The Journey....

 

This is the craziest period in my whole life. I am unbelievably occupied all the time! Yet, this is one period that I realize I slacked the most too especially in studies...heeee...mainly to escape (really really bad...I am working on it!) Proven a high S person. I would sleep or divert attention when I get stressed up...LOL...

I have been having fever for three days now. Still slightly sick....Don't like the feeling really. Makes me feel very vulnerable and helpless. Can't do much in anything and everything. The head tends to spin whenever try harder. Nonetheless, through this semester, I realized I learned so much more about myself, and about things around me...that I felt, I am stepping into the zone or a season where my destiny defining moment is about to POP OUT! So excited (*wiggle*)

Recently I have learned a lot about things that are going on in my life. I have learned not to take life as just an everyday walk, or a routine to just go by....But truly to appreciate each and everything, and to really look intensely into every event and learn something from it. Truly, I want to emphasized here, that NOTHING we go through in life, is wasted. NOTHING happens by chance. And I am so convicted with this. And I just feel...life is really very very very beautiful....very...indeed. :) I regret nothing.

As I am in the library waiting for my next activity of the day which will be in half an hour's time, I really feel I should take the opportunity to pen all these down before I ram into the battle of workloads again...LOL...Like I mentioned before, this blog is like a place for me to jot down all my breakthroughs for myself and hopefully able to bless others..Here it is! Hope you guys enjoy.

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Recently I have a breakthrough that truly brings me closer to God. As most people who knows me long enough know, I was actually quite an emotional person in the beginning. I wept at everything, get affected easily, one word from another person got me worry the whole week, I was always sad, depressed and expressive about how I feel things didn't work out, I always blamed myself and provoked self-pity, I wanted people to pity me, I wanted people to know I was emotional, I wanted to be emotional, I wanted to look weak....LOL....(that was really terrible to say, but yeah...that was me!)

Until one fine day, when my beloved leader who had picked me up as a broken vessel came into my life and spoke a "revelation" into me....haha :P I think if you scroll back to the first few blogs, you might read that particular event that occurred too! Shirley, told me this:

"Hazel, you are too emotional. You cannot be like that. You must learn to manage your emotions and have self control. Else, you cannot lead the people under you."

So that one word, cause me to really wrestle with God, and ask God to help me manage my emotion. I was indeed successful! I began to manage my emotions really well with the help of God, I begin to become very good at it, that perhaps, unnoticingly I can even do it without God's help anymore. Only this time, when I have very emotional events occurring in my life, I shut down, I push it behind my head, I think I begin feeling proud being able to do that. haha. Nonetheless, it is not that I become emotionless, or that I do not understand how people feel. Ironically, I still understand and I can really emphatize if people were to feel the emotions they feel in a particular event. But if it was me in that same scenario, I wouldn't be happy with myself feeling that.

Thus, I become really legalistic with everything I feel...I get upset with myself if I begin to have emotions. So I shut down time and time again. Until....one day, once again, I was "revelationized" by my leader....hahaha...Shirley said: "Hazel, it is okay to feel certain feelings. You are a HUMAN!"

Now, that again, spark off a new journey of discovery. I realize, I have become so robotic with my emotions, that when people try to do their best to appreciate me and make me feel touched, I find it hard to respond, I barely care about what people say about me negatively (ok maybe this is a good thing..haha), and I cannot bear to see myself as a human.

One morning, as I was praying, God spoke to me telling me that how I would miss a big part of my beautiful journey with Him if I continue discounting my emotions as unimportant. I negotiated with Him of course. LoL...and I came to realize, that most people who shut off emotions, are not actually managing emotions, but rather, afraid to face the realness of feelings that could be surface through emotions.

I was not excluded. Nonetheless, that day, I just knew that I have been too proud trying to manage everything on my own, that in this part of my life, I have not allowed God to work on with me. God is interested in emotions. In fact, He made it, and He wants us to even worship Him with the emotions we have. So after that morning, I realized, that it is okay to feel emotions, but NOT be emotional. One is the feeling, the other is the action. The managing part, is where the action comes, not suprressing the feelings. Honestly, psychologically it is unhealthy to suppress any feelings ....haha...

That morning, God said one thing to me: "Hazel, why not stop being legalistic, feel what I have made you to feel...go through what I want you to go through, and rely on Me each time for a breakthrough. Admit that you have pain, you have hurts, but not let it affect you, by depending on me?"....

Since then, my life was really different. I learned to feel what I need to feel, and I learn to capture every feelings I have, every emotions I have, and present it at the altar for God to use and to move and to make a change. With all these, I feel so much more closer to God. Like He is part of something really close to me. And it is amazing how God can always bring peace and solutions later on. I have experienced a new journey with Him, and begin to understand Him so much more better now.....hence, I really feel a step closer to my destiny...because I believe this discovery is a step to a new journey of a new discovery in the ministry He has for me.

And because of this, I am humbled....knowing that I need Him each time I am angry, disappointed, upset, sad, unhappy, happy, touched, overjoyed, excited....Naturally, I would just tell Him there and then what I feel....and with all these, the greatest thing I have gained, is that I begin to learn to worship God with my emotions. When I sing a song, I could really feel the words and the lyrics, and the closeness of Him and me being together. It is really an awesome feeling....and with all that, my heart is now, able to be broken by the things that break the heart of God...

Conclusively, emotions, are not wrong. But being emotional is bad. So you can feel everything you need to feel, but you just need to manage the way you express it. Why show the whole world when you are sad or angry? Lock yourself in your room, and encounter God. It is those times that you can be truly humbled knowing that you need Him....I am officially humanized...and the everyday's journey with Him has been so different eversince. And because of all these I have learned to appreciate the events in life. Good, bad, ugly, beautiful...And I am so grateful to be alive at such a time as this.

The best is yet to come! I have finally found my home and purpose.....and I know....I am really really stepping closer to my destiny. Emotions Rocks! But God Rocks even more! :D hehe

Funny, how I thought I have learned so much and I do not know what else there is to learn, and God still keep giving me new lessons and discoveries about myself, things, people and matters around me. It is so exciting. I am so thrilled about what I am going to learn more in my future journey with Him.....

p/s: If you find this too spiritual? It is truly my personal encounter and for my own leisure. This is what I have been discovering recently. And I really really wish, the journey never ends....I have so much more to learn and discover. I think I am in love with Him all over AGAIN...teehee

Hope you guys are blessed!

toodles~

Letting Go...

Time after time, you go through journey of life, you see different people, different faces, characters and attitudes. Some make you grow, become a better person. Some help you learn better about yourself, some make you want to be better  and challenge you to walk a different path. All for the betterment. Some make you want to stand strong so that you can be a pillar of strength. Some make you want to reach out your hands to love even more, to give even more, to care even more.

But there are others who would break your heart, and others who would disappoint you. Others who would speak words that would try to bring you down, or do things that sabotages your livelihood, or just couldn't care less about anything that would matters to you, or would turn your love into their hatreds, or take the care you give or your rebukes and teachings as prejudice rather than love. Some could not trust that you can be a person who tells the truth but at the same time is also the person who actually loves and does things to benefit them.

So what do you do? My leader once said....learn to focus on the right people. God recently taught me to learn to let go.... Letting go, doesn't mean you do not care, but it simply means properly generate and investing your energy on the correct channel, people who would help us be better, people who would want to be better, people who would not drain every single bit of us. Not that those who does not appreciate us are no longer important anymore. They are, but perhaps their time is not now? Or perhaps this is where our journey ends together, somebody else will come along the way to pick him or her up from where we both stopped? Letting go is not cruel. Letting go is letting God to do His work, and not take over His job description.



Letting go is simply the two-way benefit. One to reserve his or her energy for the right people who would benefit from it, and also to protect oneself from being crushed from constant disappointments and finally stop functioning the way God wants him or her to function. Another, to take time to learn the truth, "bang the wall", and to have space to grow while exploring alone. Some people learn better that way.

But all in all, arms have to be still wide open. Should this one person fall, we must be the one who catches. Not judge, not hurl insults, not prove anything. But just to purely just catch, love, hug, and provide security.

Letting go.....is not easy. But holding on to something unfruitful is even tougher. Do you have anyone or anything in life you need to let go? Maybe a past hurt, maybe a past grudge, maybe someone who have broken your heart years before. Everyone by nature, will have something in life that they will be eager to hold on to firmly, eager to take control of and see results. Some are with people, some are with things or events in life. Nobody can say that they can totally let go of everything, especially significant things, people and event in life. I personally have a few to name. But think again. Is it worth the hold?

One must learn, when something is too tiring or draining to hold on to, it is time to let go, and let God. Unless, it is one that God pushes us to keep holding on to it for our benefit and for us to grow. Other than that, let's allow God to do His work, and stop taking control of everything. We, in fact are merely human,not God. Let's not try to take over God's job. We will go nowhere. Just do our best, and God will surely handle the rest.

As much as we learn to love, learning to let go at the right moment, and at the right situation is also very crucial.

Hope this small little thought and lesson blessed you today... :))

Vision is Greater than Life

It is not about living a life that is comfortable.
It is not about living a life that needs acceptance.
It is not about living a life that is full of emotions.
It is not about living a life that reacts according to how we feel.
It is not about feeling good.
It is not about feeling adequate.
It is not about wanting something that is out of league.
No, it is not all that.

It is walking despite of the pain.
Running on despite of the danger.
Keeping on despite of fear.
Loving despite of hurts.
Doing it despite of the thoughts that we are not good enough.
Looking forward despite of a broken heart.
Sticking to the vision no matter the circumstances,
No matter the situation,
No matter how we feel.

It is no longer living a life that we want.
Or living a life that is ideal.
But laying down our lives.
Putting away self and its demand.
And living the vision that is placed ahead of us.
Vision IS GREATER than life.
Means, vision supercedes everything that we want and desire in life.
It is no longer living life our way.
But pursuing the vision despite of our lives.

What is your vision?

Overspiritual VS. Real Relationship

Today, as I was doing devotion, I learned something valuable. I took a different approach to the devotion with God. Usually devotion is the time for me to pour out all I feel and all I think and what are my concerns. Today, I told God I just want to listen and I want to know what He wants to reveal to me this season.

I have heard of many stories and opinions on how certain people are being overspiritual, talking about God 24-7. "How to reach out if you are so overspiritual?"...one would ask. But today as I quietly sit down just wanting to listen from God, this was the one thing that was revealed to me....and trust me I wasn't even thinking about this issue. And it has no relevancy to anyone. What is being over spiritual what is not...I have got these answers popping out to me (haha...I can imagine some voices saying: yea, she is being overspiritual now :P)....well, I encourage you to read on =)

This season is definitely a season of outreach. All of us are busy trying to grow our own cell groups so on and so forth. We are running toward the vision of 10,000 by 2015. Everybody is excited. But how many of us know that we can actually still do outreach without needing to be overspiritual nor over concerned about being spiritual? (see a show of hands*)

People want to have a genuine relationship with us. It is not about being too "godly" so that others would feel that they are actually too "sinful" and need to repent, nor it is about compromising our standards so that others can see us as relatable. It is about being REAL...and being REAL in your love for others. That is what builds relationship. Not the mask and superficiality that you put on when you meet others. It is about being us and being NORMAL in the way we relate to others. Not trying to be something we are not. Hence, overspirituality or anti-spirituality is not the answer. It is about EQ - knowing who you are relating with, how to relate, when to say the right things and again...being REAL....in other words, your emotional quotient plays a big part in building relationship! People like being around real people.


What then is one overspiritual? Overspiritual is when one loses its touch with reality. Everything and anything has got to do with divinity. Watching TV becomes sinful; fashion becomes worldly; listening to secular songs become worldly; loud music becomes devil's music; every single thing that happen has to do with God (when actually it can be our mistakes at times...so we push the blame to God); every nightmares and bad dreams are enemy attacks; every accidents has got to do with us doing something wrong so God punishes us; every friend we reached out to are no longer seen as friends but lost souls; thou shalt not have friends outside church because they are "not holy"; "should i go movie?" ask God first; "should i marry this guy?" ask God for a sign...no sign then the answer is no, everybody is suggesting that I should consider this person as a partner...oh it is a sign from God I am destined to be with this person; I dreamt that I marry this girl..it is a sign I am destined to be with her; I asked God for a sign and I open the bible, God showed me this passage...that's it! that must be the sign...even though I don't understand what the passage is saying...I have to interpret it until I get it to match  with my situation somehow;..... so on and so forth.




The definition of overspiritual is when every single thing we do that used to be logical, now seemingly becomes illogical. Everything suddenly becomes out of control.....silly mistakes which are avoidable becomes God's plan. At times it is true, but many times it is not exactly that spiritual. That is why sometimes people find Christians complicated, because things which are seemingly logical in the realistic world can become very very spiritual. I do not deny the existence of spirituality and the possibility of things being spiritual at times. Yes, at times accidents are plans from God...but it is not to the extent that human suddenly becomes a robot...everything that happens we no longer need to be responsible for, and everything that happens becomes incontrollable. At the end of the day, life is still about making choices, and we still have to bear consequences for  our choices of actions.



Nonetheless, there are also controversy about the word "overspiritual". At times, people are confused between being overspiritual and having a real relationship with God. "Am I being overspiritual?" a disciple asked me one day when she was sharing her encounter with God to me. Having revelations, hearing from God, discerning, having convictions about certain things in life, excited when encountering God is definitely not being overspiritual. It simply means he or she is really excited about this relationship he or she has with God that this individual is eager  to share it. We are spiritual beings created for spiritual experiences as well as relationships. Take the scenario of one being in BGR for instance. One would be excited about something his or her partner gave, or said and share it at least with his or her BFF or somebody close. Because the relationship means a lot to this person, it is very REAL and he or she is just excited about the progression that are going on between both of them.





However, choosing the right person to share with is also very important. Likewise, in a BGR you cannot be sharing everything with everyone you see. It has to be only with the certain person you trust and a certain person who are interested in your life. The one thing I realized recently is that premature sharing, or sharing with a person who is unable to comprehend or understand what you are going through or experiencing will cause confusion. That is when one would seem overspiritual to the other because it just doesn't make sense.



Conclusively, I would say, do not be ashamed of having a real relationship with God. Know the difference of being overspiritual and being real with Jesus. But be wise in choosing those whom you would share things with. Not everybody can take the things you are about to reveal. And we do not want to lose friends nor our common touch just because we unwisely share certain things that others are not ready to accept. Worst if we share revelations to a person of a different faith. However, saying this I am not eliminating the importance of sharing testimonies. Testimonies are life stories given from God. That one should be shared...at the right time and in accordance to necessity though. Timing and setting is everything. Do not share at the wrong time. Nonetheless, visions that are meant to edifty others or meant to be fulfilled or run together can be shared to a large crowd, but visions and convictions which are personal should always be reserved, and if you are eager to share, share it with someone who are close and who would understand. Someone wise or understanding enough that you can be accountable with. Wisdom is always the KEY :D

Love is something real. Not only to men but to God. If you love Him, you love Him. Know the difference and be real in it :) Real relationship need not public display of affection to be strong. A mutual intimate understanding / expression between two parties is already more than sufficient.

Hope you are blessed! 

Oh Cuteness!

Mission Trip updates - REAL & RADICAL

Some updates on the mission trip we went. We were really excited about this.

The past week had been a challenging week for my cell members and I. All of us for the first time, were involved as a whole cell group in outreach event as well as mission trip to another church. It was indeed an eye opening experience. On Friday, a bunch of us traveled down in two separate cars. Upon arrival, we were treated to a delicious dinner before retreating to our respective place to rest our heads for the night.

The next morning, all of us woke up at 6 and began our briefing and prayer sessions after our own personal quiet time. We went into the church to run activities at about 9. People started arriving at approximately 9.30am.

The Early Birds

The Registration Counter - Nicky, Annie, Christy and Ann

my beautiful, anointed girls with amazing Joanna

The Team

We started off with some games and ice breaker. Daniel did a great job engaging the people. Everybody loves the game. After which Charis took over to teach about prayer. She was amazing. Nervous at first, but got hold of the stage after awhile. Pastor was impressed with her and asked if she could be one of the facilitators during their annual camp.

Daniel the game master

The "Kalah" People

Jireh and Matthew comparing the bounciness of their tummies

Game time

Charis teaching about prayer

After a short lunch, it was the main preaching about real and radical. Ben did a great job worship leading. The presence of God was so strong in that place. All of us were very much engaging in bringing up the atmosphere. Even though the projector could not start up throughout the praise and worship but the presence of God is still tangible in that place.

Praise and Worship
The singers - Ann and Ben
Guitarist - Daniel
Multi-tasker (Bongo and Drums) - Linet

Right before preaching, the projector started up. And thank God for that, else it would be really difficult for the preaching to go on. I was  extremely nervous as I have been having a terrible cough for the past one week. That day, I told God that I would fully rely on Him and to heal me so that I can preach comfortably and use me to at least plant something there that day. God was indeed faithful..The moment I started preaching, my cough subsided a little (which came back later after two sessions with the people).
Roy took the children who were too young to take part in this message down for games. He was super loved by the children over there.

Roy, Pierre and the Kids

Run run run!

The crowd was very open, as the preaching goes on, the presence of God became stronger, and I just felt a sense of openness in the crowd. When they are being challenged to live a real and radical faith of Jesus practically almost everyone come forward, responded to the altar call to be prayed for. So many of my members have to step out of their comfort zone and began to minister to people in response to the big numbers of people to pray for. A lot of people began to break down and cry. I believed that day many broken lives in that place were being restored by the presence of God....

In total, there were close to about 40 people responding to the ALTAR CALL to be real and radical in their faith, and 6 SALVATION DECISIONS. Praise God! This was beyond my imaginations.

Altar Call

Ministering

Broken Hearts

The altar call took up some time, so we only had enough time for one more workshop, then Pastor wrapped everything up and  told us how he was so amazed by the excellence practiced in City Harvest Church. We were glad to have this experience as we were amazingly blessed ourselves. Pastor gave me a really big hug. He said he could not believe that I was the same form 4 girl who walked in church few years back....hahaha...all glory to God

Pastor and me

As for my cell members, they were all blown away. Very much loved by the people there. Finally they stood out into a realm of unknown by faith...whereby God used them to be a blessing to others. In turn they were very much blessed in return. A lot of them told me that this trip had made them even more excited about doing things for God and having a closer relationship with God.  We were all really tired but we really don't mind going back again and again.

Farewell hugs

Everybody

The people I am always proud of =))
First Row (from left): Roy, Christy Annie Daniel
Second Row (from left): Linet, Sharon, Pierre, me, Charis Ann, Ben
Third Row (from left): Jireh and Melvyn
 

And it just dawn upon me that we do not need to be ordinary. We can all leave a legacy. We can choose not to ONLY be receivers in cell group. We can be a giver too. But the choice is ours. =) Let's  run this race well and do greater things for Christ. We are indeed ambassadors of Christ.

E30 & E45 thank you for being so cooperative and making this trip a success. You guys are gems in my heart. Truly proud of all of you.

Be real, be radical!!

And thank you Roy and Melvyn for helping out in this trip. You guys are awesome supporters.

till the next blog....toodles~

Now is the Time!

This is it....my one week marathon....

I have been sick for the past two days. So have my members and interns. Well, I am grateful that at least it is before the crazy week starts. The marathon has begun. To me this week is the one week that will sum up the whole season and bridge forth a new beginning. I have been planning this for such a long time. Now finally it is about to come to pass...

I am so excited. I have seen many revelations and build my expectations upon this. This is going to be a week of BREAKTHROUGHS. E30, E45, Outreach members, are you guys ready to shake this TOWN?!

Tuesday-Friday: morning prayer
Thursday: Outreach Big Day
Friday-Saturday: Mission Trip
Sunday: Gala Dinner & Mission Weekend

Charge up guys! It is going to be faith-filled, stretching week...But it will be the most amazing time of your life. Your time is NOW! =)) Through this, you will discover your destiny. Seize the moment. Don't miss the hour!

:)) REAL & RADICAL!!!

A Time and Season for Everything

There is a time and season for everything.

2007- Season of breakthrough
2008 - Season of moulding and shaping

2009
This season, is a season to focus and build and plan on the dreams and visions in life.

1. Salvation in family
2. Graduate Second class upper in college - no more compromise / skipping classes
3. Grow CG and  multiply end of this year
4. Grow choir and increase in the discipline, unity and love for God in choir
5. Growth and plans for outreach (more people praying, more open doors)
6. Mission work with cell group successful
7. Management of time, finances, and discipline
8. Grow and draw more from my leaders, and impart to my members
9. Touch lives through community care.
10. Sing better (improve) that my voice will be a vessel
11. Preach better that my message will be a vessel
12. Learn make up
13. Eat proper meal and have a healthy diet
14. Reduce the tummy - EXERCISE!!!
15. Grow my hair
16. Visit Singapore CHC at least once this year (passport mari mari mari)


I need to keep improving. no more slacking! Hazel. time to CHARGE!!


Acts 5:38-39

³⁸Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. ³⁹But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men;

you will only find yourselves fighting against God."