Kingdom Invasion 2014 - A major turning point

It has been a miraculous month discovering God's love again and again.

Many knew I went to Kingdom Invasion by miracle. And before that I was rushing my assignments like mad....trying to finish up major assignment so that I can enjoy the conference. But the fact is, I cannot. There is just too much to be done. And I was thinking maybe I need to complete the assignments every night in Kingdom Invasion.

So I skipped class the day I was suppose to fly, just to complete assignment.

Miracle happened, again....

My major assignment got delayed to one week later. And another major assignment that is to be due the same week, delay a week as well. And graded exercise in class was also delayed to two weeks later.

It was really awesome. Miracle happened even before I was there....And I heard God telling me: Just enjoy the conference. Don't need to rush your assignments. I want you to encounter me.

And even before the conference started, I had the privilege to join DASH to a seminar by Jim Yost, someone who changed Papua by just obeying God, and impacting one life at a time. Its about discipling others to disciple and no need recognition of the founder. As organic as can be. And it impacted me because I begin to realize how God can move in daily routines.....and how God has been good to him healing him from death...again and again

So I was prepared.

So I went there with so much expectations knowing that God must have something really important to show me to make all these miracles happened even before I arrived.

So I went there....first session itself, I felt so much of the presence of God. I learned to be undignified in the presence of God....kneeling, sobbing, crying....

One thing amazing about these speakers, they do not have powerful words that tickle your ears....but EVERY ONE OF THEM carried such a strong presence of God. It amazes me how each of them are doing so many great works in the Kingdom...but yet when they come before God, they are all as a child....really worshipping Him, soak in His love...and because of that, they brought us into the presence of God again and again and again.

Deliverance and healing happened as worship session, preaching was going on. It was so awesome. And I have never sobbed so much in my life, feeling the love of God outpouring over me for such a long time. So much like a damp broke open...and I cannot contain.....

And these speakers are so so humble. Every one of them sat in every session even though it is not theirs. And when they go onstage they will edify one another. How they want to be like one another. Such appreciation for the divine connection. And the hunger of not wanting to miss out what God is doing. So they sat in sensing God's move in every other session....and I even saw Heidi Baker sat on the floor worshipping God with the crowd....just being so undignified. Such humility.....How they honor their divine connections....I want to be like that. Fact is we are NOBODY deserving of better honor but just vessels of God. We ought to live a life that honor every single person around us so we would not miss out on the miracles that God may use them to manifest in our lives. Bill Johnson said that. Amen!

Bill Johnson, the Shakespeare of our time spoke many one liners (honestly I cannot catch up with writing notes), as he expound so perfectly articulated ideas of what God has been impressing in some of our hearts, but yet we cannot verbalize it. How change of nations come from the grassroot, how we impact culture by impact that one person who is at the top down....but revolution almost always come from the grassroot. It makes revival and revolution possible for everyone.

And how we can grab what God has in store and promise in the future for us....to present....if we are aware of the promise, we can make that promise come to pass NOW. If God doesn't want us to ask for it, He would have blinded our eyes to it. This just opened up an entire dimension of impossibilities to me....And I began to cry out to God for our nation.

I learned about how in the Kingdom every division and walls must come down. And to bring the Kingdom of God here, to bring down heaven to earth, all we need to do is fall deeper and deeper and deeper in love with God. The more you know the Father, the more you want to do what's the Father's will....what's in His heart.

You can't help but to be consumedddddd......and when you are consumed.....you are not afraid to sacrifice and pay the price for your call. I was praying and praying and crying....because God just came. and God spoke. No fancy altar calls....God just came...and God spoke to everyone individually.

Final day of the conference marked a very important moment of my life. James Goll was preaching. He is also another man...whom go crazy before God. Halfway preaching he can go singing led by the Holy Spirit, even when his stories are half hanging. Haha. His wife said he has a ministry of insanity because people feel sane standing beside him :P....but honestly each time he sings, the presence of God just dropped in. Like BOOM!!

And halfway preaching as usual....without any link or expectation, he suddenly said this:
There are people here who are called to combat sex trafficking in your  nation. If you feel that is the call of God for you...stand up now.

So I stood up. And he began praying for greater authority over darkness...and for the first time ever since I was saved.....I sob and wept and shook like crazy!! I cannot control my hands or my legs....I was overpowered and overwhelmed....

And then he continued......
There is a kingpin in the nation of Malaysia....he is coming to Christ.....stay alert...
As I heard that I wept even more and shook even more. Out of 35 nations....Malaysia was mentioned. And I told God....God...this is too huge...too big....too impossible. I cannot help but to only walk when You tell me to. I cannot but to obey. I need YOU!!!

So I cried...and I spent more time with God. That was when God spoke so much to me. He reminded me of how I should love brothers and sisters in Christ. To bring His Kingdom, I must first deal with my heart to love those who are different in values and not judge. In His Kingdom there is no division (this was what He impressed in my heart and got confirmed over and over again since the first day of conference).

Then God reminded me to go deeper with Him. Because if I don't go deeper, I will never step out to bring miracles down. So I need to fall in love with Him, be consumed.
I told God, if it takes being consumed to be changed and be willing to pay the price....please let me come into a position where I would be consumed every single day....I don't want to miss out or lose out Your move...And I don't want to lose the love while I minister.

Heidi Baker is another amazing woman....she is so in love with God. When God speaks...she didn't even contend or doubt. She just said OK.

And I told God....I want that kind of relationship and trust with You. Final session with Heidi Baker I received the joy of the spirit and cannot stop laughing. All because Miss Phoebe who had it first touched me twice! Hahaha. But its so awesome!!! Like something stirring in the tummy hahahahaa

I just watched compelled by love - Heidi Baker's story two days ago. I wept and wept. Sob and sob....The price to pay is huge...I thought to myself. And I have many things that held me back. Greatest struggle was my family. They are not christian and will never understand why I need to give so much love knowing that the world may take it for granted and trampled it on the ground?

They love me I know...and I know in honoring my parents, I am not suppose to make them worried. But then again, this is my call. And I want to be where my Father wants me to be. So I cried and cried....because I really want that.....that childlike love relationship with God like Heidi Baker. To an extent I will pay any price. But yet, what about my family?

So two days ago, Emily, the prophetess texted me. And she said she had a drawing for me. Summary of the drawing, is about God reminding me He will take care of my family as I become a sold out lover for him. And the name of the drawing is: Sold Out Lover....

What are the odds????? I was just praying about falling in love and being sold out the day before. And I was worried about my family who has not known God or understand my values....and that piece of art came as a reminder to me....

Thank You, Jesus. Yes....I am saying Yes....

Yes yes yes yes yes....to whatever You want me to do.

YESSS!!!!

And so, I noticed many of these amazing people faced death threats and even death itself (sicknesses) time after time again. Yet there are still sold out. Will I be bold enough to be where they are at? I don't know honestly....but I want to be able to come to the point that I can....be at the face of death, yet so sure that my God will take care of everything. That much trust and faith..I need to go deeper....


Oh.....and recently, most of us who have been in Kingdom Invasion stepped out in church...to be undignified worshippers of God, and to also learn to pray for healing because we believe God wants to love people. This is not about proving anything for God, but just about loving people. Atmosphere change. And so many people got healed. I felt so overcome and overwhelmed by Daddy..

Daddy, You are awesome, You know that?

And many more answers I received...things I have been fasting and praying for (in my 40 days Fast and Prayer)......SO MANY things answered. Will reveal in due time.

It has been an awesome spiritual week. Even as I was doing assignment I kept praying. I hope my assignments will unveil His glory. I don't know how, but I believe He can do things I cannot do. So yay!!

Also Jim Yost and these KI preachers made me realize, it is possible to serve God, sold out for Him...yet your family as they pay the price...will also be sold out for Jesus as well. I used to be worried that I need to let go of many things in the call when I have kids...and I don't know what's the balance of it. Watching these examples give me a lot of comfort and peace. I guess, God will guide...and He will never shortchange us when we give our best to love Him...I am really comforted by that ^^

Kingdom Invasion marked another huge turning point for me as a Christian. I want to rewind go back and again and again encountered God. But then again, I can do it here. I want to go kiddish and cray cray with my Daddy!!

That's all! COMPELLED and CONSUMED. Forever and ever and ever. Amen.
Let Your Kingdom come...Your will be done...ON EARTH as it is in heaven....

Random Rants of Psychology

Officially the most hectic week of my life. A lot of major assignments due this coming week.

But on the contrary, I am thankful that God showed me many things this week. Showed me that the coming days are gonna be exciting, shown me that there are things forming even in church...and that things are all within His hands, everything in control.....and that nobody needs to give up anything.

Good things come to those who waits.

I am also thankful that this week, my lecturer spoke about how as therapists, eventually we will not be satisfied with just individual therapies. Because we begin to realize that the bigger picture affect the individual. Hence the involvement in family therapy, eventually community, and eventually nations.

I am blown away that clinical psychology can actually go to the extent of nations. I mean I know that psychologists are needed for nation work, but never occur to me clinical psychologist. Because dealing with trafficked victims, relief work, forensics, even conflict management between nations...all comes under the umbrella of clinical psychology.

So suddenly the puzzle is pieced together. I answered to God's question...to what extent you want to love....and not realizing how vast this field can be. Attaining this knowledge is just the first step. From there forward, there are many ways I could go. But I am going to cling close to Jesus. Wherever He leads, wherever His will is....there is the best place to be.

Like this clinical psychology....honestly I am dreading and dragging my feet now...having difficulties finishing my assignments and finding researches. Yet at the same time, it feels complete even in the midst of all these worries....because I know I am in His will...

And precisely because of that....I should never give up.

Ok, enough of time dragging and sulking. Haha! Time to go back to work....
For His Kingdom.

Galatians 2:20....remember, Hazel.

Happy Valentine's Day, Hazel! ^^

AAAAAAAAAAAA........
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...*takes deep breath* ....
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Hahaha....! What an undignified way to start a blog.....NONETHELESS!

Let me tell you what's with all ze screamingzz......oh boy oh boy oh boy, I have been skipping around (inside my little mind of course...can't possibly do that in public) since last night. Because, I really cannot contain these miracles that God has placed in my life....like.....oh Lord, You to love me so extravagantly....REALLY!! You surely know how to spoil a girl, aye? *grins*

So, why am I here going all bonkers writing this blog when my assignments (final presentation for one of the class to be exact) is due in like 2 days? Cos I really cannot contain. Haha! Write first, regret later.

No, I am not engaged. Neither am I attached. But....I am drenched with the love of my LOVER


So recently Shirley and David has been eyeing on this conference called....Kingdom Invasion. Boy, I was dying to go. But you know....students now....classes, assignments etc...what are the odds I can join right? But I am dying to go....so how?

Miracle #1
I went and check the dates....
Man...I checked 5 times, because I cannot believe my eyes. That week....JUST THAT WEEK.....no assignment due (except the weekly one), and no classes Wednesday onwards. Wah.....ok...

So, then I began declaring to everyone I am going to Singapore, but only for night session. Morning session need to be paid...so I just thought, its ok as long as I can go night session...its worth it. The trip is worth it. Mind you morning session is about RM500....and I am already paying for my flight and expenses....so....okla...be contented.

So on valentine's day I made a prayer like this:

And in my lovey dovey moment with God, I posted this facebook status whereby I evoked some concern among caring people....stating that I seem to be staying single forever. LOL....don't worry....I am just in love, ok? I want to have a family still. No question. Being a mama, psycho-ing my child, nagging em and smooching them with kisses have never ONCE escape my mind.

So in reciprocation of my lovey dovey-ness with my Daddy King and Lover of my soul, He gave me the best Valentine's gift ever!

So....yesterday, I had a God appointment. I was suppose to go for a facial appointment with Miss Shaboon. Ended up she couldn't make it on time, I cancelled it and had dinner plans with some other friends.


Miracle #2
So these amazing friends...as we were talking about Kingdom Invasion, one of them realized I was not going to the morning sessions because I couldn't afford. With all my heart I never thought sharing this would mean someone is gonna bless me. In all honesty (repent) I never imagined anyone around my age would afford such a big sum, let alone for the person himself and me! So..... yes, I shared...and guess what....conference fee.... PAID FOR IN FULL....

No, it is not installment. No....it is not borrowing. It is a GIFT. AAAAAAA......
So my friend said this:

Friend 1: Why don't you want to join the morning session?
Me: Aiya....not enough money leh. Quite pricey. Student already ma. It's ok la...night session is good enough.
Friend 1: Hmm....why not you just come. I will pay for you
Me: WHAT?!?! You mean pay FOR me? as in...
Friend 1: As in I pay for you la. You just come its a gift
Me: OMG!! Are you serious?????? REallyyy????? OMG I just prayed about this. Are you serious?? *drama berama*
Friend 1: Ya la.....I invest into you. In turn, you multiply 20 more cell groups....quite a good return right? Haha
Me: ........(omg omg omg omg)

Ok....the 20 cell groups is just a joke ok? That would be too high a KPI. hahaha. But my gosh.....Someone would invest into my life!!! And no, this is not a leader.....but a friend!! I finally understood what it means when the missing pillars of Christianity begin redeeming and loving themselves....people around them (like me) get blessed and loved....

oh...*Cries*

p/s: the person refused to be identified. So in order to protect ze identity, I have excluded the name from the screenshot.

I was about to burst in tears! But...ahem...poised you know? So suck it all in.....a girl's got to look elegant.....As if this wasn't enough..... here comes the next amazing news...



Miracle #3
Friend 2: Hazel...you know what. hearing what Friend 1 said....I too felt like I want to invest into your life...you know....20 cell groups...really worthwhile investment
Me: 20 cell groups....oh my....you both are not really expecting that right
Friend 2: Haha...nola we just really want to bless you. For that, your flight ticket...is ON ME :)
Me: .....(speechless)

p/s: Again...the humble people in my life....refused to be identified. So in order to protect ze identity, I also have excluded the name from the screenshot.

So, I began looking down and wiping tears from the corner of my eyes (oh no...not so elegant now, aye?....LOL)...

This is inssaneeeee!!!!! Me? Me!!!.....

After the many "Are you suresss" and "reallysss" these two miracles came to pass right today. The two amazing miracle workers not only decide to bless me, but pester me to give details and whatnot so they could make necessary arrangements and purchases. Everything paid. Conference fee. Flight ticket. Period. Now....I just need to save up for expenses and pack my bag....




Miracle #4
So I quickly text Shirley to see if I can still join the group registration. Because group registration means I can get to tap on cheaper conference fee. I know now that things are paid for I shouldn't be so kiasu...but hello.....I also want to "love" the "pockets" of my "blessers" bah.....hard-earned money leh!

God cannot be anymore good. Shirley hasn't register for the group yet!! Reason being is because she felt there will be more joining us. So she wanted to wait till this week before she finally register for the group.

Hohohoho......

Happy Valentine's Day to me! From my beloved Daddy, King and Bridegroom....I am SO IN LOVE LAH...!!

This year's Valentine's  has indeed become so much more meaningful with Him. Enjoyed every single moment of the Valentine week much in so many different ways. Must be all Daddy ^^
Oh here goes the pampered little girl twirling and jumping for joy.


So here is to my dearest Daddy and best Lover of my entire being,

How can You be so undescribably beautiful and amazing like that? How can I deny Your love for me? SO EXTRAVAGANT....So pampered, favored and loved. Thank You for loving me, this tiny weenie whiny lil girl like that. Thank You for letting me know that, it doesn't need a lot of yearning, begging, crying, throwing tantrums...It's never always about what I did, what I need....but it's about You wanting me to have the best of everything. You don't just give....You SHOWER. So now I am all wet. Hahaha! I love You so so so so so so much.....And I want to sing and dance just for You all day long......teehee...OK? ....

Oh....I am loved :')
Thank You. *A Kiss to heaven*

Chosen.

So, my life as a student has officially started.

I am entering my fourth week now. How am I doing? Honestly, not exactly great. I am very physically challenged. Reason being, there were too many readings to do, too many assignments to complete. On the second week itself we need to submit about 2 assignments, and it didn't stop eversince. Every single week there were at least 2-3 assignments so far.

Brings me to the question. Why am I here typing this post? I don't know. I guess, I just want to remind myself of the days I am pursuing the dream God placed in my heart with some discontentment and grudge...haha...And how He has spoke to me to encourage me. I guess....It is important to remember.

So I have been very deprived of sleep, and needless to say...rather grumpy. Now, let me be really truthful here. I am a human, I have needs, I have wants. And many times, as a subzone leader in church now, I am expected to be superwoman....most time subtly....usually by people who look up to me perhaps. Wow...Hazel sure can. Wah...Hazel power. Well, I used to think I am quite flexible and stretchable. But not anymore. I have attempted to be superwoman. But now, I prefer the ordinary girl title partnering with my extraordinary God... Works better ^^

Recent weeks, my bubble burst. I have had several people who have struggles in life looking for me. Most people will know I am rather compassionate. But then, I realized this season...This transition period, I couldn't bring myself to be loving. Because in efforts of trying to cope, my tiredness took over. Every little moment left, I couldn't share it because it was so hard to come by! Not because I stopped caring, but because I felt I needed more space for myself. I needed a breather.

This afternoon, I got into an argument with someone. I felt emotionally flushed out. Not because of that person, but because of all that is put together in my life at this point. I am physically and emotionally drained. But thank God I really encountered God in Myanmar...And I considered that God's bonus for me to refresh in the midst of busyness. And I believe that was what that has been keeping me from snapping.

Physically I am worn out with just a maximum of 3 to 4 hours sleep each day. It has been ongoing for four weeks now. Imagine my desperation. Emotionally, I felt there were many expectations. Expectations for me to be there, expectations for me to meet deadlines...and beyond that...expectations for me to score at least 75% every subject. Yes. You hear me. 75%.  Why do I give myself so much pressure? Well....not exactly my choice to make. It was in the system. To graduate and pass the class....I have to score at least a 75%. Welcome to Masters world.

And as I was coping and etc, many other things cut my temper short. And at these moments, I asked God.....God, why do You give me a compassionate heart lah! If only I can just walk away and not care. But I cannot. Why why why....And God replied me this....yes I can take away your compassionate heart. But that would mean, I will be taken out from your life. Because that is who I am. And if you do not want that part of me, you do not want me.

So ok. I was caught speechless and I said ok. I know I have chosen to be in this path. But I am really learning and trying to be the best I know how in every area. A subzone leader, a cell leader, a daughter, a friend a student....everything! Please give me grace to go through and take care of myself physically and emotionally. Because if I cannot manage now, I cannot imagine when I need to meet client with psychosis daily. That would be amplification of stress....

And so as I mentioned, I was in an argument this afternoon....and there were back and forth WhatsApp messages as usual. I am very reactive. Then, God spoke. Hazel...don't read the message. Just drive. So I did. I obeyed. I drove....and as I reached my class, I wanted to read...God said...Hazel, you can read. But don't respond.....

Boy you know how hard that was??? I felt I am not given a chance to defend myself with all the back forth arguments. Ugh. But ok....I stopped reacting or responding. And then concentrated in class....

It was only later when I found out why God stopped me from replying. God opened up my mind today. It wasn't a Christian class, but every single thing that happened was so real to me...that I cannot deny God was speaking. I was in a Clinical Interviewing class and my lecturer played a video. She asked us to concentrate on the interviewee and be aware of how our feelings react.

When she paused the video, she asked one by one, what was the first feeling that jumped on us. And I answered....I felt like I need to rescue the client. And that was when everything made sense. My lecturer began warning us about the very intent of our hearts and feelings we had. And she said....many times what we feel about someone usually say very much about who we are as a person inside. But we have to remember and be aware of every feeling. For me, I feel like I want to rescue, but it also means I will have the tendency to get overinvolve in someone's lives.

It is true isn't it? I always felt I need to rescue. That's the very reason why I felt drained. I have to be understood, my method had to work.....the fact is I cannot rescue. Only Jesus can. I am only a channel, a resource, and a support that God prepared here on earth. I am not the solution. I can't bring solution. Because I am also one frail, fragile human being who has emotions and also can crack under pressure. I am no difference than others. But yes...I have always wanted to rescue...and that is the danger. If anything goes wrong, who will I tend to blame? Myself :) ...and why was I so frustrated with back and forth arguments, trying to proof a point, needing someone to really change? Because I was so preoccupied by the expectation of being a rescuer :)

I have to learn to recognize that I am placed here, for one reason...to be a channel, not the solution. And I have to constantly remind myself of that. To be aware of that in fact. I have to also remind myself to let go of control when I have given my best. Some people may misunderstand. Some may think I didn't try hard enough....but I need to learn to be secure...with the fact that I know I have given my best.

Beyond that, I was educated on how to react in similar situation. Coincidence? I don't think so :)

So as usual...being human, I was complaining to God about this hectic lifestyle. And I asked Him...why did He do this to me. Haha! God said...no, I did not. I gave you an option. You chose this.....and so I went silent....and then I admitted that I have counted the cost and I am ready to go all the way for it. But I just needed to express my frustration. I am feeling very bottled up. For that moment when I was talking and talking alone in the car, tears well up...and then there was silence. Silence. But the silence was loud. I felt the embrace of God and warmth just surrounding me....and the silent mean so much. At that moment, I felt safe. I felt comforted....and most importantly, I felt God's support saying...I will always always walk with you in this journey.

And then the revelation came.

God gave me a verse: Many are called but few chosen.
The entire verse took on a new meaning for me.

I went to search the greek word for "chosen"

eklektos: select, by impl. favorite

Original Word: ἐκλεκτός, ή, όν
Part of Speech: Adjective
Transliteration: eklektos
Phonetic Spelling: (ek-lek-tos')
Short Definition: chosen, elect, choice, select

Replacing it: Many are called, but few eklektos....few select
Many are given a calling. Those few who chose or select, became the chosen.
We can decide to be chosen by doing the choosing.

So in the midst of being a "kid" ranting and throwing tantrum say...God, why am I doing this bla bla bla....It suddenly dawn upon me...despite of everything that is overwhelming me, it is still my choice to be the chosen.  I can stop right now. But I have took the first step to decide to be that. No matter how tough it is gonna be, I want to be the chosen one. And I should be willing to count the cost and pay the price for it.

So whenever I ask myself, why am I putting myself through this? Remind me this verse :)

I love You, Jesus. You're awesome :)

Flashback 2013

2013 has been a year that I promised God and myself I wanted to make it count. I cannot thank God enough for this year. It has been the most divine and I believe God has been preparing me for something in 2014.

Started with a little girl who inspired me to live a courageous life. Her name was Destiny Zoe Oh, went back to the Lord 3 days after her birth because of Edward Syndrome. She was a fighter...a heroin...so are her parents.


Answering The Call

2012 ended with a lunch that I never forget with my boss, David. It was a normal catch-up and he asked me what was my plan for my future. I was a little confused back then...neither here nor there, because I was too afraid to step up. I shared with him the burden I had for sex workers and human trafficked victims since 2010...but didn't have the courage to do anything because I don't know if it is really time, or if it is really something for me...

So he said this: Instead of sitting here wondering...why not you just contact the person, go try once...and see if it is for you? Then you have a better picture, and you will know whether it is for you, whether it is time or not rather than sitting here do nothing? Doing something is better than nothing.

So I did. I took his advice. Contacted Redeeming roses, I contact I have gotten since 2010 but was too afraid to call up. Finally I did....and I was invited to join ICAP Conference....there I had many divine connections....crossed path with many people who are driven with the same passion.



Divine Connections

I met Carmen and Ruth in the conference. They invited me to try out an outreach to sex workers in Petaling Street. I joined them a few times...got discouraged once or twice...but each time, the experience was very fulfilling. Almost always, I encountered God in the journey...Eventually I joined Safe Community...and little did I know this small little experience have connected me to MORE divine connections.

Posted a post on Facebook regarding my street experience one day...and Phoebe Tan, an amazing girl who has been in the same church for so many years (we knew each other but were never close), contacted me with excitement...Asking if I go to the street. And we shared, exchanged stories....and she brought me to even more divine connections..that's when I met more crazy people who were all out for the same thing. I get to know people like Baboo, Radiance, John, SuWen and many more....who were young people going all out to establish the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. It was awesome...and meeting these people drive me further...inspiring me to me bolder in even more things.

It was also my Facebook post that got me reconnected to Emily Chan...who then shared with me more things on what they have been doing outside the four walls of the church...and she even prophesied and encouraged me in my walk with God....assuring me that 2014 will be a year where there will be many "Set free" moments

People who have somehow get connected with me because of this call were also people who are on their way to making a difference for this nation. I am grateful. David Oh, who is attempting to make a difference in the arena of poverty of our nation....Shirley Boon, who is also attempting to do something for sex trafficking victims in Malaysia, exploring all possibilities....Sharon Boon, who is attempting to make a difference in social entrepreneurship.. providing solar light to the poor....Yunn Min, the powerhouse doctor. I am not sure what are her plans yet, but I have a very strong feeling in my heart she is going to be a nation mover too....Shu Qing, who quit her comfortable job to work with World Vision. I know in days to come, many of my venture will help me to get connected to NGOs through her....Agnes, my roommate and confidant who is currently making a difference in our Puchong community. Her undying spirit is really really inspiring....YB Jullian, whom I got closer to in Sarawak...he has been texting me time in time out for prayers and also to update him on issues that he can bring up to the parliament. Such passionate man to make a difference!...Kelvin Yii, who is attempting to make a difference in the political world...Woon Hann, who is attempting to make a difference in policy making of our nation....

 

Somehow this season of life, we crossed path, and have opportunity to sit down and share at least once or twice on how we are each pursuing this dream God placed in our hearts. We are all on our way in making this happen. Someday, I strongly believe, we will all cross path again and work with one another to glorify His Kingdom.

With that, this year I begin to learn to move in the spirit...to pray for the sick and to prophesy over others. It was awesome. God has been good in the sense He also brought my church through the same journey. I always felt He was really giving me a lot of favor because it was the time that I was given many chance to practice...not only in service, but also during prayer meetings, and also bible study group! How can it not be God?

 

The Shift and Confirmations

Then it was Shirley's birthday and all of us did something different. We all decide to bless our leader with something eternal and spiritual, because we know if she gets more from God, the entire team will go to the next level. Hehe. So we collected money to send our dearest leader to Hillsong Conference 2013. I was watching the conference via web podcast because I was eager to capture even through the screen. Hillsong Conference...was amazing...even only through the internet.

In the conference...within that few days, I got the answers to what I was praying for during my annual 40 days fast. I got the answer to the masters that I was about to take, and the direction on the streets I was about to go with. I was so impacted...really truly impacted....that in that instant, the final service of Hillsong Conference, I was telling Jan....I am believing God that 2014 Hillsong Conference I will be able to be there personally....everything fully paid for. With that instance...within 30 seconds...Shirley texted me saying that she felt the prompting of God and have signed me up for Hillsong Conference 2014. I teared...immediately. My prayer was answered in 30 seconds!!

Now my tickets have been paid for. Believing for the other finances to come. Amen.

Shirley came back. At the moment, I felt that there is shift happening in the entire church. It was that divine moment....that was when our subzone was spinned out as a zone. And Shirley was sharing with me on her heart with regards to fighting human trafficking....my gosh...what could be more divine than that...At that moment, I just felt God's reminder saying...when the time comes, you will know.

So both Shirley and I met with Daniel, from CAMSA discussed on what we can do with human trafficking issues in our nation. It was an eye-opener indeed. In fact, we had a prophet who came to church early this year...Cindy Jacobs...who prophesied that God is doing something in this nation with regards to human trafficking. The moment I heard that, my eyes beamed with tears....another confirmation, I felt in my heart. And that was when I met many more of the same passion.

I shared my dreams with others, who then connected with many others....who finally brought me to a movement called "change the world"...there I saw many things to be done for the trafficked victims. 2013, I took a bold step to sign up for college once again. Masters in Clinical Psychology...something that I have put off since 2010. I wasn't confident. I am afraid that I have to go through the stress of studying, assignments, meeting deadlines, and most importantly I was not sure if my older brain can now cope with studies still. What about finances??



The Provision for a Vision

That was when God appeared again. My parents, offered me a chance to study masters again. And they said this: you do it now...before too late. You decide which masters you want....it will be fully paid for.


I considered this for quite awhile. Wasn't sure till the day I received confirmation during Hillsong Conference live podcast. So I signed up....and in the course of interviews I was discouraged...and made a prayer...God if this is Your will for me...let me pass through and get the course. I did. In fact, many others believed that i could go in, and even begin to prepare for me to re-enter college even when I wasn't sure if I could. Haha! Ok...no turning back.

It was also recently that I was wondering if I am able to find a friend in the class of 15. And God gave me a hometown friend who is also accepted into the same course. WOW. I am really taken care of :)

So 2014, I am geared up to equip myself in the furtherance of His Kingdom's cause.




The Chain Reaction

In 2013, I was very inclined to making a difference in my nation. I went to Myanmar mission trip in May, and I have to say, it was precisely those moments that inspired me how believers can make a difference. The people has been praying for their country...and the pastor we knew is now given a chance to go on television every week to be a witness for Christ. They even run Christmas parties for officials, and even roped in to give advise to the government in relatable matters. I was very inspired....as I entered their Children conference and I saw children praying for the 7 pillars of the nation, I was totally taken aback.

I came back...and I wanted to do the same for my nation. Here is where I met those whose heart is also heavy for their own nation...praying and believing for a breakthrough. The chain reaction happened. Throughout the country. I joined many interchurch prayer meetings praying for our country...and it was always truly motivating. Joined conferences, seminars...here is where I met many familiar faces whom I never realize have the same burden too. Chain reaction is happening throughout the nation among believers.

I also have the opportunity to connect more with someone dear to my heart from Russia. Her name is Charis Lian...she had been there to motivate me, seeing what she is doing over in Moscow was truly inspiring. And indeed a chain reaction is happening. Her entire fellowship changed in direction because of persistency and perseverance. A history maker indeed.. Adding on to that is Shirley's message on evangelismehould be concerned about who we can share the love of Christ with.

With that D-zone also embarked on a new project bringing the love of Christ outside the four walls of the church...to the homeless...it was indeed...a chain reaction. Many came back different after the mooncake festival experience. And many more joined for the Christmas Street experience. A chain reaction sparked..

Kick Off The Boat! Walk on Water...

This year I have two very amazing spiritual parents who constantly kick me off the boat and make me walk on water! Haha. David and Shirley are amazing believers of people.

They believed in me. From leading a small team in Myanmar, to going to business networking, to running half a marathon, to offering challenge in service, leading pre-service prayer meeting, praying after praise, to be entrusted a subzone...and eventually I led my subzone to Sarawak for mission trip.

In 2014 they are expecting me to join Bungee Jumping. A year of no-repeat indeed. Haha! Prays hard...But I truly thank God for people who believed in me.



Emotions

It is a year where God dealt a lot with my emotions as well. I thank God for the book "Captivating" a book many women should read. It helps us to be a healthy woman serving God and yet to be healthily completed by the Bridegroom...Jesus Himself. Not to be strong, but to be graceful and embrace love. To nurture.

I was brought through my hurts, pains, struggles, self-esteem, rejections, wanting acceptance, fears...things that I need to deal with, with God. I believe it is a time of preparation for more things to come in 2014. I am anticipating.




My Family

Finally, and most importantly....God has brought me through many breakthroughs in my family. It was this year that I want to commit more to my family. To come home at least once a month, and to make a difference every time I come home. It isn't easy. Old habits are hard to kill. But I was able to become closer to my mom and grandma. I wanted my family to see that Christianity is not just about a set of do's and don'ts....but extraordinary love for one another.

I came back most times just to show love. This year I was able to share with my mom briefly about Christ, even offered prayer...even though rejected...but I am very sure, something changed in her heart. I prayed for my grandma as well. I am believing 2014...more to come.

I am also very grateful for prayers answered. I have a pair of aunt and uncle from Hong Kong who are doing their best to reach out to my family as well as they are well respected by my parents. Also a music teacher whom I met through the event my uncle and aunt organized...saying that they will try their best to befriend and reach out too.

Salvation is near. I am believing God for their salvation...and for them to finally see values and things through His eyes. Pray with me if you would. They are really important to me. I often have my soft spots for them and I believe God knows the desire of my heart.

2014, I want to journey even closer with them....

There are many more things to thank God for in 2013...how I have been proud with many members of mine, how ministry grew, things become better in different areas, financial provisions, how I have got a new phone and etc. But I guess, all in all I am grateful to Him for the preparation and clearer direction He has spun me into, the divine connections He has placed in my life, and the amazing loved ones who never stopped believing in me. This year, I have also learned to dampen my suspicious heart, learning to give love more than judgment. Still working on it.

And...I will never exchange this for anything else.

2013 indeed has been an awesome year. In fact, the best year ever in my life. I know coming 2014, there will be many changes...many transitions...and I am going to experience many unthinkables...but I am very confident, with God...the best is indeed still yet to come. Anticipating 2014.

Happy New Year everyone!

You Will Never Make It...On Your Own

I was at Malaysian Gospel Music yesterday.

This song touches me the most. Watching Christians all onstage singing this very song....we are all ONE in the Kingdom of God....all in this same boat, in this same cause for our NATION....So many amazing Malaysians....loving our nation. It really makes me almost tear.

This part especially when they sing...Malaysia bangkitlah! There is hope for my nation :)

The night before I was in Global Day of Worship....so we were all singing worship songs...and the word Your Kingdom come Your will be done kept ringing in my ear. And I knelt down crying....saying...God I don't know how You are going to use me but I want to be used. And I have so many things that are holding me back...doubts, fears...and I want to surrender all

Then there came a part that Abel asked all of us to share with our partner 5 things we like about them....so the beautiful Jan was my partner....she told me one thing that really hit me...she said: "You are inspiring"...

At that moment tears began swimming in my eyes again. I felt so so humbled. Early that morning, I saw someone posted in reply to my comment...when I said....she was so brave and courageous....and she replied: "You are also really brave and courageous and many would agree with me for that"

All these kept swimming in my head. How could these people see me as inspiring, courageous and brave? That is insane! Those who know me would know how much I doubt sometimes....especially after many signs of assurances from God. The actual fact is in my heart...I am scared to death most of the time! And I will contemplate...and as Dr John Avanzini preached last weekend....I often comply to the second voice instead of the first voice. How can I still appear inspiring, brave and courageous? Ask me what have I done?....I really don't know if I have done anything really brave and courageous. Honestly....

But hearing these comments make me feel so humbled....so so humbled....and I told God...Thank You for letting these words encourage me...and thank You for showing me the little I do to step out can really seem so significant. It really begin to dawn upon me...what faith as a mustard seed means....or when we take one step toward Him, He takes a thousand steps toward us?

I still cannot comprehend...what makes me appear so inspiring or brave... other than being vocal and noisy on facebook. Haha.... I have still so much to learn.. I really do...and it makes me feel so so loved by God because those words is an assurance from Him that He appreciates my effort. In all honesty I knew I have done nothing much....but to Him, it meant something. Big or small as it seems....He appreciates it. And I guess that's His simple gesture of showing me that it doesn't take big accomplishment to impress Him. In fact, He doesn't need me to impress Him. He was already impressed before I even tried impressing Him. This makes my heart feel so warm....

Makes me feel....like a little girl...and I want to run to my Daddy and hug Him and cry. SO TOUCHED LAH! Ok, enough mushy stuff.

So writing this, I hope to encourage someone today...the fact is that never once in my life as I was stepping out for God I was without fear. In fact, many times I succumb to the second voice. But little did I know the small tiny steps I took toward God, the prayers and cries I made to God to make me more like Him, less of me, to be selfless, to learn to overcome fears and doubts and to really learn to depend on Him....does make a difference. And little did I know the one two or three times I chose to obey God really could be inspiring to someone. Having said that, I am not trying to give a green light that fears, second voices or any similar feelings should often be given in to. All I am trying to say is that....its OK when they come. But try as much as you can to be obedient to God anyway. Don't give in without a struggle.

Honestly, I am still on my way. I am not perfect. But, I guess this is God's little assurance to me....that these baby steps mean something to Him. And it touches me so much....that our God who is so great and awesome and having so many amazing men and women of God who is powerhouse of faith...would still invest time into encouraging me with my baby steps. Haha

I got into Masters by the way. Thanks to those who prayed for me. Everyone I met kept telling me that they knew I was gonna get in. Everyone believed in me but me. Kinda hit me too....Oh Ye of little faith! pfftt.... I am still learning to grow my faith. Recently I have began asking question like....You sure its me God? You sure You want me to do it? You sure I am up for it? I know You are awesome in power...but what if I ruin Your plan by complying to second voice so often? Yes, I have the heart for my nation, I have heart for the burdens....I get so touched and moved when I see Malaysian rising up with God to want to bring revival to the land.....but me....I want, but I have so much to work on!

More often than never I doubt if I could ever make it.

And then I suddenly felt the glare from God. Hahaha. Seriously. A glare...the one that I often give people who say something that doesn't make sense. He is giving that to me now.....And a tiny voice follows...so you are planning to comply to second voice still now that you know it exist....Who is God now?

And it is true......

Without You I will never make it
But with You....anything is possible

Everytime when you doubt....just remember. Truthfully....you will never make it. But He who is in you has overcome the world. So it is not about you making it...geddit??!?! (note to self)

Its about Him...using you and making you make it. :)
And He chose you even when you have nothing to offer.

THAT. is grace, my friend. THAT. is privilege. :)
Thank YOU for believing in me

Vow of Consecration

con·se·crate

ˈkänsiˌkrāt/

verb

1.

make or declare (something, typically a church) sacred; dedicate formally to a religious or divine purpose.

Was just talking to someone today. About consecration in life. I wish I learnt this in my younger days. Wouldn't it be nice if I have learnt what it means to be consecrated before I bang my head and then I learn what consecration means? Haha. But all is well. I am still able to make a difference by setting myself apart today. I want to make a difference as a set apart Christian....One that is not afraid to be consecrated for a higher call. 

I am a princess...for the King of all Kings....therefore, I am determined to live as one :)

There are several things that I would like to consecrate for my beloved King. 

1. First is my body until marriage. The world may think this is such an old fashion thing....but I believe this consecration will result in something that I will enjoy very much later in the will of God. This includes not only sexual activities, but also the way I dress, the way I carry myself, the way I handle my body in sleeping, eating and daily habits (I really need to buck up on this). Delayed gratification goes a long way. So my stand still stay. Consecration. But surely....I need to do a lot of hard work on this. Phew!

2. My money and time. The only way I can consecrate my money is whenever I earn, I give the first part to God. That's my Sundays and my early mornings. I also believe in giving firstfruits. Not because it is a law, but because He is my Dad...and I love Him. I want to give Him my best. And I wish I can give even more sometimes. Hopefully one day I can be financially free to be a blessing to Him. Then I want to give to my family because they mean the world to me. So I wouldn't mind lavishing them with more money and time...only thing I need to work on my money and time management. Also something to work hard on!

3. My words. My love language is words. But that also means when I hate, I hate with words. My words are sharp...and at times, it is bad because even when I don't say it aloud, when I am upset, I say nasty stuff in my head. So I want to consecrate my words for Him. Because I am now His child, I represent Him..I wouldn't want Him to feel embarassed whenever I open my mouth. So only to utilize it to love, not to curse. Words.

4. My actions. I want to consecrate the way I act....this includes the way I relate to others (of the same sex or not), that I will relate appropriately, and most importantly do not cause any kind of misunderstandings. With that, I should choose and consider my actions carefully before doing anything.

5. My emotions. I want to consecrate my emotions for God....and especially my romantic emotion....to only be experienced and discovered by God. Until the day when Daddy finally show me the guy I am about to marry, only then I will begin to give away some of my romantic feelings. And emotions is also so important because it comprises the way I speak, the time and money I spend, the actions, and the pouring out of heart and soul. I need to be very selective in this. Not to any Tom, Dick and Harry...but truly only for ONE. Therefore, in most conversations (especially with opposite gender) I deliberately halt from sharing too much emo stuff that may cause soul tie to happen. Simply because it is RESERVED. :) Until I find him...I will be romancing with Jesus and I am enjoying every bit of it.

6. My thoughts. This is the most important thing. Bible says to be transformed by the renewing of mind. It is so true. Because everything that goes through your mind will determine your actions, your words, your emotions, your decision on money and time, your decision on keeping your body healthy....so IMPORTANT! So consecration of thoughts,....would also mean....deleting the negative, the bad habitual mindsets, the cynical remarks, the unfruitful thoughts (lust? malice?)....and truly just think what God wants me to think, hear what God wants me to hear, see what God wants me to see. This is the toughest because up in the head is always a constant battle of two voices. You might think I am referring to Devil and Angel. But the truth is...the flesh and the spirit. I want to build my spirit, and consecrate my thoughts only for Holy Spirit to fill...with that, I will do not only His will, but hear His voice, be obedient and see things through His eyes. So important.

Consecration is so important. People of these days take it too lightly. I have found very little people to agree with me on this. Simply because the standard water down, values were not as strongly uphold. I have seen people's values wither with time as well...Apparently older age makes you compromise even more because you have "seen" the world. I beg to differ from that. I hope I still can. I do not deny the fact that as you seen more of the world....you are much more tempted to compromise certain things. Sometimes, you may seem to appear too uptight by others....But what's more important? God's view or the view of others? :)

In case you have not noticed, most things that we consecrate for God, is fulfilled in marriage. That includes body, emotions, thoughts, words, actions...even money and time.

No wonder people frequently quote, the next most important day in your life after accepting Jesus into your life is the day you walk down the aisle.

Imagine how blessed your partner would be having have you putting up so much struggle, delayed gratification and self-control to consecrate every part of your being for him? Well, technically not for him / her....its for God. But I never really understood why until recently....I realized these consecration is as though God's present of a comparable partner to His children. That the relationship was never based on any lust, capability, position or power....but it is truly based on only ONE thing.....that both these people who found each other first found GOD....and made God their everything :)

I always said this and I will say it again. I want to be that woman who can only be found when the man finds God. My desire this season is in hope God would use me as an example for the generation of young women today. Don't compromise your consecration for God to appear attractive to others. And you wonder why the wrong guy keep appearing at your doorsteps. Consecrate yourselves in God....and then the right man shall be attracted to you for the right reasons....

Live a life. Set apart. holy. Acceptable for the Lord. We have only one life to live. If you don't consecrate now, then when? After marriage? LOL....just kidding.

Well, everything aside. Now is my turn to put effort in my consecration. Starting from my body......start exercising, eating healthy and sleeping early. Amen. Here Daddy....Just for You, ok? Otherwise, I couldn't be bothered :P

p/s: For the record, those who do not know why a bride wears a white gown to walk down the aisle....it is not merely a culture...but a symbol of consecration, kept pure and holy. Of course in the context of marriage, it is a bride keeping their virginity. But in Christian context....we are HIS bride....that speaks a lot isn't it :) Would you be a bride worthy of that white gown when you meet your Most High Groom?

See, consecration is not always just for future partner. There are indeed greater cause to it, isn't it? After all, certain consecration ends in marriage. But some others, will go on until the day we meet Jesus.

Food for thought.

Toodles.