It must be my miracle week...
I was in my fasting and praying season. And this same week, it was Hillsong Conference. So I was watching the conference....throughout the week, I felt God has been speaking to me in many different ways.
There were many things I am praying about during this fast and prayer season. Two of which are: Should I stay on with Safe KL and do outreach to the sex workers in Petaling Street? Since I want to do something in human trafficking, and this is nothing close to that...
Second, is which Masters should I take? Clinical or Counselling? I had always wanted Clinical in the first place. Funny it didn't hit me much until when I am closer to the date that I am about to register for my Masters. It begin to sink in...Clinical is a very tough subject. Above and beyond that, clinical requires you to handle clients who are pretty much totally sick and probably mentally handicapped. Counselling on the other hand, requires you to only deal with people who are probably mentally stressed out, but not exactly totally off in that sense.
Having so much to consider...and the Conference seemed to be speaking a lot to me, I began to email my very respected lecturer on Thursday. Asking him which Masters should I take if I want to do something for human trafficking. His answer was: Both Masters are equally capable to contribute to human trafficking. But perhaps I need to find out from the organisation I would like to volunteer with, which qualification they would prefer most.
Well....to me that didn't seem like a specific answer because I didn't even know which organisation to volunteer with yet! So I went to bed, with still much doubt in the heart. But somehow I knew, something will be happening this week. Maybe a kind of sixth sense I acquired during fasting season. haha! It is cool I kid you not...try it! But don't forget to pray :)
So Friday morning I woke up excited. I woke up with a shock....is this Friday or Saturday? Oh Friday!...Last day for conference! Yay!
So right after lunch, I sat right in front of my laptop waiting for the conference to start. It was amazing...The praise and worship was truly vibrant..I could feel the presence of God even through the laptop.
So the worship song came..."And I will call upon Your Name...and keep my eyes above the waves"
The song Oceans - by Hillsong United was being sung. I was so touched. There and then, I decided to make this prayer: I said...God, I do not know if Safe KL will be the way to go, but this is the ONLY thing I know right now. This is the only thing I have. Let this be my act of faith for You...as an answer to Your call. I am serious about this call..
Then God's voice came....."Exactly. That's all I needed. That you would come to a point where your TRUST is without borders..." ....So I was stunned. And God decided to respond to me after my many months of prayer about this (I think He knew I was whinning about how tiring it is to travel to KL after working hours bla bla...and decided not to respond to me).
Funny how He only responded when I made my decision. Perhaps, He wanted me to make a decision and not depend on a clear push so much. Faith needs to be exercised....even when the answer is unclear. :)
I was truly blessed. So it was time for sermon. Judah Smith was preaching on how Hosea was a prophet asked by God to do one of the most ridiculous things. To marry a prostitute. And beyond that, when she left home to go back to the brothels to resell herself, God told Hosea to go back there, and BUY her back (even though she was already his in the first place)....and Hosea even made a vow with her, that as long as she stays faithful to him, his vow to her is he will stay faithful. Judah was saying....Hosea was a prophet...well-known, prestige...with a wife like that...yet God would challenge him again and again to put down his "face", get his wife back and even renew his vow toward her. WOW...
And that is exactly the kind of love GOD is giving us......for God SO LOVED the world....
See, listening to this sermon, who would have ever thought it would speak to me? I thought it was for non-believers, or backsliders. So I was there writing down my notes while listening to the sermon with Jan. And God always come in many amazing ways. I can never comprehend how, when why or what....I just can't question anymore because it will never make sense! Lol.
So God spoke to me....at the very last sentence of Judah Smith.....
His last sentence: will you love the people of God (the world), as how God loves the people (the world)....For God so loved the world!
As I was penning down my last sentence, I was struck shock a second time. I stopped writing. Then God spoke: Hazel....to what extent do you want to love my people? All the way to the not so sane ones, rejected ones, outcast of society....or only to the extent of a more normal people? Your answer to this question determine the Masters you should be studying. You take a pick....make your choice!
WHOA.....WHOAA.....God....last sentence? REalryy?!
So, I got my answer :)
I was so impacted! So so impacted....that I told Jan who was sitting beside me....I said: Jan, I am going to believe God for a miracle....that He will provide for me to go to Hillsong Conference next year...All paid IN FULL. Amen!
2 minutes after this prayer, I receive a message that truly turn my world upside down. Someone very dear to my heart said this: Hazel, I felt in my spirit, a burden to bless you for Hillsong Conference next year. I have signed up for you and paid the conference fee. You have one year to save up for air tickets and expenses. Bless you! :)
Aaaahahhhhhh!!!!!.....I almost scream I tell you! Like how could this be possible? How??? 2 minutes!! 2 minutes was all it takes!!
Even though it isn't IN FULL, but I am still believing for IN FULL. Half fulfilled, hallelujah!! Now to pray no exams (I will be studying next year) and for finances to come in (I am no longer working next year).
I text back: I just made this prayer 2 minutes ago! I even told Jan about it! aaaaa.....this is so surreal!!
The precious person replied: I had the burden since afternoon. God must have known your prayer even before you made it :)
Isn't Daddy amazing? :') I am STILL in awe.....and I really cannot believe that all these happen just after 5 days of fasting and praying. God is an amazing God.
On a separate note:
Last Sunday was Pastor Mike weekend....I was worshipping God when suddenly He challenged me to kneel down. I was reluctant. I thought, the worship session is about to end! Pastor was already onstage! Why do such thing y'know? I wanna look cool....not kneel kneel all...
So I negotiated with God. And He said...kneel down! Then indeed....waalaa....Pastor didn't end the worship session. He repeated the bridge of the song. So I told God "Ok ok...I am kneeling"
And I knelt. The moment I knelt. I couldn't stop tearing. Just streaming down like mad...But it was really liberating.
And then I went to count offering....Came back just in time for altar call....So as I walked in, I felt a little stirring in my heart. So I asked someone nearby..."what's this altar call for?"
"For anger and bitterness"....
"Oh, ok!"....and then immediately I switched into praying mode...stretch out hands and pray for those at the front. I mean...literally automatic. I didn't even realize it was so automatic! And obviously, I ignored the stirring I felt...
Then my beloved leader, who knew me more than I knew myself....came over....and asked me: You don't need prayer for this?...gotta break control and just go and receive prayers. You know? You may have been hurt by many issues, and probably past relationships and etc?
The word that truly hit me was the word "Control"....seems like somebody just slapped me in the face. Then a voice rung in my head. Hazel what are you doing lah! You already feel the stirring! Why so automatic and programmed...just go la!
Its true...I literally automatic and programmed. It could be many reasons....maybe I am too used to being a leader, maybe I am too used to not having have to respond to altar calls, maybe I am subconsciously trying to put up a strong front...whatever it is....this season is the time I want to break it all. I need to become more and more sensitive to what the Holy Spirit wants me to do. I should not try to follow the programmed methods that has already been embedded deep within my brain cells. Ugh....boay tahan!
Anyway, I had that "Slap" moment...and I went to the front....being prayed for...and that's when I felt the stirring left.....
See......too P-R-O-G-R-A-M-M-E-D!
So, that sums my fasting week. Many encounters...many discoveries too. Time to work on more things in life :)
