The Journey of Preaching Test

Last night i had my preaching test...and i just truly truly feel so so so so blessed that throughout the journey i felt the homely family love, and support...and i really really feel so thankful and truly, truly..words cannot express how grateful i feel right now....

Previously, my preaching test was suppose to be next tuesday, but because i have to go back to hometown, so it was shifted to the earlier session, which was yesterday...i only got to know it the friday before..meaning i only had about 3 to 4 days to prepare as i had just finished my finals on the wednesday before...

so as i was preparing the sermon, i felt really really pressured...i felt like i couldn't give my best because everything was in such a hurry...so i kept preparing and preparing and feeling pressured from time to time...until God hit me on saturday night...He asked me..."hey, are you preparing for the preaching test itself, or preparing for me to speak through you?"...and that really struck me and immediately i stopped everything and began to pray...

i knew then, my heart was only concern about doing well and about being able to score good marks and nothing else....moreover i always thought that the preaching test is a test....and it is bound to be treated as a test...however that night, God said...no hazel...preparing a sermon for a test, and preparing a sermon with an expectancy to impact people's life is different...whether in the end we did impact or not is another issue, but what matters most then was the attitude in preparing the sermon. Because every sermon and preaching of God's word are bound to be done to bring Him glory. Whether it is for the church or merely a test, it is equally important. it is not meant to be prepared for the sake of passing a test. Therefore to harvest a right attitude is very important...

well, that night after talking to God, instantly the pointers for my sermon began flowing out like water. In fact i wrote TWO sermons..hallelujah! the power and wisdom from God...but this cos me confusion as i don't know which to choose. Alot of people suggested that i preached on a sermon which is able to generalize to everyone...but people like jeff, kent, audrey insisted that i should preach on a sermon which is personal to me...so in the end i told myself...i will let my cell leader discern, what she says...goes...so in the end, shirley called me and say she felt that i should preach on the  sermon which i have personalized....and so yah..rite after that i begin editing and producing it....

during the test, i was really really nervous...signs of nervousness were even very obvious to everyone...ahhaha...i didn't even follow the sermon i have written because i couldn't keep track with where i was...haha...however, in the end, everything went on well, and i was deeply encouraged by everyone who supported me and give me positive remarks after i have delivered the message...:) thank you so much

and truly, it is not so much on how well i preached, but rather...the journey that had made me realised a lot of things, i know know i am in the care of one great big family who never cease to support me, love me, and push me forward with encouraging words...and truly i feel really blessed being able to go through this preaching test...because not only i learn alot during the test, but i also learn alot throughout the journey of preparing it...

and i so i would like to take the opportunity to thank a few people who has really encouraged me till the very end in this blog...:

KENT, for calling me late at night even when you are truly truly tired...it really shows how much you are willing to go the extra mile to help me...and to guide me and support me..thank you so much...feel really encouraged...

JEFF, for taking your time off to read my sermons, suggesting where to cut, what to do and how can i enhance it and make it better from time to time...i really thank you alot...and also for your constant encouragement...really helps me alot...thank you so much

AUDREY, BEN, PATRICK, PHOEBE, SHINTA, HANA, RANDALL, EDWIN, JIMMY, LORDSON and those i might have forgotten to mention...thank you for your prayers and support...truly feel very very blessed...

SIEW MIN and KENLO...for coming all the way to see me preach (wonder if it is to support or to get some tips eh?...hahaha...but its ok...i feel encouraged)...the fact that you guys come all the way really make me feel so supported...

SANDY, ELVIS, LAVERNE, HAZEL HOR, GINA, CALVIN, KAR WAI and all whom i didn't mention...thank you for sitting through and supporting me, giving me encouraging and positive words even after i have preached...HAZEL HOR, GINA, CALVIN, and KAR WAI you guys did very very very well....your preachings were really powerful...it is an honor to take this test together with all of you...SANDY, thank you for being so sweet, sitting in the middle nodding and nodding as i preached regulating my nervousness..hehe, ELVIS being so productive, thank you for telling me all the do's and don'ts even after the test in order to help me to improve for the future...hee

ESTEE, in taiping...who stayed up till so late...or rather early in the morning to help me with the editings of the sermon...truly feel really thankful...even tho it wasn't used, but i promise i will use it and put it into good use..ya? thank u soo much

PASTOR DALBIR AND AUNTY LAI PHING back in taiping...for constantly praying, sending encouraging words, and also eagerly sms-ing to ask how it went...thank you so much....your support really make me feel so loved...

HUNTER, my great ge ge....thanks for being a brother who always support and telling me that i can do it even when i doubt if i could...

CHARIS, my best friend and my english teacher...for being so willing to look through and check for grammar or spelling errors before presenting it..that night i am glad i called you...felt so nice talking so much after such a long long time...

my cousins, REON and ARIEL...thank you for your prayers and your support also...

SHIRLEY BOON....for taking your time to read and edit my sermon for me...for wanting to rehearse with me (unfortunately i couldn't make it in time to church), and discerning which sermon more suitable for me to preach, encouraging me and supporting me throughout the journey....

MOST IMPORTANTLY, GOD...for giving me the opportunity to join this training, to gain experience and learn to be my best from time to time...and for giving me such a great family that supports me...making this journey a meaningful one...

and truly indeed, i feel very very very very very much supported and at home :) love you guys.

mwah to all...heee =) God bless always. 

p/s: in case you thought of this, those names above are not in any particular order according to importance (means wherever your names are it doesn't make you more or less important...jus random placing)...so ya....everyone is equally important to me...and i just want to clarify this, in case you guys were wondering, what orders are they arranged according to...=P

 

PARTY IN HEAVEN!!!!!!

My roomie has just accepted

 CHRIST... did the sinner's prayer

last night...so happy!!..there must

be a grand celebration in heaven

right now...welcome to the FAMILY

OF GOD dearest Miss LONG =) =)

=) and CONGRATULATIONS...in

this beautiful journey with GOD,

we shall walk hand in hand

upholding each other, alright?

My Public Confession

Today, i did a mistake…an honest one….it was during worship in cell group that I felt God tugging my heart telling me to ask the cell group to continue worshipping…but I didn’t do anything then because I was thinking to myself, if really God wanted to tell the cell group something, why didn’t He tell it through my cell leader, she is the leader anyway…so I tried suppressing the feeling until when worship ended, and the time of testimony started, I began feeling my heart beating faster and faster…my hands were shaking and I was feeling really overwhelmed…I felt really moved by the Holy Spirit (or so i thought) to tell the cell group about God wanting them to worship Him more…so I attempted to tell my cell leader, but she didn’t react much and tried avoiding the conversation as there were a lot others sharing testimonies that time…and I didn’t thought much that she was trying to indicate that it was not such a right thing to do at that time, I thought she merely just couldn’t understand what I was trying to tell her because my voice was shivering…so I sat back at my seat…and waited for my turn to speak…and when it was my turn…I began to share what I felt…countless time, my cell leader tried to lead me to another topic, but I still couldn’t get what she was trying to say…i was thinking myself…ha?...how come she couldn’t understand what I was trying to say ya?...LOL….and yea…so because I was ignorant to the signs she was trying to give me, I continued sharing….

 

and after that, she replied my sharing by saying that we were meant to edify one another when the spirit of God moves…however, since I wanted to worship and if it is ok with everyone else, we would continue worshipping….then, when the second session of worship starts, I began to feel something wasn’t right…..so I waited till after the whole sermon ended, I went and confronted my cell leader, asking her if what I had done previously was wrong….she gracefully told me that it was not wrong for me to do that, but rather a mistake…because I did it on the wrong time…she told me that she would be more than willing to continue worshipping if I were to tell her during worship time…but because I suppressed it and waited until the testimony session started to say it, it was not a right time because, God is a God of order…and in 1 corinthians itself, this matter was taught…just perhaps I didn’t know because I was rather ignorant to The Word…because I didn’t know…just imagine if pastor is preaching halfway during a service and suddenly one person from the congregation stood up to say it is time to worship and the sermon should stop, then the church would be quite chaotic and disorganized isn’t it?.....

 

and perhaps out of guilt for ignoring God’s voice in the beginning have caused me to insist in sharing that then, because I didn’t do it when I was required to…however she repeatedly told me that it was ok because she believed it is a breakthrough for me….that all these happened so I can learn…that I must not rely too much on my feeling or emotions in discerning the movement of Holy Spirit…at that moment I felt so touched because I felt really loved and taken care of…because she was really protecting me when she supported me even when i was wrong then….and at that time also when she told me it was ok to make mistakes and all…I felt so touched that I almost cried because I thought with the mistakes I have done, perhaps she would have viewed me as a different person…at that moment I felt so embarrassed because number 1, I wasn’t aware when she was giving me the signals that it was not so right to do that…number 2, I felt like it was a mistake which should not be committed at all…perhaps this would have make her doubt whether if I am fit to be a leader or not…but no…instead…she kept encouraging me to learn and believe for a breakthrough in it…at that moment I felt so so so grateful that I could be as honest as I can be and just be who I am meant to be, good or bad….in front of her…because I know she would still continue loving me, taking care of me, and molding me no matter what…

 

After that, I didn’t thought much about this matter…until when I come home from fellowship supper, and I was left alone to think for awhile, the feeling of embarrassment began to cloud my mind again…I began feeling that I have done something wrong in public and people might be viewing me differently…perhaps I might not be able to have a good impression anymore….thank God He sent my Singapore cousin, who is a christian, to minister to me….he told me that I should stop dwelling in my past., let go, and be willing enough to let others learn from my mistakes…and it is not a matter if others look at me in a different way so long as I genuinely change from my mistakes and gain the acceptance of God…that is all that matters…after a long chat, he left…and I began striving to change this feeling of mine…

 

I began telling my roommate how I was feeling then, and she shared with me something that really opened my eyes to the solution of my problems then…she told me that she used to have a very very embarrassing moment, and she really didn’t want anyone to know about it afraid of the way others might think of her…but she said…as she shared her problems, she felt she was not embarrassed about her past anymore…in fact…she was able to face it as it is….and that was when I had a moment of “eureka”….to face my big giant…the fear of being seen by others as inadequate….i would make myself more vulnerable…I decided to post a blog concerning this….to announce to the public that I indeed have made this mistake (the mistake that I don’t want people to know), I am willing to admit it…and change from it….and then, Kathy was onlining at the right time…she gave me a boost and supported me in this…..in fact Kathy was there, when my cell leader, Shirley was teaching me…..and she told me that she learnt something from what Shirley had shared with me too…and I was really shock and blessed at the same time because I didn’t know that the mistake I thought was my biggest embarrassment actually taught someone something…and I was really amazed with what God can do with little insignificant stuffs like these…

 

once I decided to write this blog, I felt so relieved and free because I knew I was not held or controlled by my fear anymore…in fact I am taking control and conquering over my fear…and vulnerability indeed is the best way to know that you are broken and You truly need God to come and make your life right….as I started writing this blog, I began feeling how silly I was for dwelling in this petty little matter…it was really nothing big…but I thank God I took time to think about it, because if it was not for that mistake, I would never learn to deal with my fear of not being accepted, emotions controlling, and to do the right thing at the right moment…I believe it is a breakthrough for me….not only in one matter…but several matters…that through this mistakes, truly I have learnt a lot…..just as keith preached in his previous sermon…he said that honest mistakes is ok…but we have to learn from it and not repeat it…and we are to celebrate our mistakes because mistakes truly determines our quality and helps us grow from time to time…and I really felt blessed because finally I understood all these in a deeper manner…

 

I just felt really grateful to a lot of people during this moment, Kathy, Jan, my cousin, my roommate, and especially Shirley….because I know now that I have a great family….who will accept me inside out, good or bad as I am…family who will constantly remind me and correct me of my mistakes….family who do not condemn me or make mistakes a big deal and assume it is a disgrace and shame for them…a family who will uphold me from time to time….

 

and truly as keith said…mistakes are mistakes….mistakes are the things you do….not who you are…and we should indeed celebrate mistakes…because you never know how it can bless others and what you can really learn from it…and today….this blog is posted…..not only to edify others…but for myself to grow and learn to overcome my weaknesses…because when I am not afraid to be vulnerable, I am more courageous in overcoming my biggest fear….i  believe a great breakthrough is indeed coming….and truly truly…i am not perfect, i cannot be perfect as much as i strive to be...i am truly broken….and i need God…i really do =) ….i hope this sharing right here…can really bless someone in their daily walk with God and also in whatever they are doing….

 

Indeed, do not sleep with your mistakes….

A Wonderful Day...

 

Yesterday i had a wonderful time with my mom, shopping, buying things, and chatting about many many things..and my mom also blessed me with two skirts, one bag, and one pair of slippers...Hallelujah!!!

Though, these two days, things were quite challenging for me, and my faith was stretched from time to time, i am really really grateful because i have been blessed in one way or another...things can be different if you choose to look at them from different perspectives...

and i had really alot of fun spending the little time i can find with my mom...my mom is amazing..because she is the only one who will allow me to feel like a child...or rather allow me to be a child :P haha...and yesterday was really a wonderful day because i expected spending a meaningful, fruitful time with my mom...in fact, i think everyday should be expected and proclaimed that way....every bad day on the other hand, should be filled with good thoughts so that the negativity wouldn't be too overwhelming until it chokes our bright side....for a wonderful day is not determined by our current affairs. A wonderful day is lived by choice...

therefore yesterdays and today...could all be wonderful =) in fact, it should be...

p/s: i miss you mommy. thank you :) 

 

 

My Visual DNA

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be yourself

Have you ever encounter people trying hard to impress another party and that the person is another person in front of you and a totally different person in front of the person they are trying to impress?...i honestly have chills seeing such people...sometimes things like that are easily felt...whether it was obvious or not...i admit there are people i would like to impress too sometimes...but at most times i would try my best to be the person i am meant to be as much as i can...not to say i am a super perfect person or put myself above anyone, but its just that i want to be as honest as possible to myself and others...but sometimes....this could be a bad thing...you tend to lose your sensibility of being sensitive to what others feel then...because all you wanted was just to be honest with everything....am still working on this area of my life...

i find myself being very sensitive about this issue recently. because at times i feel there are a lot of scenarios like these going on...someone is trying to impress A and A trying to impress B, B trying to impress C, C trying to impress A and so forth...its like a cycle...and it is true that you can't be fair to everyone..sometimes you tend to treat certain people better than others....but special treatment is not the issue here...

the issue here is to act unusually different in front of the person you are trying to impress....to me sometimes i can feel it is quite fake for a person to be another person, or rather an ideal person in front of the person this particular person want to impress...wouldn't it be hard to not be yourself?...wouldn't it be hard to be someone else and not someone you are meant to be? in fact it is quite sad to deny the person you are meant to be isn't it?

to me i prefer people who are real...people who are not afraid to be themselves, as bad or as flawed they might be...be honest with who they are, be honest with their weaknesses..and perhaps strive for a change...i would feel more comfortable being around such friends...nonetheless i should not judge...perhaps sometimes, i might be too sensitive...perhaps i watched too much dramas...haha....however, it is sometimes not easy to be ourselves especially when we despise the person who are inside of us...nonetheless, we are called to live life the best we know how...and the best way is to live as the person you are meant to be...the person you know how to be...don't live differently from yourself because you want to earn acceptance from others, or from a particular person, ingroup, or etc...instead, dare to be different because you know you are different for a reason...in this diversed community we are living in.....we are all special...and trust me, when you try to impress others...people can sense it...heee...BE YOURSELF unless being yourself means being abnormal =P

relationships....IN or OUT?

many of my friends...in college in hometown, and even some family members asked if i am attached...and they find it hard to believe that i am not and not planning to YET...LOL....i don't know why....but you see....i am not that old yet that i need to rush to find a life partner....in fact it is bad even at old age to find a life partner because of the fear of not being able to get married....anyway, i am only 20!!!! i am planning not to get married until i am 26 anyway hee..

don't get me wrong...relationships are sweet....they are wonderful if you find the right person who fits you perfectly well...so you see...many of my college friends ask me why am i so serious about searching for a life partner?...they told me to enjoy and try out a few first before settling for the ONE...oh well....i find myself shivering at the thought of it....i mean....i find myself unable to adapt to the idea of being intimate with many different type of guys who are not potentially going to be my husband...of course yes, if lets say a relationship has already started and it didn't work out, things have to end...but definitely it is always best to start a relationship with the hope that you would last...isn't it?..well...i don't know...thats what i feel...

and the funniest part was when they try matchmaking me with many different types of people by teasing me and another guy...LOL....(cannot take it that i am not putting effort =P)...but anyhow to those who are experiencing the same thing as i am experiencing now...here is what you can do to stop the teasing...just admit that you and that guy has something and exaggerate that you are going to get married with that guy next month or something....LOL...they will stop...definitely. the more you deny the happier they are in teasing...its all PSYCHOLOGY...people tend to believe the opposites.

but i guess what my mom say is very true, that we should never settle for relationship especially during the time when we are desperate...because we usually didn't think much and just grab whoever available who comes along...most of my college mates are at this stage now....looking for love....in all the wrong places....at least that is what i have observed...ok sorry...cannot be so judgemental...LOL...but it is very understandable because everyone is away from home now..surely feel lonely and hope some prince charming would come along and take their hearts away and make them feel complete...it is scary being in such environment...challenging i would say...as it is quite normal as stated in social psychology...when everyone around you are doing and craving for the same thing, and you are not...it makes that particular person comply to the majority...and in my case....makes me wonder if i should be worrying about this matter too...LOL...but of course these thoughts were always temporary....thank God i have Someone in me who constantly reminds me of how unnecessary it is for me to rush into a relationship now...just relax....when the suitable ones come along...i am sure we are all able to sense it..then at that moment we can slowly choose from the list of good choices lah..haha =P

what i learn in one of Pastor Prince's sermon was this....that a partner should not be seek for the purpose to fill the emptiness in us...or to complete us...in fact....we should not have a relationship until we feel WHOLE...meaning we are happy as a single...we don't feel a need for a relationship..we are happy with the idea we are alone...and we are able to function being alone....we don't need someone to save our days....that is when we are WHOLE....then only we are ready for a relationship...i find that very reasonable...

as for me, i don't feel a need for one....i might envy sweet couple being together...but i don't feel i can for now....perhaps not ready?....yea....most probably i am not...i know there are alot of things in my life i have to mend first....if i am not able to take care of myself properly yet...how can i handle another person who comes into my life?...besides, it is important to be the best as well as the right person for your partner..and i think it is also good to take longer time to screen and know people around us before choosing one...HEY...afterall it is not about choosing ANY RANDOM boyfriend....it is about choosing a life partner...one who will last forever in your life....so it is really super important to be careful....

however...hehehe...if a right one happens to come by, and ALL OF A SUDDEN because he came by, i feel ready....triggering my readiness....maybe i would go for it?..well, perhaps the reason why people are not ready is because they could not find one that match them yet?...perhaps so?...perhaps not?....LOL sound so wrong...sound compromising

anyway...  lets abide in Him first =) the One who completes everything...

do write down comments on this....i wonder what interesting ideas or opinions i would get =P this is really a subjective kinda topic...really....do comment...! tell me what you think...can correct me too =) ...haha....