Thought I should write to my younger self too. Here goes nothing.
Dear beautiful Szee,
You were beautiful, are beautiful and will always be beautiful. In case you didn't know I need to tell you why. Because your heart is truly beautiful. You will be afraid to make mistakes because you have been taught that mistakes are fatal. And you are afraid to hurt others. You felt like a disappointment each time you make mistakes. And honestly Szee, this would be something you will struggle with throughout growing up. But it is OK, and it is fine. Mistakes did not kill you, it is not fatal. In fact, these are the things that makes you wiser, bolder and surer about who you are...You have a beautiful spirit. Nobody can restrain that free spirit within you. And that's what makes you so special. That's what make many love you, admire you, get inspired by you and believe in you. Deep down you know what's best. Trust your heart. Trust that voice. And even if it makes you fall, that's OK. It only makes you stronger.
Many would tell you what you are believing in is wrong. Many would not believe in you along the way, bruise you, shrug at you, make you feel rejected, and hurl mean remarks about you, and many would misunderstand you....even your loved ones. They would think you are naive, they would think you do not know the risks of life.....But keep pure that way... Keep believing in that free spirit from within, the one that constantly seeks for what is true and congruent to you. You WILL find your way. And remember this, Szee....as much as you always struggle and felt that you have failed.....do not forget that you always have the kindest intentions.
You will become successful in your own ways. And your parents will be proud of you. Many a times when you disappoint loved ones, you felt you have failed God. But no, Szee...you did not. God loves your free spirit. And He adores you for being that way. Your future partner will adore you for your free spirit, your parents will grow to understand your free spirit, and those who took time to sit down, speak to you, understand you (not judge you), will believe in you. So don't you think less of yourself.
You will find strangers who will build bridges for you because they believe in you. And people believe in you simply because you believe in goodness. That spirit is just contagious! Don't let anyone convince you to stop believing in goodness. The world will try to rob you out of that....but Szee....don't let anyone dull your sparkle. You will shine....and in your own time, you will grow to be such an amazing woman. To others, you are not up to the standard of a successful person defined by this world, you may not be up to par as others in the way you take care of your health....but it is fine. You will learn it. You will grow to love eating oats with time, cutting fruits for yourself, learning how to cook, and different ways of saving up money. You will learn that wedding does not have to be extravagant...but love has to be!
You are not a bad person just because you are not developed in certain things yet. Remember, you will be very well-advanced in other areas. Other areas, that others may have overlooked in grooming, but is so important in finding yourself. So don't stop believing in yourself. Don't stop pursuing what you believe in. You will doubt a lot. But that's ok. It makes you plan...and it will make you become the woman you are meant to be. And that is who you are. Your awareness will make you act and do something. Don't fret. You are not messing life up. You will learn to take care of yourself because you finally understand the value of it. And that's OK. It's not too late. You are not "not good enough" because you are not as skilled as others in certain areas. You develop different areas first compared to others, and that is completely fine.
Remember to really love your mother and father, Szee. They will need you a lot later on. Learn to appreciate them. Because even though you may not feel that they believe in you....they will one day. When you grow up, and when they see that you come to achieve all that you say you will achieve, and when they hear you speak...they will. And they will start believing in you. No doubt they will worry....but they WILL believe in you because you believe in goodness. You will be their pride. Simply because they see how much you grow. And more than that, Szee....you will find so many people who believe in you.
Szee....be who you are. When you grow up, you wouldn't want to change a thing. Because all that made you an amazing person. Those who believed in you saw the sparkle when you couldn't, remember? And you will learn to see that yourself soon. That free spirit, that pure heart, that belief in goodness. One day, an amazing young man would pursue you just because of that. Your heart. So don't stop investing in your heart. Don't stop. And although it is difficult....and you will struggle with this even when you grow up....try to remind yourself to not live for the expectations of others. You always believe in that free spirit. You may struggle...but at the end of the day you always choose what you feel is good and kind and free. You follow your heart....be a free spirit.
Remember to let it continue to thrive in what you believe in. Trust your guts. Live on the edge. Love extravagantly. You will hurt. But you will grow up to be just fine. You will feel insecure, but it is through those times that you will also learn what it means to love unconditionally. Step by step. Don't despise your insecurities. They help you grow up. Don't stop believing in love. Believe in yourself. Many will. Along the way more and more. And I do too. I believe in you. I wished I did and I could tell you this earlier. I am really proud of you.
If you forget, I wanna help you remember....you have SURVIVED so many hard times, and gained so many precious relationships. You will make it :) You always make it. And will always do well in your very own way.
Don't change a thing. I love your heart. And I love all that you are right now. Stay beautiful, girl. :) Seize the present, your here and now!
Your future self :)
