Stay Still = Being a vessel

Certain unpleasant things in life happen repetitively again and again when you step foot into that particular place.

Sometimes it seem unbearable...sometimes it drain the best of you, and you keep wondering, when will those events take a toll and stop happening? Sometimes you wish you have the guts to walk away and call it quit...stop caring. Sometimes you wish you can just not step foot there again, but you know that would be something wrong to do..

Tonight as I was meditating on the Word of God, 10.02pm...God said this to me:

You want your life to be a vessel for Me
You said you would lay your life on the altar for me
Well, sometimes I do not need you to do anything fancy...but by merely putting through with the the toils and  brokenness, the storm in your life...
If you are willing to bear, if you are willing to persevere...if you do not give up...you will be My vessel, you have truly put your life on the altar for Me to work with.

Don't meditate on the fact that things drains you, even if it repetitively does.
Don't doubt a single minute that things will not change....
If you stay there long enough, if you keep allowing Me to use you as a vessel to go through challenges strong!...the change will come and you will be the reflection of Me in the darkest place.
You do not need to do much, but just merely stay there, be strong...and wait...do what I would be pleased with...and keep doing it even when nobody appreciates it. You are My vessel...and you have to know your place and your appointed time. Don't miss My plan.

Honestly it didn't occur to me that staying still in negative situations would mean being a vessel for God sometimes apart from all the mission works and ministry - it didn't occur to me that clearly, until now. I hope it encourages anyone of you who are going through certain circumstances and you feel like you really want to escape but you know you shouldn't?...yes sometimes God used you as a vessel by just you choosing to stay through in those places. And do what He wants you to do, react how He wants you to react...

Stay strong! =)) If God is using you as a vessel to stay in rough circumstances, He will not leave you and stroll away before He comes back again. He is there providing you the strength to stay.

Be blessed! =)

A chat with God

In the midst of studying for finals, Hazel decided that she would have a little chat with her beloved God...

Hazel: Daddy..

God: Yes, dear?

Hazel: Got something to ask You (anticipation shown all over the face)...very important one!

God: Haha...what is it? (smirking - a sign of Him knowing what I was about to ask)

Hazel: I want to ask right, how to know what are the things I can do and is correct one and what are the things that are not?

God: What....I know what you are worrying about right now la...

Hazel: Hee...You know good la...then then then...what are the things that I can be sure is correct and is OK for me to do and the things that are not jek? (cling on to God's arm like little girl)

God: The things that you cannot do and is not OK are the things that I have labeled as sin in the bible and labeled as against the law by the government...

Hazel: Some more?

God: And the things that I have revealed to you that is not OK wan loh...like certain things you feel you feel it is good or nice to have then suddenly I show you that it is not really such a good thing or option...neh...those times ah when I show you...remember or not?

Hazel: Remember.....(silent a few seconds)....then for things that You didn't reveal anything one leh? Means can do ah? Or should do?

God: =_='''' I didn't reveal hor....means it is ok to do lah...but that doesn't mean it is a MUST or a SHOULD la...you figure out and choose la you want to do or not. You do it also can, don't do it also won't do you harm.

Hazel: Then then, I have been having this issue la...I don't know what is the right thing to do wor...then You some more didn't reveal. Then now I ask You la, what should I do? If i make a choice to take path A also got certain struggles, if  take path B also like not correct, also struggle...what to do oh?

God: You decide lor....

Hazel: Maybe I should fast and pray about it. But I did that before!

God: Yealor...I know...I didn't give you any answer ma...means you decide loh...haijoh! Take path A also can take path B also can...I cannot tell you what to do la. Then I violate your freewill already you know or not.

Hazel: Yealah...but You see ah, like my biological parents right, sometimes even they ask me to make decision right, they still got preferences wan...so what is Your preference jek? I want to do everything in Your perfect will ma...

God: Nah girl,...see ah...Number 1, I am not your biological parents, I got no preference...Number 2, if I got no preference and ask you to choose, means whatever decision you make will not be a wrong decision, but still a decision in My will...Number 3, freewill is freewill...you have to learn to decide for yourself...Life is about making choices. If I make all the choices for you, then you become My robot already...

Hazel: ....

God: And Number 4, got exam tomorrow...GO STUDY NOW!

Hazel: hehehe...ok...after I blog.




Hrm....ever come across situations where you hope that God will just tell you what to decide on and do so you do not need to think so much what is the right thing to do? I have been there countless times...

Anyway, just posting this out of randomness...and to quote that at times there are situations whereby there is no such thing as the ONLY RIGHT OPTION...sometimes either option you choose, it will also be blessed by God. But the journey would be very different. So then it bogs down to one thing again...where your heart and passion lies, what you desire to journey...I guess that sometimes is a guidance to decisions like these...

BUT BEWARE. This blog is strictly not about partial obedience. About people ASSUMING God didn't give them any clear answers and go with whatever they "feel" is right or what they "feel" God tells them is right even when it is CLEARLY not. =)))

Just a random thought for you to ponder. Be blessed! Hit the books now. Toooddlleesss~~

Baby Keira is OUT!

For those faithful blogger readers, just for your information...Baby Keira is out this morning...

Wow...salute Keith. Last night while he was preaching he told us how he wanted to stay back in Malaysia just to support Juli and to wait for his baby girl...because her baby only comes out ONCE in a lifetime....He wants to be there to welcome her....wow.....(hmm...guys a.k.a male homo sapiens should take notes :P)

And now she is out! Congrats Keith and Juli!...Surely a blessed stay and such amazing parents you will be :)

Heard that she is really cute. :)) Can't wait to see. 

Asia Conference Week....A chosen Joy

It has been an amazing week! While everyone was in Asia Conference, I was back in KL. Being released from my responsibilities of being a choir leader or a cell group leader, I was allowed a lot more extra time to finish up my left over assignments, as well as to really spend really really quality time with God. When I knew I wasn't able to attend Asia Conference, my heart sank knowing the fact that I would not be able to experience God in a powerful way with others, that I am not able to hear great sermons from the top 5 world class speakers. But there was one thing that I told God and I prayed about eversince I knew I could not attend Asia Conference. That I would not be left behind, that I would still capture and grow to the next level of spirituality...growing hand in hand with the rest even with the limitations I have.

God was indeed amazing. Initially I have asked my beloved intern and disciple, Ben and Sophia to record each and every sermon and send to me every night. Unfortunately the files were too big, and to send via email would take a very long time. Therefore, we decided that it is best if they just directly pass the sermons to me when they come back to KL. Nonetheless, I would say, I have still spent one of the best weeks alone at home...praying loudly and hearing from God.

This week, I was reminded of my visions, dreams, my journey with God, and even had time to tap into a few pastoral cases. God indeed had made my stay in KL a fruitful one. I have learnt so much, and researched so much on my studies...

Last night's service was amazing. I would say I heard one of the best sermons of 2008. Keith taught about not losing the joy in God. The joy of the Lord is our strength! This is something real that do happen when responsibilities grow...and I personally experienced it. At times when we are so pressed and pressured by the responsibilities in life, we become so lost and depressed. This season, or rather this semester is one of the busiest semesters I have experienced my whole life. I would say....in college, I felt such a peak in pressures that it was even more pressurizing than leading a cluster...LOL

I remembered twice I almost broke down because of too much pressure and expectations from group mates. Imagine having to run three big project whereby the due dates are so close to one another. What more, running the projects with three different groups of people who all at the same time demand your time to meet up. To me, it was really a battle of time, and a battle of fulfilling responsibilities and doing it excellently. There were many times that I felt so tempted to just combine cell group with Shirley so that I needn't have to be so pressured...oh but God really rebuked me for that...repent! :P

This is something real, that at times as a person with a lot of responsibilities, you do get tired, and weary. That is why people burn out, that is why people gave up. But I remembered one thing that Shirley said: that our responsibilities will never decrease, only increase. It is true you see...responsibility do grow with age! And with that we have to learn to cope with it, learn to have joy in it. Like what Keith said. One word that was really true was this : that the moment we start to prove ourselves to people, to show how good we are, we began to live for that person not for God. The moment we start focusing on how good a result we want to produce, our focus becomes the result, not God...then we would lose the joy as we lose our purposes, everything becomes meaningless...Well, indeed there are a lot of things that can cause us to be upset and frustrated in life...but is it really worth it? Exchange your joy for energy wasting frustration, anger, whatever u call it, and feel terrible the rest of the time? Haha...humans!...hmm....

Thus, that two times when I almost broke down, the one thing I did, was I threw everything aside, and I began praying even with the limited time I have to complete the assignments. But those prayers were the one that strengthen me...keep me moving...because I have renewed joy. And a lot of time, when I explain to my members, I told them to depend on God? It doesn't make much sense to them at times as they do not know how it works to relieve us by just depending on God..what are the elements that will cause their frustrations to go away?...by merely blindly depending and waiting?.... Well, actually it is more of A CHOICE to renew your strength with God...and through prayers under pressure...the way God renew strength is through giving the joy...reminding you why you are doing this in the first place, what your right focus should be...and how we should do it...and how you can trust him at all times, like old times...but it is a choice you have to make to rejoice!...as most of us know that our minds can be really clustered and negative especially under tremendous pressure...you have to really want it and choose to positively analyze the situation. Else praying, crying and expecting God to forcefully insert peace in your heart when you persistently do not want to let go of your frustrations, worries, or emotions will get you nowhere for sure....It is a choice!

Finally being able to put them in words...wow! I just feel impacted and liberated...now I know how Shirley can always be so joyful in the midst of all her crazy weeks :D Indeed, joy only will come if we choose to be joyful.

Haha....Ok...a very silly picture... but full of joy, alright!!

Last night Coleen taught me a great deal in singing...more than just singing :D Well, to me it is something significant. I remembered myself practicing so much at home...sit ups, singing everyday loudly for one past five days...(nobody at home you see :P)....and wow....at home I felt like I am able to do it on stage already....But on stage with the mic..suddenly my voice got swallowed up...lol...throat become tight. Voice can't be projected, become shaky and soft...phew*...stage fright? I don't think so....but I know I am very conscious about how I sound on the mic...not used to it...but one thing she taught that was very significant to me...learn to love your voice...and not focus on how it sound...I have been focusing too much on it, too conscious about it....but of course one thing I really need to work on is the projection! I can be better! Exercise Hazel!!! - go jogging! :P

wow...great week! The best is yet to come!...and muahahhaha...I am awaiting the sermons recorded so I won't miss out....oooOOooo live webcast is starting now....catch up later :) Be blessed...choose to be joyful today!


Love always...

Declaration of FAITH...the fulfillment of dreams

1. Campus Outreach will launch the first successful event by February 2009!

2. Cell group will hit 20 people and multiply.

3. Asia Conference that I will be able to receive sermons recorded by Sophia Lian! And sent by Ben to my email!!! --> Those who doesn't want to miss out anything in Asia Conference, let me know. I will send to you IF i receive it!

4. Arise and Build will have abundant part time jobs and creative ideas to raise fund. Those who wants to offer job, I am good at writing!! That the entire building fund will be able to collect a hit of more than 3 million! We can do it!!

5. Discipleship : disciples rise up! Strong in God, loving people!

6. Salvation :  Family and friends coming together in the new church building worshipping God with all their hearts...

7. Studies : I will do well! And I will score the CGPA I want!

8. Passport : That I will get back my passport ASAP. So that I can go to conferences, missions, emerge in Singapore, other Asia Conference to come...and SOT!!!

And all these shall come to pass....AMEN!


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Something to PonderToday as I did my quiet time, the one thing that God taught me, is to declare positivity into the things I want to see happening in my life, and the visions that God has put in my heart. At times, dreams died, at times dreams were delayed....but one thing stay true...the One True God we worship. Today, God has brought me through my journey of life once again...and I really have to say, eversince I came to City Harvest Church, my journey with God had been divine and blessed...I really thank God for a great leader like Shirley who was placed over my life. As busy as she is, she never cease to support me, and help me fulfill the visions of God in my life. The dreams i have...

When campus outreach started and nobody wanted to give us the covering to kickstart, she offered her covering over this campus outreach, urge us to start....and came to support as well as teach us and equip us for evangelism.

When my cell group started off with a rough start, she came in, protected me and guided me step by step....allowing me the chance to get my hands on discipleship, challenging me to do beyond my comfort zone, bringing me along to counseling sessions to help me learn.

When I couldn't attend Asia Conference, as busy as she was with all the administration work, she took time to help me call Singapore, and check out if there were live webcast....

When I was in financial difficulties, she sat down with me took out a pen and paper to help me plan my finances, and brainstorm with me on how I could spend and save.

Sometimes, she rebukes. Sometimes we might merely joke and laugh about things in life. And at times it might seem like we are just having casual talks. But little she know that each time when we talk, whether intentionally or not, one word or two that she speaks will somehow impart certain knowledge, impact me or cause me to realize certain things. That is the anointing of God she carries in her speech and conduct...

When I faced persecution (I will remember this for life), and when everything else seems hopeless, she was there to push me on...calling me every night, telling me to keep moving forward, that she is there for me...and that she will walk through with me...convincing me that I am stronger than all these!

And when I am stress in my studies, she would encourage me, and at times would even help me by having combined cell meetings just to ease my burden. Nonetheless, this was in the past. And I know in order for me to expand, I cannot keep relying on her by combining cell unless really necessary (LOL :P, repent repent)

What more, she even looked out for seminars, and hand me broschures after broschures on conferences that I can go to in order to learn more about the human mind...psychological disorders...for me to expand in my studies in my future careers.

My leader picked me up in broken pieces and helped me to come back to God by constantly loving me and preaching a strong word into my life. Truly, one way or another, wether directly or indirectly, she has been helping me fulfill my dreams, and my visions in Christ. Guiding me to walk in line with the path of God, in the perfect will of God. Indeed I am truly blessed by her.

And with that, I will always run her visions, and her dreams....always...

I thank God for all the blessings He had put in my life. The right people, the right place, at the right time...I pray, someday in the future, I will be a great leader just like her. Touching lives, changing people.

Passion....Your Call, My All

Faith like a child

Moves my heart to see kids worship God like this :D





and
arrrghhh....i love her so so much *pinch pinch pinch*