This song touches me the most. Watching Christians all onstage singing this very song....we are all ONE in the Kingdom of God....all in this same boat, in this same cause for our NATION....So many amazing Malaysians....loving our nation. It really makes me almost tear.
This part especially when they sing...Malaysia bangkitlah! There is hope for my nation :)
The night before I was in Global Day of Worship....so we were all singing worship songs...and the word Your Kingdom come Your will be done kept ringing in my ear. And I knelt down crying....saying...God I don't know how You are going to use me but I want to be used. And I have so many things that are holding me back...doubts, fears...and I want to surrender all
Then there came a part that Abel asked all of us to share with our partner 5 things we like about them....so the beautiful Jan was my partner....she told me one thing that really hit me...she said: "You are inspiring"...
At that moment tears began swimming in my eyes again. I felt so so humbled. Early that morning, I saw someone posted in reply to my comment...when I said....she was so brave and courageous....and she replied: "You are also really brave and courageous and many would agree with me for that"
All these kept swimming in my head. How could these people see me as inspiring, courageous and brave? That is insane! Those who know me would know how much I doubt sometimes....especially after many signs of assurances from God. The actual fact is in my heart...I am scared to death most of the time! And I will contemplate...and as Dr John Avanzini preached last weekend....I often comply to the second voice instead of the first voice. How can I still appear inspiring, brave and courageous? Ask me what have I done?....I really don't know if I have done anything really brave and courageous. Honestly....
But hearing these comments make me feel so humbled....so so humbled....and I told God...Thank You for letting these words encourage me...and thank You for showing me the little I do to step out can really seem so significant. It really begin to dawn upon me...what faith as a mustard seed means....or when we take one step toward Him, He takes a thousand steps toward us?
I still cannot comprehend...what makes me appear so inspiring or brave... other than being vocal and noisy on facebook. Haha.... I have still so much to learn.. I really do...and it makes me feel so so loved by God because those words is an assurance from Him that He appreciates my effort. In all honesty I knew I have done nothing much....but to Him, it meant something. Big or small as it seems....He appreciates it. And I guess that's His simple gesture of showing me that it doesn't take big accomplishment to impress Him. In fact, He doesn't need me to impress Him. He was already impressed before I even tried impressing Him. This makes my heart feel so warm....
Makes me feel....like a little girl...and I want to run to my Daddy and hug Him and cry. SO TOUCHED LAH! Ok, enough mushy stuff.
So writing this, I hope to encourage someone today...the fact is that never once in my life as I was stepping out for God I was without fear. In fact, many times I succumb to the second voice. But little did I know the small tiny steps I took toward God, the prayers and cries I made to God to make me more like Him, less of me, to be selfless, to learn to overcome fears and doubts and to really learn to depend on Him....does make a difference. And little did I know the one two or three times I chose to obey God really could be inspiring to someone. Having said that, I am not trying to give a green light that fears, second voices or any similar feelings should often be given in to. All I am trying to say is that....its OK when they come. But try as much as you can to be obedient to God anyway. Don't give in without a struggle.
Honestly, I am still on my way. I am not perfect. But, I guess this is God's little assurance to me....that these baby steps mean something to Him. And it touches me so much....that our God who is so great and awesome and having so many amazing men and women of God who is powerhouse of faith...would still invest time into encouraging me with my baby steps. Haha
I got into Masters by the way. Thanks to those who prayed for me. Everyone I met kept telling me that they knew I was gonna get in. Everyone believed in me but me. Kinda hit me too....Oh Ye of little faith! pfftt.... I am still learning to grow my faith. Recently I have began asking question like....You sure its me God? You sure You want me to do it? You sure I am up for it? I know You are awesome in power...but what if I ruin Your plan by complying to second voice so often? Yes, I have the heart for my nation, I have heart for the burdens....I get so touched and moved when I see Malaysian rising up with God to want to bring revival to the land.....but me....I want, but I have so much to work on!
More often than never I doubt if I could ever make it.
And then I suddenly felt the glare from God. Hahaha. Seriously. A glare...the one that I often give people who say something that doesn't make sense. He is giving that to me now.....And a tiny voice follows...so you are planning to comply to second voice still now that you know it exist....Who is God now?
And it is true......
Without You I will never make it
But with You....anything is possible
Everytime when you doubt....just remember. Truthfully....you will never make it. But He who is in you has overcome the world. So it is not about you making it...geddit??!?! (note to self)
Its about Him...using you and making you make it. :)
And He chose you even when you have nothing to offer.
THAT. is grace, my friend. THAT. is privilege. :)
Thank YOU for believing in me
