Faith like a child

Moves my heart to see kids worship God like this :D





and
arrrghhh....i love her so so much *pinch pinch pinch*

Mary and Martha

In life sometimes, we feel that there are too many things to be done, too many responsibilities to fulfill, and too many expectations to meet. That at times, we become so concerned about the results that we can produce, we forget to stop and listen to the silly chatters of people, look at the flowers. Talk to people, catch a breath or two, comfort a friend, hear the band sing, enjoy the morning breeze, enjoy good company.

This season of my life, it just hit me that at times we can be like a machine...doing something for good intentions, but we forget that we need to enjoy and experience the journey. Then we begin wondering why certain relationships drift apart, certain things in life are not as simple as before anymore? It is because at times, we felt we are overwhelmed by the many things in life that it is okay if we should skip certain journeys and certain people just so that we can produce good work and finish everything in time = we thought people would understand, we thought we wouldn't miss that much. "Those are not important" some would say. Nonetheless, it is not the results of what you achieve that is going to bring impact to the world. It is the journey that you have brought them through, the journey that you have experienced with them. The same goes: It is not the results that God is concerned about. It is the journey.

People will not remember you for the things you achieve for long. But people will remember the countless moments you were with them. The good times, the bad times. The cheerful, fun times, the gloomy times.




Relationship is the one thing that makes all journeys worthwhile. A kind word, a listening ear, a happy smile, a firm pat on the back make all the differences. As the effect of the results wither away, it is the memory of the journey that stays imprinted in our mind forever. Choose to experience a good journey today as you strive for great results. The JOURNEY CAN determine the results. It doesn't have to be "either or". We can have both a great journey and a great result.

Be more like Mary instead of Martha. For Mary earns the favor of Jesus. Walk WITH Him, not ahead of Him.


:)) Remember this always.....Hazel

In this City, my city...

It has been a long time since I last blogged. My schedule is so tightly packed with emerge coming up and etc, the call ups in church, the crazy making sure everything is arranged, the discipleship and so forth. It is not easy in this journey of clustering, I am sure Clement, Nickey, Si Xuan, Joel, Jenny, Bobby and Siew Min would agree with me (LOL). Nonetheless, one thing I realized this morning as I was doing my devotion, that all these things have brought me to a new phase of life that I never thought I would have entered. At least that is what I feel now. I am no longer the same person as when I first started with the cluster. I just feel different inside out. Emerge fever is kicking in! So are you ready to emerge? WE dare YOU! yaaa!!

As human, I get tired too especially this season, but my refreshing and renewing of strength comes from seeking the One above every morning. With God, the whole day usually runs in order. This season is truly a good training ground for me as Shirley said. If the cluster leaders can learn to lead these big groups of people, we can lead a subzone one day. Yea! I am visualizing that now. =D I always wonder how Shirley did it. Now, I know it is not easy. All the more this process of leadership makes me appreciate my leaders more. With 200 people under my cluster, not my subzone, whose pastoral issue I needn’t have to worry about because they have their own cell leaders, I am already feeling that it demands a lot from me. What more for Shirley and pastor.…leading more than 200 people!!! And inside there are so many pastoral issues that they have to personally deal with….they’re amazing!

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to Passion Conference last Sunday night. Honestly I was really tired, whole day being in church for all the competitions cheering and so forth. But, the conference was totally awesome.

Chris Tomlin’s worship on Sunday night had ministered to thousands (4 thousand attended the conference that night). Will the problems and storms in your life stop you from singing to God? The truth is, the overwhelming joy and confidence of victory in God only increase your desire to worship the ONE TRUE GOD all the days of your lives. Nothing can replace that, not even the deepest darkest problems. Not stress, not what people talk about you behind you….But if we allow these petty problems to stop us from singing, then God is not the ONLY One we worship nor the FIRST in our lives.

Many of us cried so much last Sunday night. The presence of God was really strong. Especially when Chris Tomlin sang…man…it was portrayed inside out that he is truly a man of God. The anointing he carried is indescribable. The atmosphere was just so full the spirit that people just naturally have visions and are restored and healed and refreshed. My mindset was that preaching of the Word can only have such a strong effect. No doubt worship can too, but it just didn't occur to me that I can experience it other than only knowing by fact. In Passion conference, not only me, but many others were ministered at the same time. Passion conference was all about being passionate for Christ. About outreach for Christian, about Christ for the non believers.

A lot of time we hear people saying, our country, our campus, our marketplace, they are all our responsibilities. Yes truly we know that. But how many of us will actually claim the city for Christ? How many of us will say, yes God I will be the salt of the earth and make You famous…then really stepping out and doing it. Or rather, we are those who at that moment of time, we were touched, so we said yes…after that, we doubt or we were too lazy to step out to do it even.

“Too radical” some would say…or maybe… “It is not my calling!”…. “I do not have the time!”….I believe all of us at some point of lives or maybe until this very day still saying this. The truth is we do not need thunder, fireballs falling from the sky and God’s audible voice to tell us that reaching out and crossing over to bring the gap closer between the living and the dead is our calling. THIS IS THE HEARBEAT OF GOD. A true Christian will know that what God desires all of us to do at the end of the day, is really mission. His desire is to restore the whole world back to their original purpose, that is to believe in Christ and be reconciled again with Him. Then what is with the denial of the responsibilities we have in Christ? I would personally say…fear….fear of not being able to do it, fear of nothing happen, fear that we might not be the one, fear that we are not good enough, fear of being criticized, fear of looking like a “holy” person, fear of investing time, fear of commitment, etc….Yes, and I am no exclusion from all these claims. 

Outreach, was the greatest thing that God has implanted in my heart this very season of my life. I remember, when I was urged to lead an outreach in my campus, I turned away from God and rejected Him, claiming that I was too busy, suspecting that it may be only my imagination. Besides, I have too many assignments, exams, too busy to plan that. Second time when God called me, I said yes this time, but with many excuses of not being able to find a room, a good support to start this whole thing. Third time when I was urged, He said this: If you don’t want to take this up, I can call somebody else. It doesn’t have to be you!

Immediately I realized how disobedient I have been, and take up the call. There and then when I decided and started planning, God showed me the possibilities of making it happen, a place to gather, the right people to support. I really do not want to miss out in what God can use my life to be part of. The week after that, few of us just gathered behind a classroom and we began praying and interceding for our campus. And the meeting stands till this very day. However, honestly, I have been discouraged big time by this outreach. I told God this:  You asked me to start an outreach, but there is no planning or ideas to go with it. What are we to do next other than praying? And still only 5 of us? How can we make any difference? It has been so long, and we are still here. It doesn’t seem like we are progressing at all. What am I suppose to do? Are we healthy spiritually? Did I hear You wrongly? Or is it I have done something wrong that I could not hear what You want me to do?

Well, this doesn’t seem biblically right I know, LOL but hey…I am human too. I know God works according to His own time, but I was desperate for something to happen.

I have been trying to twist God’s arm, wanting Him to make things happen according to my time! My way of seeing the move of God, is through the results. God’s way of moving is through mysterious ways that men cannot possibly understand. In fact this is the word that God has put in my heart since the beginning of this year…that it is not the result He is concerned about but the quality of my relationship with Him...And it just hit me that He is preparing me for this season. In Passion Conference, God asked me one question that I will never forget: Child, the outreach is not ONLY for you to reach out, but the outreach is also for you to build your trust toward Me. Will you continue waiting and keep on keeping on even when I do not move for one year, two years, five years? Or will you just stop doing everything? Will you keep on having faith in me even when all else seem hopeless and impossible and people are mocking you? The choice is yours. That night, God put in my heart two pictures to meditate on:

One of it that i find biblically significant and encouraging was this:

Jesus, leading us through the woods. Quietly, we followed behind, not uttering a word. He walked on the water. We all halted our steps not wanting to step in, being afraid. We all know the story of Peter, but we were not brave enough without the hands of God with us. Jesus turned around, reached out his hand, held ours…and said: Come…at that moment of time, we are in the midst of decision whether to step in or to say, "its ok! we are fine on dry ground." In the end we did...His grip was so secure that I personally just trusted Him. And then as I walked out I put out my hand for another person at the edge of the island uttering the same word, "COme!", and he step in too, then that person do the same to another, then another…then another…and the whole sea, was filled with people walking on the water with Christ taking lead.

As Christ has done for us, we did the same to others…that we may all cross over to the promised land and nobody is left behind. And people just follow and become Christlike. But first it takes us to be Christlike before that happening. Imagine, who will trust us when we say "come!" if we do not carry the anointing and the image of Christ. At the end of the day, the glory all goes back to Him. We are just a vessel. But we have to be willing to turn around and say "Come" before we are able to be a vessel. And even before we turn around to ask others to come, we must be the one who step into the water first! It is living a life of example! Wow...

 And it began to sink in my mind, that my family, my friends, my campus, my city, my country, my world….is truly my responsibility. And to impact the world, I have to start with the people I have first. I was in a mode of amazement, looking at the picture of Kuala Lumpur. Compassion and growing fire unbelievably began to overflow from within. And as I closed my eyes and worship I decided there and then that I will not allow disappointments to tear down this vision in my heart. No matter what it takes, I CHOOSE and DECIDE that I will not allow it to affect me.

To HUC ambassadors of Christ, let us all pray for our campus. Will we walk strong together united despite of denominations and cultures to make Christ famous? It is truly the love of the people that will spark this desire within us and the unity among us. To reach out is not a specific calling for certain people, but it is for all of us to make disciples of all nation. To be a part of God's hearbeat is a choice. It doesn’t necessary have to be through joining the outreach movement, it can be just merely a decision of wanting to reach out. But the question is will we join together and intercede for our campus? Remember…Our appointed time is ALWAYS NOW!  

Let's do it!

And to all outreach members. Do not give up! Stay strong. Let's all be FRUITCAKES for Christ.

For greater things have yet to come,

And greater things are still to be done,

In this city…

Malam ini...

Malam ini bulan mengambang....

LOL...

1. I just finished my assignments. Boy, I have not been sleeping for days! The assignment craze. My eyebags look scary

2. To release stress, me and my roommates went to Midvalley to practice "carthasis"...LOL...and we watched "Hulk" to use it as projection to release our natural tendencies to be aggressive...ahahha :P (my goodness, me and my psychology...)

3. I tried on a few nice clothes but all were too big for me. I must eat more to increase the meat on my cheeks...hrmm....and sleep more to unswell my eyes.

4. Camwhoring terribly...took so much pictures...Lazy to upload...

5. Why?...becase the post effect ot assignment is setting in....the migraine starts now.

6. Why blog? because i know my loyal friends who "secretively" peep at my bad haircut (jenny, viry :P :P :P) blog will peep again! =P hahaha...sorry ya no pictures :P

7. Blogging to make blog active

8. lalalala...

9. I am really out of coordination now. Don't know what i am talking about. Brain and body not working coherently. I am going off to bed, yes!

10. Before end, the main purpose i am blogging tonight is to announce something important. Those who constantly peep my blogs :P here here (hopefully the MINT, SMU & LU cluster leaders will read :P)...i shall share this with you:

All cluster, BEWARE!! VU shall by faith 

win once again this year!....

muahahaha!

VU....CHARGEEE!!!

- i have now announced...so VU

got no choice but to buck up ya! =D

- ok nitey nite-

Bad Haircut?! +P

I did something brave today...:) I walked into a hair salon back in hometown and asked the hairdresser to cut a new hairstyle as I was getting rather bored with the old one. And lo and behold, he did cut a new hairstyle alright!....but one that is really really shocking to me. Hahaha....reason being I asked for the thick fringe cut so that I can try seeing myself having fringe. Trusting the hairdresser who claimed that I would look good in it, I allow him to cut! But...yea...it didn't turn out as I expected...so right now, I sort of "regretted" having have my fringe cut and decided that I should keep it pinned up for the next few weeks until it grow a little longer...=D

The amazing thing is this....As I was travelling home in my brother's car today...looking out the window watching the highway cars passing by i switched into my "thinking" mode as usual driven by the mood to daydream...flashbacks and activated neurons fired rapidly laying out pictures after pictures in my head (*wow..drama =P)....I used to be so overwhelmed by bad haircuts....Each "horrible" haircut (as I assume it to be) would cause me to bug my mom or my friends....asking them the same ol' question over and over and over and over and over and over and over *gasp gasp*...and over and over and over again...."how ya? how? I look very ugly now"......."how how...howww???"

But today, having a bad haircut...(i knew it was a bad haircut because I don't look better or as good as when I was in the previous haircut)....I was amazed at the fact that it didn't bother me much. I don't ask mom questions, i don't bug people about it, instead I accepted the fact it was a bad choice, and i even laughed at how i look right now. Totally not my style...but yea...could get used to it though =D... the crazy thing is this....hahaha...i even tell a few of my close friends that I have changed my status from "hot chick" to "xiao ke ai" (little cutie)...:P:P:P:P ...my goodnesss! My roommates could not stand my overly self-proclaimed high self esteem....muahahaa...just kidding. Sometimes remarks like these help spice up conversations you see? =P...

My point is, I just felt a change in me, that I am no longer the old Hazel who used to condemn herself very much. The old Hazel felt inadequate for almost anything in life....looks, achievements, requirements, family's expectations, lifestyle...and many many more...The Hazel today, is NOT PERFECT, but is comfortable being who she is. The one thing that I realized throughout the journey thinking was that...without God, I was totally confused of who I was and who I could be.....but as I allow God to truly come into my life....things become different...I become assured of myself, I am more comfortable of the person I am made to be, and most important of all, I am not afraid to try new things and fail at it (eg. the bad haircut)...it is an amazing feeling to be able to look at the face of mistakes, laugh about it and move on...

Of course there are still moments of weakness whereby doubts and discouragements inevitably set in. Everybody, including the greatest preacher alive will have this so-called "moment of weakness"...But the differences in the strategies you employ to face these moments today, will cost your destiny tomorrow......there can be voices of condemnation trying to diffuse your attention and distract you from what is truly important, but when you guard your heart, refuse to allow yourself to be overwhelmed, you will triumph over these condemnation sooner than those who dwell and worry about it. Just like Pastor Kevin always said : Worry gives you something to do, but gets you nowhere...it is like a rocking chair....

And to overcome condemnation in life....one secret weapon you really need to have...is to know who you are meant to be, and who you are in God's eyes...and to be assured of who you are in Christ, we have to take that ONE step toward God (which will eventually lead to God taking a thousand steps toward us)....That one step is to allow God to come into your life...and know you :) ...that includes Him changing and moulding you....

The revelation I got from the retreat in Fraser's Hill during devotion. It is the word "know" standing between the word "you" and "God". There are two kinds of knowing....1. You know God...2. God knows you....To know God is to know what is His likes and dislikes as well as His desire and calling for us. To allow God to know you is to allow God to come into your life to do a new work in you that you may be Christlike and be new! The second knowing, which is God knowing us is the hardest type of "knowing" among the two as it requires rebukes, shapings, mouldings, and character building.

Funny, how a simple haircut can really lead to such a long thought and flashbacks of my life....But this also show how a simple thing like haircut can indicate changes in your walk of life. Or at least the previous reaction to a bad haircut and the recent reaction to a bad hair cut...hahaha....this is cool....I really had a wonderful journey thinking through a lot alot alot alot.....This trip back to hometown I believe is a very divine one. Not only I am able to celebrate the joining of my two very close cousins who are one of the first christians in my family (They have impacted my life alot), but this trip, I am able to really just love my mom, my dad and my brothers in a very different way. More than being a dutiful daughter, it is the joy of seeing them happy and really spending time talking to them for hours and hours...

So those who desire to see my new haircut....no way man! hahahaa...even though i have accepted the fact i have a bad haircut, i will also still try to rectify it you see? So until my hair grew longer the pin shall stay....muahhahaa....;P

In conclusion, to know God is one thing, to ALLOW God to know you, is another =)

So, the million dollar question is this. Do you want to know God? And if you already know Him, are you willing to open up yourself to allow God to know you as well? Choices are yours.

Your destiny tomorrow is the choices u make today. Be blessed!

OK! Here's the picture!!

Before

 

After

Rectified! ..yay!

=)

I just felt different after the three weeks holidays in hometown...

And especially after my subzone retreat. But in a very good way :) I believe.

The hazel before: Has no time for anything

The hazel now:

- Does her laundry regularly (in comparison to once in one or two weeks previously)

- Has timetable on her bedroom wall

- Studies regularly everyday

- Calls home three times a week

- Make her bed when she wakes up

- Has a tidy study table (haha :P)

- Is CRAZY about people ministry! (LOL...scary!)

- Gets frustrated about her phone bill

- Makes an effort to keep every relationship intact

- Sleeps at 12am, wakes up at 6am!!!!!!! (wow...this one i am amazed myself..healthy :P)

- Boils water to drink (haha :P)

- Did not leave her hairdryer and mirror on the floor after using

- Keeps her charger after charging :P

- Does not put her laptop on her bed, but on the study table!

However don't get me wrong. I have not become perfect...lol...This list...is what I have been TRYING to KEEP in practice for the past two weeks (and knew i had to deal with it for years but never had the momentum to keep it going :P). So far it is getting along quite well. But, at times i do struggle really hard to really manage all these as those bad habits have been following me for years now. But i really want to improve myself. I want to run my life well as i help others in managing their lives. So now as i multiply it here on this blog...i cannot escape but to hold myself accountable to the public. Haha...keep me in your prayers.

What i have yet try to do but i want to:

- regular exercising

- proper meal at proper time

- cut off total afternoon nap

- reading textbooks and not notes only

- cut down on my phone bill

- to love love love, spend time with people, and love love love...(haha..anna chuah and crystal low must have gotten the most loves then...)

- etc etc (cannot think of any now....however there are still some number of things i want to accomplish though)

I want to be a better me =) And truly, the subzone leader's retreat in Fraser's Hills really changed my life. I feel like the capacity of my love and desire to do what i need to do just grow to the next level. Its like an extra boost to go all out and be more courageous in every area of my life. Commiting each and every area of my life as a divine offering for God. And the instant we touch foot of the hill, I just feel an immediate urge to just change the way i have been. And i find this journey amazing...Because truly it blows my mind how just ONE NIGHT strongly encountering God can bring so much realization and changes in the way i see things ...it is really amazing...and especially at this point, i cannot slack.

I shall blog about how amazing the retreat has been in the next blog. The encounter with God was real and so strong that nobody came down from Fraser's Hill the same person as they went up. Right now, i think i have spent enough time online. So i shall see you all in the next blog ya?

Till then, i shall keep you people anticipating...hahha ~ :P *evil grins*

HOLIDAY!

Helllloooo....!!

I have been in Taiping for a lonnnggg looonnngg looonnnggg looonnngg time.....Holiday is ending soon :( Time in Taiping was limited...however i manage to squeeze in some fun and did many many crazy things. I got a new phone (yay!), I cut my hair, went to museum, and even fix braces!! woohoo....

and my dearest, wonderful, amazing, gorgeous, terrific friends, Anna and Eng Kim came to visit me in my peaceful hometown. It was a fruitful trip. I believe both Anna and Eng Kim agreed! *wink*

here are some of the crazy pictures I have taken throughout the holidays. LOL...can't believe i am posting this up!

Mangosteen

Anna the Sui Sui...

Eng Kim and the Mangosteen...

Ooo...the elephant skull

Ek & Anna

Blow...Blowwwwww...

......=_=''''.....

Ooohhh...Sepia Style

Typical big brother bully scenario!...EK, i have proof! *glares*

Happy Family!

????0.0???

Yo! Meet the warrior girl beside the meriam!

And then she drives her war chariot...

leggies leggies..

oooo....oooo...oooo....oooo

The masking ladies..haik!

And not forgetting the braces chick now..

So this basically sums up my Taiping Holiday! ahaha....my braces are causing me not able to talk.....goodness...torturous....and the squarish peg thing keep coming out....wonder how am i to fix it (it's the second time!)...oh well...shall have nice smiles in few months time... i shall be grateful...weehee.e.... coming back to KL soon....so all the people out there, don't miss me and don't show any reaction when you see me ya? Except those of happiness and gratitude :P hehehe....Kidding!

Toodles~ Peace