Daddy, Mummy, I LOVE YOU!!
Can't wait to come home and spend time with you, smell the home-ly aroma, eat the
home-cooked food, drag my feet around, show you all my new clothes, sit down and "keng
kai", drink wine together gether during reunion dinner...and help you do spring cleaning!
(ok, I promise I will try not to be lazy *teehee*)....
miss you all like crazy.
See you Saturday Afternoon! Yay!
Love,
Szee!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Conviction...and Honor (Outreach)
It's an amazing weekend. I was singing on stage this weekend, and both services, Pastor Kevin indeed spoke THE WORD of the season into my life. I am totally blown away. The countless times that Pastor would always somehow answer certain queries I have within me through the sermon preached is truly a blessing. This weekend was no different from those times. Today, I indeed had a very very valuable revelation.
For those who have been reading my blog, you would have known that I have started a campus outreach in college out of a revelation from God. And there was a time when God told me to keep on going, and keep on keeping on having faith, stepping out into the unknown and just trusting God. The start of the outreach was indeed an amazing journey. With Shirley supporting, and everyone being so on fire coming for meetings and pray...
But as time passes, the outreach grew smaller, and less on fire. People began to drop out. Seeing this happening was truly a discouragement to me. I prayed and pleaded with God asking what I need to do....I was really totally clueless. To an extend, i dreaded going to the outreach because I do not feel the possibility of it taking flight, or even seeing a future in what we are doing. Everything just felt so lost. This is my confession. That week in week out, when I was in the outreach, I just didn't know how should I go on because I honestly did not lead with conviction...I was just doing it out of duty, because I knew this is a vision I received from God and I need to keep it going for His sake...
Nonetheless, today's message totally transformed my life. Something just hit me and my bubble broke. How would I bring conviction and passion to my group of outreach members when I myself who was supposingly the person who had the vision, is not having the conviction that things could happen, situation could change, and we could do something great? On the way home, I prayed, and I really engaged in a deep talk with God in this. One word that I heard from Him that time was this: Start all over! Go back to the first day I receive the vision, go back to the time when we were all on fire....go back there and retrieve the conviction! That...was the one thing that would not only change my outreach members lives, but the lives of those who come in contact with us. Conviction. As we communicate from spirit to spirit, carrying the positive spirit is the key for the breakthrough of anything at all.
I spoke to Shirley last night, about all these struggles and about the conviction that I need to carry. As usual, her ONE WORD is always able to direct you to do what is needed to be done. Shirley told me that it is always easy to run the vision of others, because everything has already been set....what needed to be done to get to the vision, what needed to be instilled...etc....but to run your own vision, it is always something tough...and probably along the way people might even hate you for your own convictions or your own revelations. But these words when she said to me, really touched my heart: Hazel, if this is a revelation and vision given to you by God, no matter what it takes you will run it....because it is your own conviction...not your members' conviction. It is a word God gave to you....so you cannot allow anything to dampen your spirit. Carry your conviction....and JUST DO IT! Rather than living in fear or in disappointments or in uncertainties of how things might work, when we do it....(even if we make mistakes)....at least we will not think of the "what if's" in life.....
To have faithfulness and honor in the vision given to us....it is not an easy motivation, but I know at the end of the day, it is all worthwhile. Last week, in outreach there were only two of us coming together and praying...I know I have mentioned in the previous blog that I will not allow anything to dampen my spirit in the process of making this outreach a success...but as human, I do get demotivated with what seems to be stagnated. I need support, I need encouragement, and people telling me..."Yes, Hazel! All these can be done! Let's do it! Let's go all out to touch the lives of people and make a difference."
But the fact is, I should be the one who is saying that to God.....and today I hope this will be a long-lasting prayer I will hold on to...that even when nobody turn up for outreach, or when nothing seem workable, or nothing is progressing, I will still turn up for outreach, even when I am alone...and I will keep praying behind that classroom....I will plough the ground, break it and wait.....if this is God's vision...something must, and will happen....I want to start living out this conviction, and I want to be the one that honor the vision that has been imprinted into my life. I will honor His vision.....I want to....and you guys as my witnesses.
This life is His. This life is on the altar.....my life is indeed His song.....He writes, He sings...I will journey =)
Outreach members, let's carry a good convicted, and honorable spirit, finish the race, and support one another as small a group as we are! We are all in this together :)
Be blessed.
For those who have been reading my blog, you would have known that I have started a campus outreach in college out of a revelation from God. And there was a time when God told me to keep on going, and keep on keeping on having faith, stepping out into the unknown and just trusting God. The start of the outreach was indeed an amazing journey. With Shirley supporting, and everyone being so on fire coming for meetings and pray...
But as time passes, the outreach grew smaller, and less on fire. People began to drop out. Seeing this happening was truly a discouragement to me. I prayed and pleaded with God asking what I need to do....I was really totally clueless. To an extend, i dreaded going to the outreach because I do not feel the possibility of it taking flight, or even seeing a future in what we are doing. Everything just felt so lost. This is my confession. That week in week out, when I was in the outreach, I just didn't know how should I go on because I honestly did not lead with conviction...I was just doing it out of duty, because I knew this is a vision I received from God and I need to keep it going for His sake...
Nonetheless, today's message totally transformed my life. Something just hit me and my bubble broke. How would I bring conviction and passion to my group of outreach members when I myself who was supposingly the person who had the vision, is not having the conviction that things could happen, situation could change, and we could do something great? On the way home, I prayed, and I really engaged in a deep talk with God in this. One word that I heard from Him that time was this: Start all over! Go back to the first day I receive the vision, go back to the time when we were all on fire....go back there and retrieve the conviction! That...was the one thing that would not only change my outreach members lives, but the lives of those who come in contact with us. Conviction. As we communicate from spirit to spirit, carrying the positive spirit is the key for the breakthrough of anything at all.
I spoke to Shirley last night, about all these struggles and about the conviction that I need to carry. As usual, her ONE WORD is always able to direct you to do what is needed to be done. Shirley told me that it is always easy to run the vision of others, because everything has already been set....what needed to be done to get to the vision, what needed to be instilled...etc....but to run your own vision, it is always something tough...and probably along the way people might even hate you for your own convictions or your own revelations. But these words when she said to me, really touched my heart: Hazel, if this is a revelation and vision given to you by God, no matter what it takes you will run it....because it is your own conviction...not your members' conviction. It is a word God gave to you....so you cannot allow anything to dampen your spirit. Carry your conviction....and JUST DO IT! Rather than living in fear or in disappointments or in uncertainties of how things might work, when we do it....(even if we make mistakes)....at least we will not think of the "what if's" in life.....
To have faithfulness and honor in the vision given to us....it is not an easy motivation, but I know at the end of the day, it is all worthwhile. Last week, in outreach there were only two of us coming together and praying...I know I have mentioned in the previous blog that I will not allow anything to dampen my spirit in the process of making this outreach a success...but as human, I do get demotivated with what seems to be stagnated. I need support, I need encouragement, and people telling me..."Yes, Hazel! All these can be done! Let's do it! Let's go all out to touch the lives of people and make a difference."
But the fact is, I should be the one who is saying that to God.....and today I hope this will be a long-lasting prayer I will hold on to...that even when nobody turn up for outreach, or when nothing seem workable, or nothing is progressing, I will still turn up for outreach, even when I am alone...and I will keep praying behind that classroom....I will plough the ground, break it and wait.....if this is God's vision...something must, and will happen....I want to start living out this conviction, and I want to be the one that honor the vision that has been imprinted into my life. I will honor His vision.....I want to....and you guys as my witnesses.
This life is His. This life is on the altar.....my life is indeed His song.....He writes, He sings...I will journey =)
Outreach members, let's carry a good convicted, and honorable spirit, finish the race, and support one another as small a group as we are! We are all in this together :)
This could be our Bario Revival! =))
Be blessed.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Why are you placed in my life?
It is really late right now, but I have just had an amazing time chatting with Crystal with Clement as the silent listener. I am amazed at how God had truly turned a person from how she was when I found her...now, a totally transformed person. I have asked God for this week to reveal to me the revelations I can get to preach in cell group this week. I believe I have found it. I think starting the year off with such amazing realization, I am totally blown away.
She was talking to me about certain ongoings that were happening recently. And how she had her vision for outreach and all. And I am really blown away at how God would constantly use her as the confirmation to the work that He is doing in my life. A lot of times, I have ideas on how the outreach should go about in college, or in cell group...asking God...God is this Your will? If it is not, let me know. And God amazingly always use this girl...Crystal...as a confirmation to a lot of the visions I have. Sometimes even rebukes from God that she is confirming. I believe that is the reason why she is here in my life. At times, when I felt she might be struggling with certain things...she would naturally confirm it herself and do the right thing. I am really proud of her. Somehow there is always a connection triangle between me, her and God...
And speaking of this, I remember Charis, my beloved intern. How she will always back me up in the many things I need to attend to....I am really proud of her. She has been rising up from glory to glory. A lot of time when somebody ask me, how do you build a strong cell group? The key is always strong discipleship. Not one way, but two. Charis is willingly wanting to be discipled all the time...and she will update me, learn new things, follow up, help me and back me up, and knock on my door like crazy even when I am busy. The backbone of the cell is in a lot of these follow ups and support. Cell leaders are not robots or machines, a lot of times they need support too. Be a support today :) Sometimes it is a choice to create a good reason why you are placed in a particular person's life.. =) Supporting and loving is the best gift. That is her place in my life.
Ben, another beloved intern. As reserved and quiet as he is, he is the one who always will find the time to ask me if I need anything, notice that I am tired, coughing, sick....and really meet my needs. Apart from all these, he always surprises me with the many appreciations he did for me. This is the another part of support, of word assurance, of comfort, of making you feel appreciated when you least expected...The surprise during Christmas party despite all the tension, was really a blessing to my heart...Ben is the one that always read the intentions of my heart and will say yes to any vision I want to put the cell group through. As crazy as it may seem sometimes. Although he may doubt, but he will get it done. He will run the vision. He will take up new challenge...And that is already the greatest gift I can ever wish for. And that is his place...
I remember Felicia telling me about a person who will somehow always appear and be a joy and a comfort to her whenever she is in frustration or in deep stress. Well, to me, that person is always my mom. The silent supporter. Sometimes when I am upset I just want to talk to her. She might not have all the answers of the world, but it is relieving to have her around. Feeling safe...Another person would be Anna. Anna has been around countless times when I am not feeling good. Sometimes just watching TV together in frustration, or a prayer, or a maggi cooking...or a big time complaining then moving on...haha...that was to me the greatest comfort. I find joy whenever I look at her. I remember I am tensed up sometimes. Then suddenly out of noweher she would appear...and I would scream and just pour out how nervous I am...and she would just encourage me...speaking of this, Shi Yun is also another person whom I constantly feel happy to be around with whenever I am with her. The same resons as with Anna. Probably because both of them were my housemates. haha.. I am blessed to have them around. It is really amazing....my mom, Shi Yun and Anna, have the same reason to not only be the silent joy, but also to nurture me...ahakz =P...ok but I believe I was there to nurture Shi Yun instead (she will kill me if she reads this =P)
And speaking of dreams and visions....Shirley would be another person who always confirms my dreams and visions...She will say...go for it...I will back you up! Do what you want...I will support you!....and a lot of times...the thing that she plan for the year, or in the cell group she preached (which I also attended at times) I always find a connection to it. I don't know just how God works...but it always works that way as a confirmation for me. Whenever God told me about the long lost dream...and I asked Him...God how can I start working on it again? And then poof...Here comes Shirley telling me what she wants me to do for that period of time....and that is exactly where I feel God want me to be...It is unexplainably amazing...But I guess I agree with Crystal, that godly people are the ones that bring us to our destiny. And I am always blown away at how God always uses my leaders to confirm His word and help me grow. I think this is the triangle thing again between me, my leader and God. When He tells me, perhaps He tells her too? =)
Shirley has been the every good reason that has brought me and my life to where I am today...She's simply amazing...and definitely a destiny definer.
Shirley fulfilled my dream, by supporting my outreach when nobody accepts us. Then I remember I was watching Asia Conference on live telecast when I couldn't be there. I saw how the Community Services were doing there...and when Shirley came back I told her...whenever you do counseling, bring me...I believe this is the revived dream God gave me...and suddenly, the church is establishing City Care. And a lot of other things...that always seem like a coincidence to me...even emerge was a dream come true to me....I never imagined myself getting raised in my dominance personality through that way...
One word to describe everything. Mystical. And realizing this, that at times a person can be placed in your life for a reason to cause you headache, havoc, and pain, so that you can be stronger. But I do not want to be that person. I realize now, that knowing this fact, I can choose to be a good reason why I am placed in a person's life.
And this year's biggest new year's revolution I want to have is whatever reason I am placed in a person's life, I want to be the GOOD REASON to exist in the lives of those around me. To make a difference in a person's life...One at a time.
to my leaders, my members, my disciples, my friends, my family, my parents, my college, my lecturers, my housemates...etc...
Bit by bit, people around me begin to reveal to me the purpose of the reason to my existence. And each day I find the excitement in unravelling them little by little. And as much as God has use others to define my destiny and visions and dreams....I pray that God would use me to bless others that way too. It is truly a wonderful blessing...and it would be an honor for me if I am able to be that person all the days of my life.
What about you? Why are you placed in another person's life? You can choose... =)
She was talking to me about certain ongoings that were happening recently. And how she had her vision for outreach and all. And I am really blown away at how God would constantly use her as the confirmation to the work that He is doing in my life. A lot of times, I have ideas on how the outreach should go about in college, or in cell group...asking God...God is this Your will? If it is not, let me know. And God amazingly always use this girl...Crystal...as a confirmation to a lot of the visions I have. Sometimes even rebukes from God that she is confirming. I believe that is the reason why she is here in my life. At times, when I felt she might be struggling with certain things...she would naturally confirm it herself and do the right thing. I am really proud of her. Somehow there is always a connection triangle between me, her and God...
And speaking of this, I remember Charis, my beloved intern. How she will always back me up in the many things I need to attend to....I am really proud of her. She has been rising up from glory to glory. A lot of time when somebody ask me, how do you build a strong cell group? The key is always strong discipleship. Not one way, but two. Charis is willingly wanting to be discipled all the time...and she will update me, learn new things, follow up, help me and back me up, and knock on my door like crazy even when I am busy. The backbone of the cell is in a lot of these follow ups and support. Cell leaders are not robots or machines, a lot of times they need support too. Be a support today :) Sometimes it is a choice to create a good reason why you are placed in a particular person's life.. =) Supporting and loving is the best gift. That is her place in my life.
Ben, another beloved intern. As reserved and quiet as he is, he is the one who always will find the time to ask me if I need anything, notice that I am tired, coughing, sick....and really meet my needs. Apart from all these, he always surprises me with the many appreciations he did for me. This is the another part of support, of word assurance, of comfort, of making you feel appreciated when you least expected...The surprise during Christmas party despite all the tension, was really a blessing to my heart...Ben is the one that always read the intentions of my heart and will say yes to any vision I want to put the cell group through. As crazy as it may seem sometimes. Although he may doubt, but he will get it done. He will run the vision. He will take up new challenge...And that is already the greatest gift I can ever wish for. And that is his place...
I remember Felicia telling me about a person who will somehow always appear and be a joy and a comfort to her whenever she is in frustration or in deep stress. Well, to me, that person is always my mom. The silent supporter. Sometimes when I am upset I just want to talk to her. She might not have all the answers of the world, but it is relieving to have her around. Feeling safe...Another person would be Anna. Anna has been around countless times when I am not feeling good. Sometimes just watching TV together in frustration, or a prayer, or a maggi cooking...or a big time complaining then moving on...haha...that was to me the greatest comfort. I find joy whenever I look at her. I remember I am tensed up sometimes. Then suddenly out of noweher she would appear...and I would scream and just pour out how nervous I am...and she would just encourage me...speaking of this, Shi Yun is also another person whom I constantly feel happy to be around with whenever I am with her. The same resons as with Anna. Probably because both of them were my housemates. haha.. I am blessed to have them around. It is really amazing....my mom, Shi Yun and Anna, have the same reason to not only be the silent joy, but also to nurture me...ahakz =P...ok but I believe I was there to nurture Shi Yun instead (she will kill me if she reads this =P)
And speaking of dreams and visions....Shirley would be another person who always confirms my dreams and visions...She will say...go for it...I will back you up! Do what you want...I will support you!....and a lot of times...the thing that she plan for the year, or in the cell group she preached (which I also attended at times) I always find a connection to it. I don't know just how God works...but it always works that way as a confirmation for me. Whenever God told me about the long lost dream...and I asked Him...God how can I start working on it again? And then poof...Here comes Shirley telling me what she wants me to do for that period of time....and that is exactly where I feel God want me to be...It is unexplainably amazing...But I guess I agree with Crystal, that godly people are the ones that bring us to our destiny. And I am always blown away at how God always uses my leaders to confirm His word and help me grow. I think this is the triangle thing again between me, my leader and God. When He tells me, perhaps He tells her too? =)
Shirley has been the every good reason that has brought me and my life to where I am today...She's simply amazing...and definitely a destiny definer.
Shirley fulfilled my dream, by supporting my outreach when nobody accepts us. Then I remember I was watching Asia Conference on live telecast when I couldn't be there. I saw how the Community Services were doing there...and when Shirley came back I told her...whenever you do counseling, bring me...I believe this is the revived dream God gave me...and suddenly, the church is establishing City Care. And a lot of other things...that always seem like a coincidence to me...even emerge was a dream come true to me....I never imagined myself getting raised in my dominance personality through that way...
One word to describe everything. Mystical. And realizing this, that at times a person can be placed in your life for a reason to cause you headache, havoc, and pain, so that you can be stronger. But I do not want to be that person. I realize now, that knowing this fact, I can choose to be a good reason why I am placed in a person's life.
And this year's biggest new year's revolution I want to have is whatever reason I am placed in a person's life, I want to be the GOOD REASON to exist in the lives of those around me. To make a difference in a person's life...One at a time.
to my leaders, my members, my disciples, my friends, my family, my parents, my college, my lecturers, my housemates...etc...
Bit by bit, people around me begin to reveal to me the purpose of the reason to my existence. And each day I find the excitement in unravelling them little by little. And as much as God has use others to define my destiny and visions and dreams....I pray that God would use me to bless others that way too. It is truly a wonderful blessing...and it would be an honor for me if I am able to be that person all the days of my life.
What about you? Why are you placed in another person's life? You can choose... =)
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2008 Final Tribute
2008 has been an amazing year. I have experienced many breakthroughs, many wonderful experiences, knew a lot of great people, and had tremendous numbers of amazing encounters. This blog and slide show is a tribute to all of you as an appreciation for making 2008 a wonderful experience for me. Thank you for adding colors and being the missing pieces that complete the puzzle in my life...I believe 2009 will be even more amazing, and I hope I had been a blessing and will continue being a blessing to all of you as how you all have been a blessing to me time after time :) Let's anticipate greater breakthroughs in 2009....
Happy New Year!! God bless always.
Welcome, 2009!! =))
Happy New Year!! God bless always.
Welcome, 2009!! =))
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