2012 ended with a bang for me! I was totally hyped up for 2013. However, 2013 didn't start very well for me. many events happened in this span of 2-3 weeks.
I started off with my very new spectacles, screw came off. I do not know how,but it fell off. And then the very next day I burned my favorite shirt with the first stroke of ironing it....and I lost my very dear Samsung Galaxy S2 (gift from dad) the very same day...
Just the past Friday, I somehow ramp into a fire hydrant. I couldn't see it.
many asked me how I lost my phone. To be very honest till this very day, I could not trace how. I was holding it. The next minute it was gone just like that. many asked how come I could not see the fire hydrant...I have no idea. Honestly, if you ask me....I would tell you I saw it as an empty space. I cannot explain how.
Probably carelessness? Yes, this is possible. I am quite known to be rather blur. Well...if possible, I hope this "blur" thing vanishes and I could be all sharpie sharp sharp 24-7! LOL. and if you asked me if I had put any effort to make it better....my personal answer for you would be...every single day I try. But I am sure the outcome did not show much of a difference at this point. Probably not up to par yet then? But fret not. I will keep trying!
Nonetheless, in this season, these 2-3 weeks, I learned what it means to really make God reign in our lives even in tough seasons. Its really tempting to complain...and I could have done that. Surprisingly, I notice these 2-3 weeks, whenever these things happened, all I could feel was PEACE. A peace that I cannot understand...a peace that is not normal! I am known to be easily shaken by incidents like these. But I was at peace. This is nothing to do with me, but really the difference of having Jesus in your life. You just know He will take care of everything.
Yet....having the peace that things will be alright, my heart is still heavy, thinking of the cost, the amount of money needed to bear this. Yes I come from a well-to-do family....but I am not allowing myself to take for granted this blessing. If this is something I have caused, then I will bear it.
Last night, my heart was heavy...after the ramping of fire hydrant....sad because the car has just been repaired! And of course, it is my beloved car. So, I prayed..I told God....I still need to preach. Please lighten up my heart, so I will not shortchange the people of Your Word. And as I worshipped God in cell group, God reminded me the blessings I should be counting. First of all, at least I have the means to repair the car now, even though it is costing a bomb! But at least, I can manage...secondly, the fire hydrant did not splash up, my car could have experienced worst damage...turn over by water pressure, or even overhaul when the engine get wet.....and thirdly, what is burdening my heart now, is not because my loved ones is in the hospital, or neither is my car a total loss....but it is just a minor knock that can be repaired.
It is building fund season, and yet many occurences already. I am not blaming God for any of it. I am thankful that God taught me how I can still be thankful in times like these.
As I am no expert in cars...I reported to my little brother and asked him for opinions. He insisted that I should bring my car home for our personal mechanics....because we are more assured of the quality of their work. I refused...because I didn't want to trouble my parents or brothers. I want to settle it on my own here in KL and not burden my dad to pay for the damage I have done.. But then again, my brothers were right...this car do not belong to me in the first place. If my parents demand the best service for it, I will still have to be responsible for it.. By now, you should have known that the male species in my family are car lovers. They only want the BEST for every car....in other words, no cheap repairs! lololl
In this, I still thank God, that my brothers, as much as they know that their sister could really be quite a noob in "street" things, would still call and discuss (try convincing) with me on what's best for the car, and also convince me that I should prepare dad before bringing the car home. I truly felt respected. Well, it is really pointless hiding if I am bringing it home to fix. Therefore, few hours ago, I called my dad and I told him all that had happened.
Received the consequences of course....and there were many other words spoken. But as Keith preached today...we need to filter what we allow into our hearts....words will shape our world...So I have to constantly remind myself, sometimes what is thought of me, is not always true...but the intent behind words expressed (the concern, the love) is what I should capture and be thankful for. After all, it is easier to be sensitive toward our loved ones more than anyone else. All in all, it is only fair that we should always embrace the consequences of our actions with an open heart..
If you ask me right now.....how are you feeling Hazel? I wouldn't lie to you that I am not feeling all that great. But I am really glad and contented that God was by my side. Every moment of it, even though it was just a tiny rough patch. I knew it because of the extraordinary peace of God. And with that, I am confident that my God will see me through. It isn't an exactly smooth start for the year. But hey...this is nothing compare to many other super crazy insane crises I know.
And I believe, it is always a choice to be hopeful and to be positive in every situation....We can always choose to approach our circumstances and mistakes with grace and gratitude.
I am really grateful, not because I am capable...but because I have a God who is greater than anything else. With that fact, I can be at rest. my God is big enough and good enough for any and everything. my God is by my side in every single situations and emotions I am going through. I do not know how many more testings will arrive in times to come...but I am just grateful for the rest of my life, I will not be going through this alone...I have Him....And He deserves my best every season, every moment....just because He is worth every part of me :)
This is something that I never want to lose, something that I hope I will remember and experience in every single struggles I will be facing in future.
