty I knew I have done nothing much....but to Him, it meant something. Big or small as it seems....He appreciates it. And I guess that's His simple gesture of showing me that it doesn't take big accomplishment to impress Him. In fact, He doesn't need me to impress Him. He was already impressed before I even tried impressing Him. This makes my heart feel so warm....

Makes me feel....like a little girl...and I want to run to my Daddy and hug Him and cry. SO TOUCHED LAH! Ok, enough mushy stuff.

So writing this, I hope to encourage someone today...the fact is that never once in my life as I was stepping out for God I was without fear. In fact, many times I succumb to the second voice. But little did I know the small tiny steps I took toward God, the prayers and cries I made to God to make me more like Him, less of me, to be selfless, to learn to overcome fears and doubts and to really learn to depend on Him....does make a difference. And little did I know the one two or three times I chose to obey God really could be inspiring to someone. Having said that, I am not trying to give a green light that fears, second voices or any similar feelings should often be given in to. All I am trying to say is that....its OK when they come. But try as much as you can to be obedient to God anyway. Don't give in without a struggle.

Honestly, I am still on my way. I am not perfect. But, I guess this is God's little assurance to me....that these baby steps mean something to Him. And it touches me so much....that our God who is so great and awesome and having so many amazing men and women of God who is powerhouse of faith...would still invest time into encouraging me with my baby steps. Haha

I got into Masters by the way. Thanks to those who prayed for me. Everyone I met kept telling me that they knew I was gonna get in. Everyone believed in me but me. Kinda hit me too....Oh Ye of little faith! pfftt.... I am still learning to grow my faith. Recently I have began asking question like....You sure its me God? You sure You want me to do it? You sure I am up for it? I know You are awesome in power...but what if I ruin Your plan by complying to second voice so often? Yes, I have the heart for my nation, I have heart for the burdens....I get so touched and moved when I see Malaysian rising up with God to want to bring revival to the land.....but me....I want, but I have so much to work on!

More often than never I doubt if I could ever make it.

And then I suddenly felt the glare from God. Hahaha. Seriously. A glare...the one that I often give people who say something that doesn't make sense. He is giving that to me now.....And a tiny voice follows...so you are planning to comply to second voice still now that you know it exist....Who is God now?

And it is true......

Without You I will never make it
But with You....anything is possible

Everytime when you doubt....just remember. Truthfully....you will never make it. But He who is in you has overcome the world. So it is not about you making it...geddit??!?! (note to self)

Its about Him...using you and making you make it. :)
And He chose you even when you have nothing to offer.

THAT. is grace, my friend. THAT. is privilege. :)
Thank YOU for believing in me