A lot have been going through my thoughts recently.
Thoughts on things I want to do, things I should commit to, things I should stop thinking or worrying about, things I should step out in, things I should reserve, things I should give, things I should let go.
Many times, I wonder why God often give me certain feelings / situations only to allow me to realize there are indeed areas He wants me to work on in life or progress in.
Nonetheless, recently kinda feeling a little overwhelmed, yet at the same time very grateful....its a mix feeling of both. That I have a lot to iron out, yet at the same time I feel blessed. So am I about to burnt out? I was confused awhile.
Then I realized....I am being stretched...being challenged in fact. Challenged in my old ways of thinking, challenged in my old methods of doing stuff, challenged in stepping out from where I was comfortable to be a different person.
And it scares me (in a good way) that I am constantly changing. It is kinda amusing that 5 years from now (or perhaps even 2 years ) everything I felt today may be completely different! I have been analysing a lot lately. Analysing, why do I feel uncomfortable, is God trying to tell me something? Is there more things to breakthrough etc.
Only for God to pull the emergency handbrake and say...
Hazel...Chill lah....WALK ON and stop asking why when how where what at every step you take...
I guess it must have been very tiring for Him to layan me now. Hahaha! Recently I have been mixing a lot with my hometown friends. Last time, I forced myself to hang out with them because my intention was to reach out, to shine for Jesus, to DO SOMETHING.....to proof something
Recently, I noticed a change in my heart. I want to hang out, because I want to learn to love them more. Love them for who they are, be THERE for them in different seasons, be a true friend. I guess, it is a little harder to start all over again at this stage. But necessary.
I guess Christians are that way. Or maybe I am that way. All our lives living trying to proof something, to the people around us, and even to God...when actually God has just made us to be very simple. To enjoy relationship...and then step by faith and believe that when your life is revolving around Him, He will provide the way for you to be a blessing to your community.
I should aim to be a blessing in my course of wanting to get people saved. Not to make them see that I am BETTER than them. My approach was wrong. And I am glad I kinda discovered it now.
Thank You Jesus.
