It has been a few eventful months indeed.
Recently I have been receiving similar "word" from a few people. Shirley, and Agnes told me about a word that God has spoken to me recently with regards to the call God has placed in my life and the things that He wants to deal with this season. And what was amazing was that it was confirmed by Keith during one of the services whereby Pastor was encouraging us to move in the spirit as a church. It was all so accurate!
I mean, if they are people close to me like Agnes and Shirley, God knew I would probably have the itching thought (especially when I am faithless) that tells me....they know me well enough to say the things they say, you know? Probably not exactly the Word from God after all. But when it comes from Keith, someone who isn't that close to me, I knew then that God is leaving NO ROOM for me to doubt.
It is indeed a privilege...
And then, God spoke another word to me about relationships, on some personal struggles. I was reading the book "captivating" and God's word for me literally jumped out from these pages. Shirley then, confirmed it. And then...Miss Phoebe Tan...as she was praying for me one night, had a word from God and confirms it again. And I know then, God is again leaving no ROOM for me to doubt. I am really grateful....Think God is doing much operation to prepare me for something bigger ahead.
It is indeed a privilege....
I remembered clearly on July 30th, as I was sharing my heart with Shirley, then I suddenly felt that a shift is coming....in our church, in our leadership. So I felt really burdened and compelled to fast and pray for this "shift". I told Agnes...and we started our 40 days fast and prayer. 6 days into fasting and praying, the shift came....
Shirley was promoted to be a zone leader, David will be roped in soon to join our zone. The moment I heard this plan, I knew it is gonna be an exciting journey indeed. It excites me even more because I was just fasting about it. I cannot imagine what we can do as a zone...having the power couple with us. Hahaa! (yea...I know I am biased :P). And a day later, I was given the privilege to lead a subzone in Shirley's zone.
I was excited, nervous, and....kinda felt my whole body weaken. Haha! I knew Shirley never wanted to let me stay in my comfort zone, she would have challenged me one way or another. But as a good mama, she always reminds me this is all for His Kingdom :)...nothing less, nothing more. That very day, I told myself I have to depend on God more than ever. Because self-reliant will only make my head bigger as I become less God-conscious and more self-conscious. There was a time that I was almost promoted a few years back...but I wasn't ready. My attitude wasn't right. I was bitter and critical towards people who had opinions about me.
I love God and His perfect plan. He holds it all back when we squirmed like a kid, whining, complaining. Looking back, I knew clearly I was merely trying to proof myself, couldn't accept critical opinions of others...merely wanting leaders to recognize me as capable and flawless...One word. I was PROUD. And striving. It was never because I wanted to serve God more and love Him in a bigger capacity.
Today...I am still not perfect, but I want to serve Him the best I know how...I am longing to know Him more as I walk with Him in this journey :) I made a prayer that day after Shirley spoke to me...and I hope I will remember this forever.....that my function in the Kingdom of God precedes titles, and if I ever come to a point I forget myself, stripe it all away...Nothing must make me depend on God less. One life.....and I am hoping to have it all written with Jesus :)
I am not perfect, but yet entrusted. What else could this be?
It is indeed a privilege.
So the raya holiday came. And I went home. Truth be told, it wasn't an expected smooth, resting journey. Throughout the raya holiday, and even from the time that I went home the month before, I have noticed many things happening in my family. Things that are heartbreaking, things that really challenged me to step up and shine for Jesus. I acknowledge that these are moments when Jesus will shine brightest.
Many heartbreaking news, and there were even mishaps like major accidents and stuff. I was worried. Literally. And I prayed and prayed for my family. But it was these times that I decided I should not be too passive. Many times, I tried to blend in the background, so that I would not be persecuted? I was more concerned of keeping the peace. But this time round, I just felt, I need to be more outspoken in my act of love for my family. Its times like these my family needs support. I need to BE THERE. I need to be their pillar of strength.
We are a family after all :) Mom and dad decided to pour out more about their concerns and worries (which is very very rare with them!) to me....and I even opened a so-called "clinic" hahahaha! My siblings were asking me about personalities, and marriage and stuff....I am no expert. But I guess, the lessons I have learned in church while counselling so far comes in handy! Did some personality tests with my family members and understood them a little better as well.
Sometimes, I wondered if God will ever come in, zap and just make everyone Christian at home. You know...big miracles, big fire balls kinda stuff. But I guess, God is really testing my faith. To see if I would be willing to trust Him step by step. To not strive to make Him proof Himself. After all, He is God. He is very secure. Why does He need proving proving all? LOL....For many years, I do not see much happening. But this year, I am seeing the windows of opportunities opening up for me to truly share Christ through loving my family.
After all, He is all about LOVE :)
And I began to realize the sacrifices that my parents had made....so so much sacrifices, for their children.....No matter how old we get, they will still give their best to make sure we possess only the best life they can give to us. I am so grateful for that. I can complain about being misunderstood, being persecuted and so forth in the past. But today, I have to say that there is no other family I would rather be born in. This is my family...and they are "perfect" for me despite of the imperfections :)
Thank God for putting me here.
It is indeed a privilege.....
I can never thank God enough for the life that He has put me through. Good times, bad times. Testing times, or faith-filled times....Him....I cannot live without.
You MUST increase....I MUST only decrease.
