God was indeed amazing. Initially I have asked my beloved intern and disciple, Ben and Sophia to record each and every sermon and send to me every night. Unfortunately the files were too big, and to send via email would take a very long time. Therefore, we decided that it is best if they just directly pass the sermons to me when they come back to KL. Nonetheless, I would say, I have still spent one of the best weeks alone at home...praying loudly and hearing from God.
This week, I was reminded of my visions, dreams, my journey with God, and even had time to tap into a few pastoral cases. God indeed had made my stay in KL a fruitful one. I have learnt so much, and researched so much on my studies...
Last night's service was amazing. I would say I heard one of the best sermons of 2008. Keith taught about not losing the joy in God. The joy of the Lord is our strength! This is something real that do happen when responsibilities grow...and I personally experienced it. At times when we are so pressed and pressured by the responsibilities in life, we become so lost and depressed. This season, or rather this semester is one of the busiest semesters I have experienced my whole life. I would say....in college, I felt such a peak in pressures that it was even more pressurizing than leading a cluster...LOL
I remembered twice I almost broke down because of too much pressure and expectations from group mates. Imagine having to run three big project whereby the due dates are so close to one another. What more, running the projects with three different groups of people who all at the same time demand your time to meet up. To me, it was really a battle of time, and a battle of fulfilling responsibilities and doing it excellently. There were many times that I felt so tempted to just combine cell group with Shirley so that I needn't have to be so pressured...oh but God really rebuked me for that...repent! :P
This is something real, that at times as a person with a lot of responsibilities, you do get tired, and weary. That is why people burn out, that is why people gave up. But I remembered one thing that Shirley said: that our responsibilities will never decrease, only increase. It is true you see...responsibility do grow with age! And with that we have to learn to cope with it, learn to have joy in it. Like what Keith said. One word that was really true was this : that the moment we start to prove ourselves to people, to show how good we are, we began to live for that person not for God. The moment we start focusing on how good a result we want to produce, our focus becomes the result, not God...then we would lose the joy as we lose our purposes, everything becomes meaningless...Well, indeed there are a lot of things that can cause us to be upset and frustrated in life...but is it really worth it? Exchange your joy for energy wasting frustration, anger, whatever u call it, and feel terrible the rest of the time? Haha...humans!...hmm....
Thus, that two times when I almost broke down, the one thing I did, was I threw everything aside, and I began praying even with the limited time I have to complete the assignments. But those prayers were the one that strengthen me...keep me moving...because I have renewed joy. And a lot of time, when I explain to my members, I told them to depend on God? It doesn't make much sense to them at times as they do not know how it works to relieve us by just depending on God..what are the elements that will cause their frustrations to go away?...by merely blindly depending and waiting?.... Well, actually it is more of A CHOICE to renew your strength with God...and through prayers under pressure...the way God renew strength is through giving the joy...reminding you why you are doing this in the first place, what your right focus should be...and how we should do it...and how you can trust him at all times, like old times...but it is a choice you have to make to rejoice!...as most of us know that our minds can be really clustered and negative especially under tremendous pressure...you have to really want it and choose to positively analyze the situation. Else praying, crying and expecting God to forcefully insert peace in your heart when you persistently do not want to let go of your frustrations, worries, or emotions will get you nowhere for sure....It is a choice!
Finally being able to put them in words...wow! I just feel impacted and liberated...now I know how Shirley can always be so joyful in the midst of all her crazy weeks :D Indeed, joy only will come if we choose to be joyful.
Haha....Ok...a very silly picture... but full of joy, alright!!
Last night Coleen taught me a great deal in singing...more than just singing :D Well, to me it is something significant. I remembered myself practicing so much at home...sit ups, singing everyday loudly for one past five days...(nobody at home you see :P)....and wow....at home I felt like I am able to do it on stage already....But on stage with the mic..suddenly my voice got swallowed up...lol...throat become tight. Voice can't be projected, become shaky and soft...phew*...stage fright? I don't think so....but I know I am very conscious about how I sound on the mic...not used to it...but one thing she taught that was very significant to me...learn to love your voice...and not focus on how it sound...I have been focusing too much on it, too conscious about it....but of course one thing I really need to work on is the projection! I can be better! Exercise Hazel!!! - go jogging! :P
wow...great week! The best is yet to come!...and muahahhaha...I am awaiting the sermons recorded so I won't miss out....oooOOooo live webcast is starting now....catch up later :) Be blessed...choose to be joyful today!
Love always...
