Something I learned recently. People Ministry....is really not easy.
The moment I told God I want to focus on People Ministry, many people began approaching me with struggles in life. It is a privilege to be honest. Felt trusted. With that, I must be careful with each and every person.
I have taken years to learn how to not be emotionally affected by pastoral issues. Sometimes angered sometimes sad, sometimes heartbreak. I still feel them, but I do not let them bog me down and affect my whole day. I will just give my best to counsel. If it works, hallelujah. If not, I move on and stop feeling disappointed that people do not meet expectations.
But recently I realize, even so, people ministry is very different. People ministry is a heart ministry. We need to use a lot of our heart....which sums up to our ear, our time, and emotional energy. Energy used to work do not drain as fast as energy used to care and love. LOL. Simply because, results are reflected immediately after a work is done. In people ministry, processes are necessary and the result may take years to form. Patience and love are two very necessary elements.
Doesn't mean I am giving up, but it is at this season, I realize....I need more of God. No wonder we need to love others with the love of God (just as how Christ loved us), because our love alone is really not enough. The more we do for God, the closer we need to be with Him. Otherwise, we will be drained of energy, strength and love. Then we eventually give up.
Keep going by all means. But never leave God out of the picture in every single step. The more you do, the more time you need to spend with God :)
Monday, September 10, 2012
Monday, September 3, 2012
Will you share some?
Emerge 2012 is totally mind blowing. It is not only the EVENTS I am commenting about. But the spirit, everything behind it. It was totally life-changing for me.
A great build up from Pastor Bill Wilson.
Last night was significant for me, and I want to remember this for life. On Sunday I rallied all my members to come, because I want them to understand that it could be the last time we could hear from Pastor Kong himself in person. We are prepared to embrace the worst. But my trust is still with him. He is family to us, and we love him with all our hearts.
So many came. Some cancelled appointments to make it, some didn't make it all. But I guess it is obvious to me who are eager and passionate to run the race. Good gauge of the strength of my core members. I agree with Pastor Kong, the higher we wish to go, the stronger we need to be in our foundation. I am in a season of building the foundation of my CG. With that it means, to invest time and energy wisely. Not everyone, but selectively invest and wisely...invest.
As I mentioned, last night was the final night of Emerge. During the Praise and Worship....I can't help tearing as we sang the song "What Love Is This" by Kari Jobe. The bridge, when we were singing "Jesus, in Your suffering, You were reaching....You thought of me"
I saw His hands literally reaching out to me....and asking me....Are you willing to share some of the burden for Me?....I didn't understand. In my mind I was thinking, Jesus died for the people. So His burden is for the broken? Then I asked Jesus....so Jesus what do you want me to do? To reach out, to touch lives? Some broken lives flash before my mind. And I quieten down....and wept. And I told Jesus....I am not sure sometimes if I am able to do it. Then He said "My strength and grace is sufficient for you"....so I told Him I will try my best.
I didn't quite fully understand the whole thing. But I thought that is it. Nothing else. Jesus just wants me to reach out to those who are broken out there. Not until when pastor Kong started preaching....and as He preaches about the Foundations ....my heart began to beat faster, burden began to increase within my heart. And the image of Jesus reaching out His hands to me again flash before my eyes. And then it dawned upon me, that Jesus has already thought of the journey I need to go through in life....and that He knew everything about me, my sins and everything before I even exist.
And then slowly it unveiled before my eyes....as I told Jesus "I will try my best" ....I am actually signing up for a future who has probably not gonna be easy. Full of obstacles, hardships perhaps. And it began to dawn upon me that it is a privilege if I am able to suffer for His Kingdom cause.....as Pastor Kong did....
And then it began to become very clear to me. When Jesus asked me the question "can you take some of the burden for Me?" ....He isn't talking about the lives I will be reaching out to. He is talking about the moment I made the decision in doing the Kingdom works...all that may come after that. It hit me really hard. The question came ringing in my ear. Can I take that burden?
And then I looked at Pastor Kong as he preaches his final point. He apologized to the congregation that he has to put all of us through this. When he said that, tears welled up in my eyes. And it really hit me....this could probably be my last time seeing him here preaching and imparting into my lives. And I look at him, and wished I could hug him and express to him..."Pastor, you do not need to apologize us. What do we have to go through compared to you? It is a privilege that we can share in this suffering" :)
So, Pastor Kong began to lay his hands for one final time (as we know it) on all the full-time church staff. And I just cried looking at him doing that. I told myself...."what a privilege. To share in this suffering, in this vision."
In the final closing song. I prayed to Jesus. And I thanked Him for putting me in a place like this, in this vision at such a time. To let me understand all these. And I promised Him to build my foundation strong, so that when suffering come, I will not be shaken. And yes. I am answering His call. Yes, I am willing to be His vessel. Yes, I am signing up for more troubles to come my way....
So dear Jesus, I want You to know.....I love You....so so so so much....what a privilege it is to share that burden. Thank You for asking me. I won't promise that I will always be true, faultless, neither I will always do things right. But I promise....I will give my best to run this race, and try my best to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith.
I love You... :')
A great build up from Pastor Bill Wilson.
Last night was significant for me, and I want to remember this for life. On Sunday I rallied all my members to come, because I want them to understand that it could be the last time we could hear from Pastor Kong himself in person. We are prepared to embrace the worst. But my trust is still with him. He is family to us, and we love him with all our hearts.
So many came. Some cancelled appointments to make it, some didn't make it all. But I guess it is obvious to me who are eager and passionate to run the race. Good gauge of the strength of my core members. I agree with Pastor Kong, the higher we wish to go, the stronger we need to be in our foundation. I am in a season of building the foundation of my CG. With that it means, to invest time and energy wisely. Not everyone, but selectively invest and wisely...invest.
As I mentioned, last night was the final night of Emerge. During the Praise and Worship....I can't help tearing as we sang the song "What Love Is This" by Kari Jobe. The bridge, when we were singing "Jesus, in Your suffering, You were reaching....You thought of me"
I saw His hands literally reaching out to me....and asking me....Are you willing to share some of the burden for Me?....I didn't understand. In my mind I was thinking, Jesus died for the people. So His burden is for the broken? Then I asked Jesus....so Jesus what do you want me to do? To reach out, to touch lives? Some broken lives flash before my mind. And I quieten down....and wept. And I told Jesus....I am not sure sometimes if I am able to do it. Then He said "My strength and grace is sufficient for you"....so I told Him I will try my best.
I didn't quite fully understand the whole thing. But I thought that is it. Nothing else. Jesus just wants me to reach out to those who are broken out there. Not until when pastor Kong started preaching....and as He preaches about the Foundations ....my heart began to beat faster, burden began to increase within my heart. And the image of Jesus reaching out His hands to me again flash before my eyes. And then it dawned upon me, that Jesus has already thought of the journey I need to go through in life....and that He knew everything about me, my sins and everything before I even exist.
And then slowly it unveiled before my eyes....as I told Jesus "I will try my best" ....I am actually signing up for a future who has probably not gonna be easy. Full of obstacles, hardships perhaps. And it began to dawn upon me that it is a privilege if I am able to suffer for His Kingdom cause.....as Pastor Kong did....
And then it began to become very clear to me. When Jesus asked me the question "can you take some of the burden for Me?" ....He isn't talking about the lives I will be reaching out to. He is talking about the moment I made the decision in doing the Kingdom works...all that may come after that. It hit me really hard. The question came ringing in my ear. Can I take that burden?
And then I looked at Pastor Kong as he preaches his final point. He apologized to the congregation that he has to put all of us through this. When he said that, tears welled up in my eyes. And it really hit me....this could probably be my last time seeing him here preaching and imparting into my lives. And I look at him, and wished I could hug him and express to him..."Pastor, you do not need to apologize us. What do we have to go through compared to you? It is a privilege that we can share in this suffering" :)
So, Pastor Kong began to lay his hands for one final time (as we know it) on all the full-time church staff. And I just cried looking at him doing that. I told myself...."what a privilege. To share in this suffering, in this vision."
In the final closing song. I prayed to Jesus. And I thanked Him for putting me in a place like this, in this vision at such a time. To let me understand all these. And I promised Him to build my foundation strong, so that when suffering come, I will not be shaken. And yes. I am answering His call. Yes, I am willing to be His vessel. Yes, I am signing up for more troubles to come my way....
So dear Jesus, I want You to know.....I love You....so so so so much....what a privilege it is to share that burden. Thank You for asking me. I won't promise that I will always be true, faultless, neither I will always do things right. But I promise....I will give my best to run this race, and try my best to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith.
I love You... :')
Monday, August 27, 2012
Destiny Defining Moments
Yesterday Pastor Bill Wilson changed my life again.
I guess this is the season for sure. God is reassuring me it is time to launch to my call. Kinda nervous, yet feeling that every step of the way, I have God. Whom should I fear? What should I be afraid of?
Pastor Bill Wilson is the living testimony of how being in the dangerous streets of New York City, yet he still survived and doing well now.
Yesterday marks the defining moment yet again. To rededicate and position myself for the call. Pastor Bill was right. The 700 did not leave, did not get offended or gave up when their right hands no longer serve them well. Instead, they trained themselves hard, so much so that they can use their left hands much much more better than when they had their right hands.
All because they knew how important it was to be in the significant battle, they positioned themselves and prepared themselves, because they wanted to be in it. It is a privilege. Pastor Bill is right. We shouldn't be a sissy generation of Christian. We should position ourselves. We either stay or leave. God is not hard up for anything. We should see it as our privilege to be able to be in the battle for the Kingdom of God.
So, here goes....I am in this for life.
Shirley shared something really precious with me after the whole thing. And I think it is really significant for us to understand this. We only have one life to live. Don't invest on people who will not position themselves for God to come and use them. Yes we still love them, but we must not shortchange our energy and the people who are readily positioning themselves for the works of the Kingdom of God. In other words, how our lives should be from now on, is neither in the devil's hand or God's hand. It is in our hands. Our CHOICE.
I hope to live a life fully lived. Carvings all the way up to the top of my staff. Leaving a legacy for the generation after. This is the least I could do for God. For all that He has done for me. I hope I am determined enough.
Laying down our lives is not easy.
I am beginning to pick up the habit of writing journals and blogs again. Shirley gave me a revelation yesterday. In modern days, our carvings and markings on the staff...could be our journals and our blogs. Things that we can read back and see how faithful God has been in our lives.
Gonna pick up this habit again. The best is yet to come. Settle for nothing less than that.
I guess this is the season for sure. God is reassuring me it is time to launch to my call. Kinda nervous, yet feeling that every step of the way, I have God. Whom should I fear? What should I be afraid of?
Pastor Bill Wilson is the living testimony of how being in the dangerous streets of New York City, yet he still survived and doing well now.
Yesterday marks the defining moment yet again. To rededicate and position myself for the call. Pastor Bill was right. The 700 did not leave, did not get offended or gave up when their right hands no longer serve them well. Instead, they trained themselves hard, so much so that they can use their left hands much much more better than when they had their right hands.
All because they knew how important it was to be in the significant battle, they positioned themselves and prepared themselves, because they wanted to be in it. It is a privilege. Pastor Bill is right. We shouldn't be a sissy generation of Christian. We should position ourselves. We either stay or leave. God is not hard up for anything. We should see it as our privilege to be able to be in the battle for the Kingdom of God.
So, here goes....I am in this for life.
Shirley shared something really precious with me after the whole thing. And I think it is really significant for us to understand this. We only have one life to live. Don't invest on people who will not position themselves for God to come and use them. Yes we still love them, but we must not shortchange our energy and the people who are readily positioning themselves for the works of the Kingdom of God. In other words, how our lives should be from now on, is neither in the devil's hand or God's hand. It is in our hands. Our CHOICE.
I hope to live a life fully lived. Carvings all the way up to the top of my staff. Leaving a legacy for the generation after. This is the least I could do for God. For all that He has done for me. I hope I am determined enough.
Laying down our lives is not easy.
I am beginning to pick up the habit of writing journals and blogs again. Shirley gave me a revelation yesterday. In modern days, our carvings and markings on the staff...could be our journals and our blogs. Things that we can read back and see how faithful God has been in our lives.
Gonna pick up this habit again. The best is yet to come. Settle for nothing less than that.
Friday, August 24, 2012
Walking Through Life
Recently I realized things has become very different with me. I am not sure if it is an "age" related thing. Haha. But I hope not.
Recently having many counselling cases, many people who are broken coming over seeking for help, comfort, advises etc....
Stories that were in closet not suppose to be told. But I take it as a privilege that I am entrusted with such stories. However, it all dawn upon me, the old me is no longer that dominant. And I am glad.
I used to be really judgmental, I used to want to say stuff like "I Knew it"....or "how could you hurt God like that"....or "why do you do that?"..."this is so unacceptable"....whenever I hear stories of people messing up their future, destiny that is ever so bright. At some point, I even feel cheated whenever people whom I invested my time and energy did not meet my expectation, worst probably lied to me.
Recently, I realize....I am no God. I have times in life that would need people to be gracious toward me too. So how would I expect others to respond if I were the one suffering, in need of grace today? How I hope the response to be, that is how I should be. Noticeable to myself, my recent responses became "are you alright"..."God still loves you"...."its ok lets walk this journey together. Let's stand up and walk again"...."we are a family, you can always come back to us"..."keep going, stay strong"
I used to hear comments of people who "judge" a leader for being "too" merciful for giving second chances so many time. But these days, I begin to understand why and how these mercies can exist and how they are so important. That is how true family would react. Yes their hearts are broken, but they will give you second chances again and again because they hold on to he hope that you may really repent and change. They do not put you in a shelf just because you aren't perfect.
Of course having said that, discipline has to come into place. A good parent is one who will love yet discipline. Those who do not receive chastisement from God is illegitimate! I guess this principle applies to earthly parents too (be it spiritual or biological). But never once this discipline should be done with a "haha serve you right" attitude...or "Good on you. This is a lesson you will never forget". But more of a...."this breaks my heart but I need to do this. I love you that's why I can't bear to see you fall again"
None of us are perfect. All of us need grace. Never take this grace for granted. More importantly, with the grace freely given to you, give it to other as well.
Sometimes, the result is not most important. But the process. That is what I learned from my leader recently. Seeing how she plan to be PART of the process of each person who approaches her for any needs at all. She is never concerned about the result. She is concerned about the "walking through" journey.
As long as I can, as much as I can, with Jesus close to my heart, I will give my best to walk the journey through with others too. Genuinely wanting to be in their lives, not just hoping for a certain result. :)...Not to say it is gonna be super easy, but ok...I will take the challenge and try.
Life can be made beautiful again for the broken.....It only takes ONE who would be in the process, getting their hands dirty. Not waiting at the other end only with hopes that the person will do well and hoping they will come through. Walk through life together. It can be so much more sweeter that way :)
Recently having many counselling cases, many people who are broken coming over seeking for help, comfort, advises etc....
Stories that were in closet not suppose to be told. But I take it as a privilege that I am entrusted with such stories. However, it all dawn upon me, the old me is no longer that dominant. And I am glad.
I used to be really judgmental, I used to want to say stuff like "I Knew it"....or "how could you hurt God like that"....or "why do you do that?"..."this is so unacceptable"....whenever I hear stories of people messing up their future, destiny that is ever so bright. At some point, I even feel cheated whenever people whom I invested my time and energy did not meet my expectation, worst probably lied to me.
Recently, I realize....I am no God. I have times in life that would need people to be gracious toward me too. So how would I expect others to respond if I were the one suffering, in need of grace today? How I hope the response to be, that is how I should be. Noticeable to myself, my recent responses became "are you alright"..."God still loves you"...."its ok lets walk this journey together. Let's stand up and walk again"...."we are a family, you can always come back to us"..."keep going, stay strong"
I used to hear comments of people who "judge" a leader for being "too" merciful for giving second chances so many time. But these days, I begin to understand why and how these mercies can exist and how they are so important. That is how true family would react. Yes their hearts are broken, but they will give you second chances again and again because they hold on to he hope that you may really repent and change. They do not put you in a shelf just because you aren't perfect.
Of course having said that, discipline has to come into place. A good parent is one who will love yet discipline. Those who do not receive chastisement from God is illegitimate! I guess this principle applies to earthly parents too (be it spiritual or biological). But never once this discipline should be done with a "haha serve you right" attitude...or "Good on you. This is a lesson you will never forget". But more of a...."this breaks my heart but I need to do this. I love you that's why I can't bear to see you fall again"
None of us are perfect. All of us need grace. Never take this grace for granted. More importantly, with the grace freely given to you, give it to other as well.
Sometimes, the result is not most important. But the process. That is what I learned from my leader recently. Seeing how she plan to be PART of the process of each person who approaches her for any needs at all. She is never concerned about the result. She is concerned about the "walking through" journey.
As long as I can, as much as I can, with Jesus close to my heart, I will give my best to walk the journey through with others too. Genuinely wanting to be in their lives, not just hoping for a certain result. :)...Not to say it is gonna be super easy, but ok...I will take the challenge and try.
Life can be made beautiful again for the broken.....It only takes ONE who would be in the process, getting their hands dirty. Not waiting at the other end only with hopes that the person will do well and hoping they will come through. Walk through life together. It can be so much more sweeter that way :)
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Song Writing Attempt
Recently just bump into some of the old songs I wrote. Felt like posting them up for memory sake. Haha. The vocals are a bit cacat. And especially some of the lyrics for the first few songs are not very fresh. But I figure it is nice to have some of these memories kept somewhere. Maybe my grandchildren will discover them someday. Hoho.
And on my baptism day, the most significant day of my life (after waiting for 10 years) I wrote this song:
Here is my first song:
My Only My First - 2008
Guitarist: Hunter Leow
Wrote this second song when I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night and felt the overwhelming presence of God. Its my first and only time feeling that overwhelming presence who urge you to wake up and just worship in the middle of the night. Felt really good.
Complete - 2008
Guitarist: Hunter Leow
Cannot find the file at the moment. Will upload when I find it
Third song: Wrote it in the midst of the circumstances. Wanting to be a bolder witness for Christ
Closer - 2010
Cacat Guitar: Hazel Saw (haha.Think Guitar string was a bit too loose)
Finally, this year I wrote my fourth song. When Abel asked the worship team to write a song. I asked myself what inspire me. So here it is:
Everything - 2012
Guitarist: Sebastian Teoh
And on my baptism day, the most significant day of my life (after waiting for 10 years) I wrote this song:
Today -2012
Guitarist: Sebastian Teoh
Need to continue writing to work on this skill. Toodles~
Friday, May 25, 2012
Burdened
Recently, after Destiny has went to be with the Lord in heaven on 20th May, 2012....I have began to view life very differently.
I have yet to tell you how much this little girl has impacted lives around her. I will...in the next blog.
At this moment, I just feel heaviness within my heart. For so many things, looking at so many pictures....I see pictures of people doing so many things, things that they enjoy....these are all happy pictures. They are genuinely loving life.
I am happy for them....
Yet, deep within me is this deep sense burden. Burdenned by the fact that most of them, have not known Christ yet....or rather have once knew Him but now have walked away.
Will they ever know that God is real? Will they ever wonder if there is more to life? Will they ever find out about this eternal life?
How can I tell my family that I care if they knew this God who gives eternal life?
How can I tell my best friend that this God she introduced me is more real than ever today, from the years before?
How can I tell or make my friends comprehend, that I did not suddenly just become religious. Instead, I have found this ONE source of strength, source of hope that the world can never understand? That if you find it, you will never want to exchange Him for anything else too.
How can I tell the world, that everything else in this world is temporary...but there is ONE who offer eternal love, who loves and cares for them more than anyone can love and care for them?
I am burdened....but I know, all in all....my God will never change. I take joy in that, and I believe, one day many will see it. I wished for them to find even greater JOY when they have found this eternal hope.
At this moment, I can't think of doing anything else, but to pray. =)
I have yet to tell you how much this little girl has impacted lives around her. I will...in the next blog.
At this moment, I just feel heaviness within my heart. For so many things, looking at so many pictures....I see pictures of people doing so many things, things that they enjoy....these are all happy pictures. They are genuinely loving life.
I am happy for them....
Yet, deep within me is this deep sense burden. Burdenned by the fact that most of them, have not known Christ yet....or rather have once knew Him but now have walked away.
Will they ever know that God is real? Will they ever wonder if there is more to life? Will they ever find out about this eternal life?
How can I tell my family that I care if they knew this God who gives eternal life?
How can I tell my best friend that this God she introduced me is more real than ever today, from the years before?
How can I tell or make my friends comprehend, that I did not suddenly just become religious. Instead, I have found this ONE source of strength, source of hope that the world can never understand? That if you find it, you will never want to exchange Him for anything else too.
How can I tell the world, that everything else in this world is temporary...but there is ONE who offer eternal love, who loves and cares for them more than anyone can love and care for them?
I am burdened....but I know, all in all....my God will never change. I take joy in that, and I believe, one day many will see it. I wished for them to find even greater JOY when they have found this eternal hope.
At this moment, I can't think of doing anything else, but to pray. =)
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
:)
February 25th, 2012.
A date I will never ever forget.
A song inspired:
Today, I made a choice to live for You
Today, I come a child of God in freedom,
Today, I cast all my fears to You
Today, this day
My heart belongs to You
Today, I know of Your great love, my God,
I’m standing strong, standing tall because of You
Today, I found a brand new start with You
I can’t deny, in You I’ve found my hope…
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