Rest...
Sometimes, I feel invincible that I do not need any of it. I could go on for days like machine gun.
Sometimes, I feel I really need it.
Which, I think biologically my body, and my mind does give signal for me to do so too. Hoho. Bad, Hazel...Bad...
I often forgot that when age catches up, you can no longer expect yourselves to move about like you were in your early 20s or in your teens.
Kinda miss those days when I can just make it through the week or month sleeping just 1-2 hours a day. haha! Much more accomplished in a day!
Now I wonder how will I survive when I get back to school to pursue my Masters. Hrmm...God have mercy on me!
Well, now I felt compelled to do even more in every single way.
But there were handful of times I wished I didn't have to do anything at all. Those are the times I know, my mind and soul is yelling for me to give them some attention.
"Stop, Hazel. Feed me!"
Probably drained from the many late nights, demanding requests and helping others solve issues of life. Which I totally enjoy doing. My motivation is in the fact that I am able to make a difference for my dear Daddy. But after a draining day, its important to not forget to spend a little effort in feeding our soul.
Ah....movies...books....music...hangouts. Love them. Ultimately...Daddy...
Well is my soul, My rest is in Thee...
Short simple words. But so true. At times like these, lying on the bed, waiting to fall asleep with good worship songs in your ear, and feeling Daddy's arms embracing you in the lullaby is the best therapy.
Can't wait to go home to get my soul therapy today =))
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Sunday, April 7, 2013
What Other Way....?
Last Thursday, I visited the heart of KL City again. Finally, after two months, I am back.
As we were walking in Petaling Street, my heart was pounding, excited about who I will meet that day, and what can I contribute.
There it was, a woman stands by the dark corner of the shop lot, awaiting clients, hopeful to make an earning for the night...Sarah 1 (the Malaysian), Sarah 2 (an American girl) and I approached her
Me: Hi, what's your name
Ana: You can call me Ana (disclaimer: To protect the person's identity, her original name has been replaced in this post)
Sarah 1: Hi, Ana! Where do you live?
Ana: I live in Subang Jaya
Sarah 1: I see, local aye? Staying with your family?
Ana: Yea, with family. Parents are retired, living with my brother and parents.
Sarah 1: Ana, are you married?
Ana: yea, yea...used to. I have a daughter she is 18 years old. Studying in medical school now (face lighten up speaking about her daughter)
Me: Wow...she is really smart.
Ana: Yea, she can study let her study la. She want to study medicine let her study. But, well...medical school...bill very high.
Me: I see....ever thought of taking loan? PTPTN?
Ana Not easy, not easy. And after that, have to pay off the loan some more. Is ok la...now I can still work, can still manage. I give my best for these 3-4 years first la
Me: Wow, you are an amazing mom. You sacrifice a lot for your daughter. I am sure you love her a lot and she must be thankful to have such an amazing mom.
Sarah 1: Yea, you are a great mom!
Ana: No laa.....what to do. Have to put food on the table and pay for her medical school fees. But see la...maybe do this for another 3-4 years first.........Of course, my daughter doesn't know what I am doing la ... (spoke this with a hint of shame written on her face as her eyes shifted)
Me: I see... :) You are a brave woman.
Ana: No lah....What to do :) (shy away)
Me: Can we pray for you? What do you want us to pray for?
Ana: Pray for business la. These days, business not so good, very slow...hope will have business so I can bring home some money for my family. You know, my parents are retired....so yea....
Me: Ok...we will pray for you :)
And Sarah 2 prayed...
Ana....a woman approaching her 40s. She doesn't have much choice in society. In efforts of meeting the demanding needs of the family, wanting to be the best mother she could ever be, provide for her home...and being in a society whereby a job with good pay doesn't easily come by....Ana has to sacrifice herself, selling her own dignity, her own body, fulfilling the needs of men at the streets of KL.
My heart aches when I heard her story. Yet, hearing that, I wonder how many women who is in this industry ever felt that there is no other way, and that they are pushed to the very edge to finally feel compelled to decide this is the best option to put food on the table for their families. I often have the urge to tell them...."you know, you don't need to do this. You can other alternatives to life survival".....then what? What can I offer? What's the alternative? Can I offer them a job? A job that could help them sustain the demanding expectation of society?
Then it always sink in...that it is not easy. Not at all....Most of them would have considered any possible option before decided that this was the best way to go. So what can I offer to convince them that they don't need to continue this job?
To say "serve them right" and that "they choose to be like that anyway" is totally inhumane. Yes they chose this path...but who could have understood how much they have to bury within in order to put through the "job" every single day? How much they have gone through in the process of entering the industry, and the amount of trauma, internal conflicts, and how much has been "robbed" from them while they are in it? The pain, their dignities, their own needs, the humiliation they have to go through...the way society look at them....
I know many women who sold their bodies for different reasons, but I particularly felt for those who sold their dignities for their family. I personally think they are strong. Having said that, I am not agreeing to whatever they are doing was the best decision for life, but I respect them for at least trying to do something to earn a living instead of giving up their families and lives. They could have just leave their families behind and start a new life elsewhere doing something more dignified. They don't need to go through all these....But they didn't leave....And having done all that, swallow everything, hide their pain and go through any traumas alone..... for that, they deserve respect.
Seeing all that, it really scarred my heart.....can we create a better world, society and give hope to those who are hopeless as much as we are capable of? Would we...? Can we be a voice for those who are voiceless, reach our hands to those who have been abused, exploited....be the light to all who have been hidden in darkness way too long? Would we....?
What can I do? What would I do..? What would you do...?
As we were walking in Petaling Street, my heart was pounding, excited about who I will meet that day, and what can I contribute.
There it was, a woman stands by the dark corner of the shop lot, awaiting clients, hopeful to make an earning for the night...Sarah 1 (the Malaysian), Sarah 2 (an American girl) and I approached her
Me: Hi, what's your name
Ana: You can call me Ana (disclaimer: To protect the person's identity, her original name has been replaced in this post)
Sarah 1: Hi, Ana! Where do you live?
Ana: I live in Subang Jaya
Sarah 1: I see, local aye? Staying with your family?
Ana: Yea, with family. Parents are retired, living with my brother and parents.
Sarah 1: Ana, are you married?
Ana: yea, yea...used to. I have a daughter she is 18 years old. Studying in medical school now (face lighten up speaking about her daughter)
Me: Wow...she is really smart.
Ana: Yea, she can study let her study la. She want to study medicine let her study. But, well...medical school...bill very high.
Me: I see....ever thought of taking loan? PTPTN?
Ana Not easy, not easy. And after that, have to pay off the loan some more. Is ok la...now I can still work, can still manage. I give my best for these 3-4 years first la
Me: Wow, you are an amazing mom. You sacrifice a lot for your daughter. I am sure you love her a lot and she must be thankful to have such an amazing mom.
Sarah 1: Yea, you are a great mom!
Ana: No laa.....what to do. Have to put food on the table and pay for her medical school fees. But see la...maybe do this for another 3-4 years first.........Of course, my daughter doesn't know what I am doing la ... (spoke this with a hint of shame written on her face as her eyes shifted)
Me: I see... :) You are a brave woman.
Ana: No lah....What to do :) (shy away)
Me: Can we pray for you? What do you want us to pray for?
Ana: Pray for business la. These days, business not so good, very slow...hope will have business so I can bring home some money for my family. You know, my parents are retired....so yea....
Me: Ok...we will pray for you :)
And Sarah 2 prayed...
Ana....a woman approaching her 40s. She doesn't have much choice in society. In efforts of meeting the demanding needs of the family, wanting to be the best mother she could ever be, provide for her home...and being in a society whereby a job with good pay doesn't easily come by....Ana has to sacrifice herself, selling her own dignity, her own body, fulfilling the needs of men at the streets of KL.
My heart aches when I heard her story. Yet, hearing that, I wonder how many women who is in this industry ever felt that there is no other way, and that they are pushed to the very edge to finally feel compelled to decide this is the best option to put food on the table for their families. I often have the urge to tell them...."you know, you don't need to do this. You can other alternatives to life survival".....then what? What can I offer? What's the alternative? Can I offer them a job? A job that could help them sustain the demanding expectation of society?
Then it always sink in...that it is not easy. Not at all....Most of them would have considered any possible option before decided that this was the best way to go. So what can I offer to convince them that they don't need to continue this job?
To say "serve them right" and that "they choose to be like that anyway" is totally inhumane. Yes they chose this path...but who could have understood how much they have to bury within in order to put through the "job" every single day? How much they have gone through in the process of entering the industry, and the amount of trauma, internal conflicts, and how much has been "robbed" from them while they are in it? The pain, their dignities, their own needs, the humiliation they have to go through...the way society look at them....
I know many women who sold their bodies for different reasons, but I particularly felt for those who sold their dignities for their family. I personally think they are strong. Having said that, I am not agreeing to whatever they are doing was the best decision for life, but I respect them for at least trying to do something to earn a living instead of giving up their families and lives. They could have just leave their families behind and start a new life elsewhere doing something more dignified. They don't need to go through all these....But they didn't leave....And having done all that, swallow everything, hide their pain and go through any traumas alone..... for that, they deserve respect.
Seeing all that, it really scarred my heart.....can we create a better world, society and give hope to those who are hopeless as much as we are capable of? Would we...? Can we be a voice for those who are voiceless, reach our hands to those who have been abused, exploited....be the light to all who have been hidden in darkness way too long? Would we....?
What can I do? What would I do..? What would you do...?
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