God hears.... :)

CNY break was amazing. In the midst of all the hustles and bustles, I begin to see changes within my family...accepting us as believers. Though at times, there were passing remarks on how inconvenient Christians are, but there are no longer mockeries....at least not in front of us.

In fact, I see changes, in how people view us. This time when I go back hometown, I stopped trying to prove myself. Instead, I pray each day God will use me as a vessel to just show His love and His glory. I just prayed and hoped that every time I am around my family members....whoever they are....They just feel peace....

I finally told my mom I am helping sex workers in the back alleys in the heart of KL. Surprising, she didn't nag as much as before....Just  some concern advises telling me  to be careful. The joy of doing what God wants me to do by faith, and then seeing everything fall into place....was really joyous for me. I want to shine brighter for You, God....here in my very own family.

I took some chance to teach my nephew discipline :P haha...the fierce "gu gu". All in all, it was an amazing CNY....all because  this time round, I depended fully on God, and I wasn't ashamed or fearful of how others would look at me. I wasn't preoccupied about proving myself....but I was preoccupied with chances to show love as much as I can in this family that I love very much.

Today, back in service....Pastor did an altar call at the end of worship, asking those who wants to see family getting saved come forward. Today....I saw many, many, many who shared the same faith, stepped out responding to the burden God has put within their hearts....to bring this very LIGHT back to our family.

I couldn't stop tearing.....I told God....I really, really yearn for their salvation. I will do the best I know how, to be a vessel, to preach the gospel of love with love....And as pastor spoke...."This year, will be a year where we will see our family get saved, that God will work in our family, that the message of the gospel will be preached, and we will be bold to go there and bring salvation to our home"

I knew....those words, were confirmation from God for  me....this year, is time...for the gospel to be alive. I do not know what kind of chaos may result from this, whatever may come....I am preparing myself for the battles ahead. I will fight, for the salvation of my family, and my friends...my loved ones....because  this is a worthwhile battle.

I remember telling my mom this: ma, if there is ever a chance for me to choose how I die, I don't want to die in an accident, or in sickness. I wouldn't mind if I die while I am reaching out to the broken. What a  meaningful death it would be....

And my mom said: You think life  is a movie? 

Hahaha....yea, it isn't. What I meant is, ENOUGH of being a coward, scaredy cat, fearful of every single thing in life. It may seem foolish to the world....but its time to come out from behind of mama's skirt....and stand against the enemy.

Pick up that snake, and turn it into a STAFF. (Staff in olden days are used to carve life's most meaningful events). To face our fears, the giants (mainly living within ourselves) and begin to live the life God wants us to live....be who God wants us to be......a life worthy of not only ONE full staff carvings, but THOUSANDS of em....which means, picking up more than just one snakes in life....

Am I ready? To be honest....fear doesn't just vapourize into thin air the moment we step out.....in fact, fear may increase.....but whatever it is...

Take my life.....let it be.....consecrate it......let it be YOURS!

Out in The Streets

Recently, I attended a conference called ICAP (International Christian Alliance on Prostitution). In this conference, founders and amazing people from all over South East Asia, gather to discuss and learn from one another on how to work out a good plan to reach out to sex workers, exploited women, children, lady boys, and even men.

It was such an inspiring conference. Seeing people from different NGOs coming together, sharing ideas, encouraging one another, sharing testimonies on how to be the LIGHT in the dark places. I was also enlighten by the many social enterprises that have been built to help equip these women who have chosen to come out / being saved from the prostitution world to integrate with the society again.

My heart breaks each time I hear stories of how many of these women were cheated, betrayed, by their very own loved ones and family....because they felt it is NOTHING to be exploited sexually. It is also a profession. Whatever their mindsets are, these NGOs are there to tell them....it is NOT OK to be exploited or abused. No matter what their belief systems are, it is totally not OK to be used up again and again...like that.

Last Tuesday, I went to the streets for the second time. I encountered MUCH experience and MUCH obstacles. I'm not gonna tell you what I experienced on the street only. But my entire journey. 

I had much work to finish up that day. Hence, when I leave the office it was about 6.10pm. No doubt the road was insanely jammed up. More jam than usual. Maybe because I was rushing. And every traffic light decided to turn red. =_=.

I was on my way to join the night walk in Petaling Street held by a group of passionate people from Charis Church in Cheras. They delayed the entire walk to 7pm so I could experience being on the streets myself. But even when going to Subang KTM, I knew it would be really late because a 5 minutes drive had then, turned into 20 mins drive. So I texted the Person-in-Charge, Lily. Again she delayed the walk to 7.30pm...just for me! *paiseh*

Then I arrived at Subang KTM. Lining up to get tickets, in front of me happened to be a handful of newbies I suppose. Didn't know how to use the ticket machine! So I watched my train choo-chooed off as I queue impatiently to get my ticket. In my heart....I was screaming...."Are you kidding me? I gotta wait for the next one??" God knows how long KTM can delay sometimes (hrmmm...)

So, I panicked (literally fretting). That I ran out of the station to get a cab. No cab wants to go Petaling Street. One who offered to fetch me there ask for RM50!! And another uncle said : Go home laa....at this hour how to send you to KL on time? (Lord forgive me for I have sinned...but God knows what was going on in my mind as the uncle said those words 8P). So I decided to stick with KTM. Would skip jam anyway --- stay positive! 

The next train arrived. At 7pm. In the train...I was praying, not wanting to miss the outreach. Cos if I miss the briefing I cannot join the night walk outreach. We need to familiarize ourselves with a set of rules before going into the ground. So as I was praying and praying not to be late....out of a sudden, someone in the train started screaming and shaking all over. Loud. Like possessed. Very near me, a malay, teenage boy. I was shocked by the scream and I looked at him. As I looked at him, I was praying, telling God...God don't let him come charging at me or hitting me. Cos he is probably a little challenged in the mind. But I really don't want end up in hospital. Want to go outreach. Haha!

But the shockness immediately turn me into praying in tongue mode... So yea! Good thing! Gives me more peace after the shock too.

Then I started checking my phone and messages and everything....and as I was busy meddling with the worn-out blackberry, I realized a malay girl right opposite me was silently looking straight at me. Feeling awkward, I looked up.. I was again terrified and shocked. There sitting right opposite me, a blind lady looking straight at me. Don't get me wrong! I have nothing against blind people, but I wasn't expecting to see white eyeballs! So I was terrified. It was too sudden, and I wasn't prepared.

At that very same time, I felt another person staring at me again from my right. So I looked to my right, it was the boy who just screamed hysterically looking at me. I was terrified for the 3rd time in the train. He had white eyeballs too.

It wasn't exactly anything creepy...but I've sat KTM and LRT for so many times. This is the first time I encountered so many psychological shocks in a single trip. Lol. Because of the many one-moment shock thing, my heart wasn't exactly beating at its regular beat. Plus I was late. Added up, I was kinda feeling all jumbled. Hahaha! Shock + kanjiong. Everything.

Then as soon as I reached KL sentral...I ran with all my heart, to the monorail station! And there were men trying to promote some promotion. Really, literally, pushy, and touchy men. I don't know what were they trying to sell... But I shooed them off as I was in a hurry... surprising to me, they came after me and kept asking me for my details and number. So so pushy! I was really frustrated, so, I pushed through, and I ran. Lol. Yea....I literally ran. Really...terrible sales strategy. Maybe my boss should offer them training for social skills. 8P

And so I ran....and I was telling myself. Two more stops and I'm there! Two more! When I arrived at monorail station.... Guess what. The train in the monorail station is not functioning. People were packing that place, but nobody gets to do anything. So no monorail for the day. Yay!

By then, it was already 7.30pm. Imagine my frustration, pek-cekness, stress, pressure all added up. So, Lily called. I told her I will delay again but told them to go ahead and start without me since I have made so much delay. Bu hao yi shi baa..... I was all ready to quit. Honestly, I was planning to just head back to KL sentral, hop on the next KTM and head straight home. So tired already. And so many obstacles!

So Lily told me, if I wanna join and I cannot be in time for briefing, I can still stay in the premise and intercede while they go on with their night walk. I said ok. At the point I was considering whether to go or not, I prayed...then suddenly, peace just gush in my heart. And I just felt convince...since I'm already here...why stop halfway? Finish the journey. So I ran out, got a taxi...overpaid the taxi. Taxi driver at that hour don't wanna follow metre and I couldn't do anything (partly I couldn't care less already bcos I just want to get there!).

Praise God...with all the twist, turns, ups and downs, I arrived just in time. Briefing and praying. One of the person in charge: Carmen...pat me on my back and smiled. She said: so many obstacles just to get here aye? Its ok, not trying to be too spiritual but well, I think the enemy is not happy....I smiled. And they prayed for me bcos I kinda carried the very "kan jiong" emotion all the way and they knew I needed the peace of God.

And of course, I managed to go to the streets, made friends with some sex workers. Met back the people we met the week before when we were doing our night walk with ICAP people. Spoke a little. Walk around the street break some strongholds and prayed, etc. there's not much sex workerrs that night, but speaking to one or two really is such an unforgettable experience.

I suddenly realized, I kinda have misconceptions last time. Realizing that they are human who chats the same way like we do. I always thought they would be very wild, out in the street, fierce, not so friendly, defensive, since they are often being taken advantage of. Turns out when we talk...they talk like anyone! About anything. Family, husband, CNY :). And I also understood some differences of culture in Malaysia and in Bangkok, Philippines. In ICAP they shared that the prostitutes are often easy to identify. In Malaysia, you got to kinda search and only know when you happen to see them doing transactions. 

I had the opportunity to pray in BM for a lady who is a drug addict and a sex worker. The boyfriend was sent to lokap. So she was very stressed out. I prayed for her for the very first time in my life in Malay!! Praise God. 

The whole experience makes me feel stronger confirmation that this is something I wanna contribute to this part of society. Reaching out to the broken. I was constantly reminded, this is a ministry that requires most patience because u don't see results right away. Each person u invest, some may take many years. So gotta constantly remind myself not to play god. Apparently from the "gurus" in ICAP most of them have tried to play god before, wanting to speed up results. Haha. Shall keep that in mind

Another amazing incident would be.... because of my tweet, one of my church member suddenly texted me. Ask me what ministry in Petaling Street that I am involved in. So I told him. And he was saying that he had always wanted to do a social enterprise that can relate to the heart of KL  and so he was very curious when he saw my tweet. So he asked me to tell him more when I'm free.

See, God knew my heart. Social entrepreneurship has always been my final solution. If I wanna help those who are discriminated, I must ultimately create a means for them to make money in the right way without being outcast by society. Even though at this point of time, I do not see myself in the right time n season to do that yet.. But its amazing how God does show me a glimpse of Him in the plan.

I am so grateful. This is the day in my life I want to remember. Thank You God, for giving me this privilege in life :)

My greatest honor will always be to serve my Lord and King.

Rough Start? But God... :)

Today, I will write this down, because I want to remember God not only in my  good times, but also in tough times.

2012 ended with a bang for me! I was totally hyped up for 2013. However, 2013 didn't start very well for me. many events happened in this span of 2-3 weeks.

I started off  with my very new spectacles, screw came off. I do not know how,but it fell off. And then the very next day  I burned my favorite shirt with the first stroke of ironing it....and I lost my very dear Samsung Galaxy S2 (gift from dad) the very same day...

Just the past Friday, I somehow ramp  into a fire hydrant. I couldn't see it.

many asked me how I lost my phone. To be very honest till this very day, I could not trace how. I was holding it. The next minute it was gone just like that. many asked how come I could not see the fire hydrant...I have no idea. Honestly, if you ask me....I would tell you I saw it as an empty space. I cannot explain how.

Probably carelessness? Yes, this is possible. I am quite known to be rather blur. Well...if possible, I hope this "blur" thing vanishes and I could be all sharpie sharp sharp 24-7! LOL. and if you asked me if I had put any effort to make it better....my personal answer for you would be...every single day I try. But I am sure the outcome did not show much of a difference at this point. Probably not up to par yet then? But fret not. I will keep trying!

Nonetheless, in this season, these 2-3 weeks, I learned what it means to really make God reign in our lives even in tough seasons. Its really tempting to complain...and I could have done that. Surprisingly, I notice these 2-3 weeks, whenever these things happened, all I could feel was PEACE. A peace that I cannot understand...a peace that is not normal! I am known to be easily shaken by incidents like these. But I was at peace. This is nothing to do with me, but really the difference of having Jesus in your life. You just  know He will take care of everything.

Yet....having the peace that things will be alright, my heart is still heavy, thinking of the cost, the amount of money needed to bear this.  Yes I come from a well-to-do family....but I am not allowing myself to take for granted this blessing. If this is something I have caused, then I will bear it.

Last  night, my heart was heavy...after the ramping of fire hydrant....sad because the car has  just been repaired! And of course, it is my beloved car. So, I prayed..I told God....I still need to preach. Please lighten up my heart, so I will not shortchange the people of Your Word. And as I worshipped God in cell group, God reminded me the blessings I should be counting. First of all, at least I have the means to repair the car now, even though it is costing a bomb! But at least, I can manage...secondly, the fire hydrant did not splash up, my car could have experienced worst damage...turn over by water pressure, or even overhaul when the engine get wet.....and thirdly, what is burdening my heart now, is not because my loved ones is in the hospital, or neither is my car a total loss....but it is just a minor knock that can be repaired.

It is building fund season, and yet many occurences already. I am not blaming God for any of it. I am thankful that God taught me how I can still be thankful in times like these.

As I am no expert in cars...I reported to my little brother and asked him for opinions. He insisted that I should bring my car home for our personal mechanics....because  we are  more assured of the quality of their work. I refused...because I didn't want to trouble my parents or brothers. I want to settle it on my own here in KL and not burden my dad to pay for the damage I have done.. But then again, my brothers  were right...this car do not belong to me in the first place. If my parents demand the best service for it, I will still have to be responsible for it.. By now, you should have known that the male species in my family are car lovers. They only want the BEST for every car....in other words, no cheap repairs! lololl

In this, I still thank God, that my brothers, as much as they know that their sister could really be quite a noob in "street" things, would still call and discuss (try convincing) with me on what's best for the car, and also convince me that I should prepare dad before bringing the car home. I truly felt respected. Well, it is really pointless hiding if I am bringing it home to fix. Therefore, few hours ago, I called my dad and I told him all that had happened.

Received the consequences of course....and there were many other words spoken. But as Keith preached today...we need to filter what we allow into our hearts....words will shape our world...So I have to constantly remind myself, sometimes what is thought of me, is not always true...but the intent behind words expressed (the concern, the love) is what I should capture and be thankful for. After all, it is easier to be sensitive toward our loved ones more than anyone else. All in all, it is only fair that we should always embrace the consequences of our actions with an open heart..

If you ask me right now.....how are you feeling Hazel? I wouldn't lie to you that I am not feeling all that great. But I am really glad and contented that God was by my side. Every moment of it, even though it was just a tiny rough patch. I knew it because of the extraordinary peace of God. And with that, I am confident that my  God will see me  through. It isn't an exactly smooth start for the year. But hey...this is nothing compare to many other super crazy insane crises I know.

And I believe, it is always a choice to be hopeful and to be positive in every situation....We can always choose to approach our circumstances and mistakes with grace and gratitude.

I am really grateful, not because I am capable...but because I have a God who is greater than anything else. With that fact, I can be at rest. my God is big enough and good enough for any and everything. my God is by my side in every single situations and emotions I am going through. I do not know how many more testings will arrive in times to come...but I am just grateful for the rest of my life, I will not be going through this alone...I have Him....And He deserves my best every season, every moment....just because He is worth every part of me :)

This is something that I never want to lose, something that I hope I will remember and experience in every single struggles I will be facing in future.

The song that really speaks to me this season. Enjoy! :)

What Are You Most Afraid Of?

It is the beginning of 2013! many of us are setting our goals, visions and resolutions into place.

I have a lot of suggestions from friends around me  regarding this. many told me that I should make "Finding a Partner" a resolution in 2013 because I am not young anymore. Haha! I have  to say...I kinda agree I am not young anymore. Just past the mid-age mark for 20s. 

Well, having a partner to love and a family to build has never been out of my life plan. Yes, I do desire these things....but what scares me most...is not  the fact that I will not have a husband, or a family...but the fact that I will have to lose the most important thing in life to me in sacrifice to that. 

"Don't be so picky"...."Give it a shot"

Those are the common words these days. I know I shouldn't be...after all "market value" is not that high after a certain age. LOL. But I cannot and do not even want to invest feelings toward someone unless I am sure that he can have the same vision with me (of course not omitting character, chemistry and friendship, ok? I am still human. LOL). It doesn't mean we have to want to do the same thing....but we must have the same ONE GOAL...that is to be SOLD OUT to the call of God.

That he would not stop me from risking it all for God, and he would not "play safe" just being a good, faithful Christian. That's it. In other words, I am hoping to find a man who will encourage me and together with me...fearless of risking it all for the sake of the call. To RUN together. He is not a scaredy cat. I want to be sure  he is courageous enough to do what God wants  him to do.

Passionate....not because he wants to win my heart or get any approvals. Passionate...because he really is a lover of God. That even if he doesn't have me in his life....he will still run toward the visions and dreams God has given him. That he will not settle for a simple life. But would be willing to suffer for the sake of the call. That even if I were to be at the brink of death doing all these....he wouldn't be shouting and cursing God, he wouldn't be blaming me for being selfish...but he would say...its ok...if anything happens, I will see you in heaven,dear...and the mission will go on.....

See, I am already not exactly courageous by nature. Finding a not-so-bold partner will not help me grow into fulfilling my destiny, even though he may not stop me from achieving it. 

many do not understand what does it mean when I say, I want to find someone of the same vision.....It doesn't mean doing the same thing.....but having the same big dream and will not let those dreams remain dreams. But will be bold to stand up and do something about it. And so, I can be the woman behind who support his exciting dreams too(what an honor!)! I want to live a life...whereby all the days of my life is lived like that. Always exciting, always risking it all....people may see it as a stupid decision. But we both will know, its the best life ever lived. A life worth living for...a life lived for God and for others.

Since young, mom knew that I was rather determined in the things I wanted to do. And she knew I find purpose and meaning in making a difference  in other's lives. Both my parents often tell me this (even to this day)......"Hazel, don't help people too much. In the end what you get back in return? You may even get bitten from the back. At the end of the day....your help to others turn into a harm toward yourself. Be smart! Don't be too helpful! This world is too cruel!"

my parents love me a lot....And I am truly grateful for that. And of course they felt that I am really naive in the sense that I believe people easily. mandarin saying is : "dan chun"

Well, I do not deny that I believe others easily. But what harm does it bring if I did something out of good intention, even though the person who receives it has a bad intention? I can still answer to God.Of course, it doesn't mean I have to be stupidly letting conmen con....Practice wisdom....but above all, I believe  being helpful is better than being suspicious all the time.  Life has more meaning to building lives, than to keep it all to ourselves because we are too afraid the world may take advantage of us.

Eversince the day I decided I want to contribute to the broken lives in dark alleys, I already expected that it would be a journey whereby I will be constantly taken for granted for...I have not actually experience it yet...but I kinda expected it and was in fact warned about it. What do you expect from broken lives who rarely experience genuine love? You expect them to respond without suspicions? Respond with gratefulness and love? It isn't easy for them too. Changes require time....

But  having said all these, my parents knew these were good acts. And I believe part of them are kinda happy I am doing these too..but worried. I emphasized to them....this give meaning to my life and I want to continue doing it. my dad told me this one day : "You know....as much as you are doing what you like. Remember to think of your family. Don't be too selfish. If anything should happen to you, what would become of us? What would we feel?"

When he spoke those words...I remember there was a pierce in my heart. I know I have to be careful and all the more be wise. Pray more for the guidance and leading of the Holy Spirit. But I remember thinking the whole night about this. Then I spoke to God....God, the best  way to make sure I don't hurt my parents is I don't risk at all...Don't do anything. Just be where I am now. That's the safest.

"But is that the life you want? What about reaching your destiny?"

And then it dawned upon me. Every destiny, every vision...there needs to be risk and sacrifices made. Should anything bad happen to me (not because of foolishness) unavoidably, then I must trust that God will make the best out of it. It really sound selfish sometimes...But, one day, I hope I can make my parents understand....that whatever shortchanged or sacrificed that seems to result out of a good-will act, will never be in vain.

One way to make them understand, is to get them saved. One day I hope they understand that even if it means risking my life, for someone's life to be impacted....it is worth it. You may lose me, but I am in a better place, you needn't have to worry about me. But, this someone, there is a chance for his/her life to be changed for eternity. Who could put a value to that?

One day, if I ever die, or something happened to me in the midst of doing what I felt I was called to do...I wish for my loved ones to understand...that I am and I can be in a better place. And that this sacrifice...is never in vain. To lose a life so that someone else can gain theirs....is actually a worthwhile sacrifice :) If I ever die because of such reasons....I think it is an honor and privilege to me to have lived life so meaningfully.

Well....having said all these....There is still a fire burning within me right now.I hope I will never forget what I have written today. I am not perfect. Not the holy moly girl who never waiver and  never sin...and not always on the "high" side of my passion. Sometimes I slack too. Nonetheless, I want to remember times when I made these stands in life. Blogs are good reminders. If there come a day I intend to compromise all of my dreams and visions for something else....I must remember the times that I wouldn't compromise it for anything :)

The question remains....What are you afraid of most?

To be lonely? To die? To wait and have someone who will fight life battles with you? To risk the call?

To have safe life, pleasing everyone else? Or to take a risk in life and have the chance to be Christ's ambassador on earth?

I guess the answer could possibly change from time to time...depending on what centralized your lives :)

As for me....what scares me most right now is a life without a vision. Worst, a life that forbids me to live out the vision.

You? If it were you, could you live with the "what ifs" of not living up to your vision?

2012 going on 2013

This post comes a little late, but I truly feel a need to post all these up.

In end of 2011, I begin realizing that I have many dreams and vision. What was lacking, was the courage. The courage to risk it all and be SOLD OUT for that one cause. So I decided to make a change. 2012, I told myself I wanted a courageous year. And I prayed....God give me a courageous year. In areas that I have none, YOU be my courage...You give me the strength.

So I waited. Indeed...God gave me a year that I will never forget. A year that could sum up my lifetime...I have never done so much in a lifetime than in this year itself. Greatest gift...God surrounded me  with courageous people. People whom I learned from, walk with, encouraged me...and most importantly...contagious people...who borrowed me courage when I have none...and together walked through journeys of life with me.

One of the greatest breakthrough was my baptism. I remember telling myself...the first step to courage is to truly declare and hold my faith up high...especially to my family. So I got baptized. And afterwards was tested in my step grandma's funeral which happened right after. my family finally understood. And they began letting go bit by bit...Realizing I am no longer the naive little girl anymore...Realizing, that it is time for me to venture to what I feel meaningful in life.

After which, comes the BERSIH rally. This is a lifetime experience. Something I will never forget. How I stood there that day, being truly proud to be malaysian for the very first time...and loving my nation even more. We were all there for one cause and one only. To fight for justice, righteousness and integrity. At least that was my intention. With teargases and water canon shot at us, I have to say, I did not regret one bit. And come to think of it...for a fact I could even gather the courage to step into such scene....I think it is a miracle from God. Hahhaa

And then Destiny...How I witnessed the whole ordeal the entire process. How Shirley and David went through the toughest time of their lives....clinging on just to God...That itself inspire me. I told myself...Destiny fought so hard to live. And her parents were so courageous in walking through their darkest moment...didn't give up on their faith because they were just so sure that God takes care of everything. So confident. I want that faith...And I promise to be courageous and make each day count. So I sparked off wanting to do even more.

We ran Jayesslee's concert. No experience....but so successful, so satisfied. After which was the marathon. I couldn't believe I can do it. But I did! I ran 2 marathons - 10 km and 12 km....and this year I just signed up for Brooks 21 km. Come to think of it....the Hazel a year ago, would never even want to be part of any of this. Then the plan of wanting to reach out to my grandparents. Every month I would go home and spend at least an hour or two talking to them. Hopefully God will open doors for me...With courage, I can share  the gospel with them. With Him...definitely :)

Then I joined something that changed my life forever. mission. I joined two mission trips. The one to myanmar truly sparked off my passion for the broken. I went there with an intention to bless...I came back feeling so blessed instead. So grateful.....with all that we  have, with all that we are able to do...we are way way way better off and we should really count our blessings. Some people have to think twice to attend a seminar because it is a matter of life and death of their family to them. To us....what do we have to lose? And some of us could even consider utilizing their time to sleep than to join a seminar. I love mission....it opens up my eyes to so many things in life and help me appreciate things so much more.

This year, of course my cell group multiplied. I have had the privilege from God to do even more within my cell group. Counseling young adults and broken lives. Even get to join NACC (National Association of Christian Counsellors) this year round for their annual conference. Thank You God that You see me fit for this :)

Ended the year with a big bang as I ski and experience snow for the very first time in my LIFE in Korea.....and conquered  the 11th tower of the Great Wall of China.

See...I started  the year, never expecting that I could have accomplished so much. But God surprised me time after time. This is officially the best year of my life so far...and a year that I have grown so much in so many different aspects of my life...Thank You God...Thank You for every good and bad times.....they mean the world to me. I am where I am because of all that You have given me to experience, explore and encounter.

Coming 2013.....I have listed many resolutions. But one that sums it all is....I want to be a BETTER worshipper of Jesus.. One that does  His will, and is sold out for His calling. One who is not afraid, not because I am talented, but because I have Him. my first step, I have just signed up for the international conference for the street ministry that I have been wanting to be a part of since 2010. I finally did it :)

I was telling Shirley about it the other day....She asked : " You are going alone?" .....I said : "yes"
Only to realize, when I answered Yes....I was no longer afraid...no longer doubtful. Before this, I could be really passionate for something...but will only have the courage to do if someone else familiar joined me in the occasion...as if I am borrowing some of his courage to step forward. But this time....I just felt it is time to step up and not be borrowing courage else where. Download courage and strength directly from God. After all I am living for His cause, He will surely provide and be on my side :)

2013....will be the best year yet. I have some minor challenges in the beginning of 2013...But I know it is a sign...that this is not going to be an easy year, but definitely the most meaningful year :)

I want to be a better worshipper....Taking care of myself more....I want to be sold out....that each time when Jesus has a mission....He will think "Lets include Hazel. Let  her  life be exciting! Hazel can do! She is willing. She will do it"

And the final "Well Done" at the finishing line of life :)
Well, it may seem "too spiritual" a resolution. But being a better worshipper does sum up being more excellent in every aspect of life. And that is all I could think of wanting now.

2013....here I come :)

Life-Changing Myanmar

My life has been tremendously transformed the past 6 days. I went for a Mission Trip in Myanmar for the past 6 days. To preach and minister in a Transformation Seminar it seems. I prayed and hoped that God will use me to minister to them. Instead, I have been ministered and blessed throughout the trip.

See, many of us didn't know what we were signing up for. We knew it wasn't an ordinary comfortable mission trip, but we never knew what to expect. All I can say is, where we are right now, we are 10,000 times more blessed and we should truly count our blessings.

Myanmar, in this place, the rich gets richer, the poor gets poorer. And what's heartbreaking is, MAJORITY of the population are in poverty. I went through a village sitting on a truck the other day. And all I could see are families, living right in the middle of a slump, families living in homes with just a roof....no walls, families whose kids have nothing to wear, but a torn T-shirt....but no pants. My heart sank. So many to do...but yet so little we can give.

Hearing stories from the medical team (I was in the seminar team), there were children who couldn't even afford shoes or clothes, or proper medication. Children were left on their own playing everywhere, while parents were working. Noone goes to school. Because none can afford it. In Myanmar, children has to pay about RM30 as entry fee to school. RM30.....and yet, none of their parents can afford it. So they were left in the slumps, in the mud, playing waiting for parents to come home, bring food for them. Some children brought their little brothers to see doctor in the medical booth. Upon getting the medication, tell the little brother, don't give your medicine to mama, or papa. Lest they take the medicine away, and sell them for money....:|

What do we have to go through here? Nothing near compare to that. Children haven't even seen BALLOONS, and wanted to chew it, thinking it was food....

At the seminar, we were told by the pastors there....these people who come for seminar, they have to think many many times through, before deciding to come. People in Myanmar live day to day. If you work today, you get money and you can put food on the table for your family. If you do not work, then you live with whatever you have. See, these people who come for the seminar, as they come, they will worry about their family. But many still came. And they came with burdens in their hearts...but HUNGER. True pure hunger....to receive a Word from us. When we shared, preached, we can feel them absorbing as much as they could from us. Truly, we have to give our best. These people sacrifice so much just to be there.

At the time of praise and worship. I teared....many times. Even though everything was in Burmese language, I can understand nothing....but I can feel such purity. Such pure hearts in worshipping God. The presence of God was so amazing.  Something that we often take for granted back here in Malaysia, where we are in our comfort zone. We often preach about inconvenience in pursuing God. Coming to church, find your own initiative to come etc. I know some people who wouldn't even think of coming to church if no cars were arranged for them.

In Myanmar.....people COME even knowing they wouldn't have money to survive for the day. Speaking about inconvenience? We are far from it. People worship, and continue worshipping with all their hearts, responded to altar call even when the electricity was cut off halfway through, the weather was scorching hot, everyone was sweating, there was no good sound system.....and yet sometimes, we complain even when we have all these. What does it cost us to worship God? This is true sacrifice of worship. These hearts....so pure....something that we ALL should really learn from.

They are those who would keep going in tough times. Every single altar call, people came running to the altar, crying, wanting God to use them to transform their nation, bring the nation out of poverty, wanting to continue to trust God and make things right with God....So humble, so  broken. But for some of us, we know sometimes that it is SO DIFFICULT to walk out to respond to an altar call. In fear of embarrassment, in fear of what others would think....I am so impacted. Young and old......aged and energetic people....noone was better than others. Everyone was that broken.....

See, I preached about "Dying to Self, Living for Christ" that seminar....coming to realize, where all of us are now, we need to die to our self even more than they do. These people are truly Mary...and not Martha

Overall, the whole trip....I have made amazing friends. Friends I have never knew, and great fellowship with people. The truck journey was amazing. Even though under the polluted air, but we realize, simple times like these, away from the hustle and bustle of lives, that is where we can build meaningful friendship. And I learn so much from others. From their preaching, their testimonies... I am just so blessed :)

Last Sunday, we all split to different churches. I went to a church in the slump areas. And during our service, there were some other animisme rituals going on outside. Villagers there are mostly believing in local animisme. They were worshipping a bull. So while we were running the service, the loud sound from outside was overpowering our voices. Nonetheless, the people continued worshipping. After that, I hear from the pastor, if the villagers are unhappy with the service or the Christians in that area (or even a Christian orphanage nearby), they have the rights to close down the service, even the church / orphanage, and drive the people out of the village. So we have to keep a low key....Again....how much does it cost us to stay in a church?

The pastor of this small little church I went to, was from Arakan, West of Myanmar....where people are rather violent over there. Currently seemingly in a war with a neighbouring country. His dad was a milliary Sergeant.

He spoke of a story how he came to Christ. How a Korean Missionary tried reaching out to his people, and almost got stoned and killed. And how the same Korean missionary went to a pagoda to reach out, and the people who recognized him quickly informed the religious leader there. He was caught, dragged down the stairs of the pagoda. While he was being dragged...the same word he kept repeating "Brother, Jesus loves You....Jesus loves You"

I almost teared listening to this. Such dedication of this Korean missionary. When this pastor accepted Christ, his dad beat him up and almost killed him. He vowed never to be a normal christian, but one who will proclaim the good news, the gospel....He really did that. Currently...five churches are about to be established in a dangerous place, where he came from...where people don't receive the gospel easily : Arakan...Such amazing faith.

Myanmar changed my life...strengthen my faith. I never want to live life normally ever again. If there is another chance, I want to go back there. I am so thankful that God put us in the centre of all that He is doing in Myanmar. The pastor who host us, was the pastor who is rallying the nation's pastor to come together to pray and change the nation together. We are so so blessed.

The one thing that hit me in Myanmar was, the moment that I was preaching. I remember many years ago, when I was a baby Christian, I just accepted Jesus....I was in my room...worshipping for hours...and as I was worshipping, I saw myself preaching to 100s of people. That very vision....came to past in Myanmar...as I was preaching to 100s of people. That very moment, God reminded me.....keep walking....I am in His plan crafted for the destiny He has prepared for me. :)

One thing I hope I will always remember. To never take for granted all that we have, never take for granted the presence of God...never doubt that God can use us even here in KL! A lot of time, there is a special grace of God when people go to missions...and they began to realize God can use them to do different thing. That was the same exact feeling I had...when I preached, people were in tears, many came running to the altar, when I prayed, someone cried and sobbed, when I prayed and ministered, someone slain....I felt truly empowered and blessed. But I must always remember the same God that was with me in Myanmar can use me like that too in where I am right now... :)

Most importantly, this trip draw me really much more closer to God. God dealt with some things in my life, and I know God will bring me through more...One significance is, my courage grew....so so much...and my prayer is, I will not just be a Martha....doing so many things for God...but above all...I want to be a Mary...one who walks so so closely with God, that I am sensitive to His move every single day...in my life and the life of others. I yearn for that privilege. And I thank God for this privilege. This honor...

Come to think of it, I was worried financially when I signed up for this trip. i signed up by faith. Coming back, I know I have made the right choice. My faith was ENLARGED. I know this trip will be my best trip for a long long time. Even though I will be going for vacation in Dec to Korea and China....I know, it will never beat this mission trip. I am looking forward to more of what God will be doing in my life for my coming season....

This is something I never want to forget.....never :)

Character

Many things I often discuss with my buddy. Sharon.

One of which is about how sometimes a character of a person can outshine the outlook. Whether a good character outshine a plain look, or a bad character outshine a good look.

Whatever it is, character is most important. It is amazing how both of us find that people can actually "sense" or "read" one's character merely by just speaking to him / her.

His/ her words....how much do they weigh? How deep do they go? How far can it hit? How long do they stay? One word defines it all. Substance.

Too many a times, the world is too busy building the many petty things. Career, money, good looks, branded clothes, swift / smooth talking, being prominent. I am not trying to say all these are not important. But truly, all these means nothing....without a good character to sustain them.

Yes, it may be impressive. But never last for long. 

A good character always surpass other things. 

One way a Christian can build good, attractive, substantial character...is by walking really close to God. :)

Success is not everything, because without character, success is nothing.

Character is one that will sustain every success in every area of your life.

Build the right things today. Build character. Build substance. Most importantly....walk really closely with God. Character should never be compromised over anything at all.