Malam ini...

Malam ini bulan mengambang....

LOL...

1. I just finished my assignments. Boy, I have not been sleeping for days! The assignment craze. My eyebags look scary

2. To release stress, me and my roommates went to Midvalley to practice "carthasis"...LOL...and we watched "Hulk" to use it as projection to release our natural tendencies to be aggressive...ahahha :P (my goodness, me and my psychology...)

3. I tried on a few nice clothes but all were too big for me. I must eat more to increase the meat on my cheeks...hrmm....and sleep more to unswell my eyes.

4. Camwhoring terribly...took so much pictures...Lazy to upload...

5. Why?...becase the post effect ot assignment is setting in....the migraine starts now.

6. Why blog? because i know my loyal friends who "secretively" peep at my bad haircut (jenny, viry :P :P :P) blog will peep again! =P hahaha...sorry ya no pictures :P

7. Blogging to make blog active

8. lalalala...

9. I am really out of coordination now. Don't know what i am talking about. Brain and body not working coherently. I am going off to bed, yes!

10. Before end, the main purpose i am blogging tonight is to announce something important. Those who constantly peep my blogs :P here here (hopefully the MINT, SMU & LU cluster leaders will read :P)...i shall share this with you:

All cluster, BEWARE!! VU shall by faith 

win once again this year!....

muahahaha!

VU....CHARGEEE!!!

- i have now announced...so VU

got no choice but to buck up ya! =D

- ok nitey nite-

Bad Haircut?! +P

I did something brave today...:) I walked into a hair salon back in hometown and asked the hairdresser to cut a new hairstyle as I was getting rather bored with the old one. And lo and behold, he did cut a new hairstyle alright!....but one that is really really shocking to me. Hahaha....reason being I asked for the thick fringe cut so that I can try seeing myself having fringe. Trusting the hairdresser who claimed that I would look good in it, I allow him to cut! But...yea...it didn't turn out as I expected...so right now, I sort of "regretted" having have my fringe cut and decided that I should keep it pinned up for the next few weeks until it grow a little longer...=D

The amazing thing is this....As I was travelling home in my brother's car today...looking out the window watching the highway cars passing by i switched into my "thinking" mode as usual driven by the mood to daydream...flashbacks and activated neurons fired rapidly laying out pictures after pictures in my head (*wow..drama =P)....I used to be so overwhelmed by bad haircuts....Each "horrible" haircut (as I assume it to be) would cause me to bug my mom or my friends....asking them the same ol' question over and over and over and over and over and over and over *gasp gasp*...and over and over and over again...."how ya? how? I look very ugly now"......."how how...howww???"

But today, having a bad haircut...(i knew it was a bad haircut because I don't look better or as good as when I was in the previous haircut)....I was amazed at the fact that it didn't bother me much. I don't ask mom questions, i don't bug people about it, instead I accepted the fact it was a bad choice, and i even laughed at how i look right now. Totally not my style...but yea...could get used to it though =D... the crazy thing is this....hahaha...i even tell a few of my close friends that I have changed my status from "hot chick" to "xiao ke ai" (little cutie)...:P:P:P:P ...my goodnesss! My roommates could not stand my overly self-proclaimed high self esteem....muahahaa...just kidding. Sometimes remarks like these help spice up conversations you see? =P...

My point is, I just felt a change in me, that I am no longer the old Hazel who used to condemn herself very much. The old Hazel felt inadequate for almost anything in life....looks, achievements, requirements, family's expectations, lifestyle...and many many more...The Hazel today, is NOT PERFECT, but is comfortable being who she is. The one thing that I realized throughout the journey thinking was that...without God, I was totally confused of who I was and who I could be.....but as I allow God to truly come into my life....things become different...I become assured of myself, I am more comfortable of the person I am made to be, and most important of all, I am not afraid to try new things and fail at it (eg. the bad haircut)...it is an amazing feeling to be able to look at the face of mistakes, laugh about it and move on...

Of course there are still moments of weakness whereby doubts and discouragements inevitably set in. Everybody, including the greatest preacher alive will have this so-called "moment of weakness"...But the differences in the strategies you employ to face these moments today, will cost your destiny tomorrow......there can be voices of condemnation trying to diffuse your attention and distract you from what is truly important, but when you guard your heart, refuse to allow yourself to be overwhelmed, you will triumph over these condemnation sooner than those who dwell and worry about it. Just like Pastor Kevin always said : Worry gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere...it is like a rocking chair....

And to overcome condemnation in life....one secret weapon you really need to have...is to know who you are meant to be, and who you are in God's eyes...and to be assured of who you are in Christ, we have to take that ONE step toward God (which will eventually lead to God taking a thousand steps toward us)....That one step is to allow God to come into your life...and know you :) ...that includes Him changing and moulding you....

The revelation I got from the retreat in Fraser's Hill during devotion. It is the word "know" standing between the word "you" and "God". There are two kinds of knowing....1. You know God...2. God knows you....To know God is to know what is His likes and dislikes as well as His desire and calling for us. To allow God to know you is to allow God to come into your life to do a new work in you that you may be Christlike and be new! The second knowing, which is God knowing us is the hardest type of "knowing" among the two as it requires rebukes, shapings, mouldings, and character building.

Funny, how a simple haircut can really lead to such a long thought and flashbacks of my life....But this also show how a simple thing like haircut can indicate changes in your walk of life. Or at least the previous reaction to a bad haircut and the recent reaction to a bad hair cut...hahaha....this is cool....I really had a wonderful journey thinking through a lot alot alot alot.....This trip back to hometown I believe is a very divine one. Not only I am able to celebrate the joining of my two very close cousins who are one of the first christians in my family (They have impacted my life alot), but this trip, I am able to really just love my mom, my dad and my brothers in a very different way. More than being a dutiful daughter, it is the joy of seeing them happy and really spending time talking to them for hours and hours...

So those who desire to see my new haircut....no way man! hahahaa...even though i have accepted the fact i have a bad haircut, i will also still try to rectify it you see? So until my hair grew longer the pin shall stay....muahhahaa....;P

In conclusion, to know God is one thing, to ALLOW God to know you, is another =)

So, the million dollar question is this. Do you want to know God? And if you already know Him, are you willing to open up yourself to allow God to know you as well? Choices are yours.

Your destiny tomorrow is the choices u make today. Be blessed!

OK! Here's the picture!!

Before

 

After

Rectified! ..yay!

=)

I just felt different after the three weeks holidays in hometown...

And especially after my subzone retreat. But in a very good way :) I believe.

The hazel before: Has no time for anything

The hazel now:

- Does her laundry regularly (in comparison to once in one or two weeks previously)

- Has timetable on her bedroom wall

- Studies regularly everyday

- Calls home three times a week

- Make her bed when she wakes up

- Has a tidy study table (haha :P)

- Is CRAZY about people ministry! (LOL...scary!)

- Gets frustrated about her phone bill

- Makes an effort to keep every relationship intact

- Sleeps at 12am, wakes up at 6am!!!!!!! (wow...this one i am amazed myself..healthy :P)

- Boils water to drink (haha :P)

- Did not leave her hairdryer and mirror on the floor after using

- Keeps her charger after charging :P

- Does not put her laptop on her bed, but on the study table!

However don't get me wrong. I have not become perfect...lol...This list...is what I have been TRYING to KEEP in practice for the past two weeks (and knew i had to deal with it for years but never had the momentum to keep it going :P). So far it is getting along quite well. But, at times i do struggle really hard to really manage all these as those bad habits have been following me for years now. But i really want to improve myself. I want to run my life well as i help others in managing their lives. So now as i multiply it here on this blog...i cannot escape but to hold myself accountable to the public. Haha...keep me in your prayers.

What i have yet try to do but i want to:

- regular exercising

- proper meal at proper time

- cut off total afternoon nap

- reading textbooks and not notes only

- cut down on my phone bill

- to love love love, spend time with people, and love love love...(haha..anna chuah and crystal low must have gotten the most loves then...)

- etc etc (cannot think of any now....however there are still some number of things i want to accomplish though)

I want to be a better me =) And truly, the subzone leader's retreat in Fraser's Hills really changed my life. I feel like the capacity of my love and desire to do what i need to do just grow to the next level. Its like an extra boost to go all out and be more courageous in every area of my life. Commiting each and every area of my life as a divine offering for God. And the instant we touch foot of the hill, I just feel an immediate urge to just change the way i have been. And i find this journey amazing...Because truly it blows my mind how just ONE NIGHT strongly encountering God can bring so much realization and changes in the way i see things ...it is really amazing...and especially at this point, i cannot slack.

I shall blog about how amazing the retreat has been in the next blog. The encounter with God was real and so strong that nobody came down from Fraser's Hill the same person as they went up. Right now, i think i have spent enough time online. So i shall see you all in the next blog ya?

Till then, i shall keep you people anticipating...hahha ~ :P *evil grins*

HOLIDAY!

Helllloooo....!!

I have been in Taiping for a lonnnggg looonnngg looonnnggg looonnngg time.....Holiday is ending soon :( Time in Taiping was limited...however i manage to squeeze in some fun and did many many crazy things. I got a new phone (yay!), I cut my hair, went to museum, and even fix braces!! woohoo....

and my dearest, wonderful, amazing, gorgeous, terrific friends, Anna and Eng Kim came to visit me in my peaceful hometown. It was a fruitful trip. I believe both Anna and Eng Kim agreed! *wink*

here are some of the crazy pictures I have taken throughout the holidays. LOL...can't believe i am posting this up!

Mangosteen

Anna the Sui Sui...

Eng Kim and the Mangosteen...

Ooo...the elephant skull

Ek & Anna

Blow...Blowwwwww...

......=_=''''.....

Ooohhh...Sepia Style

Typical big brother bully scenario!...EK, i have proof! *glares*

Happy Family!

????0.0???

Yo! Meet the warrior girl beside the meriam!

And then she drives her war chariot...

leggies leggies..

oooo....oooo...oooo....oooo

The masking ladies..haik!

And not forgetting the braces chick now..

So this basically sums up my Taiping Holiday! ahaha....my braces are causing me not able to talk.....goodness...torturous....and the squarish peg thing keep coming out....wonder how am i to fix it (it's the second time!)...oh well...shall have nice smiles in few months time... i shall be grateful...weehee.e.... coming back to KL soon....so all the people out there, don't miss me and don't show any reaction when you see me ya? Except those of happiness and gratitude :P hehehe....Kidding!

Toodles~ Peace

Three Stages to a Cell Group Growth! - People Ministry -

Finally!!!! Finals is over for this semester. Now i need to pray for a good promising results =)

This weekend and the few days to come before i go back to Taiping is going to be fruitful. I have been planning time to hang out with people whom i really care about, just to catch up as my whole of last semester and i believe the semesters to come have been sooo hectic that i didn't have the time to even hang out with close friends of mine....

Last night as we were having a steamboat gathering for the east zone leader, there is something AMAZING that i have learnt from a woman of God...FELICIA CHOONG....i believe it is very good and i really want to write this down for remembrance as well as to share this with all who are currently leading a cell group, or in the quest of training to be a leader....this is really important..Day in day out we have been doing this without categorizing into proper stages...however, after learning about the clear definition of each stage to a cell group growth, things just became clearer and easier to engage:

First stage to a cell group growth:
Sowing
- These are the times that leaders keep sowing sowing and giving generally into the lives of people whether in cell a leader is leading. And the process of it is very much of the leader giving rather than mutual giving. This stage is important to build the rapport of the leader (to know whether this is the leader whose vision you can run together with, and to know the characteristics of a leader), and also for the people who are being led to draw, learn and at the same time understand the whole big picture of what the leader is striving to achieve.

Second stage:
Growth
- This is the time whereby discipleship is done super actively. The leader began to impact the lives of the core members, to go into each and every person's life (people ministry) get their hands dirty, rebuke, moulding, investing. At this time, the crucial thing is about building the lives of EACH and EVERY person and building personal relationship with the sheeps...whereby the person whom you invest your time into will learn about the expectations you have for each and everyone of them, know you more personally rather than just a brief character of a leader, and to understand the depths of the intention of your heart in everything you do for them and for the vision. At this point of time, there will be a lot of people dropping out, and coming up strong. Those who drop out are those who are unable to run the vision that the leader had have and gave up. Those who came up stronger and blossom are those who are really eager to run the vision and want to keep continue growing...Truly only those with strong character can end the race well.

Third stage:
Harvest
- During this time, those you have been building and staying strong with you have been so impacted that they are beginning to be empowered to impact the lives of others in order to continue running the vision you have planted into their hearts (naturally bringing in more friends to be impacted). In cell group context this is where the people begin to pour in and multiply. In other leadership context, this is when your leadership begin to be so influential that people not only just recognize your works, but at the same time, they are eager to be part of the work you are doing so that they can run your vision as well...

Learning these few stages have really got me thinking about the place where my cell and other people ministry groups i am leading are at right now. And truly understanding the stage of where you are at allow you to be able identify the needs as well as knowing what to do and how to deal with things. And despite of all that could have happen, the knowledge of the stages of growth of the group we are leading is able to help us to stay strong, focus and unshaken in the midst of circumstances. However, there is nothing as rigid as one stage after another. The overlapping of any stages are really for the leader to discern and identify.

This have been a fruitful weekend for me. I learnt a lot and in fact it is so much more easier to draw and learn especially when I am more relaxed right now...haha....after all, finals had ended! And time to focus on the restructuring of the other things which are crucial in my life. Like pastor always say, whatever you focus on will grow! In this season of my life, apart from my studies, which is my crucial priority to God, myself, my future and my family....the other most important thing i need to focus on right now are these growths! The rest of the other things shall has its own place and time to be considered important at other points of my life. I really want to learn the many ways i can really use in engaging the people ministry. If you have any idea...feel free to contribute! :) It will really really be an honor for me to learn! :)

Freedom of choice (Easter)

As i watch the easter drama being played in church services over and over again, my mind began to race and ponder upon my life. How far have I run, and how much have i become more like Christ. Last weekend has truly been a season of breakthrough for me. I just felt like a totally renewed person after everything. Truly easter is not just a day to remember what Christ did on the cross, nor it is the ONLY time for us to bring our friends to learn the message of easter and get saved. Easter, is also a day for you and I as christians to be changed and transformed if you allow the Word of God to speak to you. Easter is a message of a LOVE so strong...that it shows the desire of God wanting more than just a salvation! Above our salvation,...our RELATIONSHIP with God means the world to Him.

As I broke through in certain areas, I began to see everything else around me in a very different perspective....and the feeling of being able to be a little bit more like Jesus and a little bit less like myself was really awesome. However, my breakthrough had brought me into greater tests in life. I can be honest with all of you that I am pure human and my heart breaks at things that intended to hurt me. But as i woke up to a fresh start this morning, there is a sudden realization that i really felt a need to blog it down. I hope it would be an encouragement to all who would be reading this. Christianity is not a bed of roses, but an assured victorious relationship at the end of the race. Yes....there are many times when you had decided that you want to do something because you love God, or you want to change in your certain areas (those are all breakthroughs, because you CHOOSE to step out)...then out of nowhere, all the trials and testings come throwing themselves at you.

A lot of times we are so eager to keep walking and running after God because times are good, blessings are in abundance. But what about those times when we are opposed for the cause of God? Will we still walk on strong and fix our eyes on the assured victory at the end of the race....or we prefer to walk on paths that will only gives us pleasure at that point of time. Friends, victory with God is eternity...but pleasures are momentary...will you keep running when all that you do is just running in circles and circles of unending road? will you keep going when going seems like the hardest thing to do? will you keep on believing even when things seem unbelievable...will you still trust when all else around u turn their backs against u...will u still stand strong, even when everyone around you wud understand if you fell....CHOICES are yours really. It is the gift of freedom that allow you to choose who you want to be. The choice to keep walking forward and be happy no matter what, does not require much of you except a decision to be what you want or need to be.... knowing that things will turn out alright for you no matter what. However, this decision requires your faith and your courage to work hand in hand in the phase of yielding the response.

the message of easter is not only about God becoming man dying on the cross for us so that we can receive salvation.The message of easter is about God loving us so much, that He gave us choice to choose...and He cares so much about us havin a relationship with Him. The message of easter is not only for those who are unsaved....but for you and i.........True enough, pressing on during tough times would seem like the hardest thing to do even when you realize how much God loves you...but truly God is not concern about the results of the things you achieve...but rather your JOURNEY as you walk on with Him. Will you still press on with God in good and also bad times? Choose for yourselves what matters most to you? The instant result? or the journey with Christ....For, to those who require much, much more is required of him.

It is never true when people say you are MADE to be the way you are...These are the words of those who are never brave enough to step out and be different in the face of circumstances...I never believe in fate. Truth is, you are who you CHOOSE to be. We can change our own destiny. And understanding this truth, will truly change your life.

So who do you want to be? CHOICES are yours =) Seize it! "Your calling is through the act of your hands."

Revelations PAT MESITI CONFERENCE

Pastor Pat Mesiti's Conference has really been changing lives. Sometimes to me it is scary in a good way to go to conferences like these. I would feel afraid to go because  know at the end of the day i will end up feeling SUPER CHALLENGED....but yet at the same time i really want that challenge to come. And no doubt about it, the conference had left me dumbfounded and stunned. Words cannot describe the things God spoke to me when Pastor Pat was preaching. A lot of people received words and prophesy from pastor himself as well. Some people actually told me that they wished to have someone prophesying over their lives. it was cool....I used to think that too...But then I realized that the best way is always to hear from God Himself if possible. Wouldn't it be better to hear from God directly rather than to hear from the man of God, the channel? What Shirley taught me was that each time a person receive a prophesy, there are 3 reasons. 1. The person cannot hear from God directly (meaning no relationship with God), 2. The person needs encouragement, 3. The person needs confirmation...So it is always best to hear from God yourselves.

And as Pastor Pat was preaching and the presence of God on Monday and Tuesday night was moving so greatly across the congregation. It was unspeakably amazing....i received a strong word of revelation and vision from God Himself. Words that i have sometimes tried to ignore (in fear of the expectations required of me). However, this time I cannot and must not leave it be....i have chosen to receive the challenge, be bold and courageous...and step out in faith. So this is my covenant today....

and these dates are to be remembered always!

Monday, 10.3.2008 - Receive

Tuesday, 11.3.2008 - Confirmation 

Wednesday, 12.3.2008 - More mind boggling confirmation through another unexpected person.

Pastor Pat's conference have been full of challenge and goosebumps to me...A good way to push me forward to kick off the rest of the year. However, one thing that was really revealed to me this season was this. Like Pastor Kevin said, a lot of time, we go receive a good preaching, attend a good conference...coming home all charged up....received the word from God...But after awhile, fear creeps in and we began wondering if it is real or if it is really us that God is speaking to...then we abandon God's vision for us and just walk away. Alot of times we are overwhelmed by circumstances and began to lose faith halfway through....but this is the thought that have struck me when i was speaking to "Rev. Dr. Neoh" (ahhahaa) that Monday....was that...callings and visions from God are not forced upon us. We are still the ones making the choice whether we want to carry the torch and run the vision, or turn away and live a normal life. Choices are ours really. But then again, God is not hard up for us to respond to Him. If we don't want to, God can CALL SOMEONE ELSE who are more willing to run the vision.

This really struck me HARD. I was thinking to myself that night. If God calls a person and that person does not want to respond it is really not God's lost but rather that person's lost..because he or she is unable to move to the level that God wanted him or her to....Even Pastor Kong as so i heard...was not the first person that God called. God called someone else before Pastor Kong to start a church like City Harvest. Pastor Kong was God's plan B...but he responded....now today...look at how City Harvest has grown and impacted people in the world? And how Pastor Kong has grown in pursuing his calling and vision. Truly....God's calling is to no avail, for our benefit and not His. He is truly not the respector of men, but respector of principles. And the principles of God no doubt has everything to do with the magic substance word, called FAITH. Think about it and ponder this through....

Are you willing to be BOLD and COURAGEOUS, STEP OUT with faith as God calls? =)