Specially Dedicated to Charis Ding Sue Fei

Today is a special day, for someone really special in my life. I would like to pay her tribute....and dedicate this very post to her....

My best friend from high school, whom I admire eversince I was in form 2 simply because I thought she was rather quiet and cool.

My best friend who loved me even when I didn't know how to love myself. Accepted me and treated me differently when I felt most rejected in my life.

My best friend who allowed me to pour my heart and share my problems. Who was there to hold me and allow me to cry, complain and rant all I can when I had low self-esteem (you have no idea how much she has to put through with me).

My best friend who discussed values of life with me, correcting my views and helping me to see things I can never see.

My best friend who would speak to my parents just so that she could bring me to church camp and my surprise birthday party.

My best friend who year after year followed up with my life despite of how far or near we are from each other.

My best friend who trusted me with her stories even when I do not feel qualified to be trusted.

My best friend who believed in me when I said I wanted to study psychology...who prayed with me and sought advises with me.

My best friend who was there for me when I had depression and complications in relationships, as I went through teenage raging hormones, allowing me to call her in the middle of the nights to pour my frustrations and discontentments.

Most importantly, my best friend who changed my life forever....I am forever indebted to her. Because through her, I came to know Jesus and my life was never the same eversince. Today I am living a life full of hope, full of purpose, full of security, full of strength, full of values, full of confidence, full of joy, full of vision...

Thank you for being in my life, Charis. Your existence made a difference every step I take today. Thank you for not giving up in reaching out to me, and for the constant "bible discussion" we have had in the form 6 years. Even though form 6 years were one of the toughest years in life, but I have never regretted....because it was in those years that I have grown to learn how to pray and depend on God. This is the best decision I have ever made. I wouldn't want to have it any other way....

Thank you for touching my life through Him. You are my very precious friend through all seasons, times of our lives, wherever we are....

So grateful for you. Happy Birthday, Fei :)

Praying for you and thanking God for you always as you continue in your venture of transforming more lives of little children throughout our nation.

Love you.

A song that speaks of how I feel today :)

Real Men Don't Buy Girls

This woman inspires me so much.

I, too desire to see a society free from human trafficking. Modern day slavery - a terrible, evil crime

Someday.....by God's leading, I know this can be stopped. Join me in the venture of combating human trafficking in our nation. Let's bring awareness to our world today...

What if one of these girls are your loved ones, a sister, a daughter, a friend? Stop this violation of human rights.
When the demand stops, the supply will too....

REAL MEN, don't buy girls...

There's Nothing Wrong in Waiting

I come to realize, at a point of life, people start teasing you with any guys they see along the way. Asians being Asians. I think in many ways, they are concerned that people of a certain age are still single, yet do not want to be offensive voicing out their concerns too directly. Hence they turn it into subtle teasing and making fun thinking that probably the person being teased will begin take into consideration more seriously on relationships, or to seriously give the person they are being teased with a second thought?

Haha...I personally have been going through teasings, and beyond that....many interviews from older folks like my parents, aunts, cousins and so forth. Sometimes, I get a little quizzical with these indirect messages being transmitted across....

"So you are still single"
"How old are you?"
"Why?..nobody in mind now?"
"Why?...what are you waiting for?"

Singlehood becomes gradually abnormal for people above the age of 25. And truthfully, I don't think people of my age are really that old to be surprised still carrying a single status. But I would have to admit, this mindset is also existent among SINGLES themselves who are of my age, let alone those concerning uncles and aunties. And this is precisely the reason why I am writing this post...

This appeared quite as a surprise to me last two night as I was out with some of my childhood friends. Few of them asked what am I still being picky about....and start discussing the list of criteria they want for their partners (for the few who are also still single ...they are all my age)....and as much as they are joking and laughing about it...I know deep down, they weren't really proud with the fact that they are singles.

And it begin to dawn upon me....values play an important part in how you view life, including the partner you choose. Criterias listed were very much different in accordance to what you believe as important in life. In this case, my list was very much different from that of my friends'. And these lists do reflect the mindset you have. The reason why some of my friends think it is not OK to be single at this age, is because they needed a man....a man to meet their needs, a man to provide..a man to sweep them off their feet...a man who fulfils all that is more than enough, simply because they are tired of being independent and have no one to turn to. Not to say that it is a bad thing. It is necessary and good to have a hero in life of course. But I guess, in a way...the total completion of that person can only happen when the man/woman of her/his life is found. So people are on a hunt for a partner to resolve that incompleteness.

I may sound weird, but I feel singlehood is a cool stage because I know, that Godliness is above everything else. And having vision / calling in life comes next. I want a partner who knows his purpose in the Lord. And I guess, I have come to realize that it is not easy to find a man like this. And if I find him at my young age, it is a privilege! But before he is found, I need to prepare and equip myself to be a helper to this man of God. Therefore, it is less of what he can do for me (even though I do hope he can do most of the things for me and treat me like a princess. LOL)....but how I can be of a support to him....And I have a hard time trying to explain that to my friends. I am perfectly aware that I sounded like a "strong" "independent" woman to some. But, I was trying to depict that marriage is more than just a commitment, a relationship, and nothing else. Marriage can be more than that! You can conquer the world if you marry the right one.

I hope I don't sound proud but this is purely my own perception and opinions of things. Time may change how I view things I know....but I hope I will never compromise anything. I learnt one thing that night when I was out with my friends. How one approach something is so much reflected by the value we hold on to, and the future that we are anticipating. Some anticipates a quiet, peaceful, loving home...which is totally cool. Others anticipates life of adventure, meaning and mystery.

In many ways, I am really grateful that I have Jesus to shape my values.

Honestly, I am glad to be still single now. Not because I don't wanna get married. But, its the season of my life whereby I am discovering my destiny, working on my fears of life and etc....and I really appreciate the season I am going through now. In fact, I personally think that is the best gift I could ever give my partner - a healthy emotional life! Not to say that I must be flawless, but at least...I work on whatever I discover along the way as I prepare myself to be the right person.

Maybe my partner has been praying the same prayer I have been praying all along for mine as well...."BREAK HER, WHOEVER SHE IS LORD! MOULD HER! REBUKE HER!"

Hahaha. Brutal.

But yea...I am eager to know who that person would be....But I am more than willing to wait. I always believe good things come to those who wait. At the right place, at the right time. Desperation on the other hand, blinds you out from all the most important values of your life. That all you care about is having one, instead of preparing to be one. I have come across so many singles that eventually gets desperate due to age pressures, family and culture pressures, and all sorts of pressures. Probably motivated by loneliness as well? I would have to honestly say, many make a decision that they later on regret.

This is also a reminder to myself. Even though I may not have succumbed to the pressure now, but if you are not careful, these pressures may rob your sanity...and before you even know it, desperation has already conquered a big territory on your brain cells. Stay close to Jesus, and stay secure in Him. The best is yet to come.

Truth be told, I have completely no potential partners in my mind or at sight right now... But I am confident God is responding to my prayer: breaking, working on my future partner now, as He is also doing with me....and when we're both ready, we will cross path. So that when we both meet each other, we are prepared to live a sold-out life and be world-changers kali dua! Amen!

To singles out there, don't be afraid of waiting!....Really consider what kind of future you want, then wait for it. Society may increase their pressures on you. But don't you give in to that pressure...remember God wants to give you His best! And don't eventually succumb to desperation. Desperation is honestly disastrous as it causes you to make decision that you never think twice about. Because all you care about is having one and get it done with. Remember....this is a decision of a lifetime. Others may say all they want....but the person living with that decision is not them....but YOU.

My heart goes out to all the girls out there who are beginning to believe that your age determine your value....please don't give in to such lies. Girls, you are more precious than gems. Please  do not compromise at all cause.....Wait....Anticipate that great future...and when he comes, you will know he is worth that wait :)

A great song written by Anthem Light....written for this very purpose. Hope it blesses you.

You are WORTH WAITING FOR :)

Work In Progress

I am in a season that God is dealing with many fears in my life. There are many areas, and many of them link to one another.

I have never realised I have this much fears, especially in relationship with others, until Shirley told me about my reactions toward certain people who tried invading my personal space (or so I thought). Haha! I thought it was just the natural me being more firm about not getting manipulated or something. But eventually I came to realize, times like these I have been trying to defend and protect my fragile little heart.

Why so? Probably due to experiences in the past that develop a certain kind of phobia....or rather, pain (especially toward those who have inflicted them) that have not been fully recovered, but swept under the carpet because life had to go on. Too many responsibilities to get stuck at one place and slowly allow healing? I don't know what's the reason but definitely God is dealing with all these this season. And I am just so glad.

I really appreciate Shirley very much. She is like the mirror in my life. She showed me what I cannot see...and in many seasons, she has seen me through my worst moments...trying to help me breakthrough time after time.There were times I was angry at her for being so blunt. Sometimes reading through my journals of letter to God, I can't help laughing because I truly sound silly. But I'm glad I went through all that and she did not give up on me.

So right now, what's most important for me is to deal with my fears. To not be too self-conscious, not too fearful about getting hurts, or rejection, or acceptance and stuff. I need to learn to be bold again to take risks, allow hurts, accept that we are all not that perfect and still embrace one another in love anyway. And that the GRACE of God is always that important. Boldness in taking risks will result in more genuine friendships. Otherwise, I would be putting up a wall with anybody who wants to explore true friendships with me.

Its good to be able to discover all these. Proves that till this day God is still working on me, and I am glad. I am glad I have someone who is able to be like a mirror to me, who looks my life from the outside, tells me what is going on, and help me to work on hidden issues of life (Which sometimes I don't even know exist), simply because she cares and loves me enough to do so :')

God's favor must be indeed upon me.


All in all, I am currently working on facing many fears of life. And being more true, more genuine, more real in whatever relationships I am in. It may be quite uncomfortable for me sometimes (cos at times it require you to be confrontational), but I love what is this turning me into. Bolder. Better. Fearless. Christ-like :)

Goat or Sheep?

I realize that I haven't been exactly able to live a life that is spirit led.
Because I am too self-conscious.

Yesterday a word hit me hard. Obedience is a key to holiness. That is actually right...

It is not fancy eloquence, not countless mission works, not ability to decipher the bible, or debate in apologetics....all these doesn't determine your spiritual life...

How much you obey when Holy Spirit ask you to "go"....how much you obey when things are beyond your comfort zone, when you are challenged to step into the unknown...these are true spirituality.

I have come to a point to realize....the longer I am as a leader, the more I do not know. I may have preached about being a sheep.....if you are a sheep you know the voice of your shepherd.....

Yet sometimes, I still doubt the voice I hear...because it is too challenging, too risky, because I do not trust myself, because I doubt a lot....very rarely that I function by faith (unless in the things that I have familiarly operated in the ways of faith before)...

So am I actually a goat or a sheep...?

Something good to ponder. This season, I want to breakthrough in radical obedience....in really dying to self (self-consciousness, and the world I know, the fears I know, the logic I know).....It is not easy because I am known to be Conscientious before executing anything. I ask a lot of "why" , "how", "what"....and many more...

But, my deepest desire is to operate in the faith realm. That's the currency of heaven. That is what gets the heaven to open.

I am challenging myself to starve the fears of life, and work on my faith. To be closer to the Holy Spirit....not just for His power to manifest....but because I love Him, and in all I do, I want it to be all about Him...Was chatting with Phoebe last night about joining her for some faith-filled ventures on the streets. She said something that has never occurred to me previously....."Expect God to move...but remind ourselves we are there to see God not what God can do.."

Its all about Him, really.

So, I have allowed Him to teach me, to guide me, to comfort me.....but do I allow Him to challenge me and then act in obedience?

It has been almost 6 years I am a cell leader...to come to a point I realize, the more I know, the less qualified I become....there is so much more for me to learn, and so much more for me to work on in life....

Why am  I STILL here? - Purely by the grace of God...And I am so grateful for that.
Glad that I have something to work on every season....Keeps my humility in check :)

Me Time!

I was just chatting with Agnes last night....

Asking her, why do I feel quite restless even though I have had quite a number of encounters recently. Like there are still a lot to do even though in real fact, didn't seem like there is much to do...Just a very restless feeling...

She said this....I think Hazel, you need some ME time :) Go for a retreat or something. You have been having encounters, but you have also been doing and doing.

Time for a nice retreat, just to pamper your soul....


I actually just told my members about going for a retreat to just relax too last Sunday. Hmm....Time to really consider it. Good to have a getaway (hope that is not my laziness talking :P hahaha)

What's cost savvy and a fairly nice place to hangout?

The Miracle Week

It must be my miracle week...

I was in my fasting and praying season. And this same week, it was Hillsong Conference. So I was watching the conference....throughout the week, I felt God has been speaking to me in many different ways.

There were many things I am praying about during this fast and prayer season. Two of which are: Should I stay on with Safe KL and do outreach to the sex workers in Petaling Street? Since I want to do something in human trafficking, and this is nothing close to that...

Second, is which Masters should I take? Clinical or Counselling? I had always wanted Clinical in the first place. Funny it didn't hit me much until when I am closer to the date that I am about to register for my Masters. It begin to sink in...Clinical is a very tough subject. Above and beyond that, clinical requires you to handle clients who are pretty much totally sick and probably mentally handicapped. Counselling on the other hand, requires you to only deal with people who are probably mentally stressed out, but not exactly totally off in that sense.

Having so much to consider...and the Conference seemed to be speaking a lot to me, I began to email my very respected lecturer on Thursday. Asking him which Masters should I take if I want to do something for human trafficking. His answer was: Both Masters are equally capable to contribute to human trafficking. But perhaps I need to find out from the organisation I would like to volunteer with, which qualification they would prefer most.

Well....to me that didn't seem like a specific answer because I didn't even know which organisation to volunteer with yet! So I went to bed, with still much doubt in the heart. But somehow I knew, something will be happening this week. Maybe a kind of sixth sense I acquired during fasting season. haha! It is cool I kid you not...try it! But don't forget to pray :)

So Friday morning I woke up excited. I woke up with a shock....is this Friday or Saturday? Oh Friday!...Last day for conference! Yay!

So right after lunch, I sat right in front of  my laptop waiting for the conference to start. It was amazing...The praise and worship was truly vibrant..I could feel the presence of God even through the laptop.

So the worship song came..."And I will call upon Your Name...and keep my eyes above the waves"

The song Oceans - by Hillsong United was being sung. I was so touched. There and then, I decided to make this prayer: I said...God, I do not know if Safe KL will be the way to go, but this is the ONLY thing I know right now. This is the only thing I have. Let this be my act of faith for You...as an answer to Your call. I am serious about this call..

Then God's voice came....."Exactly. That's all I needed. That you would come to a point where your TRUST is without borders..." ....So I was stunned. And God decided to respond to me after my many months of prayer about this (I think He knew I was whinning about how tiring it is to travel to KL after working hours bla bla...and decided not to respond to me).

Funny how He only responded when I made my decision. Perhaps, He wanted me to make a decision and not depend on a clear push so much. Faith needs to be exercised....even when the answer is unclear. :)

I was truly blessed. So it was time for sermon. Judah Smith was preaching on how Hosea was a prophet asked by God to do one of the most ridiculous things. To marry a prostitute. And beyond that, when she left home to go back to the brothels to resell herself, God told Hosea to go back there, and BUY her back (even though she was already his in the first place)....and Hosea even made a vow with her, that as long as she stays faithful to him, his vow to her is he will stay faithful. Judah was saying....Hosea was a prophet...well-known, prestige...with a wife like that...yet God would challenge him again and again to put down his "face", get his wife back and even renew his vow toward her. WOW...

And that is exactly the kind of love GOD is giving us......for God SO LOVED the world....

See, listening to this sermon, who would have ever thought it would speak to me? I thought it was for non-believers, or backsliders. So I was there writing down my notes while listening to the sermon with Jan. And  God always come in many amazing ways. I can never comprehend how, when why or what....I just can't question anymore because it will never make sense! Lol.

So God spoke to me....at the very last sentence of Judah Smith.....

His last sentence: will you love the people of God (the world), as how God loves the people (the world)....For God so loved the world!

As I was penning down my last sentence, I was struck shock a second time. I stopped writing. Then God spoke: Hazel....to what extent do you want to love my people? All the way to the not so sane ones, rejected ones, outcast of society....or only to the extent of a more normal people? Your answer to this question determine the Masters you should be studying. You take a pick....make your choice!

WHOA.....WHOAA.....God....last sentence? REalryy?!

So, I got my answer :)

I was so impacted! So so impacted....that I told Jan who was sitting beside me....I said: Jan, I am going to believe God for a miracle....that He will provide for me to go to Hillsong Conference next year...All paid IN FULL. Amen!

2 minutes after this prayer, I receive a message that truly turn my world upside down. Someone very dear to my heart said this: Hazel, I felt in my spirit, a burden to bless you for Hillsong Conference next year. I have signed up for you and paid the conference fee. You have one year to save up for air tickets and expenses. Bless you! :)

Aaaahahhhhhh!!!!!.....I almost scream I tell you! Like how could this be possible? How??? 2 minutes!! 2 minutes was all it takes!!

Even though it isn't IN FULL, but I am still believing for IN FULL. Half fulfilled, hallelujah!! Now to pray no exams (I will be studying next year) and for finances to come in (I am no longer working next year).

I text back: I just made this prayer 2 minutes ago! I even told Jan about it! aaaaa.....this is so surreal!!

The precious person replied: I had the burden since afternoon. God must have known your prayer even before you made it :)

Isn't Daddy amazing? :')  I am STILL in awe.....and I really cannot believe that all these happen just after 5 days of fasting and praying. God is an amazing God.


On a separate note:
Last Sunday was Pastor Mike weekend....I was worshipping God when suddenly He challenged me to kneel down. I was reluctant. I thought, the worship session is about to end! Pastor was already onstage! Why do such thing y'know? I wanna look cool....not kneel kneel all...

So I negotiated with God. And He said...kneel down! Then indeed....waalaa....Pastor didn't end the worship session. He repeated the bridge of the song. So I told God "Ok ok...I am kneeling"

And I knelt. The moment I knelt. I couldn't stop tearing. Just streaming down like mad...But it was really liberating.

And then I went to count offering....Came back just in time for altar call....So as I walked in, I felt a little stirring in my heart. So I asked someone nearby..."what's this altar call for?"

"For anger and bitterness"....

"Oh, ok!"....and then immediately I switched into praying mode...stretch out hands and pray for those at the front. I mean...literally automatic. I didn't even realize it was so automatic! And obviously, I ignored the stirring I felt...

Then my beloved leader, who knew me more than I knew myself....came over....and asked me: You don't need prayer for this?...gotta break control and just go and receive prayers. You know? You may have been hurt by many issues, and probably past relationships and etc?

The word that truly hit me was the word "Control"....seems like somebody just slapped me in the face. Then a voice rung in my head. Hazel what are you doing lah! You already feel the stirring! Why so automatic and programmed...just go la!

Its true...I literally automatic and programmed. It could be many reasons....maybe I am too used to being a leader, maybe I am too used to not having have to respond to altar calls, maybe I am subconsciously trying to put up a strong front...whatever it is....this season is the time I want to break it all. I need to become more and more sensitive to what the Holy Spirit wants me to do. I should not try to follow the programmed methods that has already been embedded deep within my brain cells. Ugh....boay tahan!

Anyway, I had that "Slap" moment...and I went to the front....being prayed for...and that's when I felt the stirring left.....

See......too P-R-O-G-R-A-M-M-E-D!
So, that sums my fasting week. Many encounters...many discoveries too. Time to work on more things in life :)

Divine Connection: Your Kingdom Come

WARNING: This post will be very much on the spiritual side. And is based on writer's own personal understanding and experiences. Not for logical-minded consumptions. Only read on if you are willing to be challenged to explore the supernatural things of God

I cannot believe what happened last night. Divine connection...that was the word. Phoebe brought me to see one of her friends from Kingdom City church. Her name is Radiance. And they were telling me all their awesome experiences in all the inter-churches activities.

She and Phoebe are friends for long time now, and once in awhile, they will just pick a place, and decide to pray...wait for God's leading to pray for people. And they see people get healed from sicknesses, even legs grew to same length!!

Radiance is a girl who has been doing many inter-church thing for awhile now. Last year God challenged her to stay in Kingdom City. And so she did. Now she is submitting to the pastor there. She was sharing how every year there's this gathering of nations in Jerusalem. Its called the Annual Nations Convention in Jerusalem (ANCJ). So, every year 180 nations will be represented, like Malaysia will send someone to gather and pray for blessings over the nation (according to her its a practice since bible time in one of the minor prophet books).

So in 2011, someone begin to prophesy that Malaysia is entering year of Jubilee the next year. Then someone who was representing Malaysia said: this cannot be right, it should be the 50th year 2013 before Jubilee comes... But that person who prophesied said..."no you are wrong...it is in the bible that they say it is 7 x 7 years...meaning the 49th year entering to the 50th year that is called the year of Jubilee...meaning 6th September 2012 - 6th September 2013...that's our Jubilee here in Malaysia...Jubilee is a time where good things and great blessings will come to a nation. Oppressed set free, and even the lands will be healed (consecrated).

So at that time, people were taken aback in Jerusalem. They were pondering: how now with this revelation? We are not prepared yet. And thank God someone told them before we enter Jubilee! According to Radiance, Jubilee is a very big thing in a nation. Even in Singapore (according to her), they have 4 more years to jubilee, but they already prepared trumpets, everything  (position people), the moment the right time comes, everyone's gonna like blow horn together to consecrate the land.

The year of Jubilee is when God will consecrate the land. But God is good, God revealed to us in time. And another amazing thing I found out is that: 6th Sept 2012 was the Hebrew Calendar's new year. We started the year exactly hand in hand with Israel's new year...n it cannot be a coincidence. So we are in par with the Hebrew calendar now on the year of Jubilee.

So that was 2011. Radiance was there. She said usually gatherings like these, other countries such as China will have 400 people, Uganda 200 people and so forth, but Malaysia will almost always only have 5-6 people in total. But in 2012, they decided to send more people because it is a  year of Jubilee for us. So Malaysia sent about 60 people to Israel...who went there without visa (illegal in a way). They flew to Bangkok then fly to Israel. Shortly after, Najib revoke restrictions to Israel. And we believe this is not a coincidence as well.

Then...the peak of the story came. Radiance mentioned in 2012 ANCJ, Pastor Phillip Mark from Kingdom City was there. It was a time nations prophesy over nations! Taiwan, Uganda everyone was prophesying over Malaysia. It was a year Malaysia was being prophesied the most. Many nations said: Malaysia we are waiting for you, Malaysia we are looking at you etc...

And she said, not only once, or twice or only Cindy Jacobs (when she came to CHC)...but many many other prophets prophesy that Malaysia is the KEY to revival in Asia. That's why revival had already happen in Korea, Singapore and etc, these nations even send forth so many missionaries yet no actual revival was sparking off in Asia yet. Why? The only reason everyone could think of was: because Asia was waiting for Malaysia! And that year in Jerusalem, John Mulinde (someone who disciples nations- come into a nation, talk to leaders to ask to disciple them) approach pastor Phillip Mark to come to Malaysia on 26-28 July to conduct a conference! Now, I have never heard of John Mulinde before, but apparently this man won't go anywhere unless God ask him to go. Many nations tried inviting him but was countlessly rejected. This time he offers to come to Malaysia! And many prophets are indeed coming to Malaysia. What more proof do we need to know that revival is very near?

The land is ready (Malaysia),  but the world is waiting for the people of God to rise up to bring forth revival...when the churches become one ...that would be the time! So she was saying, if look around, we would have realized, layers of members below pastors in churches across the nation are having an awakening. But pastors not yet...at the same time we can see pastors are going more and more into what God is preparing the nation toward. In CHC, we have begin to focus on His word, next generation, honor and so forth...

So, the moment the pastors unite...that's when the revival will spark off. Gotta pray for our leaders to catch the fire. I definitely don't wanna miss this wave of revival going on in our nation! Then she said God had also impress on her heart about next generation (I know right? So flow with us!). Generations before were very oppressed by leadership, because some leadership were too afraid that their young people become bigger, and difficult to control. Therefore, they kept the younger generation down. But God is commanding the Elijah to Elisha anointing now. The call to impart...

Bible says the in last days, spirit of Elijah will come upon the people. People thought it was the spirit of doing many miracles. But indeed, it is not the spirit to strike rock and get water gushing out from it, or to part seas. But the spirit of impartation! Double portion of anointing! See, Elisha was more powerful not because he was super capable, but because he built on what Elijah has built before. He didn't have to start all over again. Same with Moses and Joshua... So for instance if I disciple a group of young people, and I groom them to believe they can raise the dead (by raising dead myself), then when I pass on, these group of young people already knew they can raise dead. They don't need to start from zero trying to discover if they can, how and so forth...they build on what I already founded / established and expand. In other words, the next they will try to attempt is probably going through walls! Haha! Greater things from generation to generation! So all of us must be secure enough to not be fearful of the younger generation doing greater things than us!

I have never felt so excited about God's move. And then she shared how she wanted to do a lot, there's a lot of dreams...but God asked her to WAIT and HONOR. The word that keeps appearing is honor. Honor her leaders. Pray for her leaders. That was the same word that kept appearing to us....Phoebe and myself. Indeed, God's spirit is same throughout nation. We will know if a person is truly in touch with God...is when we are moving in the same burden as many men n women of God of the nations. See if we are in touch with God, and we are praying for our nation, most likely we will all get the similar prompting, burden and word from God. Because we are of one nation.

The same word that has been repetitive in my life recently, has been the same in Radiance, Phoebe, Shirley, Sharon......inter-church unity, honor, imparting to the next generation, Elijah Elisha, Joshua generation, social justice! Wow!....How can this be coincidence? We are all simply tuning in to the same channel!

Both of them inspire me so much. To be so dependent of the Holy Spirit and to be OBEDIENT! I want to come to that uncommon clarity. While sharing with them yesterday, I could not help but feel a very strong presence of God in that place. After that they shared with me that when they worship God sometimes, when the presence of God is really evident, Gold dust will appear on their palms. I told them one day I wish to see it too. Then they couldn't stop laughing. Radiance said, "I can show u now!" ....I was dumbfounded....I asked, "for real? Now?"

"Yes"...Radiance answered. Then they were all ready to pray, but before they started praying as they looked at my palm, Radiance exclaimed "Its already there!" 

I looked...I didn't see anything."Do you need eyes of faith to see it?"...I asked naively.
"No...it is really there. Look carefully" Radiance and Phoebe insisted.
Then as I looked and looked, moving my palms from side to side... There they were.... gold dust on my hands! Not 1 dot, not 2 dots, but many dots...shimmering! And I went crazily excited like a kid! God at that point, is not just in Spirit. He became physically EVIDENT to me! And that excites me so so much! Wow!

Going crazily excited, 10 something, I went looking for Sharon Boon to share all these. And as we were sharing I looked at her hands...gold dust. I showed her. We both gone berserk! See, it is never about the gold dust. But this truly touches my heart.... how God can reveal Himself to us in evident ways as long as we pay attention and we are eager to seek Him. He is God. He can basically do everything.

I don't wanna miss what God is doing in my generation or in this nation. I want to go see what John Mulinde will be doing this coming July. I really really feel so privileged being where I am now. Finally found more people who gets excited for the same thing that excites me....and even more...challenge me to be more obedient and spirit led. I have got so so so much more to learn still...

The Certain Uncertainties of Life

Heard an amazing message by Craig Groschel last night as I tuned in online to the Hillsong Conference happening in Sydney.

I have to say I am totally blown away.
He talks about the stages that one will be at when being called by God.

1. Spiritual Promtiong (Dae Hanoma ...not sure if this is how you spelt it)
- Which means God gave you a burden to do something for Him

2. Certain uncertainties
- You begin to doubt if you are really cut out for His call
- A lot of doubts, a lot of uncertainties, a lot of lack of confidence....but it is times like these God train our faith, to step out despite of our fears, to the unknown. Even though we only see the next step in front of us, He wants us to trust Him for the final result at the finishing line

3. Predictable Resistance
- The enemy will come to kill steal and destroy whatever ministry you are trying to build.
- BUT it is predictable, because we are to expect all these will happen

4. Uncommon clarity
- At this point, we are so sure that we are called to do this, born for this reason, living for this cause
- So much so, that we do not mind DYING for this very cause. We are totally surrendered to God.

Craig Groschel also mention there are 3 types of leaders:

Type 1: The one who is concern about making NAME...his motivation is "I am good"....and his enemy is "everyone else" -- at a constant competition mode

Type 2: The one who is concern about making a DIFFERENCE ...his motivation is "we are good"....and his enemy is "everyone inside or outside that is different" -- these could speak of churches trying to make an impact in the society. But sometimes we go too overboard, that we begin to think that we are the best, and the way to do church or ministry ONLY way is our way...and because of that, we begin to look down on other churches, building our ministry / church based on what we are against, instead of what we are standing for. We are suppose to build our ministry / church based on what we are standing for (not against).

Type 3: The one who is concern about making a HISTORY....his motivation is "God is the only ONE who is good...I am never good enough"....and enemy is : SATAN -- at this level, a leader will come to uncommon clarity, that is to DIE for the cause he is called to live for. At this point, it is no longer about I me myself or we....but the Kingdom of God.


I am aspired to hit type 3....but I am currently in stage 2 of my call right now....the certain uncertainties. My roommate, Agnes would know the doubting roller coaster I am going through these days (I force her to listen to me every night :P).....I was and am still doubting, what I can do or contribute to the call God has placed in my life on human trafficking. I doubt whether I am fit to be in redeeming roses, safe KL....am I suppose to go anywhere else or stay? I am doubting whether I should take Masters in Counseling or Masters in Clinical psychology. Am I able to study a subject as hard as clinical psychology? Can I do well and pass? It seems like doctor's subject! Seems ideal, but would it be necessary? Am I able to face people who are really literally psychotic in nature? Can I handle?

One of my church members who studied masters told me that if I want to do clinical psychology, going through interventions with people who may not be very responsive, or literally listening to PROBLEMS of life every single day....I need a very, very supportive life partner (she is married, obviously it is a very important factor to consider). Who would be willing to bear burdens, and be encouraging....because the burdens of emotional stress, is not as simple as any other work stress....Psychologists gotta carry other people's problem with themselves every single day. So, the least they need is another extra emotional baggages from husbands (through arguments? quarrels?)....and more love to comfort indicating...you are home, you can relax, you are safe....you can count on me (no stress!)

I guess at this point, I am not looking at whether my life partner would be supportive or not because I do not have one. I know all I can do if I ever go into this field is to really depend on God for all my emotional roller coasters that I may be going through as a psychologists. To depend on Him and go to Him for support....as long as I know this is His will for me...and I am still seeking if this is really it...

In a season of praying and fasting now....hope He gives me His answer soon :) ....I want to step out by faith....move on to the next stage, and finally arrive at the uncommon clarity. Guide me through, Daddy! ....I really won't know what I am good at, or what can I do without You

Babbling session

Things I need to really work on as I aim to be a professional psychologist

1. Proper sleep

2. Proper food

3. Being ON TIME!

I am still having issues with gauging how long to travel even though I have lived in Selangor for many years. And I dread driving during jam hours (because it is scary), hence I always drag my feet to drive during peak hours. But at times, these things are inevitable. So probably because of that, I often delay time to be on the road (unconsciously?) hence lateness?

Oh Lord, would You cause the government to establish a proper extensive public transport please!! And I am going back to school next year...in HELP....most jammed place ever in the morning. I wonder how am I going to survive.... 

I also recently noticed I have another kind of disease....which is, when start a task....I must see it FINISH (at least that specific task) before leaving the office. People call me workaholic...but it is more of my lack of confidence on my memory (knowing where to pick up again the next morning), and also the OCD inability to let go of something not done (the heart will not be able to be at peace --- like something hanging).

All in all, my resolution of the year is picking up. Good! But well, I don't reckon that I am getting used to the habit yet. Sometimes, I forget....that I need to take care of my health above everything else. And of course....TIME management...Must....learn....to....let.....go.....(Nooooooo~~~~~)

Oh, well. I'm not perfect. Glad that these things are rubbing on me and bugging me more. 

Things to work on this season! 

Journey to Myanmar 2012-2013