For those who have been reading my blog, you would have known that I have started a campus outreach in college out of a revelation from God. And there was a time when God told me to keep on going, and keep on keeping on having faith, stepping out into the unknown and just trusting God. The start of the outreach was indeed an amazing journey. With Shirley supporting, and everyone being so on fire coming for meetings and pray...
But as time passes, the outreach grew smaller, and less on fire. People began to drop out. Seeing this happening was truly a discouragement to me. I prayed and pleaded with God asking what I need to do....I was really totally clueless. To an extend, i dreaded going to the outreach because I do not feel the possibility of it taking flight, or even seeing a future in what we are doing. Everything just felt so lost. This is my confession. That week in week out, when I was in the outreach, I just didn't know how should I go on because I honestly did not lead with conviction...I was just doing it out of duty, because I knew this is a vision I received from God and I need to keep it going for His sake...
Nonetheless, today's message totally transformed my life. Something just hit me and my bubble broke. How would I bring conviction and passion to my group of outreach members when I myself who was supposingly the person who had the vision, is not having the conviction that things could happen, situation could change, and we could do something great? On the way home, I prayed, and I really engaged in a deep talk with God in this. One word that I heard from Him that time was this: Start all over! Go back to the first day I receive the vision, go back to the time when we were all on fire....go back there and retrieve the conviction! That...was the one thing that would not only change my outreach members lives, but the lives of those who come in contact with us. Conviction. As we communicate from spirit to spirit, carrying the positive spirit is the key for the breakthrough of anything at all.
I spoke to Shirley last night, about all these struggles and about the conviction that I need to carry. As usual, her ONE WORD is always able to direct you to do what is needed to be done. Shirley told me that it is always easy to run the vision of others, because everything has already been set....what needed to be done to get to the vision, what needed to be instilled...etc....but to run your own vision, it is always something tough...and probably along the way people might even hate you for your own convictions or your own revelations. But these words when she said to me, really touched my heart: Hazel, if this is a revelation and vision given to you by God, no matter what it takes you will run it....because it is your own conviction...not your members' conviction. It is a word God gave to you....so you cannot allow anything to dampen your spirit. Carry your conviction....and JUST DO IT! Rather than living in fear or in disappointments or in uncertainties of how things might work, when we do it....(even if we make mistakes)....at least we will not think of the "what if's" in life.....
To have faithfulness and honor in the vision given to us....it is not an easy motivation, but I know at the end of the day, it is all worthwhile. Last week, in outreach there were only two of us coming together and praying...I know I have mentioned in the previous blog that I will not allow anything to dampen my spirit in the process of making this outreach a success...but as human, I do get demotivated with what seems to be stagnated. I need support, I need encouragement, and people telling me..."Yes, Hazel! All these can be done! Let's do it! Let's go all out to touch the lives of people and make a difference."
But the fact is, I should be the one who is saying that to God.....and today I hope this will be a long-lasting prayer I will hold on to...that even when nobody turn up for outreach, or when nothing seem workable, or nothing is progressing, I will still turn up for outreach, even when I am alone...and I will keep praying behind that classroom....I will plough the ground, break it and wait.....if this is God's vision...something must, and will happen....I want to start living out this conviction, and I want to be the one that honor the vision that has been imprinted into my life. I will honor His vision.....I want to....and you guys as my witnesses.
This life is His. This life is on the altar.....my life is indeed His song.....He writes, He sings...I will journey =)
Outreach members, let's carry a good convicted, and honorable spirit, finish the race, and support one another as small a group as we are! We are all in this together :)
This could be our Bario Revival! =))
Be blessed.
