Monday, March 20, 2017

The Man Of My Prayer

There is a story I rarely speak of....and in my recent conversations questions related surfaced more than before.

"Have you really sit down,  and thought it through?" they asked.

See, I am about to marry a man who has committed his life to the nation. There were mixed responses from well meaning relatives and friends. "You'd better consider this properly," they emphasized. "It's not as fun as u think!"

Some were worried about my future, that life might be harsh to me. Others thought it would be a glamorous place to be in and painted a life that's full of positive possibilities.

Honestly, when kelvin first decided on this, I went through a period of  emotional roller coaster. On one hand I'm glad he had such opportunity, but on the other hand fearful of the challenges that may come with it.

We spent a lot of time praying, seeking, searching and grasping for answers, attempting to sort out all uncertainties....even questioning, are we cut out to be together as a couple? Should we break off the relationship before it is too late?

Recalling the many conversations I had with different individuals in search for a clear fearful and intolerable of the uncertainties.  Noone I knew then (not even kelvin) could give me satisfactory advices, simply because it wasn't a common dilemma. And the search became increasingly frustrating with time.

Then an eureka moment happened, when I realized that the preoccupation of the unknown has become a killjoy. And that it is enough to make a decision to the best of my ability according to what I know in the here and now. It's impossible to plan for something that we don't know and that would only hinder me from fully enjoying my too much power to fear of uncertainties.

And the peace each attempt of us sitting down to discuss....the confidence grew.  Not because he had more answers. But because I gradually become surer that he is the man I want to spend my life with. And here we are.  About to seal the deal to a future together.

If you ask me...Am I still afraid? Very much.  Yet excited. The trust and the confidence in the process grew. Simply because we both began to own the decision...It was a conscious decision we BOTH made equally as individuals for this season. No arms were twisted.. 

I still think about the uncertainties and the possible challenges I may face in this journey. I think that's only human. Which is why each step requires more faith. The struggle within only grew stronger as reality inches closer. Truth be told...we are not very accustomed to what's in store in "that" world. But yet, having each other's support is the greatest certainty for now.

Worshipping tonight at a concert,  I was reminded of the prayers I make..this was the man I prayed for, waited and fasted for before I even knew his existence. A man that would understand what it means to have a dream and who would sacrifice for it..

Today...I am also reminded of the commitment I once made to the nations before I knew Kelvin. And how when I met him, I admired his tenacity and brilliant ideas....and when he finally pursued this dream, I remembered feeling proud because he is not just a man who talks...but walk the talk.

 And the feeling I one with overwhelming gratefulness.  I am privileged to be able to be his support. I am privileged because I'm given the chance to experience a rare moment in making a difference for our nation.

And more than that, I am privileged because he is not just a man who would fight for this nation to the best he know how. But who had fought for me again and again. :)

And that is more than enough for now.