I realize that I haven't been exactly able to live a life that is spirit led.
Because I am too self-conscious.
Yesterday a word hit me hard. Obedience is a key to holiness. That is actually right...
It is not fancy eloquence, not countless mission works, not ability to decipher the bible, or debate in apologetics....all these doesn't determine your spiritual life...
How much you obey when Holy Spirit ask you to "go"....how much you obey when things are beyond your comfort zone, when you are challenged to step into the unknown...these are true spirituality.
I have come to a point to realize....the longer I am as a leader, the more I do not know. I may have preached about being a sheep.....if you are a sheep you know the voice of your shepherd.....
Yet sometimes, I still doubt the voice I hear...because it is too challenging, too risky, because I do not trust myself, because I doubt a lot....very rarely that I function by faith (unless in the things that I have familiarly operated in the ways of faith before)...
So am I actually a goat or a sheep...?
Something good to ponder. This season, I want to breakthrough in radical obedience....in really dying to self (self-consciousness, and the world I know, the fears I know, the logic I know).....It is not easy because I am known to be Conscientious before executing anything. I ask a lot of "why" , "how", "what"....and many more...
But, my deepest desire is to operate in the faith realm. That's the currency of heaven. That is what gets the heaven to open.
I am challenging myself to starve the fears of life, and work on my faith. To be closer to the Holy Spirit....not just for His power to manifest....but because I love Him, and in all I do, I want it to be all about Him...Was chatting with Phoebe last night about joining her for some faith-filled ventures on the streets. She said something that has never occurred to me previously....."Expect God to move...but remind ourselves we are there to see God not what God can do.."
Its all about Him, really.
So, I have allowed Him to teach me, to guide me, to comfort me.....but do I allow Him to challenge me and then act in obedience?
It has been almost 6 years I am a cell leader...to come to a point I realize, the more I know, the less qualified I become....there is so much more for me to learn, and so much more for me to work on in life....
Why am I STILL here? - Purely by the grace of God...And I am so grateful for that.
Glad that I have something to work on every season....Keeps my humility in check :)
