I did something brave today...:) I walked into a hair salon back in hometown and asked the hairdresser to cut a new hairstyle as I was getting rather bored with the old one. And lo and behold, he did cut a new hairstyle alright!....but one that is really really shocking to me. Hahaha....reason being I asked for the thick fringe cut so that I can try seeing myself having fringe. Trusting the hairdresser who claimed that I would look good in it, I allow him to cut! But...yea...it didn't turn out as I expected...so right now, I sort of "regretted" having have my fringe cut and decided that I should keep it pinned up for the next few weeks until it grow a little longer...=D
The amazing thing is this....As I was travelling home in my brother's car today...looking out the window watching the highway cars passing by i switched into my "thinking" mode as usual driven by the mood to daydream...flashbacks and activated neurons fired rapidly laying out pictures after pictures in my head (*wow..drama =P)....I used to be so overwhelmed by bad haircuts....Each "horrible" haircut (as I assume it to be) would cause me to bug my mom or my friends....asking them the same ol' question over and over and over and over and over and over and over *gasp gasp*...and over and over and over again...."how ya? how? I look very ugly now"......."how how...howww???"
But today, having a bad haircut...(i knew it was a bad haircut because I don't look better or as good as when I was in the previous haircut)....I was amazed at the fact that it didn't bother me much. I don't ask mom questions, i don't bug people about it, instead I accepted the fact it was a bad choice, and i even laughed at how i look right now. Totally not my style...but yea...could get used to it though =D... the crazy thing is this....hahaha...i even tell a few of my close friends that I have changed my status from "hot chick" to "xiao ke ai" (little cutie)...:P:P:P:P ...my goodnesss! My roommates could not stand my overly self-proclaimed high self esteem....muahahaa...just kidding. Sometimes remarks like these help spice up conversations you see? =P...
My point is, I just felt a change in me, that I am no longer the old Hazel who used to condemn herself very much. The old Hazel felt inadequate for almost anything in life....looks, achievements, requirements, family's expectations, lifestyle...and many many more...The Hazel today, is NOT PERFECT, but is comfortable being who she is. The one thing that I realized throughout the journey thinking was that...without God, I was totally confused of who I was and who I could be.....but as I allow God to truly come into my life....things become different...I become assured of myself, I am more comfortable of the person I am made to be, and most important of all, I am not afraid to try new things and fail at it (eg. the bad haircut)...it is an amazing feeling to be able to look at the face of mistakes, laugh about it and move on...
Of course there are still moments of weakness whereby doubts and discouragements inevitably set in. Everybody, including the greatest preacher alive will have this so-called "moment of weakness"...But the differences in the strategies you employ to face these moments today, will cost your destiny tomorrow......there can be voices of condemnation trying to diffuse your attention and distract you from what is truly important, but when you guard your heart, refuse to allow yourself to be overwhelmed, you will triumph over these condemnation sooner than those who dwell and worry about it. Just like Pastor Kevin always said : Worry gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere...it is like a rocking chair....
And to overcome condemnation in life....one secret weapon you really need to have...is to know who you are meant to be, and who you are in God's eyes...and to be assured of who you are in Christ, we have to take that ONE step toward God (which will eventually lead to God taking a thousand steps toward us)....That one step is to allow God to come into your life...and know you :) ...that includes Him changing and moulding you....
The revelation I got from the retreat in Fraser's Hill during devotion. It is the word "know" standing between the word "you" and "God". There are two kinds of knowing....1. You know God...2. God knows you....To know God is to know what is His likes and dislikes as well as His desire and calling for us. To allow God to know you is to allow God to come into your life to do a new work in you that you may be Christlike and be new! The second knowing, which is God knowing us is the hardest type of "knowing" among the two as it requires rebukes, shapings, mouldings, and character building.
Funny, how a simple haircut can really lead to such a long thought and flashbacks of my life....But this also show how a simple thing like haircut can indicate changes in your walk of life. Or at least the previous reaction to a bad haircut and the recent reaction to a bad hair cut...hahaha....this is cool....I really had a wonderful journey thinking through a lot alot alot alot.....This trip back to hometown I believe is a very divine one. Not only I am able to celebrate the joining of my two very close cousins who are one of the first christians in my family (They have impacted my life alot), but this trip, I am able to really just love my mom, my dad and my brothers in a very different way. More than being a dutiful daughter, it is the joy of seeing them happy and really spending time talking to them for hours and hours...
So those who desire to see my new haircut....no way man! hahahaa...even though i have accepted the fact i have a bad haircut, i will also still try to rectify it you see? So until my hair grew longer the pin shall stay....muahhahaa....;P
In conclusion, to know God is one thing, to ALLOW God to know you, is another =)
So, the million dollar question is this. Do you want to know God? And if you already know Him, are you willing to open up yourself to allow God to know you as well? Choices are yours.
Your destiny tomorrow is the choices u make today. Be blessed!
OK! Here's the picture!!
Before
After
Rectified! ..yay!
