Flashback 2013

2013 has been a year that I promised God and myself I wanted to make it count. I cannot thank God enough for this year. It has been the most divine and I believe God has been preparing me for something in 2014.

Started with a little girl who inspired me to live a courageous life. Her name was Destiny Zoe Oh, went back to the Lord 3 days after her birth because of Edward Syndrome. She was a fighter...a heroin...so are her parents.


Answering The Call

2012 ended with a lunch that I never forget with my boss, David. It was a normal catch-up and he asked me what was my plan for my future. I was a little confused back then...neither here nor there, because I was too afraid to step up. I shared with him the burden I had for sex workers and human trafficked victims since 2010...but didn't have the courage to do anything because I don't know if it is really time, or if it is really something for me...

So he said this: Instead of sitting here wondering...why not you just contact the person, go try once...and see if it is for you? Then you have a better picture, and you will know whether it is for you, whether it is time or not rather than sitting here do nothing? Doing something is better than nothing.

So I did. I took his advice. Contacted Redeeming roses, I contact I have gotten since 2010 but was too afraid to call up. Finally I did....and I was invited to join ICAP Conference....there I had many divine connections....crossed path with many people who are driven with the same passion.



Divine Connections

I met Carmen and Ruth in the conference. They invited me to try out an outreach to sex workers in Petaling Street. I joined them a few times...got discouraged once or twice...but each time, the experience was very fulfilling. Almost always, I encountered God in the journey...Eventually I joined Safe Community...and little did I know this small little experience have connected me to MORE divine connections.

Posted a post on Facebook regarding my street experience one day...and Phoebe Tan, an amazing girl who has been in the same church for so many years (we knew each other but were never close), contacted me with excitement...Asking if I go to the street. And we shared, exchanged stories....and she brought me to even more divine connections..that's when I met more crazy people who were all out for the same thing. I get to know people like Baboo, Radiance, John, SuWen and many more....who were young people going all out to establish the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. It was awesome...and meeting these people drive me further...inspiring me to me bolder in even more things.

It was also my Facebook post that got me reconnected to Emily Chan...who then shared with me more things on what they have been doing outside the four walls of the church...and she even prophesied and encouraged me in my walk with God....assuring me that 2014 will be a year where there will be many "Set free" moments

People who have somehow get connected with me because of this call were also people who are on their way to making a difference for this nation. I am grateful. David Oh, who is attempting to make a difference in the arena of poverty of our nation....Shirley Boon, who is also attempting to do something for sex trafficking victims in Malaysia, exploring all possibilities....Sharon Boon, who is attempting to make a difference in social entrepreneurship.. providing solar light to the poor....Yunn Min, the powerhouse doctor. I am not sure what are her plans yet, but I have a very strong feeling in my heart she is going to be a nation mover too....Shu Qing, who quit her comfortable job to work with World Vision. I know in days to come, many of my venture will help me to get connected to NGOs through her....Agnes, my roommate and confidant who is currently making a difference in our Puchong community. Her undying spirit is really really inspiring....YB Jullian, whom I got closer to in Sarawak...he has been texting me time in time out for prayers and also to update him on issues that he can bring up to the parliament. Such passionate man to make a difference!...Kelvin Yii, who is attempting to make a difference in the political world...Woon Hann, who is attempting to make a difference in policy making of our nation....

 

Somehow this season of life, we crossed path, and have opportunity to sit down and share at least once or twice on how we are each pursuing this dream God placed in our hearts. We are all on our way in making this happen. Someday, I strongly believe, we will all cross path again and work with one another to glorify His Kingdom.

With that, this year I begin to learn to move in the spirit...to pray for the sick and to prophesy over others. It was awesome. God has been good in the sense He also brought my church through the same journey. I always felt He was really giving me a lot of favor because it was the time that I was given many chance to practice...not only in service, but also during prayer meetings, and also bible study group! How can it not be God?

 

The Shift and Confirmations

Then it was Shirley's birthday and all of us did something different. We all decide to bless our leader with something eternal and spiritual, because we know if she gets more from God, the entire team will go to the next level. Hehe. So we collected money to send our dearest leader to Hillsong Conference 2013. I was watching the conference via web podcast because I was eager to capture even through the screen. Hillsong Conference...was amazing...even only through the internet.

In the conference...within that few days, I got the answers to what I was praying for during my annual 40 days fast. I got the answer to the masters that I was about to take, and the direction on the streets I was about to go with. I was so impacted...really truly impacted....that in that instant, the final service of Hillsong Conference, I was telling Jan....I am believing God that 2014 Hillsong Conference I will be able to be there personally....everything fully paid for. With that instance...within 30 seconds...Shirley texted me saying that she felt the prompting of God and have signed me up for Hillsong Conference 2014. I teared...immediately. My prayer was answered in 30 seconds!!

Now my tickets have been paid for. Believing for the other finances to come. Amen.

Shirley came back. At the moment, I felt that there is shift happening in the entire church. It was that divine moment....that was when our subzone was spinned out as a zone. And Shirley was sharing with me on her heart with regards to fighting human trafficking....my gosh...what could be more divine than that...At that moment, I just felt God's reminder saying...when the time comes, you will know.

So both Shirley and I met with Daniel, from CAMSA discussed on what we can do with human trafficking issues in our nation. It was an eye-opener indeed. In fact, we had a prophet who came to church early this year...Cindy Jacobs...who prophesied that God is doing something in this nation with regards to human trafficking. The moment I heard that, my eyes beamed with tears....another confirmation, I felt in my heart. And that was when I met many more of the same passion.

I shared my dreams with others, who then connected with many others....who finally brought me to a movement called "change the world"...there I saw many things to be done for the trafficked victims. 2013, I took a bold step to sign up for college once again. Masters in Clinical Psychology...something that I have put off since 2010. I wasn't confident. I am afraid that I have to go through the stress of studying, assignments, meeting deadlines, and most importantly I was not sure if my older brain can now cope with studies still. What about finances??



The Provision for a Vision

That was when God appeared again. My parents, offered me a chance to study masters again. And they said this: you do it now...before too late. You decide which masters you want....it will be fully paid for.


I considered this for quite awhile. Wasn't sure till the day I received confirmation during Hillsong Conference live podcast. So I signed up....and in the course of interviews I was discouraged...and made a prayer...God if this is Your will for me...let me pass through and get the course. I did. In fact, many others believed that i could go in, and even begin to prepare for me to re-enter college even when I wasn't sure if I could. Haha! Ok...no turning back.

It was also recently that I was wondering if I am able to find a friend in the class of 15. And God gave me a hometown friend who is also accepted into the same course. WOW. I am really taken care of :)

So 2014, I am geared up to equip myself in the furtherance of His Kingdom's cause.




The Chain Reaction

In 2013, I was very inclined to making a difference in my nation. I went to Myanmar mission trip in May, and I have to say, it was precisely those moments that inspired me how believers can make a difference. The people has been praying for their country...and the pastor we knew is now given a chance to go on television every week to be a witness for Christ. They even run Christmas parties for officials, and even roped in to give advise to the government in relatable matters. I was very inspired....as I entered their Children conference and I saw children praying for the 7 pillars of the nation, I was totally taken aback.

I came back...and I wanted to do the same for my nation. Here is where I met those whose heart is also heavy for their own nation...praying and believing for a breakthrough. The chain reaction happened. Throughout the country. I joined many interchurch prayer meetings praying for our country...and it was always truly motivating. Joined conferences, seminars...here is where I met many familiar faces whom I never realize have the same burden too. Chain reaction is happening throughout the nation among believers.

I also have the opportunity to connect more with someone dear to my heart from Russia. Her name is Charis Lian...she had been there to motivate me, seeing what she is doing over in Moscow was truly inspiring. And indeed a chain reaction is happening. Her entire fellowship changed in direction because of persistency and perseverance. A history maker indeed.. Adding on to that is Shirley's message on evangelismehould be concerned about who we can share the love of Christ with.

With that D-zone also embarked on a new project bringing the love of Christ outside the four walls of the church...to the homeless...it was indeed...a chain reaction. Many came back different after the mooncake festival experience. And many more joined for the Christmas Street experience. A chain reaction sparked..

Kick Off The Boat! Walk on Water...

This year I have two very amazing spiritual parents who constantly kick me off the boat and make me walk on water! Haha. David and Shirley are amazing believers of people.

They believed in me. From leading a small team in Myanmar, to going to business networking, to running half a marathon, to offering challenge in service, leading pre-service prayer meeting, praying after praise, to be entrusted a subzone...and eventually I led my subzone to Sarawak for mission trip.

In 2014 they are expecting me to join Bungee Jumping. A year of no-repeat indeed. Haha! Prays hard...But I truly thank God for people who believed in me.



Emotions

It is a year where God dealt a lot with my emotions as well. I thank God for the book "Captivating" a book many women should read. It helps us to be a healthy woman serving God and yet to be healthily completed by the Bridegroom...Jesus Himself. Not to be strong, but to be graceful and embrace love. To nurture.

I was brought through my hurts, pains, struggles, self-esteem, rejections, wanting acceptance, fears...things that I need to deal with, with God. I believe it is a time of preparation for more things to come in 2014. I am anticipating.




My Family

Finally, and most importantly....God has brought me through many breakthroughs in my family. It was this year that I want to commit more to my family. To come home at least once a month, and to make a difference every time I come home. It isn't easy. Old habits are hard to kill. But I was able to become closer to my mom and grandma. I wanted my family to see that Christianity is not just about a set of do's and don'ts....but extraordinary love for one another.

I came back most times just to show love. This year I was able to share with my mom briefly about Christ, even offered prayer...even though rejected...but I am very sure, something changed in her heart. I prayed for my grandma as well. I am believing 2014...more to come.

I am also very grateful for prayers answered. I have a pair of aunt and uncle from Hong Kong who are doing their best to reach out to my family as well as they are well respected by my parents. Also a music teacher whom I met through the event my uncle and aunt organized...saying that they will try their best to befriend and reach out too.

Salvation is near. I am believing God for their salvation...and for them to finally see values and things through His eyes. Pray with me if you would. They are really important to me. I often have my soft spots for them and I believe God knows the desire of my heart.

2014, I want to journey even closer with them....

There are many more things to thank God for in 2013...how I have been proud with many members of mine, how ministry grew, things become better in different areas, financial provisions, how I have got a new phone and etc. But I guess, all in all I am grateful to Him for the preparation and clearer direction He has spun me into, the divine connections He has placed in my life, and the amazing loved ones who never stopped believing in me. This year, I have also learned to dampen my suspicious heart, learning to give love more than judgment. Still working on it.

And...I will never exchange this for anything else.

2013 indeed has been an awesome year. In fact, the best year ever in my life. I know coming 2014, there will be many changes...many transitions...and I am going to experience many unthinkables...but I am very confident, with God...the best is indeed still yet to come. Anticipating 2014.

Happy New Year everyone!

You Will Never Make It...On Your Own

I was at Malaysian Gospel Music yesterday.

This song touches me the most. Watching Christians all onstage singing this very song....we are all ONE in the Kingdom of God....all in this same boat, in this same cause for our NATION....So many amazing Malaysians....loving our nation. It really makes me almost tear.

This part especially when they sing...Malaysia bangkitlah! There is hope for my nation :)

The night before I was in Global Day of Worship....so we were all singing worship songs...and the word Your Kingdom come Your will be done kept ringing in my ear. And I knelt down crying....saying...God I don't know how You are going to use me but I want to be used. And I have so many things that are holding me back...doubts, fears...and I want to surrender all

Then there came a part that Abel asked all of us to share with our partner 5 things we like about them....so the beautiful Jan was my partner....she told me one thing that really hit me...she said: "You are inspiring"...

At that moment tears began swimming in my eyes again. I felt so so humbled. Early that morning, I saw someone posted in reply to my comment...when I said....she was so brave and courageous....and she replied: "You are also really brave and courageous and many would agree with me for that"

All these kept swimming in my head. How could these people see me as inspiring, courageous and brave? That is insane! Those who know me would know how much I doubt sometimes....especially after many signs of assurances from God. The actual fact is in my heart...I am scared to death most of the time! And I will contemplate...and as Dr John Avanzini preached last weekend....I often comply to the second voice instead of the first voice. How can I still appear inspiring, brave and courageous? Ask me what have I done?....I really don't know if I have done anything really brave and courageous. Honestly....

But hearing these comments make me feel so humbled....so so humbled....and I told God...Thank You for letting these words encourage me...and thank You for showing me the little I do to step out can really seem so significant. It really begin to dawn upon me...what faith as a mustard seed means....or when we take one step toward Him, He takes a thousand steps toward us?

I still cannot comprehend...what makes me appear so inspiring or brave... other than being vocal and noisy on facebook. Haha.... I have still so much to learn.. I really do...and it makes me feel so so loved by God because those words is an assurance from Him that He appreciates my effort. In all honesty I knew I have done nothing much....but to Him, it meant something. Big or small as it seems....He appreciates it. And I guess that's His simple gesture of showing me that it doesn't take big accomplishment to impress Him. In fact, He doesn't need me to impress Him. He was already impressed before I even tried impressing Him. This makes my heart feel so warm....

Makes me feel....like a little girl...and I want to run to my Daddy and hug Him and cry. SO TOUCHED LAH! Ok, enough mushy stuff.

So writing this, I hope to encourage someone today...the fact is that never once in my life as I was stepping out for God I was without fear. In fact, many times I succumb to the second voice. But little did I know the small tiny steps I took toward God, the prayers and cries I made to God to make me more like Him, less of me, to be selfless, to learn to overcome fears and doubts and to really learn to depend on Him....does make a difference. And little did I know the one two or three times I chose to obey God really could be inspiring to someone. Having said that, I am not trying to give a green light that fears, second voices or any similar feelings should often be given in to. All I am trying to say is that....its OK when they come. But try as much as you can to be obedient to God anyway. Don't give in without a struggle.

Honestly, I am still on my way. I am not perfect. But, I guess this is God's little assurance to me....that these baby steps mean something to Him. And it touches me so much....that our God who is so great and awesome and having so many amazing men and women of God who is powerhouse of faith...would still invest time into encouraging me with my baby steps. Haha

I got into Masters by the way. Thanks to those who prayed for me. Everyone I met kept telling me that they knew I was gonna get in. Everyone believed in me but me. Kinda hit me too....Oh Ye of little faith! pfftt.... I am still learning to grow my faith. Recently I have began asking question like....You sure its me God? You sure You want me to do it? You sure I am up for it? I know You are awesome in power...but what if I ruin Your plan by complying to second voice so often? Yes, I have the heart for my nation, I have heart for the burdens....I get so touched and moved when I see Malaysian rising up with God to want to bring revival to the land.....but me....I want, but I have so much to work on!

More often than never I doubt if I could ever make it.

And then I suddenly felt the glare from God. Hahaha. Seriously. A glare...the one that I often give people who say something that doesn't make sense. He is giving that to me now.....And a tiny voice follows...so you are planning to comply to second voice still now that you know it exist....Who is God now?

And it is true......

Without You I will never make it
But with You....anything is possible

Everytime when you doubt....just remember. Truthfully....you will never make it. But He who is in you has overcome the world. So it is not about you making it...geddit??!?! (note to self)

Its about Him...using you and making you make it. :)
And He chose you even when you have nothing to offer.

THAT. is grace, my friend. THAT. is privilege. :)
Thank YOU for believing in me

Vow of Consecration

con·se·crate

ˈkänsiˌkrāt/

verb

1.

make or declare (something, typically a church) sacred; dedicate formally to a religious or divine purpose.

Was just talking to someone today. About consecration in life. I wish I learnt this in my younger days. Wouldn't it be nice if I have learnt what it means to be consecrated before I bang my head and then I learn what consecration means? Haha. But all is well. I am still able to make a difference by setting myself apart today. I want to make a difference as a set apart Christian....One that is not afraid to be consecrated for a higher call. 

I am a princess...for the King of all Kings....therefore, I am determined to live as one :)

There are several things that I would like to consecrate for my beloved King. 

1. First is my body until marriage. The world may think this is such an old fashion thing....but I believe this consecration will result in something that I will enjoy very much later in the will of God. This includes not only sexual activities, but also the way I dress, the way I carry myself, the way I handle my body in sleeping, eating and daily habits (I really need to buck up on this). Delayed gratification goes a long way. So my stand still stay. Consecration. But surely....I need to do a lot of hard work on this. Phew!

2. My money and time. The only way I can consecrate my money is whenever I earn, I give the first part to God. That's my Sundays and my early mornings. I also believe in giving firstfruits. Not because it is a law, but because He is my Dad...and I love Him. I want to give Him my best. And I wish I can give even more sometimes. Hopefully one day I can be financially free to be a blessing to Him. Then I want to give to my family because they mean the world to me. So I wouldn't mind lavishing them with more money and time...only thing I need to work on my money and time management. Also something to work hard on!

3. My words. My love language is words. But that also means when I hate, I hate with words. My words are sharp...and at times, it is bad because even when I don't say it aloud, when I am upset, I say nasty stuff in my head. So I want to consecrate my words for Him. Because I am now His child, I represent Him..I wouldn't want Him to feel embarassed whenever I open my mouth. So only to utilize it to love, not to curse. Words.

4. My actions. I want to consecrate the way I act....this includes the way I relate to others (of the same sex or not), that I will relate appropriately, and most importantly do not cause any kind of misunderstandings. With that, I should choose and consider my actions carefully before doing anything.

5. My emotions. I want to consecrate my emotions for God....and especially my romantic emotion....to only be experienced and discovered by God. Until the day when Daddy finally show me the guy I am about to marry, only then I will begin to give away some of my romantic feelings. And emotions is also so important because it comprises the way I speak, the time and money I spend, the actions, and the pouring out of heart and soul. I need to be very selective in this. Not to any Tom, Dick and Harry...but truly only for ONE. Therefore, in most conversations (especially with opposite gender) I deliberately halt from sharing too much emo stuff that may cause soul tie to happen. Simply because it is RESERVED. :) Until I find him...I will be romancing with Jesus and I am enjoying every bit of it.

6. My thoughts. This is the most important thing. Bible says to be transformed by the renewing of mind. It is so true. Because everything that goes through your mind will determine your actions, your words, your emotions, your decision on money and time, your decision on keeping your body healthy....so IMPORTANT! So consecration of thoughts,....would also mean....deleting the negative, the bad habitual mindsets, the cynical remarks, the unfruitful thoughts (lust? malice?)....and truly just think what God wants me to think, hear what God wants me to hear, see what God wants me to see. This is the toughest because up in the head is always a constant battle of two voices. You might think I am referring to Devil and Angel. But the truth is...the flesh and the spirit. I want to build my spirit, and consecrate my thoughts only for Holy Spirit to fill...with that, I will do not only His will, but hear His voice, be obedient and see things through His eyes. So important.

Consecration is so important. People of these days take it too lightly. I have found very little people to agree with me on this. Simply because the standard water down, values were not as strongly uphold. I have seen people's values wither with time as well...Apparently older age makes you compromise even more because you have "seen" the world. I beg to differ from that. I hope I still can. I do not deny the fact that as you seen more of the world....you are much more tempted to compromise certain things. Sometimes, you may seem to appear too uptight by others....But what's more important? God's view or the view of others? :)

In case you have not noticed, most things that we consecrate for God, is fulfilled in marriage. That includes body, emotions, thoughts, words, actions...even money and time.

No wonder people frequently quote, the next most important day in your life after accepting Jesus into your life is the day you walk down the aisle.

Imagine how blessed your partner would be having have you putting up so much struggle, delayed gratification and self-control to consecrate every part of your being for him? Well, technically not for him / her....its for God. But I never really understood why until recently....I realized these consecration is as though God's present of a comparable partner to His children. That the relationship was never based on any lust, capability, position or power....but it is truly based on only ONE thing.....that both these people who found each other first found GOD....and made God their everything :)

I always said this and I will say it again. I want to be that woman who can only be found when the man finds God. My desire this season is in hope God would use me as an example for the generation of young women today. Don't compromise your consecration for God to appear attractive to others. And you wonder why the wrong guy keep appearing at your doorsteps. Consecrate yourselves in God....and then the right man shall be attracted to you for the right reasons....

Live a life. Set apart. holy. Acceptable for the Lord. We have only one life to live. If you don't consecrate now, then when? After marriage? LOL....just kidding.

Well, everything aside. Now is my turn to put effort in my consecration. Starting from my body......start exercising, eating healthy and sleeping early. Amen. Here Daddy....Just for You, ok? Otherwise, I couldn't be bothered :P

p/s: For the record, those who do not know why a bride wears a white gown to walk down the aisle....it is not merely a culture...but a symbol of consecration, kept pure and holy. Of course in the context of marriage, it is a bride keeping their virginity. But in Christian context....we are HIS bride....that speaks a lot isn't it :) Would you be a bride worthy of that white gown when you meet your Most High Groom?

See, consecration is not always just for future partner. There are indeed greater cause to it, isn't it? After all, certain consecration ends in marriage. But some others, will go on until the day we meet Jesus.

Food for thought.

Toodles.

WWJD

I have decided!

I know God has called me to human trafficking etc. But I can't help but to also trust and believe God that there is a reason why He has put many other lives (Who are not related to human trafficking) into my life. Example my cell members.

Last night, I heard Pastor Tan preached. And Boy was I convicted! I was convicted because I realize, it is not difficult to have spiritual pride, to want to be the wise and prudent. Many of us fall into the category....THAT VERY MOMENT we choose to judge another person (believer or non-believer) and BELIEVE that we are better. I have to bring myself down to the end. That I have no rights. No-uh. Not at all. I am just merely an idle person otherwise if He has not called me to the field. So I have decided. I just do all I can, plough all I can and fix my eyes only on One Thing. Or rather...One Person...Jesus. Who am I to say...this person work harder, that person work harder....on what position am I given the authority to even say anything at all?

Yes fix our eyes on heavenly things. But I want to come to a point, I am doing everything out of my overwhelming Love for Jesus. All I want is for Him to be happy, and Him to be proud of me... I just want to be of help to Him....And I shall not go ahead, but I will stay side by side....He ask me to go, I will go.

Then the next sermon, when He talks about people who are trained to be more suspicions, to train to look at a bleeding man and walk away....I felt so hit in the heart! "That is me"...I thought to myself. I was taught to not trust people, lest it is a scheme. I don't give beggar money, I don't buy tissue paper from the blind, I don't do much...because I am skeptical. And hence thats the reason why I am also skeptical when it comes to people...are you sure no intention? Are you sure your heart is pure? What's your motive?....That's sometimes how I look at people....trying to read or get a hint of any intention at all...even thought he/ she is purely no harm to me. LOL.

Now, I am not saying we should be foolishly used. But, not skeptical to an extent we hinder ourselves from doing good. So what if by giving a donation, or believing in someone again you fall into a scam or being disappointed? After all isn't that WHAT JESUS goes through? Like being disappointed again and again? Yet He said on the cross "Father Forgive them for they do not know what they are doing!"...If I want to be where Jesus is, I need to follow His foot steps! And from then on, I told God...God I am going to change.

I have encountered many who tell me again and again that they have repented, yet shortly after, still back to the same cycle. My first reaction : See I told you...not trustable. True story. Ashamed of myself? Totally. Especially after the message last night. Lol. The right response should be: My dear brother / sister trapped in the enemy's lies again...is there anything I can do? If nothing else, perhaps I should just pray... It is not that I should continue investing my energy in wrong places...but whatever my final decision is, LOVE should never be absent. Skeptics often steal the love. Because when you judge...you cannot love.

After watching this video Dream Center Promo....I was taken back. Ok. I want to BE the church without walls. That starts with the life that has been placed under me. They are there for a reason..

I shall start with a young teenager who is going through a very rough patch in life, full of identity crisis, anger, whom I have always believed I can't do much. I shall start.....by going into his life weekly. Pray that I sustain. Don't want it to be "hangat-hangat tahi ayam" kinda thing.

After all how much more time do I have before I have  a partner and have to reserve a day for him instead of doing this? LOL. Probably two more years. Yay! Do as much as I can.

So here it is: I shall call this...Loving A Life Project.

One word...WWJD ....or rather four words. What would Jesus Do?
My goal, one thing. Being more like Jesus.

Wish me all the best, readers! ^^

Be her VOICE...

We got to rise up, open our eyes up
Be her voice, be her freedom....come on, STAND UP...

"Why do you want to advocate for human trafficking?" ...someone asked me recently.
"What makes you particularly drawn to this?"
- Being a voice to the voiceless....a hope to the hopeless....the KEY to freedom

"He is no fool to give what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose" ~ Jim Elliot

Far too long human trafficking has been embedded in the darkest corner of our nation. And what's shocking, this crime is ON THE RISE. Just when we thought the battle was won when Abraham Lincoln successfully abolish slavery, we were wrong....finding ourselves surrounded by the selfish trade of men....all for the sake of money and self-fulfilling pleasures at the expense of another human being. Modern slavery.

Corruption has caused so many children, girls cross borders making Malaysia one of the biggest transition point for human trafficking. I am in this very country....I could have chose to walk away telling myself....there is nothing much I can do......OR I can choose to make a difference One step at a time....

First by being the VOICE..
Many countries in Asia are dominated by poverty. Due to lack of system, corruption, and the desperation for basic needs to be met....this crime had been made very easy in this part of the world.

The fate of the poor and less fortunate becomes worst....they became a victim....a commodity....for those who are brimming with greed. What would you do if this is not just a number, but a friend, a relative, a sibling, a child, a daughter? Someone close to you?

Many has deemed this dream impossible, idealistic...."there is only so many you can help"....someone once said to me...."how could you possibly make a difference?"
ONE Person. ONE HUMAN BEING at ONE time.

It is not about convenience, not popularity, not the thrill of being part of a noble cause....but it is because finally, I found something worth fighting for. A cause that will restore humanity to its original purpose.
Something worth living for....something worth DYING for :)
We have only ONE life to live...what would you live for?

The world often talk about human equality. Now that we see the cruelty of this world....Would we fight for equality for our fellow brothers and sisters? Abolishing modern slavery?

In my near future, I am pursuing my Masters in Clinical Psychology (hopefully pass the interview), in hope with these skills I am able to help these victims to stand up on their own two feet (if they are rescued) and to learn to trust the world which had been truly brutal to them. I am grateful to have a couple who had truly inspired me to be true to my call, be BOLD to stand up for what I believe in. David Oh and Shirley Boon ..the couple who had supported me in my quest of searching and stepping out into my destiny. Today, I am burning, wanting to make a difference for these victims. I may not know how to go about this yet, but this is my FIRST step.

We can all do something. You don't need any special skills. You can be that difference by first, creating AWARENESS on this hideous crime globally. Why is this so important? Because this very crime, could be happening right now...at your very next door.

Human trafficking is more than just an ordinary crime. It is demeaning the value of human by putting a price to every girl and child trafficked....telling the rest that they are less than human. Human trafficking act is as good as murder. The murdering of human values, human dignity, human dreams, and most importantly...HUMAN RIGHTS.

27 million slaves in this 21st century. A shocking number. Yet only 1% is rescued. Today you know this truth. What are you going to about it? 27 million....Together we can make a difference.

Let's create an awareness. YOU can be the VOICE

Embracing My Personality

Recently I have been going crazy over personality tests.

Why? Simply because I am a Psychology Freak. Yes I am. It amuses me when the tests could describe me so well....and amuses me even more when they describe my friends so accurately!

And I get to kinda find out more about others and myself as well. One of my friends told me the test kinda allow her to realize why she feels the way she feels sometimes, what frustrates her and what fuels her. Hence, she has now found the purpose and focus...and ready to embark on that!

WOW! So cool.

Nonetheless, here is mine!

This is my DISC Test Result. You can try the test here: http://www.tonyrobbins.com/ue/disc-profile.php

So, I am naturally a CI person. Which means, I am Conscientious (detailed, careful, task oriented) and Influential (talk a lot, sociable etc)....but notice that I have a very high Steadiness too (quiet, supportive, etc)

Now this is my adaptive style. I naturally want others to see that I am higher in S. But when under stress I usually revert back to my Natural style, which is High I and C

As you can see from my graph. I am inclining more to an Introvert and People side.

Now many do not believe I am an introvert. Haha. But let's see the tests of other personality test.

I particularly like this test inspired by Carl Jung, David Keirsey, and Briggs-Myers

You can take the test here: http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test 

This is my Result: INFJ

P/S: You can click on the images to enlarge them

There are also other things that you can read on from the link. For example how INFJ is like in relationship, career, as parents, strengths, weaknesses and so forth. So it is awesome reading them!

Then, there is another test that my boss asked me to take. Its by iPersonic

Mainly for career I guess. You can try it here: http://www.ipersonic.com/career/

And my results is: Sensitive Doer

Its kinda cool knowing (well, not entirely accurate but probably 80%-90%?) who you are, what your inclination is and so forth. Not that you do not know beforehand, but FINALLY, it can be articulated. And these personality tests make me feel ...like alas, someone understands me. Hahaha!! Like I said, I love psychology. Keeps me excited! *wiggles*

Try it! You will be shock to discover who you are and what you are inclined to do. Probably help you in your future parenthood planning, things to improve, career and even who to marry (for singles)!

All the best! Toodles for now!

Being a Woman

This is a private thought that I develop recently. But I have decided that it should be spoken of. Because it is necessary for many women to know. I have been reading the book "Captivating" recently and I am greatly impacted by it. Not because it made me stronger, but it made me more comfortable to be a true woman.

In the deepest core of every woman, there is a longing for relationship. Any kind. See, men are made to go for battles, to lead and fight for a cause. But women are made for relationships. They are made to care, love and nurture. Hence in every heart of a woman, they are searching for a relationship and eventually a husband when two become one, in hope to feel complete with it. Hence the reason why many people call their partners my other HALF.....this is true, because they literally feel incomplete until they meet their other HALF. But let me burst the bubble. This HALF will never completely complete your life. Yes, momentarily you feel so fulfilled and good only to slowly discover, the feeling will slowly fade off.

I am no different from any woman. I too hope to be married and have a family one day. But see, I am a leader, and I know how dangerous these longing can grow to be. I have seen a fair deal of cases whereby strong Christian women fall from their destiny because of relationships. And it began to sink in within me two years ago, that this is a serious issue to be extremely cautious about. Women need to understand and know that having a man does not fully complete them. But having Jesus does. Well....as a well-meaning Christian, we always say these things....but I believe we all agree that it is easier said than done. Or rather, it is easier said than understood. I tell many other women (Especially in my younger days) countless times that Jesus alone will fill every gap.

Yes. We can say and proclaim principles. But what is true, is still the feelings you are feeling, the longing that is within you. They are real. And mind you, every strong Christian women do know (and are aware) that it is especially DANGEROUS when we feel incomplete until THE ONE comes along to sweep us off our feet. Yet why so many still fall for this very reason?

So what's the solution? I have been asking the same thing. I asked God when one of my very good friends fell for this reason. I asked God....is that longing that real? I thought having You alone is enough?? So I judged and concluded that these women do not really have a very strong relationship with God. They fell, because they were looking for love in all the wrong places. They did not come to God. Initially, I thought having that "longing" feeling is actually wrong, problematic. Until when I begin to notice, if I really ask and question myself....I too want to get married to a good husband and build a family. I too have that longing! Hence, I try to suppress the feelings, dismiss them, constantly telling God and myself....this is a TEMPTATION! It is not suppose to be felt....no I should feel completely fine.....

And how do I react? I bury them. I bury the longing, I bury the desire to feel beautiful, I bury everything under piles and piles of ministry work....in the name of doing God's work, and made for a higher call....sounding all spiritual.....because I believe in the faulty belief that the reason why that "TEMPTATION" exist is because we are too free. Spiritually void. Too many free slots to think about stupid, unimportant stuff (yes, I label them as stupid and unimportant). So I dismiss them. Everytime before it surface I just shut it and pray, do the work of God...and tell God to "take away the temptation"....basically I was afraid to fall...so afraid that I wanted to stop being a woman.

Not realizing, that I have slowly dismiss the very reason why I was designed. For relationships.

That is how, I have reacted....as a woman who tries appearing spiritual to suppress the "wrong" "temptation". To me it was wrong. And it can be made gone like any other temptation. My leader, Shirley would have nagged me for being this rigid had I discover this earlier and tell this to her....but seriously. I was really like that. That was my mindset. To an extent, I shut all doors for male friendship....I became judgmental....and will not explore any friendship with MALES unless I am confirm 100% they have no intention. Because I think they are all unnecessary distractions. Shirley many times told me....I am SUPER RIGID!! hahahaa....And she actually asked me why am I like that? I didn't know why too because I just thought it was necessary. And we concluded that it could be because of past hurts. No doubt about that. But more so, recently I noticed, it is also because I dismissed myself being a woman.

I am glad I am learning. Really. Totally. Glad.

Now, what about those who do not have / employ what seems to be a "spiritual solution?"

The truth is this: When girls were younger, they have many other distractions, and they have many activities. But as they grow older, they begin looking for meaningful relationships and friendships. They filter their friends. Because they realize, they cannot pour their attention too much on anyone or anything at all.

But the danger is this....as they notice that meaningful relationships become gradually important, they begin searching for someone in other words to "complete" the longing (not just friendship but a soul mate that makes them feel WHOLE). Which is not right. See it is only natural, and I want to say this because I hope no girls think that they are being desperate. Desperation is not in the longing feeling. Desperation only happens when in response to the longing you do all you can to get someone to fill that space. Or to ACT in response to that longing you feel.

However, Christians women should have no issue in this because they have Jesus to complete them. But why do many ladies feel that longing still? Let me share with you my discovery. This is because we have never seen JESUS as capable to fill that void. Yes, we claim He is all we need, we claim He completes us, He is our Father, He is our Friend, He is our Helper, He is our Counselor, He is our Healer..... but we find it WRONG to see Him as our LOVER!

I am saying this, because I too find myself shrugging at the thought of thinking of Jesus as my lover. Because I felt it is disrespectful. Dysfunctional. How can Someone who is your Father becomes your Lover? That is when we put Jesus in a box. We see Him as only capable of playing one role not the other. But He gives unconditional love. He gives the Agape love which supercedes every kind of love ever exist in the history of mankind. Why can't I allow Him in, in this area of my life?

And that was when I begin to allow Him in, as my lover. Allow Him in to romance me, and even say romantic stuff to Him. Only to notice, I am not very good at it. Hahaha. Good training for me. But good thing is, He accepts me however I am. Romantic or not. However I want to show Him my love, I show Him and He will respond back.

Initially it may feel a little weird. But as You keep allowing Him in to fill that longing, He will eventually be all that you need. Now having said that, I am not saying that being single is sufficient. But you can be a single and not EXPECT any Prince Charming to come by and fill that void. Because Him alone is enough and sufficient. And the saying is true. It is only when you feel COMPLETE you are ready to give in a relationship. And not expect to take and take and take.

Love is about giving. Not the other way round. I personally felt complete in every area of love except for this. Not that I have been searching aggressively to find someone to fulfill all my Eros love, but I notice that in every area of loving, I felt totally whole with Jesus. But in this, I am not. Only to realize, I did not give my heart FULLY to Jesus. I gave every part, but the Eros love part. Because I thought....He cannot fill that. It is just weird to see Jesus as my lover. And I find it bizarre to "layan" Eros love, because to me, that is only distractions. Only to realize....no, it is actually not weird to see Jesus as a lover but absolutely necessary...and of course there must be a reason why Eros love is created by God! How could it be unnecessarily created? That is the reason why in many years down the road longings can evolve to desperation. Because people become in dire need to fill that "emptiness"....and yes....this includes Christian women.

Recently I am feeling a lot of unrest. I kinda feel I am in the process where I am trying to get Jesus out of the box? And to accept Him as my Lover and to see Him as one...unlearning all my fixed rigid mindset, and to see that it is ok to be romanced by Him and vice versa? It is quite a liberation when I am doing that. But the process getting there requires a lot of stepping out of the comfort zone I would say. To challenge my old belief system.

And I was learning to be more comfortable to be a woman again. To admit and say, yea I longed to be romanced too.  Yea I longed to be beautiful. Not just seen as capable...but beautiful. To enjoy who I was made to be. I am still learning to get there. Cos it is honestly hard to change your belief system after so many years!! But yes....I am enjoying to be a real woman again.

And I am awaiting to be romanced by Jesus....every single day. And it is perfectly Ok. It is not a temptation, it is not a distraction. It is just natural.

So my dear women, you can have that longing, and not be desperate. All you need is to do is begin to embrace Jesus as your Lover. And no, it is not suppose to be weird. As much as you allow Him in every area of your life, do the same in this area too. With that, it is only logical and meaningful when we say "Jesus completes me"....Because He does not just play one role in my life. He plays EVERY ROLE :)

Be blessed!

Proving VS Loving

A lot have been going through my thoughts recently.

Thoughts on things I want to do, things I should commit to, things I should stop thinking or worrying about, things I should step out in, things I should reserve, things I should give, things I should let go.

Many times, I wonder why God often give me certain feelings / situations only to allow me to realize there are indeed areas He wants me to work on in life or progress in.

Nonetheless, recently kinda feeling a little overwhelmed, yet at the same time very grateful....its a mix feeling of both. That I have a lot to iron out, yet at the same time I feel blessed. So am I about to burnt out? I was confused awhile.

Then I realized....I am being stretched...being challenged in fact. Challenged in my old ways of thinking, challenged in my old methods of doing stuff, challenged in stepping out from where I was comfortable to be a different person.

And it scares me (in a good way) that I am constantly changing. It is kinda amusing that 5 years from now (or perhaps even 2 years ) everything I felt today may be completely different! I have been analysing a lot lately. Analysing, why do I feel uncomfortable, is God trying to tell me something? Is there more things to breakthrough etc.

Only for God to pull the emergency handbrake and say...
Hazel...Chill lah....WALK ON and stop asking why when how where what at every step you take...

I guess it must have been very tiring for Him to layan me now. Hahaha! Recently I have been mixing a lot with my hometown friends. Last time, I forced myself to hang out with them because my intention was to reach out, to shine for Jesus, to DO SOMETHING.....to proof something

Recently, I noticed a change in my heart. I want to hang out, because I want to learn to love them more. Love them for who they are, be THERE for them in different seasons, be a true friend. I guess, it is a little harder to start all over again at this stage. But necessary.

I guess Christians are that way. Or maybe I am that way. All our lives living trying to proof something, to the people around us, and even to God...when actually God has just made us to be very simple. To enjoy relationship...and then step by faith and believe that when your life is revolving around Him, He will provide the way for you to be a blessing to your community.

I should aim to be a blessing in my course of wanting to get people saved. Not to make them see that I am BETTER than them. My approach was wrong. And I am glad I kinda discovered it now.

Thank You Jesus.

Privileges Like No Other

It has been a few eventful months indeed.

Recently I have been receiving similar "word" from a few people. Shirley, and Agnes told me about a word that God has spoken to me recently with regards to the call God has placed in my life and the things that He wants to deal with this season. And what was amazing was that it was confirmed by Keith during one of the services whereby Pastor was encouraging us to move in the spirit as a church. It was all so accurate!

I mean, if they are people close to me like Agnes and Shirley, God knew I would probably have the itching thought (especially when I am faithless) that tells me....they know me well enough to say the things they say, you know? Probably not exactly the Word from God after all. But when it comes from Keith, someone who isn't that close to me, I knew then that God is leaving NO ROOM for me to doubt.

It is indeed a privilege...



And then, God spoke another word to me about relationships, on some personal struggles. I was reading the book "captivating" and God's word for me literally jumped out from these pages. Shirley then, confirmed it. And then...Miss Phoebe Tan...as she was praying for me one night, had a word from God and confirms it again. And I know then, God is again leaving no ROOM for me to doubt. I am really grateful....Think God is doing much operation to prepare me for something bigger ahead.

It is indeed a privilege....



I remembered clearly on July 30th, as I was sharing my heart with Shirley, then I suddenly felt that a shift is coming....in our church, in our leadership. So I felt really burdened and compelled to fast and pray for this "shift". I told Agnes...and we started our 40 days fast and prayer. 6 days into fasting and praying, the shift came....

Shirley was promoted to be a zone leader, David will be roped in soon to join our zone. The moment I heard this plan, I knew it is gonna be an exciting journey indeed. It excites me even more because I was just fasting about it. I cannot imagine what we can do as a zone...having the power couple with us. Hahaa! (yea...I know I am biased :P). And a  day later, I was given the privilege to lead a subzone in Shirley's zone.

I was excited, nervous, and....kinda felt my whole body weaken. Haha! I knew Shirley never wanted to let me stay in my comfort zone, she would have challenged me one way or another. But as a good mama, she always reminds me this is all for His Kingdom :)...nothing less, nothing more. That very day, I told myself I have to depend on God more than ever. Because self-reliant will only make my head bigger as I become less God-conscious and more self-conscious. There was a time that I was almost promoted a few years back...but I wasn't ready. My attitude wasn't right. I was bitter and critical towards people who had opinions about me.

I love God and His perfect plan. He holds it all back when we squirmed like a kid, whining, complaining. Looking back, I knew clearly I was merely trying to proof myself, couldn't accept critical opinions of others...merely wanting leaders to recognize me as capable and flawless...One word. I was PROUD. And striving. It was never because I wanted to serve God more and love Him in a bigger capacity.

Today...I am still not perfect, but I want to serve Him the best I know how...I am longing to know Him more as I walk with Him in this journey :) I made a prayer that day after Shirley spoke to me...and I hope I will remember this forever.....that my function in the Kingdom of God precedes titles, and if I ever come to a point I forget myself, stripe it all away...Nothing must make me depend on God less. One life.....and I am hoping to have it all written with Jesus :)

I am not perfect, but yet entrusted. What else could this be?
It is indeed a privilege.



So the raya holiday came. And I went home. Truth be told, it wasn't an expected smooth, resting journey. Throughout the raya holiday, and even from the time that I went home the month before, I have noticed many things happening in my family. Things that are heartbreaking, things that really challenged me to step up and shine for Jesus. I acknowledge that these are moments when Jesus will shine brightest.

Many heartbreaking news, and there were even mishaps like major accidents and stuff. I was worried. Literally. And I prayed and prayed for my family. But it was these times that I decided I should not be too passive. Many times, I tried to blend in the background, so that I would not be persecuted? I was more concerned of keeping the peace. But this time round, I just felt, I need to be more outspoken in my act of love for my family. Its times like these my family needs support. I need to BE THERE. I need to be their pillar of strength.

We are a family after all :) Mom and dad decided to pour out more about their concerns and worries (which is very very rare with them!) to me....and I even opened a so-called "clinic" hahahaha! My siblings were asking me about personalities, and marriage and stuff....I am no expert. But I guess, the lessons I have learned in church while counselling so far comes in handy! Did some personality tests with my family members and understood them a little better as well.

Sometimes, I wondered if God will ever come in, zap and just make everyone Christian at home. You know...big miracles, big fire balls kinda stuff. But I guess, God is really testing my faith. To see if I would be willing to trust Him step by step. To not strive to make Him proof Himself. After all, He is God. He is very secure. Why does He need proving proving all? LOL....For many years, I do not see much happening. But this year, I am seeing the windows of opportunities opening up for me to truly share Christ through loving my family.

After all, He is all about LOVE :)

And I began to realize the sacrifices that my parents had made....so so much sacrifices, for their children.....No matter how old we get, they will still give their best to make sure we possess only the best life they can give to us. I am so grateful for that. I can complain about being misunderstood, being persecuted and so forth in the past. But today, I have to say that there is no other family I would rather be born in. This is my family...and they are "perfect" for me despite of the imperfections :)

Thank God for putting me here.
It is indeed a privilege.....


I can never thank God enough for the life that He has put me through. Good times, bad times. Testing times, or faith-filled times....Him....I cannot live without.

You MUST increase....I MUST only decrease.