Devotional Drawing

Some drawings I drew occasionally with my computer during my devotions this year

Previously, I was so self- conscious in showing these. Haha. But I'd figure out it would be fun to read back and remember all these moments in the future. Since blog can be considered a cyber diary (well, only in displaying exposable things of course!) it would be a great personal record. And who knows somebody would want to buy over the copyright and sell it! Then I would be rich! Hahaha. Oh well, if you really consider doing it, do leave me a comment! :P

Meanwhile, enjoy my childish little drawings!

                          
26th January, 2009


Aspired by the need to see salvation in my family.

27th January, 2009
Aspired by the desire to have a child-like faith and to walk closely with God in our garden everyday.




18th February, 2009
In the midst of brokenness, disappointment and weakness. The desperation of drawing strength, energy, inspiration and joy from Him.




21st April, 2009Aspired by the love and the need to lay down my life at the altar for Him to use, change and mould, for a vision greater than life itself.

 

7th May,  2009
Aspired by the overwhelming presence and power while praying for the vision of Campus Outreach

One thing I learn beginning of this year, that when we have run out of ways or words to express our love, gratitude, feelings or anything to God, creativity is always the key. Personally, I find myself being able to liberally express how I feel by painting a picture like those above. Some write songs, some write poems. It doesn't have to always be only prayer and essays. Anything goes! Imagination can be allowed to roam freely (but appropriately). So, when we use our creativity to worship God, it can be really fun and don be surprise that our perceived creativity can be stretched to the point that is beyond what we think we are capable of.

So my conclusion is, devotion can be fun!! Very very fun and expressive, when we are creative. Treat God like your lover :) Have an intimate and fruitful relationship! Just as people always say that love for a life partner motivates and inspire one to be creative (people probably write more songs and paint more when they are in love), Love for God all the more can do that too! Amen? =D

Revive the Call - SPEAK FORTH!

Finally, the finals and the busy hectic life is over. I was able to breathe again! *phew*

Yesterday, as I was traveling back to Taiping in the car, I was caught up with thinking about a lot of things in life. A lot of recent happenings, and how I have learned so much from it. Uh. And I was also reading Harvest Times. An article by Dr. Yonggi Cho especially impacted me inside out in the car, that I began visualizing and reviving the old dreams. Not that that they were gone, but reading the article refreshed the big picture!

As Shirley had been very busy preparing for her wedding, there were tons of things she needed to be handled. She was amazing. Throughout the period of her wedding preparation, I wasn't involved in the events planning. But, as I was talking to her, I knew her vision, and the certain things that she was going through in the crucial period of her time...wow..not easy. There had been some hiccups here and there, not in her wedding (hmm..maybe there are some minor decision making here and there, that i'm not sure)....but in the life of the people she was taking care of.

Seeing how she stood by her vision even when it is understandable if she breaks just for a few minutes (but she did not give in at all!)...was really inspiring.

Looking back at all the hiccups I have to deal with in campus outreach, sometimes I am desperate for God to just come down and take everything into hand. "Come, God...show the people you are real! Then everything is solved. I don't need to work so hard or get discouraged or crack my head anymore!"...i said. LOL...God can do that I know...but I believe He wants to use the people in the campus. Using lives to change lives. With that, it can be evident that God is living in the INSIDE of us.

I was talking to one of the church leaders the other day. She was talking about the issues that were going on in campuses and her cell group. How local university students were so much simpler and easier to engage. Well, I talked to Shirley about this. She told me one thing: "Hazel, you have no idea how many many years ago, professors, lecturers, students from local universities come together, praying praying and praying, breaking the and plouging the ground...and now it is so easy because they are reaping the fruits from the previous batch of people who engaged so deeply for their campus. you are only seeing the fruits. Likewise, for you...in your campus. That is the reason why I asked you to adhere to the two pillars...to pray and then only to evangelize. You have to prepare and break the ground. Then, it would be easier for the generations after that."

Wow...I was inspired. I honestly didn't know that :)) I am dying to share this with my outreach members. Wanting to tell them to keep going and keeping the big picture in mind. Shirley taught a group of us another thing the other day over the breakfast table. I am amazed how she can continuously impact the lives of others with her words, with just the short time she had with us. She was so busy! But  yet when she shared, it seemed like you have sat with her for the WHOLE DAY. You just naturally draw so much.

She was sharing about the stronghold in a city. Whereby in the enemy's kingdom, there is a very very very structured and orderly system...in fact more orderly than the human world. The "Stronghold" is like the zone supervisor. Taking care of the city...each city had different strongholds (that's why God works through changing city. you conquer the stronghold, you conquer the city)...and underneath it would be the many many other small little "soldier", each taking its own role. As in the campuses, the deceitful spirit would be that of the wisdom of the world. Whereby every wisdom obtained is used to counter and refuse the existence of God. That is what we have been facing in most of our campuses. People question the need of God. And it is really not easy to break.

Nonetheless, three of us especially, did not give up. We kept doing what we were suppose to do. Every week just pray and pray. To break and bind all the other power that is not from God. To prepare the ground. True enough, there had been a lot of open doors. I personally find it really very difficult to invite people to events without them feeling threatened or suspicious of my intention. People always give me the reaction..."Hazel no way I am going to attend any church events. Don't think I do not know your intention"...some were very skeptical. Well, can't blame them. I am known to be very active in church activities. Who could blame what suspicions they have?

However, these days as we fervently gather to pray, there had been breakthrough in the atmosphere. I personally find there were more openings where I can get involved personally in the lives of my other friends (believers or non believers alike). There were outings that I could join, there were people opening up to me about their problems. And from there, I engaged...and it became so much easier. I have also learned tremendously from these friends recently. Somehow previously it didn't occur to me that bonding of relationship could be the KEY to people feeling less threatened!

So as I was saying, I was reading this article about the power of words in life. Scientist recently found that the speech area in your brain governs the nerves in your body. So whatever you speaks, your life will react according to it. Dr. Yonggi Cho was talking about how last time when he preached, he used to have pictures of people healing and he thought it was the enemy's ploy. So he rebuked those thoughts in Jesus' Name because it was distracting to his preaching in services. Nonetheless, God told him this one day: that the presence of God, the Holy Spirit is in his church. But nothing could happen, the Holy Spirit cannot work unless he SPEAKS! So whenever he speaks, the Holy Spirit begin to work (healing works) and people get healed. Those pictures were revelation from God those who were being healed. God was just wanting him to acknowledge the healing and testify to the rest in the congregation.

Likewise, before God created earth. Holy Spirit was already incubating there. But no creation were formed. until GOD speaks! So it was the same here. Knowing this, it was really inspiring to me. I just imagined myself praying, and preparing allowing the Holy Spirit to incubate in my campus. And when I begin to speak, then the work could happen! How cool is that?! The Holy Spirit needs us to speak so that He can work. Likewise with preaching in cell group. So we cannot take the word lightly. It is the basis where the spirit can work. That is why one evidence for Christians when they receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit is to speak in tongue! It means the Holy Spirit is already taking control of your tongue. And when we work according to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, He will work on the basis and foundation of the word we speak forth!

So speak forth, people! It brings life! And one more thing I learned was the fourth dimension. About how Dr. Cho was engaging in the fourth dimension, which is working through visions and dreams. Dr. Cho, since the Holy Spirit worked through that dimension, visions and dreams, he began using the fourth dimension to overrule what was going on in the third dimension (the real physical world) when he was praying one time. And as he was engaging himself there, he was imagining the solution to the problem, he was imagining a healing of a broken relationship of one of his church members who was at the verge of divorcing his wife. As he imagined...he told God...yes God...let it be that  way. And he left to see that member of his.

As he was there, stepping into the apartment, the atmosphere communicated tension and hatred among the husband and wife. Then, the couple began hurling insults on one another. Both were right in their own opinions. Dr. Cho felt sandwiched in between. Both agreed that their relationship was beyond repair, and they wanted divorce. They didn't want Dr. Cho to reconcile them, but they just wanted him to pray blessing for their divorce. Dr.Cho amazingly just held both of their hands together and began to speak of words of binding all hatred and the ploy of the enemy. commanding both of them to be reconciled and be joined as one. tears just began streaming down the couple's face the moment he said that.

Dr. Cho then said in the magazine, he already overruled the broken relationship in the third dimension in his fourth dimension. So what was needed was a word from him...then the Holy Spirit can work! And it did! the weekend, the couple told Dr. Cho that as he spoke, both of them felt a wall being broken and they didn't even know why they fought so much in the first place. now they are more in love than ever.

Wow...Now, imagine us doing that in campus outreach. Having the faith and the courage to speak. I really feel I should implement this. With words, lives and things can change because the Holy Spirit is given a ground to work with. I am so excited and psyched over this.

And for the vision and dreams to keep going on, we really need to know what to imagine so that the Holy Spirit can work according to our fourth dimension and overrule our third dimension! Here are the slides of what I have been imagining all the time since I started outreach. We really need prayers to break the bondage of the wisdom in the world...that eyes may be opened to what is true and real.

Outreach members. As small in numbers as we may be, let's begin to engage the fourth dimension and to use our tongues to speak forth faith, life...creating the foundation for the working of God. Here are some pictures for us to imagine and visualize on. If we can all be united to do that...there will be an awesome breakthrough! I really believe that. I am seeing that. It shall come to pass..

Don't give up! =)) we are not alone.

birthday celebration continues...

March 31st, 2009

We were all in church, attending the Caring System seminar....right after Caring System, I was in the Church Cry Room talking to my cell group about certain issues. Coming out from the room, I was immediately asked to meet up with worship team for a meeting. Then, tadaa....there appears a birthday cake, and the worship team sang a birthday song, and we cut our birthday cake. Abel prayed for me and Hendra before we quickly dispersed to our zone leaders’ meeting.

After that, my subzone decided to sing me a birthday song, and added in to another birthday cake! Haha…prosperous with cakes this birthday. Then, after praying and giving presents, I was already suspicious that a sabo might happen (due to some mis-sent email, muahahaha) They tried convincing me that there will not be any sabo for me anymore. However, I was suspicious. Sophia, suddenly asked me to go to Sharon’s car in order to get the choir list. I responded: it’s ok Sophia. You already sent me the name list via email, I don’t need the original copy anymore. Sophia: oh okay…

Then she went off talking to Sharon…muahahaa…I saw you guys, ok!  I knew there was a plan already. After that, they told me they are going to sabo Anna, so I need to help them bring Anna over. So, I wasn’t sure of what to expect. Since I promised them I would help them with Anna’s sabo, I went together. I knew I was at risk of being sabo…but I never thought that I would be alone. I thought they would sabo us together.

So there the whole bunch appeared while we were talking outside the car. With tins and water in their hands. I clung on to Charis Lian. I thought that way, I would escape the sabo… however, before all these happened, Yunny drove to the back of the church and told me pastor was looking for me! And Sophia who was holding a tin of water in her hand, confirmed it. So here goes the conversation:

 
Hazel: Wait wait! I know you guys wanna sabo me. Let me go see pastor first!
Clement: Ok Ok I protect you. You go! (actually wanted to help them sabo me)
Sophia: (quietly lifting up the tin while I was walking in front)
Hazel: (quickly turn around)….ha! what is this! Tin lifted up!
Sophia: (Stares blankly with the tin up high then put it down again)
Hazel: After I see pastor first la…I promise I will come back (lol…in my heart….lari lo after this)
Sophia: go see pastor after we sabo you la
Clement: Hazel, cannot escape d la…just give in la
Hazel: Ok Ok….wait wait wait (panic, as more tins came out and surrounded by a bunch of people)….you see I got handphone or not first. Take my handphone first (take out and give it away)

 
Then I stood there with my hands open to receive….I said: come lah!

Itu lah masanya….Elvis from behind pour coke la, some sweet water, and plus sabun water…goodness…I was drenched….and when I walked into church, pastor was driving out. He stopped when he saw me. Wind down his window, and drenched with coke and water and everything I tiptoed toward the car and asked

Hazel: Yes, pastor you looking for me?
Pastor: What happened to you?
Esther: (laughing beside pastor looking at me)
Hazel: Kena sabo lor
Pastor: Who sabo you? All the guys who sabo Hazel must run around naked!
Hazel: Yes Yes Yes!!!
Jireh: (innocent looking)…I am innocent…
Pastor: You are the most suspicious one! (looking at Jireh)
Everyone: (laughing)

LOL….bagus ada support pastor. Nahh…sabo me some more la! :P after a short talk with pastor, pastor drove off, and I changed and went home washing all my sweet clothing, and sweeten hair. Boy tough job!

 
April 3rd, 2009

This is the real day. Was so busy trying to finish up the final project. Yi Zhen and Lynnette both decided to give me a secret recipe cake each with a birthday cake. Since outreach meeting cannot be held that day because of the final project submission, Yi Zhen came all the way just to pass me her cake and Lynnette’s cake. Another two cakes! Woohoo!   And after that, I rushed to prepare my sermon, I was so exhausted. However, it was really a great sermon that day. After preaching. Charis Tan told me to go into the room for a short evaluation with her as she had just preached and run her cell group for the first time the Thursday before. I knew they were preparing something for me though. It was just a trick that she wanted me to go into the room. Hahaha…


Then when I come out…wuah…too my disbelief, Anna Chuah was there also. And they prepared me a very touching song. Aww…and another secret recipe cake…hahahaha…View the video here:

Boy I sounded annoyingly high pitched in this video. LOL!

they decided to give me a appreciation postal messages each as part of the present =D

April 4th, 2009

After a tiring day in college, finally I rushed to church. After service, I did a short evaluation with my choir members, suddenly Faith said: and let’s celebrate someone’s birthday today! And the birthday song proceed….another cake! woohoo! So we sang and we celebrated…wow….it was awesome. Felt really loved.

 


April 5th, 2009

Brother came all the way from Taiping just to celebrate my birthday (apart from seeing his girlfriend). We had a splendid time eating Italian food (my favorite!), chatting and talking about what is going on at home. And uh!! My cell members, mom, and my second brother gave me love gift! Woohoo! And, of course, my dearest first brother asked if I wanted crocs. He is buying it for my birthday. However, I could not find a nice suitable one in Midvalley. So we leave it as that. And would buy when I see a nicer one. Hee!

 

So 2009 Birthday Celebration had officially ended. Had a lot of cakes, a lot of presents, and a lot of love. Thank you guys for making my birthday this year meaningful and special. Indeed, I feel really grateful and appreciated. You guys are amazing! Thanks for being in my life. You are  indeed a blessing.

 

Love always,

Hazel Saw (birthday 2009)

 

my early birthday surprise

Last Sunday was one of the most awesome day I had the entire semester. After a crazy time of spending the many many weeks doing assignments, meetings, etc etc etc....finally....sunday came...and my disciples a week earlier book me on Sunday claiming that they want to bless me me because I have worked so hard as a cell leader.

seriously to me the reason was valid...but a bit weird...out of a sudden wanted to bless me...and wanted me to dress nice nice some more...seemingly like we were all going to a high class restaurant. at that point of time i was a little worried. so i asked them if their building funds are ok and it is ok if they want to bless me i can go to places that are cheaper and etc...

HOWEVER, my beloved intern...cell leader already now...Charis Tan proclaimed: don't worry! we surely know how to budget one! it is only a few of us core members want to bless your heart. just dress your best and we will bring you for a day of fun, ok?!

So the day came...anticipating...wondering where they were bringing me...had an amount of suspect yet unsure about it...i began to dress up nicely...in a yellow dress! Ann and Christy...the two make up queens in the cell group began dolling me up...putting make ups for me.

So looking at my members dressing so prettily and the guys dressing so stylishly...i asked them..."are we going clubbing?"....charis and ann burst into laughter....

Ann: Wah Hazel! we where dare bring you go clubbing? later we get chopped.
Charis: haha....clubbing at 4pm? i step on you, you step on me?
Hazel: =_="""....okk i stop guessing! then Christy? You not joining us? how come you are not dressed?
Christy: Oh...no lor....i have already have appointment with friends to watch movie.
Hazel: Friends ya? Who are they jek?
Christy: (Change topic)....aiya why the curtains keep flying...very bright and hot in here!
Hazel: (suspicious...and think in the heart: going out with another guy? paktor ah? never tell me? hmmmm....)

Anyway, we continued our journey....here is the beginning of the drama they stage up for me...wuah.....salute them...after planning for two weeks (taking the chances while i am busy and not around to plan and plan and plan)....here is the story

you guys ready?

presenting the casts:

Ann Lang - the drama queen


Charis Tan - the great liar



Benjamin Yaep - the "innocent" actor (i will never expect if he lies to me. he is just too honest)

Jireh Tay - the driver

On the way to the "wherever" place in the car....i find the drive quite long....and suddenly we passed Batu Caves!....then i asked:

Hazel: Eh, where are you guys bringing me? bringing me back to Taiping ah?
Charis: Haha...no la...you wait and see la
Ann: We are bringing you to KL
Hazel: Don't bluff me. KL don't pass by Batu Caves wan.
Ann: Using another road ma. the road that pass by Cheras. so we can have more time spent with you!
Charis: Ya Ya!
Jireh: LOL..i think it is good that you cannot recognize road...we are bringing you to sell!! muahahhahaa
Hazel: =_='''' eh so where are we going? Are we going genting?
Jireh: Nola...you wait and see la

then as we drive and drive...then we went up a hill!

Hazel: eh! we are going up genting! i recognize this road!
Ben: nola this is not the way to genting
Hazel: not meh?
Charis: (kept quiet)...eh Jireh why you all going to Genting oh?
Ann: Yalor....(look shock)
Hazel: huh? So this is genting?
Charis: I thought we already plan to go Cameron? We didn't bring sweater leh...thats why we wear like taht cos cameron not that cold. aiyooo
Hazel: you all miscom issit?
Ann: yalar...i thought we going to cameron?ish...
Hazel: LoL...Jireh...are you feeling bad now?
Jireh: huh? why should i?...hahaha..its ok la same wan. there also got restaurant
Charis: But i book a nice restaurant there d! nevermind lah...
Hazel: then how charis?
Charis: I sms to cancel la...
Hazel: (think in the heart: wuah...quite canggih this restaurant can receive sms wan)
Jireh: Hazel....i think you should learn your geography all over again la
Hazel: (don't understand but didn't bother)

as we were talking chatting and driving. Ann suddenly kept quiet.

Ben: Ann, why suddenly so quiet?
Charis: Yalor Ann! are you ok?

Ann turned around with tears on her face...
Hazel: Are you ok!
Ann: (shook her  head)
Hazel: Eh tell me leh...
Ann: (kept quiet)
Hazel: (hand Ann the handphone) ....type for me
Ann: (hesitate and return the phone)....i tell you now
Hazel: (shocked with her opennness to tell in the car)...ok tell me
Ann: Actually last thursday, you remember i can't come to cell group and i told you i was working? i lied to you....
Hazel: (heartbreak)
Ann: There's actually this guy...whom i kinda like....we almost started. i actually went out with him....i knew it was wrong..so at first i rejected him...but in the end i cannot resist. i tried...but he was too good...he was there all the time for me....so we sort of held hands and all...but not yet officially start.
Hazel: (heart sank even more)
Ann: Just now he text me....he said that  his ex-girlfriend wanted to come back to him and they are already together...my friends already warned me about him...but i didn't listen...now he asked me to be his second girlfriend...underground
Hazel: Then what did you answer? what are you going to do?
Ann: I don't know...I need time to think
Hazel: (heart felt like being hammered!..sank into deep silence into the car seat)

so i text Ann
Hazel: too many people. i talk to you later
Ann: ok...sorry hazel
Hazel: talk to you later
Ann: OK

Charis: Actually Hazel. i feel Ann is not the only one with pastoral issue. Linet also. she told me for the next whole month she is not coming to cell group because she is going to prioritize and concentrate on her studies and all...she doesn't want cell group to be a distraction to her
Hazel: (heart shattered)....i will text  her
Charis: Christy also...i think she is seeing someone...secretly
Hazel: (thinks in her heart: how come they want to bring me to Genting and yet give me news that really cause me to be unable to enjoy...)

And i text Linet rebuking her for her wrong priorities. And Linet insisted that she would not be coming. and refused to reply me after that. wuah...immediately i texted shirley boon...too heart broken already.

Nonetheless, in the car that was a deep intensed silence. I was praying to God...i somehow wasn't that convinced that Ann was in love because there was no sign of backsliding and so forth...But i could not take the risk seeing that she did cry. So i was praying in the car...God, whatever it is...my members intended me to have a good time...so i decide i must be happy when i reached up there

As soon as I reached Genting, I changed the mood and became cheerful. According to my members they were shocked that I was not affected. LoL...so Charis said that since we were in the wrong place...they will go hunt for restaurants first while i talk to Ann...

So as I was talking to Ann...counseling her...I noticed she kept smiling...so I wasn't sure if  she was being truthful. I poured out my vision and my disappointment....and before the last closing of the counseling, I asked Ann: Why are you smiling?....Ann turned to me, and dropped a few more tears...wow...i was so confused...anyway, i did not want to take the risk...so i just counseled my heart out....and she ended the counseling with the fact that she learnt her lesson and she wanted to be more accountable and come back...so that was why she opened up to me...

only after that, we realized that she was suppose to act so blur that she didnt want to get out of the relationship to make me feel so so so so sad that all i wanted to do was get home and not enjoy the evening anymore...however...according to Ann...she couldn't do it because she felt her heart sinking seeing my disappointment....(hahahaha :P) so it proves how much she loves me then! :D

so..since the counseling was a success...we moved on together...and go to a nice restaurant to eat....tadaaa: don't know what restaurant is this called. some shaghai thing..

good food! nyiaaahhahaha

the greedy Jireh


and we indulge in some photo taking sessions

hee...i think Ann's camera made me look good :P...

So Ann had been the photographer throughout the night. We had meaningful sharing about spirituality, vision of the church and etc...it was really inspiring, fun and fruitful. Duing the sharing, Ann Lang was busy taking our candid shots...

sharing...

happy listening...Jireh: hmm...i want to be THAT MAN *thinking hard*

Charis: I m so inspired. wush!

another candid shot. the makeup is so deceiving!

LOL..Ann Lang's hasil kerja...

And he ponders...

After sessions of sharing...we decided to take a stroll around Genting. And take some pictures...(took picture with mimer also...where is that pic? hmmm) the intention was to drag the time...and torturing me...by asking me to walk outdoor..in the cold...without sweater and with my four inches heels...boy.....i was like..so desperate to sit down! but tried to be grateful that they were giving their best to spend time with me...little did i know, it was all staged!


Ann's favorite shop. Asked us to take picture with it so much...hmm

LOL i seriously find this  cute

some "ghosts" in the ghost house who asked us to come up...and we in turn ask them to jump down :P oh well..cheeky us

the restaurant that got a little upset when we went up to take picture...didn't know it was a restaurant wert...



and we walk...and we walk

oooo...teddies!!

so my very kind interns deceived me after that that we needed to find a place to sit down...in starbucks. we were in first world hotel..and i insisted that starbucks was in first world...they insisted they wanted to go to another starbucks in highland hotel...so we walked...OUTDOOR...me without a sweater...my goodness....i was shivering crazy....and finally we came back to first world starbucks..and i told them...i told u guys it was in first world...hrmmpph!

And then they bought me some drink and distracted me...when suddenly...tadaa....the rest of my cell members appeared from behind singing birthday song to me...boy i was so touched...but hush...i tried to swallow my tears...hahaha.....i sorta guessed there was something going  on with the excessive calls and smses they were making....however....hahaha..it was still moving for me to see them travelling all the way down...Christy confessed that she did had an apppointment...with jeffrey and eng kim...LOL....hrmmmphh...and charis ann ben and jireh had to confess their sins and repent for lying...tsk tsk tsk

and ofcourse they finally revealed to me that it was impossible that we were going to Cameron since it is in Pahang or near Perak....lol...which was something i was unaware of...no wonder Jireh said i had to go geography lessons.

then there was a session of sharing...whereby they broke to me all the pastoral issues and all the walking around outdoor genting was a sabo for me...and there were heart moving sharing with one another...from each member to me and from me to them -- appreciation time they called it...(got it recorded all on video!) :) and touching moments...cry cry..before we all went back home....lol...sorry guys, i know you intended to make me cry...but i don't cry that easily...however i was still very very moved and touched!

these are the few shots....there were more, but not sent to me yet...will upload once i get it...

the moment we reveal all the sabos!

Clement spoilt our picture

overall it was a blessed time i had with my members. just felt so blessed and loved with all of them coming all the way to celebrate with me...with the help of few drivers of course...thanks to jeffrey, eng kim and clement...

thank you guys for making my birthday memorable ... apart from the pastoral issue sabo! ish ish...hahaha...i still wonder how did Ann made the tears drop...fuh! shud suggest her for drama team...

just four words. really really felt loved  :) will update more pictures once i get hold of it.. still haven't receive the group pictures...

so stay tune for more! :D

goodness...after typing so long forget to click publish! thank God it is still here leaving for church now! caring system seminar tonight :)) see you guys there!

the spark of God's heartbeat

something that really sparks God's heartbeat within me.

i watched these videos way back in 2006. the time when God nudge me real hard to move to the mission world. that was the time, after watching i began crying afraid that i cannot do what God wants me to do. immediately i called my leader. hahaa...but those were the silly days...

something to share and to inspire:


Jim Elliot's story




Rachel Joy's story



because of her death....during her funeral, thousands of people responded to take up her call to continue on carrying her torch on beginning a chain reaction....a man who was watching CNN that night, with a gun on his head, gave his life to Jesus watching her funeral service. Her cousin, Jeff, finally gave his life to Jesus when she died...more than that, she started a totally new ministry motivated  by her six diaries and essay...to change the lives of the teenagers today.


i admit i am not as brave as Jim Elliot or Rachel Joy Scott. they had been martyred for Christ. But i am truly inspired by how they pursue the will of God with just their lives that they do not fear losing their lives for others. Rachel even knew she was going to die as she wrote in the diary...whoa...this is truly the heartbeat of God...someday i wish i can learn to be brave to take up the call of God...i know greater things can still be done! =)

be blessed by the videos.

Joy of a Leader -empowered divine LOVE-

hectic semester...tight schedule....limited resources....restricted jobseeking...therefore, sum the conclusion of the lagging in blog post. =P

nonetheless, this is one of the semesters where i grew the most and more in love with the One above...so this is my recent updates. I personally feel a need to blog this down as a significant event of my life in this season. well the writing style is going to be a little different as I intended to only pour the story before I forget any details...and off to rest my heavy head =P....here it goes

Last week all cell groups are to preach on "Finishing Well"....as I was preparing the sermon, flashbacks upon flashbacks ran through my mind. I was not only brought to the remembrance of how Shirley, my dearest leader picked me up from brokenness....but also to the times when she was teaching us about how being a leader it is not easy as it takes one's willingness to open up a really smelly, rotten, worm-filled can...emptying it with your bare hands and cleaning it up. One question she asked: will you clean up the mess in the lives of the people you lead if you find them all smelly and stinky? do you reject them? or do you take them in and clean them up?

As I was preaching the point on accountability to leaders, apart from the arise and build pledge, I just felt there is a need to address to my cell group members....that I am called as a leader at this point of time, not as a judge, or to be more superior than them....but called to serve, love, shepherd and guide them the best way I know how. As I was preaching this point of the sermon, I reassured my members again and again, that as ugly or unworthy they feel they might be,  I am willing to be the person who does the cleaning, listen to them and help them through. Good or bad, I will still love them. And that in the long race to run, if anyone gets tired, let the whole cell group be their strength, if someone cannot have faith, we will be their faith, if someone cannot run, we hold them hand in hand and run together until we all cross the finishing line....assuring them in good and bad times, season of strength or weaknesses or defeat, leaders are equally interested in all seasons and all times of their lives....the response for both cells were indeed touching to me.

moving on after cell meeting last friday, I met up with a few of my disciples to discuss on some personal issues. One significant feeling I felt throughout the talk was that as I was with them, there was an extraordinary, divine energy and power to just love and nurture, seeing the brokenness and hurts carry deep within for so many years. God was indeed refreshing and amazing. I just knew there and then that the heart and strength to love is not from me as it was at a different level of capacity and faith. Again, with the prompting of the Holy Spirit, I decided to reassure them that I am not just a leader who wants solutions and lives to be set straight, all in all I still care and love them for who they are. And I want the best for their lives. In my spirit, I just felt that these were the words they needed to hear

Eversince, I just felt there is a breakthrough in the atmosphere of the whole discipleship system....after the short discussion we had, the disciples involved began opening up bit by bit of their lives, smses and emails of reports after reports came in over the weekend concerning struggles and needs for breakthroughs from different different cell members - those I have never expected from (usually only my interns and uprising leaders send me reports), my interns are also receiving reports after reports from their disciples wanting to be guided, msn was a great tool for more issues to be tapped in, twitter became a good tool too for prayer requests and keeping touch with me....there was just so much trust and openness these five day (either to me or to one another in the cell). The dynamic took a change. Truly, indeed...just as Shirley had told us over and over again....love conquers all. love covers a multitude of sin...love sets people free, gives people the courage, and even break walls! Love is powerful! = people do not care how much you know, until they know how much you care=
 
I really want to believe with all my heart that we are moving toward the vision and the direction of running the race strong together as a cell, into the realm of faith and unity, supporting one another. my dearest members, if you are reading this, I want you to know how much I am touched by the eagerness to be discipled and accountable, and I am truly honored. Let this be a commitment to fight the good fight until we all reach the finishing line! =))

thank you for your trust. I love you. and I always always pray that this is the one thing that our cell group will never be lacking of...not today, not tomorrow, or in the near and far future...let this be the season we decide to fight together and keep fighting on no matter what happens. Unity stems from trust, trust and love intertwined, are weapons we can use against our enemy. Stay strong together, ok? Don't drop out halfway through the race...!

WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER! walk not, run this race together. you are not alone =))

I truly thank God that despite such a crazy season with so much hecticness, problems, persecutions and difficulties I faced, I did not lose my joy....He is truly my only strength and source of hope....and I thank God for strengthening and encouraging me through looking at the lives and growth of the people I am close to....one way or another, He always find ways to bless my heart....hee...just love Him so so much...! (*snuggle*)

He is indeed amazing, aye? =))

Hopefully this is an encouragement to someone ...let's strive to be the multi-type, all season, all-type can openers!

Bless you!

pa, ma!

Daddy, Mummy, I LOVE YOU!!


Can't wait to come home and spend time with you, smell the home-ly aroma, eat the

home-cooked food, drag my feet around, show you all my new clothes, sit down and "keng

kai", drink wine together gether during reunion dinner...and help you do spring cleaning!

(ok, I promise I will try not to be lazy *teehee*)....


miss you all like crazy.


See you Saturday Afternoon! Yay!


Love,

Szee!