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Would you change your mind...?

2011-11-30T15:35:00.000+08:00

What is your opinion on abortion?

Are you Pro-life?

Pro-choice?

Are you causing a holocaust in our generation today?

Could you be the next Adolf Hitler?

Watch this video:

Make a difference today.

Stop MURDERing the future of your nation.

What Faith Can Do

2011-10-14T10:00:00.000+08:00

Everybody falls sometimes,
Gotta find the strength to rise
From the ashes, to make a new beginning .... :)

For the past one year, so many things had happened. Today as I was doing my devotion, I realized how far I have come this one year. Further than all my christian years added together.

I treat my family different, I approach my leaders, my members, my situation, my workplace...everything becomes different. My worldview, my perspective changes. And I began to realize, I can let go bit by bit, what I WANT what I NEED in life....and began to let others have what they need, what they want first. Not always successful of course. But something just changes in my heart. Supernaturally beyond words.

In my Christian walk, it is never an easy one. I am not talking about the persecution or the taunting, but the battle within self that is the toughest. The habits, the stubbornness, the ego, the certain thing you always feel you shouldn't give in....in this walk, you have to give it all away. For a good cause of course.

But each time, a situation challenges us to do something more, something of the unfamiliar, something of discomfort to our natural habits, we are scared to death, we squirm, we whimp....but then, the moment a step is taken, everything becomes easy, everything is taken care of.

All these while, the "aftermath" I often expect after I took a step of faith, is never as bad as I have always imagined. Every single time, things are taken care of. How can I then deny, that my God will not take care of me? Surely enough each step I take, He was there with me...

Today, after this one year of moulding God has done to prepare me for the next phase of my life...I have learned to give, to love, to forgive, to step back, to submit, to honor, to let go, to be less legalistic, more gracious, more loving, more balanced...more excellent.

In this chapter, I have many ups, many downs, many regrets, many lessons, many blessings, many heartaches and pain... much more accomplished from here, I have gained many insights, revelations, and much courage to be bold, to live like there's nothing lose. Still a lot to improve of course, but I am getting there.

It is in this chapter, that I experienced true brokenness, where the situation forces you to either be broken and give it all to God, trusting Him and living for Him alone...not for your self.....OR, I choose to let go of God, let go of all these crazy stuff I need to deal with and go through, and just live for my self.

It is in this chapter of my life, I have learned, that I am totally far....far off....very very far, from perfection. And precisely because of this, I cannot live without God. I wouldn't have the stamina, strength, and courage without Him. I am grateful that I went through all I need to go through. I couldn't thank God enough for seeing me fit for the test. I want to keep going....but this time, hand in hand....with my Daddy in heaven :)

You...you who are reading this...

Don't you give up now...
The sun will soon be shining :)

Even when you fall sometimes, You gotta find that strength to rise...
Just keep believing. You can never imagine, what FAITH can do =)

Love always.

Rock of Ages

2011-10-07T09:17:00.000+08:00

I read Isaiah 26:4 today. The word "Rock of Ages" jumped at me (related to Verse 4).

What does it mean?

Then it sinked in. Rock of Ages...
Rock is something that does not rot nor decay.
Rock is firm
Rock is hard
Rock is the foundation to many buildings, and to many building materials.

Rock signifies strength
Rock signifies dependability
Rock signifies solidness
Rock signifies an anchor

Rock of ages is our God.
Our strength, our hope
Our foundation, our truth
Our anchor, our root

One we can depend throughout all ages
One we can trust for the rest of our lives...
Yesterday, today and tomorrow.

MY ROCK OF AGES....ROCKS!

Live Like There's Nothing to Lose

2011-10-06T19:52:00.000+08:00

The news just declared today, that Steve Jobs passed away...
The man who made APPLE famous in the world, and change the world's view on technology advancement...

These are his words that gave me an impact today:
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose...

Living like there's nothing to lose...

Recently in my life, there has been a lot of experiences that brought me to a cross road. - to stay safe, or to risk it all.

Those who knows me well, know that I am a terrible worrier, afraid to take risk, calculative of my gains, and fearful of the unknown. These two months, God had really pushed and taught me what it means to STEP OUT and live like there's nothing lose.

I am proud to say...even though I am not perfect, and compare to many others I am totally far out of line. But I have given my best, and I have risk it all the best I know how. I have begun to understand what it means to conquer my fears, rather than letting them conquer me.

I invested, loved, given, embraced, cared less about persecutions, embarassment, being accepted.
Toward my family especially, my friends, my leaders, my members, my career...

Even though the return is one that is unexpected, not enough or negative. I am no longer bounded by the fear of those results.

Now, in preparation to step out beyond the familiar circle....to the strangers on the streets, the needy, the hurt. Gotta really prepare my heart for that. I am ONE step closer.

Live like there's nothing to lose. You will never know if you ever lived to see the sunrise tomorrow :)

Signing off. With love.

简单就好

2011-09-30T20:15:00.001+08:00

It kinda hit me recently.

I love the simplicity of life...When I was younger, things used to be really simple.

In the world I once knew :

- I used to lie down in an open field, watching the night sky naming stars

- I used to tell the world how I admire living in a country side house with white picket fences

- I used to get all excited over rainbows after a rain and take pictures of them

- I used to sneak out to make phone calls in the middle of the night and get all happy just because I get to talk to my best friends

- I used to sit in an open car park chatting with my best friends and it feels amazing

- I used to hike up an empty hill and shout my discontent

- I used to “head bang” to some Linkin’ Park songs randomly with my friends and laugh about how silly we all looked

- I used to hug every single person like there’s no tomorrow

- I used to say “I love you” to all my friends because I treasure them very much

- I used to talk about anything under the sun, and it made my day so long as I was with the people I care about

All these are simple, but it made me really happy.

Some things I have lost as I grew up, being drowned with the busyness of life, work, being overwhelmed by the changes, trying to adapt, to cope, to grow, to excel....

Some things don’t seem to be all that significant anymore as I grew up.

In the era of science advancement, proofs and reasons are needed for every occurrence.

In the era where businesses are blooming, every connection, conversation, incident needs to be beneficial.

Even though some things do pass with maturity, but some things should be preserved. I miss the simplicity of life where I enjoy the simplest pleasure just by being with the people I am close with.

These few weeks I have been going back to the basics, and I kinda enjoy the simplicity of it all. Simple is good.

I love this new saying I learned from a friend. It is in Chinese: 简单就好

Sometimes, simplicity is all that we need to be happy.

Taken...

2011-09-09T16:42:00.000+08:00

I can't deny....a LOVE so true...breaks me down till I've got nothing to hide...

You have taken me....and set me free

Prayer Meeting 6th September 2011

2011-09-09T16:39:00.001+08:00

This prayer meeting was a significant one for me. I was on stage singing as a vocalist..then a voice came...I was presuming that it was God. This was the conversation:

God: Get ready for a new season, a new anointing....GET READY to embrace that call...

*silence*

Hazel: God is that You? Please let me know if it is You. Give me a sign
God: Fire...
Hazel: You mean when I open my eyes now, I will see a ball of fire, then I will know it is You? (*shock and tries to peep*...this is too huge a faith! Please don't do this to me)

God: No, Keith will say the word "fire"

Wow....that's a very low likelihood too aye? (*thinking to self*)

Hazel: God...you mean anyone who pray with me use the word "fire" is it?

I was trying to bring up the probability so that I can be assured that God was speaking to me....

God: Have faith! Keith will say the word fire...

Lo, and behold...after praying so much, Keith has not even mentioned the word "fire" or anything that is close to that word.....So I thought....well, I must be thinking too much. Maybe its just me.

Then, the final passage that Keith read, was on the screen....as Keith read on and on and on....and my eyes screen through the projector screen....my heart beat faster and faster and faster....

1 Kings 19
¹¹ Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.” And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake; ¹² and after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire a still small voice.

So, I SAW and I HEARD...
That sentence followed after the word "fire" pierced me like a double-edged sword...

And God spoke:

God: Hazel, do not look for a proof, do not look for a ball of fire....I am in that still small voice.

(*repent*)

And then, we prayed in tongues for 10 minutes....it felt like 1 minute. This was an amazing encounter. Thank You Lord.

The memorable 17 June

2011-06-19T21:36:00.005+08:00

I still remember the times when I really prepared for this retreat. We started preparing two to three months back, wanting to go melaka, wanting to getaway from the busy KL to refresh ourselves before we prepare for a new season.

And I remember the countless late nights, preparing and cooking a sermon that I hope God would use to change the lives of many. We were all excited and eager to receive from God. Expectant. For something to happen.

That morning, my housemate came to warn me to be careful on the highway. Immediately I felt a strange feeling, and I quickly messaged all the drivers and interns to pray before we start our journey. So we prayed. I fasted that day, in preparation for God to use me. I was really excited. And then we started our journey...we managed to wave through the jam and finally got into the highway. Two cars were convoy-ing behind one another. The other two went separately because they knew the way.

In the midst, I saw a car seeming to be stepping on its brake. So I took it as a signal to slow down, and slew down, only to realize, it was a total stop. Trying to avoid, I couldn't and afraid the jam brake would throw my passengers off the window, I tried to not to jam brake (of course by now you would know how foolish I am because CITY has ABS system. Haahaha).

Nonetheless, I crash on the car in front of us, and the car behind came crashing following after. Concern for my members, I went down, checking on the car behind. members were in pain. I was really concerned, not to mention panicked. First person I called - Shirley Boon. There when I was talking to her, a tow truck guy came and talk to me.....we moved our car to the side of the road, and then the first vehicle I have crashed on, left. We suspected a trap that has caused the accident. But my members were in pain. So couldn't be bothered. Lesson learned. FIRST THING, write down the number plate....

Anyway, immediately I requested for PLUS people to fetch them for a checkup. They told me ambulance was on the way! GOSH @@ Frustration at why they do not have any urgency. Anyway, I called my brother after that, and he called my dad. So Dad settled with the tow truck guy. Tow truck guy: insisted to drag the car to the workshop. Dad said: NO! ...so finally, it was towed to the nearest police station which is 15 minutes away. Guess how much is it? 300!!! the cost for NOT letting them tow your car to the workshop. Sheeessh....sucha blood sucker aye :P

All these aside...!

Through this incident, I have so many things to thank God for. Let me do it one-by-one:

Thank God I slowed down, and crashed - my passengers weren't wearing any seat belts
Thank God I was the second car. CITY was built in such a way that it will crumple upon hit, but it will absorb and minimize impact
Thank God the car behind us, ALL PASSENGERS were wearing seat belts.
Thank God while we were waiting by the road side, another car of our members passby, we exchange passengers and went ahead to the hospital quicker.
Thank God Shirley Boon calmed me down and talk to the tow truck guy
Thank God I called my first brother, thereafter calm my dad before talking to him.
Thank God my dad came, saw the car and decided it is more important I am saved.
Thank God nobody was hurt after checkup
Thank God we have FOUR angels who rushed down to our aid as a moral support, and car support: Shirley Boon, Anthony, Jeffrey Choong, Eng Kim
Thank God the retreat didn't cancel.

At that moment, when my dad said he is coming down to get me and to get me home....my whole head was spinning despite of all the errands t o be run, I was thinking....HOW NOW? Can the retreat continue? As I decided that it should continue, and asked my intern to preach instead (since I got to go back), Shirley Boon called and said, she would come to comfort and minister to them. This is a great lesson of sacrifice to me. To me, she didn't just TELL me what to do. She came to HELP when all else is impossible. She made things possible. She stood in the gap. I was so blessed by her action! So so blessed.

We lodge police reports, and finally, she went on with the rest to retreat. I went home with my dad. The emotion then was of guilt, and of many other things. We were so expectant of God to move, and then now, everyone got traumatized in the trip that we are suppose to be refreshed by God. Everyone was affected emotionally and psychologically. Some members had issues with their parents. I was devastated. But God was really really good. God sent many others to comfort me. Assuring me, the best had been done. And it still happened. And the fact that there is such a resistant for the retreat, all the more it should continue. Shirley said, she will help minister to all who were traumatized.

I was relief. Now knowing for sure that they are all in good hands. Went home with still trauma and fear. But it was really a memorable time at home. Everything turned out for good!

Dad didn't scold
mom didn't scold
dad offered to buy a better car : volks wagon
Had a good time of chit chatting with brother's wife
Retreat was amazing : report from members -- the presence of God was really really strong.
All had fun, all was ministered
Turned out to be the most memorable retreat ever.

God turned a bad situation into a good one. One that has caused all our members to be closer to one another. One that has taught me so much about sacrificing for the sake of members. So much about mercy, so much about grace. As a family E45, E30, we went through everything together. I remember receiving sms-es from members, them wanting to come and visit me the moment they knew I arrive at KL, all these brought us closer together. God is amazing.

God was there every moment and every step of it. And I am glad today, I could find the strength, and the joy, and the reasons to thank God for. Without Him, where would WE be today. Without Him...all things wouldn't have turned out for good.

Thank you, dad...mom...brothers....for really caring and showing me love time I needed it the most.

Thank you, Shirley, Eng Kim, Anthony, Jeff....for coming to our rescue. Things wouldn't have been so smooth without you guys standing in.

Thank you, E30 & E45 for staying strong, firm, loving and united throughout all these. You are the gems of my heart. thank you for being a family.

I could not thank God enough. Last but not least....Thank God for everything!

This year many big events and big decisions happened in my life. FUH!! It must be all for a reason. I am anticipating the coming days. I know the best is yet to come.....

This will be one of the greatest testimony I have so far, for many days to come. my life, my family, everything was preserved and strengthened. I am really blessed. more hopeful for the future than ever!!!!!

New day...new dawn! :)

Heartfelt moment...

2011-05-14T11:30:00.000+08:00

Today, as I witnessed the baptism of one of my member, Amy....I felt really touched.

Looking at the lives dipping into the water, rising up again, people cheering....non-believers may not understand. Even Christians, sometimes do not understand what it means. Part of a Christian process some would say.

But I have all along knew that baptism is something really significant. So much so, that even non-Christians understand that you are never really a Christian unless you get water baptized. my mom always thinks that way. That is the reason why, she often think that so long as I am not baptized, I am still not really a Christian and can "slide back" to my old religion.

Today as I went and looked at those beautiful people immerse and rise again, tears begin to well up in my eyes. Today so many people have decided that they will DECLARE their faith and love for God. And that from today onwards, they will be identified with Christ. Living not a life of their old. The old is dead (dip into the water), the resurrected is a new life (up from the water again).

I want to be FULLY identified with Christ. And I know the moment I decide that, I can no longer turn back, and each and every action I take I represent Christ. Asked my member how she felt after being baptized, she replied "I feel really really really good". Indeed, it is not just an activity. Something spiritual does happen when one is baptized.

I am anticipating mine. A FULL life as disciple of Christ. I will be joining the next baptism with one of my very close friend. Even though we know this decision will lead to many possible consequences, but we know, it will be worth it. There is a significance we anticipate to be part of. There will be a difference.

Can't wait...=)

I love birthdays...

2011-04-19T16:02:00.000+08:00

I love birthdays....especially mine :P

Really pampered this year. So many things happened, and so many blessings. Just a little lazy to type all of them here. Oh well.....

I will do it SOON!

Procrastination in posting blogpost seem to be a very common thing to me now :S
oopps~

This is YOUR LIFE

2011-04-08T19:47:00.004+08:00

"This Is Your Life"

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you've broken
Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you've got now
Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be?
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes
Don't close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be?
This is your life are you who you want to be?

This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

And you had everything to lose

As I was driving home, I had the longest flashback ever (with the rain and the jam).

It was long ago since I heard this song. But it spoke to me so much.

I was brought back to the first time when I received Christ, on how I really became so passionate in preaching the gospel, in showing love, in becoming better. my lifestyle was exciting every single day. In doing so many things. Deep inside, I have a sense that I CAN do great things for God. And at that time it doesn't matter what my circumstances were. I didn't care! I couldn't care less. I just want to love God, worship Him and do everything I could for Him, I found something to live excitedly for every single day. Not one day was boring.

As we grew older...this sense of passion seem to vanish somewhere. We often think of the "yesterdays" of life...the "good old days" so-called. When times were simpler, less worries, less responsibilities. Now, it is harder to cope...so lets be more lenient on ourselves. You are not young anymore, why push yourself to the limit? Working hours is already 8 hours! You need rest....Ah...but "Yesterday" you did it all...you did well...wow, how you wish you were in yester years, where times were not so busy, and you can do more things...

But hello, the yesterdays are wrinkle the forehead. it is consumed by time, it is dead and over, and indeed...it is a promise broken.

We always tell ourselves...when I am older, when I have more freedom, I have more money...this is the person I want to be. I want to make a difference. I want to brave to speak for the broken, for the underprivileged, I want to shower love, I want to go to Africa, I want to go to the homeless children, the abused....its all but a promise broken.

Today, as we reflect on our lives. Is it the ONE that we expect to live, the ONE we have dreamed it would be? FULL of fire, FULL of passion? When the world was younger, when we were younger, when nothing else matters but our passion, our dreams, when we were fearless and have nothing to lose. Everything to risk. We are just so consumed by our passion. Where is it now?

"We are busy now and have more responsibilities"....some would say

Now that we are grown up, all these are like distant away. Practicality comes first, passion comes later. Earning more, do not take risk, stay safe, what ifs of being rejected, or things will never turn out the way we hoped it would be and we will have to face embarrassments, insults, circumstances, shame....etc etc

ENOUGH! I had everything to lose once. I should have even more now. Today, as much as it is important to be wise, to be practical, I want to live a life that has everything to lose....without regrets, without what ifs....Live everyday, like it is your LAST

Step one: Let the LOVE REVOLUTION begin!

Just passed my 24th birthday...time to rekindle the "old flame"...the passion of the to-do list I once had. Let's go dig it out (wait for my next blog). Shall not wait till I am 30, and when I have 5 kids to juggle, with house chores, a husband and a job. Hahaha! Funny scene.

What about you? Are you afraid to revisit that dream or that passion buried deep down within? To be a singer? a writer? "too old" perhaps you feel?

This is your life. Are you who you gonna be?

TODAY IS ALL YOU HAVE GOT NOW!!!

Sometimes.....

2011-04-01T17:45:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, when I am tired, and I have a lot of things to manage and do...
To complete within a day, and I ALREADY need much more strength and focus and energy than usual (because I am tired), I'd appreciate some peace and quiet (This is especially NECESSARY when I am very tired).

There are times for us to finish up our tasks, there are times to hang around and talk. I don't mind talking, but to me, the setting, the place, the TIME is very important. I need to switch mode. I cannot be at TWO modes at once. I feel very divided. Unless if I am very PEK CHEK and I need an output to rant my feelings. Other than that, I really cannot "layan" talks about many many others. You can talk to me about yourself. But not others.

I realize recently, I kinda feel my privacy invaded when people keep looking for me to just talk. Talk about others, talk about things that will not change or solve anything. Just ranting, gossips, empty talks. What joy does it gives? I don't find it fruitful. Maybe it is an output, of stress release for that person. Sigh...I should be more gracious. But I feel, perhaps, at a time when we are all done with our work, we can talk about it? A better time, when I am more ready to listen?

Have I become an INTROVERT gradually? *gasp*....sign of old age. hahahaha! Hmm....perhaps I am just too tired with the deprived sleep recently. Not very used to it after OFF college life. Easily frust without full 6 hours sleep. LOL. Sigh...alright, I need to keep giving love. Be a good listener. Be patient.

Ultimately....I need to sleep FULL SIX HOURS! I don't care whether it is an aging matter or what. But, without that, anything can drive you up the wall! Like seriously! Lol.

Jialat.

I can't Believe

2011-03-29T09:18:00.001+08:00

Can't believe I am living at such an exciting times like these.

Can't believe I am part of such a GREAT vision. Doesn't matter what is going on with life, there is always a greater that is worth living for and going on for.

So many things have happened. Wish I had the time to blog all of them. Perhaps after work today. :)

This is it....! The greater cause the greater call. Here I am. Send me.

Random Thoughts

2011-03-25T15:33:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I hope I can get married to a rich guy SOON!!

Haha....why you ask?

Just so that I do not need to work already (financially stable) and do what I am really passionate about FULL TIME. Redeem the broken lives, in the dark alleys, and the back streets.

But then again....it is important to SHINE in the marketplace. Just a random post, random thought. haha. :) Oh well, if it is His will, we'll know! God is good. Renewed passion. New season.

New day, new dawn.

Precious...

2011-03-15T15:01:00.011+08:00

I'm in a season whereby there are many crossroads, many decisions, sacrifices.

The question that constantly haunt my mind: How long more do I have before time runs out? (Lol...sounds like I am dying, aye?) ...Am I making a full use of it? What am I called to do? What can I do to build on my passion, to fulfill the destiny and the purposes I have been called to? I want to give my best in this life to do all it takes to fulfill the call of life.

Jesus often answer: Great! But the question here is, are you willing to lay down your precious, for the course of My call?

Last Sunday was really faith-stretching for me, when I decide to give my precious to God. Tears just streamed non-stop down my cheek, as I hand over what I have considered to be truly all I have had for a future I am looking forward to the comng year.

As I gave it away.....there's a strong pull in my heart. Haha. Because this is really very precious! I feel the pain in giving it....and as I kept praying and casting my trust toward God, God's peace came upon me....and a certain realization came into my mind.

In life, treasure and precious could be anything. Precious doesn't mean just the material possesions, nor does it only come in monetary form. Treasure could be anything. Anything that is dear to your heart. Sometimes we are willing to sacrifice certain areas of our lives for God to move. Sometimes, we refuse God to touch some other areas of our lives.

"God this I can give. No, that I can't...not that...Oh, this, You can take it...."

Aren't we just so contradicting sometimes? We often tell God...we will trust Him with every step we take. But along the way, we begin grabbing things and insist, these are the areas we expect a certain result so much so that we refuse God to touch that part in fear of another result. The common struggle between the human flesh and the human spirit. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

I have been meditating on Gal 2:20-21. A verse that encourages us to be selfless. Selfless is not just about putting others first. When life does not sail the direction you expect it to be, laying down all the struggles in your mind, just trusting God, and His sovereignity. That is being SELFLESS.

Trusting God cannot be just a saying. Confessing with your mouth have to couple with believing it with your heart. If you do not believe, whatever confessed is void. Faith is the currency where exchange of heavenly fruits begin to occur.

This year, the theme of my life, is to: DIE to self. It doesn't matter what I feel, or what I want, or what I expect. I want to place all my worries, my circumstances, my doubts on the altar....and trust Him each and every step. No matter how frustrated, how unwilling, I will attempt to do what He wants me to do. Ain't it true, that dying to self, simply means dying to the precious in one's life? SELF talks about what is IMPORTANT and PRECIOUS to me is the most important. Selfless talks about what is important and precious to me is secondary.

Not easy. Can we truly DIE to the preciouses in all aspect of our lives....and give it all to Him? I will definitely attempt my best.

Truly, the only way to be selfless, is when we give away our precious, fixed our eyes on Jesus, the source of strength and breakthroughs in life.

Let's lay down our precious. Take up the cross and follow Jesus. One step at a time.

Time

2011-03-08T09:21:00.003+08:00

Wish I had more time to pen my thoughts down like I used to. But obviously as you grow older, you only get busier with the increasing responsibilities in life. Nonetheless, I am determined to squeeze out time to spend time with my life team, my ever amazing disciples, and also to work on my passion.

Recently, I find myself becoming quite interested with business. Learning a lot of negotiation skills from my boss. And also to deal with different circumstances at workplace. Its eye-opening!! Woot! I am determined to find ways to start my own business, hopefully be a successful social entrepreneur in the near future. Working on it. Not gonna jump into it, but one step at a time. I believe all these experiences are worth it (even though it can be quite stretching at times).

Yesterday, I was approached by the director of Redeeming Roses ministry. Boy, I didn't know Malaysia have such a ministry. I was searching for it, but the nearest I could find was to be at the streets to meet the needs of homeless. But when I found out about Redeeming Roses ministry (to help women recovering from abuse and exploitation)...I am quite taken aback. Something close to my heart, and I'd like to look into very much.

Excited of what is ahead :) Life is short. Seize opportunities and make a difference.

Emotions

2011-01-31T23:58:00.000+08:00

Emotions....can be really scary

They can be your best friend....and make you feel really good.
Or they could be your enemy...toiling your heart up and down, juggling act of clown.

But, emotions is one thing that differentiates us from the non-living things around us. Emotions allow us to be human, allow us to understand, to love, to laugh...to LIVE.

Without emotions, we are all dead. So celebrate having emotions!

But....be cautious about being emotional.
The smartest communicators are those who are able to MANAGE emotions, take control of it...and not make emotions their master.

How does it feel like when emotions are your master? You listen to it...do what it ask you to do...most of the time, you don't think...you just FEEL...and that is enough to drive you to act.

Master your emotions. Feel what you need to feel, by all means feel it...but not follow its lead. You are the leader. Not your emotions.

But there is a fine line to it. To be emotionally controlled, and emotionally rigid.

Emotionally rigid is a result of shutting off to avoid oneself from feeling more pain...and eventually numb out other feelings from entering the heart. This is danger. This could make a person a cold-hearted robot instead of being human.

So how to be healthy emotionally? Ask God... :) And never ever act based on your feelings. You always end up regretting. Act according to the Word of God, and according to the right principles and virtues. Be an honorable person, respect others and respect yourself.

The quote of the day: Master your emotion, and not make emotion your master :)

With this....live life without regrets.

Perfect

2011-01-18T14:40:00.001+08:00

You are not perfect..
But you are made perfect in Him :)

You do not need to try very hard to be someone else
You do not need to try very hard to be righteous or accepted

It is done for you. You are made righteous, accepted, made in the image of God.

The realization of this is important....to HUMBLE one person, and to make him/her more and more in love as well as dependent on God.

Seek not perfection in life. Seek His face and you'll find perfection in His Joy.

Psalm 51:17
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,

A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.

Happy New Year 2011!!

2011-01-03T00:34:00.000+08:00

So, this is it! 2011! Woohoo...

This year I plan to blog more. Oh well, we shall see :)

2010 has been an amazing year for me. Went through many ups, many downs...learning how to live life, and be more like myself...be who God wants me to be. Juggle between many huge transitions of life. Successes, failures, hopes, disappointments....you name it! Told ya 2010 isn't gonna be the same when it came last year.

Now it is 2011. And I think it is going to be way different and whole lot more amazing than before.

In 2010, I did a thorough research on quite an interesting specimen. Yes. Human specimen. Don't worry, I got all the paperwork straightened out. No ethical issues involved. But mine, she is quite amusing.

Introducing.....tat tat tat daaa *trumpet blowing*

SPECIMEN S355164!!

I know right? so cute...Applause please!

I often hear of people saying...actions speaks louder than word. So throughout 2010, I studied S355164. As she lives on the motto "actions speak louder than words", the motion of action, keep doing and doing and doing and doing became so much more significant than years before.....it is good I would say, but not all good (trust me, I experimented with it). People who keep going and going without stopping to think or ponder, begin to become more robotic, more technical, saying more of "it must be done now", more impulsive, feeling more and more busy (but are they?)...less relaxed, more uptight, results-oriented.- Labeled as the Type A Behavior (wow, I remembered! :P)

Often time, life isn't suppose to be that dead serious. See, people could miss out fun...but they thought they were doing something real important that could seriously cause world doom's day, should they stop being serious for a minute. So they punish themselves, and abstain from fun. Or rather, thinking they were being useful, so long as they are not associated with fun.

Ah! Humans....pfftt....the measure they would take just to feel a little better about themselves....LOL...I finally get to see what it is like for S355164, working...white collar world, being in the "career-y" environment. When the office attire is put on, many specimens, including S355164 suddenly just transform into another person. Reminds me of the Zimbardo's famous experiment (of wardens and prisoners). Even mindset could be transformed in mere split second.

Amusing, isn't it? So in 2011, Specimen S355164 informs me that she is about to try something new. The art of balancing reality and imagination. Why you might ask? Specimen S355164 see the importance of equipping herself with the world's knowledge.....necessary details to allow her function in society. Yet, Specimen S355164 wants to live in a world where she is STILL allowed to dream and see those dreams come to pass (breaking away from rigidity - side effect of aging). Not something easily done. A little mix of hard work, perseverance, faith and hope.

Ooo...she is gonna add on the FUN factor into everything she does as she accomplish her 2011 resolution! Hmm....I wonder how. Oh well, let the creative juice flow as the year unveil its surprises...! Well, it is not easy for mankind to notice the dominion of one side of the world, in all honesty. I consider Specimen S355164 quite blessed to have noticed this in the early stage (before rigidity becomes a permanent disease).

Rock on Specimen S355164! You made it to this point, thus far. Great 2010! Yay....now get ready to dive!

Welcome, 2011! Woohooo
*wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle*

Christ ALONE

2010-12-15T03:32:00.000+08:00

Greatest moments in life, are not one that allow you to have all the riches of the world.

Greatest moments in life, to me....is the time when I realize I just cannot do without Jesus. He becomes the most precious.

Living a life for Christ, traveling down the road of salvation, isn't at all easy. The initial humble you could be eaten up by the hustle, bustle and events of life...living you with nothing much to give back to the One who deserves it all. Jesus.

You could have been relying on Him to pull you through certain issues of life, and have learnt up prinicipalities, and how they work. You have won a few battles, and know how to counter a few things in life. Then you got proud. You thought you knew it all. Do they still work today? Yes! Simply because they are God's principles. But there is no longer a need to depend on God to bring us through, because His principles work just the same.

And it builds up within you. If you are not careful, you don't even knew it exist. You didn't know you were beginning to depend on yourself. The line becomes really thin. You can claim you are doing things for Christ. But really, asking yourselves in all honesty. Is it really that way?

MEEKNESS. The strength in humility...the cloak of humility...is the one thing that fix our eyes on Jesus. Helping us to stay in focus, on the right things in life. Helping us to realize we need Him every step we take. Help us to realize, we are nothing but just a human, and we need a Savior.

The greatest battle to fight, the greatest enemy, are those whom you cannot realize or see. And they are the scariest, in disguise, deceiving you. We need to depend our lives STRONGLY SOLELY on Him alone...Christ alone, will have all the glory, Christ alone is the source of strength and hope, Christ alone deserves all things, Christ alone is the One that will teach us to find life.

Lets not gain everything and lose our souls. The greatest giant in life...is SELF. We need to die to self, realize that we no longer live, but Christ who lives in us.

The higher you go, the more battles you win, the harder to realize that pride is overtaking. We need to constantly bring ourselves down, and remind ourselves, battles won has nothing to do with our ability, or capability. It is all to do with Him.

In Christ alone...I place my trust...

and find my glory in the POWER of the CROSS
In every victory let it be said of me
my source of strength, my source of hope

Is CHRIST ALONE...

When you think you know it all, is the beginning of understanding you know nothing at all.

I pray that I will remember this for the rest of my life...Hope you are blessed!

Amazed

2010-12-10T05:43:00.000+08:00

Remember this date...

9-10 December, 2010

Remember...

Nothing...

2010-11-30T06:00:00.000+08:00

Who am I?

Nothing....

Without Him....nobody.

Fallen nature, fallen short in every way... of His glory...

I now finally understood what it means, that we need to live by His grace every single day, every single step of our way in our lives.

Because no matter how hard we try...we are imperfect. Fallen short.

And that's the beauty of it all...that there is nothing we can do, to earn ourselves this grace.

Absolutely nothing.

It is a gift...and all we need to do is receive

Now this life...

No longer I who live, but He who lives in me... =)

I am blessed. Beyond word...blessed...

Thank You...Thank You...Thank You for all that You are. And all that I am. And the realization of who I really really am, without You =)

The Root?

2010-07-28T06:23:00.000+08:00

This morning after doing my devotion, as I was preparing for work...showering, I got my "Eureka" moment. Hmm...now I realize, recently I have been having a lot of "Aha" moments in the washroom. Good sign, good sign....at least it shows that time are well spent. Not wasted into nothing box or zooming into the blank sheet zone. Wanted to blog this all morning. Better blog this off before I enter into the endless printing spree...again

As I was saying, I was having this "Eureka" moment...All because I was thinking of someone very dear to my heart, currently doing what she is most passionate with in her job, doing what she knows best in different parts of the world. Haha...Yesterday, a few of us got in touch with this very person, and she was telling us about the culture shocks she experienced as she was travelling. Kinda cool to know.

Then as I was bathing, I was thinking to myself of the different cultures around the world, then I begin to think about mine! And I got in touch with the term "China man mindset". Now, not being discriminative, I love Chinese people (because I am obviously Chinese) and I have nothing against China and its way of doing things. It is just, differences in culture. And I appreciate that.

Then, I begin to think of the way my family is structured. Wow. This is really cool....the term "China man mindset" does not only apply to the business world. Talk about my family, I grow up in a very controlled, proper, well-disciplined family. Come to think of it, running a family is like running a small country, eh? My family could be adopting the idealogy of the China government. Haha. But then again, that's just a thought. (Don't wanna get sued for writing statements without basis in public :P)....

Recently I got to know that it is still a practice in China that boys and girls aren't allowed to sit together! They have to divide themselves. Wow...that sounds like my dearest daddy! Haha...even until I was 15 or 16, hanging out with boys in a GROUP is most of the time an offense to him! Or a guy friend offering me a ride, is totally unacceptable to him! He even claim that I can only get attached at the age of 25 (obviously I broke the rule :P). But then again, I know he is just being protective over his beloved daughter. Hee *love you daddy*

Then, there are rules and regulations, like girls having have to be more homely, learning to cook, wash the dishes, doll up, be pretty, have to be seen at home most of the time...in my family, guys can escape any house chores...but girls..or I would say GIRL (I am the only daughter) has to do most of the chores! Mom wouldn't mind if brothers doesn't wash their plates...but mom make a big fuss if daughter didn't wash hers. Haha...Good discipline I would say. According to mom, I need to serve my husband in all these in future...which is true to an extent. I wouldn't mind serving my husband, but I wouldn't mind a little help either!
Then it comes to guys being the head of the family, which is true...it is very biblical...but guys get to order the ladies around! Woot! Not that it happens all the time in my own primary family...most of us are modernized and received education on equality so on and so forth (well, at least I would fight for my rights...no chance for bullies ;P)....but I realize it happens in my extended family! The girls, being reserved and submissive...but to the extent that men get to have their says, and girls shouldn't comment so much. This is especially practiced by my Grandpa...and when girls have too much opinion...he would say: girls shouldn't talk so much....or my uncle saying: you are a girl! what do you know! Even my mom do agree to it occassionally...."we are girls, what do we know"...hmmm...I refuse to succumb to that. Yes, we are girl, yes we need to submit to the head of family, but I believe in the freedom of speech and opinions too. Haha..Oh well, as much as I would love giving my opinions, I still speak less in respect to my grandpa and uncles....Like what my mom always say: When you are under my roof, you succumb to my rules. Hah!

Haha...not complaining here....but I come to realize all these things....they are so related by the places we come from! I realize that not only in families, but also in certain nation, culture, schools, groups of friends...etc... it is hard to just come in and bring change, shake their boats a little, shake their faith a little, with something new. They can be so attached to old practices, that they find comfort sticking to it even when it is no longer effective in the modern times. Perhaps, people do find security in rigidity? Hmmm...something to think of.

And in a lot of places whereby freedom are not exactly easily found like the developed nations, the more you deprive the citizens of something, the more hungry they are for those things in their lives. In fact, it is most impactful to them because they don't come easy. Likewise, in my family, things are the same. The more our parents try to deprive us of something, the more desperate we are to cling on to it, and fight for it. For instance, the more my parents try to stop us from getting involved in BGR, the more we were desperate for it to try out! Or the more they try not to mention what they called "sensitive issues" (lets say forbid to eat ice cream..LOL) the more we want to find out (or the more we want to have it)! And boy....what chaos it was when information were discovered! We go underground, craving more once we got our hands on it (eating ice creams non stop in schools!) haha...this is ESPECIALLY TRUE for rebellious boys...*ahem*...and I won't deny, it has been true, even till today for me in certain areas of my life. Areas I am not accepted for, areas that I am not given liberty, and by force was obliged to submit... Hmm....ain't it a great thought? Maybe I should try deprive my members of certain things for them to be hungry for it. Haha!
Just kidding. I think I should send them to certain places for them to observe culture, differences, and start appreciating what they have currently.

No wonder, attending Piper's Ministry, they actually teach us that there are certain spirits you will inherit coming from different nations! Now I understand why. It is true to certain extent that where you come from, does affect your upbringing, your mindsets, your thoughts, the things you find security in. And especially if it has been a practice for a long long long long time....you would find it even hard to break away from this rigidity. But as a believer, I am glad, I discover this truth....and I find that breaking away from rigidity, is a constant thing we need to do as the world evolve. As things improve. Now we wouldn't want to be labeled as backward, or irrelevant, would we?

Understanding this, makes me have more compassion for people around me. And I admit sometimes being human, I can disagree and really dislike certain values in my very own family. But understanding all these, it makes me realize why certain thoughts are being wired that way....and that I need to give more grace and compassion. I need to understand, the kind of emotions, the kind of wavelength that goes on in the brains, and what kind of anxiety they go through....I begin to love my family more. I begin to have more compassion, more grace, more understanding rather than judgments. *sweet sigh*

Thank You, God for this "Eureka" moments.

No wonder Chinese are so grounded to sticking to their roots. It makes them feel really belong to one another, and more than that, understand and love one another even more. Haha.

I LOVE MY FAMILY!

Alright, time to go full force with work! Woosh~

Starting A Love Revolution

2010-07-25T22:42:00.000+08:00

On my way home, the long journey back from Taiping, I manage to catch some reading on the "Love Revolution" written by Joyce Meyer (most of the journey I was half asleep :P)...I read on how love revolution should come about, and boy...Joyce Meyer is amazing.

She mentioned that there was once she asked God, how can He see the hurts and pains in the world and do nothing? And then God answered her: That is why He need His people as a vessel to do something in this fallen world. Often we talk about how fallen today's world is, how bad things are this and that....but rarely, any of us actually take any action to do something about it. We all agree that the world needs help, needs love....but none of us actually step out and be the one in the field,doing the helping, the loving. All we could do was just throw words like "somebody should do something!"....somebody who? somebody but not me....!

Reading that book....ONLY the first chapter, I really felt tears welling in my eyes. I read the short articles she posted up about sex trafficking, sex slavery, children who know nothing but their bodies being abused, malnutrition, street kids....Who is there to put a stop to this? Who is there to tell them there's hope, there are more to life? Often we are so caught up with preaching the gospel of love, when the one thing they need is really....just an act of love! We fail to do that....we go around these people, giving them tracts about the gospel....But we did not go into their lives, step into their world, get our hands dirty...and let them know there are still others who care about their lives....who love them. Are we then, a salt that make a difference in this world? Or a salt that loses it taste? or a lamp under the shades....not shining?
After reading that, with deep compassion in my heart....I told God in my very own simple prayer....

Dear God,
- I want to help children in sex slavery
- I want to help children without homes
- I want to do something about malnutrition problem
- I want to help defiant and rebellious people
- I wanna give them a sense of hope, destiny, purpose and dreams, a greater vision to live for
- I want them to know they worth far greater than what the society has define them and
- I hope to make a difference in the lives of the children who has no power to change their circumstances

In fact, I have prayed this prayer before. But that's it! Nothing more. A wishful thinking...So, I told Melvyn about it as he was driving along the rainy highway. Thus, after reaching KL, and catching a movie (The Sorceror's Apprentice....BOY, its a MUST WATCH! ...very good)....Melvyn decided to take me for a little tour in KL....He said this: Bee, I will bring you to the world that needs Christ very much.

He drove me around Chow Kit Road. And the common people should know what to expect there. Many broken people without homes, prostitutes, lusting men.....people who probably lose recognition of their own identities...I don't know. According to Melvyn, what I saw tonight was very very minimal. Usually there were more around. The sight of it was devastating. Not that they were ugly, or there was anything obscene. They were just merely standing by the streets. But it breaks my heart to see them having have to do that. To not know the true meaning to life! There are so many ways to earn....do they know that? Or are they bounded to syndicates...what is exactly going on?

Is there anyone to help them? Is there anyone to stop this? Is there anyone to love them, letting them know how much they worth...and that there are more things to do! Is there anything to be done! I really wish I know what I can do. I hope I can make a difference...Compassion is not enough. Something needs to be done. Someone needs to let them know they are loved....not for the services they can give....but for WHO THEY REALLY ARE! Someone needs to let them know, there is no need to give and yet they can freely receive love without condition....This is LOVE REVOLUTION.

I want to start a LOVE REVOLUTION. So badly. It is easy...well, I won't say totally easy...but it is definitely easier to show love to those who comes to cell group, fellowship with us....those who are within the circles of our reach. People who are at least more similar, or rather do not divert that far from our values. It is easier to be in touch with those (even though may have very messy past or lives) who are naturally more in par with where we come from. But what about those who are really really different? Those who have been devalued all their lives? Those who are totally not within our reach? The poor, the needy, the abused, those out in the brutal streets? Those who need to fight for survival eversince they were little kids? Those without a chance for proper education, or even a home? What about those whom these words "I understand" is not applicable because we truly cannot begin to understand or imagine the ordeals and pains they need to go through? How do you revive trust, and love for those whose love and hope has been shattered to pieces, thrown down the drain, trampled over and over and over and over again?

What can we do? What can I do. I have compassion. But what can I actually DO? Where do I start? How do I go about it? What can I provide? Is there an actual, trustable, truly loving resource that is able to give hope (not false hope), security and love to them?
Really...Lately God has given me so much ideas, so many things to do. I have begin to think of new ways to expand in career....Now, I am being challenged to be more radical in loving the people God loves. Fuh, maybe should tell God to give a pause for me to cope all first. Else, everything become NATO. No action, Talk Only. haha.

Seriously, my qustion is, where do I start? Can I find a proper, genuine foundation to be involved with on this? Hmm....this is really something to think about.

Let's start a Love Revolution, shall we?

(Wow...Imagine, reading the 1st chapter spark so much thoughts! Can't wait to finish the whole book...must be totally life-changing)

My two cents.

Night, world. God loves you. I love you too.

22.7.2010

2010-07-23T04:14:00.000+08:00

It has been long since I blogged.

Would like to record down the very important moments in my life.

Apart from being attached currently (LOL...surely you have a lot of revelations and depend on God more than ever)....I have been feeling that something within was awaiting to breakthrough.

Recently I couldn't stop thanking God that I am alive at a time such as this. Being such a dynamic church. My mind has been constantly blown away again and again and again...From Asia Conference, to Services with AR Bernard, To Pastor Andrew Gray, and then Pastor John Andrews...

Just felt something within expanded. And I begin to think of ways to really do more things, within the CG, with my life, with my family, with my work....Just felt my perception change altogether and especially now being in a relationship, I believe both Melvyn and I can do even more to bring down the Kingdom of God...

I was amazed by all these amazing speakers challenging my mindset, my heart over and over again....and wow...God is just amazing. Perhaps I should consider going SOT sooner! Hahaha....Hmm...but right now, whatever revelation He has given me, is more than enough for me to work for at this stage.

Can't wait to hear more, see more and do more with God...! Woooohoooo!!

Loving Jesus more and more everyday!

Birthday Celebration 2010

2010-04-08T21:20:00.000+08:00

Today, I had a delayed, elaborated and wonderful celebration with my cell members. They lied to me....saying that they were suppose to celebrate Charis' birthday...and lied to Charis that they were suppose to celebrate my birthday! Haha...Ok...I thought to myself...that is quite a smart move, eh? However, this is what my cute members did. They rented the Station ONE stage, and made a deal with station one that they can sing a few songs. Melvyn, Yi Zhen and Kevin Rimas were present too!

So the moment we stepped in, they sang some "jolly fellow" song to welcome us. And that was finally when we realized they were celebrating both our birthdays. And then...sat us down directly in front of the stage. Jireh and Grace, emcees of the night.....Jireh fill up the gap of time onstage with some other emo songs. We had personal waitresses (Tress and Grace), getting our orders (fuh...talk about efficiency, we acted before the waiter comes to take order). WUAH...felt like a princess honestly! All needs MET!

Then, while waiting for our food...my members went up onstage again and sang the song....The Climb...by Miley Cyrus....this song touches my heart the most, looking at everyone of them singing with all their heart. Those who are close to me, they would indeed know this song means something to all of us as cell group members. Haha...:) So touched!

Then each of them, went onstage one by one, shared their testimonies and hearts out about how they truly appreciate Charis and me (will upload their testimonies soon). We were both beyond speechless. Didn't realize that they could remember all the things done together! Some I couldn't even remember if I did :)....Truly a touching moment. Huhuhu~ T_T

Then, after some singings, makan, we played some game (Sabo people drink weird drink), then present presentation!!! tanaaa...

speaking about present. my choir member celebrated my birthday last Saturday too! With the sampat people...and boy!! They gave me a super wonderful big present!!! See...see...xP

Not only them, Shirley, my beautiful, anointed, special leadear...and some few close people in subzone were there to celebrate Anna and my birthday too! Gosh...we are so blessed and honored!! :) Feel so LOVED! :D

So back to my cell members celebration, after everything, some sharing on my part...touching touching...singing that's what friends are for...(so cute right?...we actually sang it so loud in station one....competing with the stereo...haha)....Kevin praying for us....we went home.

I really enjoyed the birthday. Beyond the celebration, the thing that cause me to feel really loved, blessed and honored....is looking back at their lives before...and now...how they came a long way to where they are today...how they fought, struggle through, decide, fall, get up...and just keep going......I feel so privileged to be loved by these amazing bunch of people.....they do not know this, but it is truly an honor that I am given the opportunity to be part of their lives...I wouldn't want to have it any other way...They are indeed my family! :)

Love all of you. Keep shining, keep smiling knowing you (I) can always count on me (you)...for sure! That's what friends are FOR!

Empowerment Meeting!

2010-03-11T14:58:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, I went to Chinese Church to draw from my ever beloved leader, Shirley Boon. Boy, her message yet again so relevant and so.......NECESSARY!! I think I need to do that whenever I am free on Sundays. Her ONE word always changes life.

After listening to her message, immediately that Sunday itself, I decided, I need to have an empowerment meeting. I need to preach and motivate my core about this! About seeking God. It is so important.We often know the why, but not the what...not how to do it....we are too used to the routine. Becoming robots, that we lose the true reason behind it all. The truth is, you don't pray because you have problems, you don't pray because you are a Christian, you don't pray because you have to fulfill a religious duty....you pray TO LOVE!

Ok, I cannot begin to tell you the sermon now, else I would be violating her copyright XP....hehee...anyway....I wrote everything down that Sunday morning....and I was eager to start an empowerment meeting that very day. My members couldn't make it on Sunday night, so we shift it to Wednesday. That Tuesday night I was in Shirley's place just chatting away with few others...etc....and then I told her I need to prepare my empowerment meeting material for Wednesday night. I didn't even tell her I was going to share what she preached last Sunday. She just told me...let me send you my last Sunday's material in English Version! I was SOOOOOOO shocked. How did she even know my heart? Haha... and I nodded eagerly of course! That would make life SO MUCH easier!

So last night, we had empowerment meeting. The presence of God was so strong. It was such a joy to see these people experiencing continual revival in their hearts, drawing and clinging on to the presence of God...Just worshipping Him...and that's it! No agenda. A lot of time core members always have to rush this rush that for cell group, for service, make sure things are taken care of.....it is good...but there are TOO MANY NOISES. Rarely, people would take time to just sit down and listen...and just enjoy the presence of God. Sometimes, they don't even know how....or forget how to draw from the presence of God again. But last night....it was just us...soaking in the presence of God. Period.

Last challenge I left for them to ponder....and for all of you as well.....

Truly to seek God, you need to die to yourself. But would you rather leave everything that you DESIRE and WANT to just be in the presence of God.....or decide to pursue your dreams, achieve success, go after everything you want....but lose the presence of God forever? :) sometimes you cannot have both. Sometimes, some things need to be sacrificed. What would you do?:)

Jeng Jeng Jeng.

Let's be empowered ourselves by seeking God's face every single day. That you will not move or go anywhere without the presence of God with you. You do not need an empowerment meeting to experience God time in time out. You just need one thing....desperation for God.

toodles!

Internet Down

2010-02-10T07:57:00.000+08:00

Won't be able to online for many more days to come in Taiping. In fact, haven't been really onlining for 3 weeks.....pfftt

Currently in dad's office trying to load myself with the countless numbers of email. woohoo! fun. Anything urgent, do not hesitate to call me or sms me peeps. Till I see all of you again (very soon)....Happyy Chinese New Year!!!! :D

Doing it Right!

2010-01-21T14:40:00.000+08:00

I learned a really really valuable lesson today. Last night, as I was challenging my member to do the right thing, the morning, I was faced with the dilemma of doing what is right but could possibly jeopardize the trust of another person, or keep the trust, and just ignore doing the right thing. Then I repeatedly questioned myself, if I was in the position of advising a member, what would I have asked him or her to do?

Then immediately, I decided, I wanted to do the right thing. Regardless of the consequences, I just want to live up to my words, and also because I truly truly want one thing only. That my focus would be God. Doing His will, doing what pleases Him. Not the world. Not an easy decision, as I would honestly admit that the moment it was done, there were so many things running through my mind. Negative consequences, and what possibly would happen.

Then, I suddenly was reminded by my member, telling me that he could not bear the thought of his future. And it struck me like a rebuke. Immediately I texted a best friend, and I prayed. God spoke one thing to me: "Hazel, it is no longer about whether people would understand or not, it is about doing the right thing. Your focus is Me, and nothing else." Right then, I just felt peace, I moved on and I was happy. Liberated that I have done the right thing, and I no longer want to allow whatever thoughts to make me worry about something that has not even happen. Or rather, worry about things that should not even affect me. I just find peace that I have done the right thing. And that's it. No burdens!

I was very happy with my new found peace. Few hours later, I received a call from a person, and find that everything was totally awesome. My suspicion of negative reactions of consequences were way pass behind. God made it all happen for good. The person was blessed, I was blessed. I felt so much better that I was not just a kisser, but I did what was necessary for a good cause. Then, minutes later, I received a call from my member. He told me he did the right thing, and it turned out well too.

That moment, I felt the presence of God overwhelming me. It was an assuring feeling that doing the right thing can never go wrong. That I have lived up to what I preached. That He always have my back. Even though if it is a risk, even though others may not understand...But when you choose to act beyond your emotions, beyond your imagination, beyond your perception of how the consequences would be, beyond what you can comprehend....(JUST DO IT RIGHT)....and when your focus is right, it all turned out just so amazingly well.

Truly, I emphasize, it is not always comfortable, easy or popular to do the right thing. But when you choose to do it despite of the risk you are putting yourself into, you will never regret it. Because you rest in the fact, that you have done what is necessary, and you have done the will of God. No burdens....=)

God is so amazing. I love life, and I love learning so much about all these. I may make mistakes at times, but I m really enjoying this journey so much. I can't wait to see what He has in store for me in times to come. And most of all, I want to fall in love with Him...again and again.

Learning to Surrender

2010-01-20T11:06:00.000+08:00

A baby step at a time.

Learning to surrender totally, knowing that my future will be taken care of.

Doing what I can on my part, and letting go what I cannot hold on to.

Humbling myself....shedding off the worries.

Finding rest in the place I surrender.... =)

Feels awesome!

Journey of E30 and E45

2010-01-19T14:00:00.000+08:00

download the slides here :)

microsoft powerpoint 2007. should there be problems with the sequence or music file, let me know :)

Another song!

2010-01-18T04:43:00.000+08:00

Entitled: Closer

Inspired by Min-ie Choong through a telephone call.

Uuhh...ooohh...and I am graduating soon! YipeeeEEee!! May not be one of the best students nor the creamsss of the crop, but I am satisfied with the results I get. Goal achieved! One of 2009 resolution ACCOMPLISHED! Yeah! =))))

Transition Period & Missing you missing me!

2010-01-18T03:43:00.000+08:00

Past few weeks till the very day, I have received many messages and posts about my members missing me. So to E30 and E45, just so you guys know, I miss all of you very very very much as well. You guys are like family to me. 2010 is a bigger journey for all of us. So sad beginning of this year I am unable to be there to experience the heat together. But, I believe you guys can feel my 'kerinduan' from afar. Haha. And I have heard so many stories, breakthroughs, passions and fire about all of you. I m really really proud of how all of you have grown.

Thank you guys, for always sustaining me, running my vision, and making things happen. I truly truly appreciate you guys so so much. *sobs*

Truly the best is yet to come, amen? 2010 we are going to penetrate new areas and do greater things for God.

Currently in hometown, and I love being at home. So relaxed, so taken care of, and prone to laziness...hahaha....However, this holiday, I have learned so much, that I believed it is preparing me for the next season. I have gone through things here, as well as have many realisations. Like I always say, I love holidays. It is these times that I am not occupied by too many things, and are able to draw near to God.

I have also been preparing myself for a transition season to the working world, working life. Cannot be not disciplined anymore. Need to sleep early. Have to learn to manage finances even more now, since I am already taking full responsibilities of my own finances, and also have to learn to adapt to the working world (don't know what to expect as I always say that I m not street smart). Learning to be practical!

Going through this period, I realized that I can be overly worried about things at times. I often have the inclination of wanting to plan and make things perfect! No room for mistakes! But the fact is human will make mistakes and it is okay to bang a few walls and learn from them. So I have decided to be less judgmental about my capability in adapting to the working world, and less fearful of consequences that are not even happening! I indeed cannot do much, but with God....I am limitless, man! Haha...I can do anything. I am invincible :P

So here it is! I am preparing myself....and I believe I am gonna be awesome. I will learn and do great. I am believing God for a great experience and journey with Him once again this year in 2010. I have a feeling I am gonna really be directed toward my destiny this year. It would be a clearer picture. CAN'T WAIT to see what is in store! It's gonna be the best year yet. Like what Pastor Derek said: Glory to glory...Woohoo! I am excited! And I am excited about seeing my college mates, cell members, choir members, outreach members, friends, leaders again!

With Love!

It's not easy....

2010-01-12T17:02:00.000+08:00

I was just chatting with a very close girl friend last night.

It is not easy we both agree....

To live in a non christian setting where there is little grace and mercy,
Trying to live an example in a place where there is little support,

Reason why?

All our lives living in that same home,

We have gotten used to the environment,

We have gotten used to the way we talk to our siblings, our parents....and it is very difficult to change it
Gotten used to the fact that we are brought up in a certain way,
And when we stepped home, somehow the OLD TIME laziness creeped in,

But those things we never experience when we are far from home! Somehow when you get into the comforts of home, everything else seems to be harder. And it hits you even harder when your family begin to connect your weaknesses and your bad habits with your beliefs!

But both me and my dear friend agreed. That these are all merely excuses. Truly, as in psychology we study, it is very easy to be susceptible to your old habits when you are in a familiar environment (for example, drug addicts are much more inclined to their drug habits when they take it in a familiar place).....But home is where we always have to go back. And we definitely need to shine in there. So we have to all make a decision!

What do we do? We fight! The flesh and the weak will. And we pray even more. And we depend on God even more. And everyday waking up, we have to decide to make a difference and kick off old habits. At times, we fall, at times we may not do well....but tomorrow, we try again. And we keep trying until we succeed.

The danger does not come when you are faced with temptation, nor when you fall...the danger comes when you gave up trying...and just succumb to whatever comes, and stop caring about what is most important

So don't give up my friend. Whatever battles you are fighting. It is worth it :))

Ya Chaaaa!

Just wrote a song....

2010-01-06T11:23:00.000+08:00

It is called....All for You

A dedication to the Greatest Love I have ever received.

Job Interviews

2010-01-05T13:35:00.000+08:00

The Job interviews were so interesting and such an eye opening experience!

Wow...more open doors!!! And I have finally realized stepping into interviewing and the working world is not that scary after all...

ahhaa...thanks to all those who have prayed and supported me. You guys are gems!

Ta ta ta naa......Superwoman!!

2009-12-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

Ahahaha....

Just checking some old emails and discovered this!

My very adorable member, Daniel Tham....sent me this to encourage and compliment me as superwoman. Hahaha.... Even though I do not have such a *ahem* fit and *cough cough* nice figure as the woman in the picture....

But still...very heart warming (Aw...)

I know right? He's such a gem. (Don't be jealous)

A random post just for the sake of publishing this picture. Cause I find it funny. teehee..

toodles for the day~

I need You

2009-12-30T21:26:00.000+08:00

More than ever now....

Holding tight.....in the misty hazy roads ahead.
Behold.....the Awesome journey is about to be discovered! =))

*ke de bop*

A new season...

2009-12-30T19:41:00.000+08:00

Wow. Can you believe it?

I am going to step into the sea of working world in no time.Woohoo! There is a certain amount of excitement, yet also a certain amount of nervousness. Big complex of mixed feeling. Haha... because I do not really know what to expect in the corporate world and the true working world out there. I admit I am not exactly super street smart.....training and exposure is totally necessary. Haha...XP

But I am willing to learn. And I know with God I can do all things!

I choose to dwell in the peace of God, and trust that with Him I can overcome the world.World, here I come!

WOOSSHHH! *super girl flies to mission*

I want to make my own decision

2009-12-30T00:23:00.000+08:00

I do not know how to convince some people to believe sometimes.

But I am not giving up. Not discouraged nor trampled down. I don't need to prove anything.

Because I believe I can make it. And I know and I know I can make life decisions on my own. I may fail, but I am not afraid to fall. Things should not be so protected sometimes...

With God on my side, I will be alright. God will be my guide. I am ready. =)

CHARGE!!

Joshua Generation

2009-12-29T13:29:00.000+08:00

As I was doing my devotion today, this desire truly sink really deeply into my heart.

I truly desire to be the Joshua Generation

click here to read more =)

Here I am, send me!

Avatar & Bodyguards and Assasins

2009-12-29T00:55:00.000+08:00

MUST WATCH!!

(I couldn't emphasize it more. See the red, bold, highlight, big fonts, exclamation marks and caps on?)

Both movies blown me away in very different manner. Super good. FIVE thumbs up (LOL)

Apparently, for Bodyguards and Assasins, according to Crystal, everyone (as in movie stars) wants to be part of the movie because it marks the history of China. So, even though Jacky Cheung had a very very short and brief role in the movie, he is willing to be part of it. Wow. Talk about patrioticism.

Alright, I shall not elaborate much about these two movies. Just watch it. Trust me you will not regret it one bit :))

Signing out. ZZZzzzzzz

Nostalgia

2009-12-28T11:11:00.000+08:00

I remember, when I was studying for my final exam, I was thinking to myself. This is probably going to be last time I am holding these books reading. I probably wouldn't have the chance to rush for thesis, assignments, and study for exams. I suddenly felt as though I was about to grow up, and I felt nostalgic about things. No more college life, no more being childish and people would understand. Time to grow up.

Now, coming to the end of 2009. Things are becoming more and more real. No more fooling around Hazel. Time to step into the marketplace, time to work, time to grab all the opportunities at hand and make a difference. The time is now.

As I reflect upon 2009, and all the goodness and favor I have experienced, I am so grateful and thankful for all that have happened. 2009 have been an amazing year. I still remember I have label for each year. 2007 was the year of breakthrough for me because for the first time in life, I have experienced breakthroughs after breakthroughs like never before in my life. Then breakthroughs become very common, I experience it almost every season. 2008 was the year that I felt most expanded. Many expansion going on.

And finally 2009, 2009 was yet the most amazing years of my life. I had more expansions, more breakthroughs, and most importantly, in 2009 was the first time ever I felt so so unspeakably grateful that I am alive at such a time like these. Going through what I went through. Good and bad. Feeling up, feeling down.....struggling through to be a better me...yet, I felt most closest to Him. Looking back at 2009, true there are things that I have planned and I achieved, there are goals which I did not get to achieve....But, I savor every moment of it, because 2009 have been the year that I LEARNT so so so so so much about life that I felt so grateful going through so much be it the good or the bad.

So I shall label 2009 as the year that I finally see things through God's eyes. Learning to appreciate so so much each and every season as well as experiences I went through. I have honestly never felt as appreciative as I have right now. First time in life I felt so favored and so grateful that I wished 2009 needn't have to come to an end. Words really cannot express. Nonetheless, as nostalgic as we may be, we all still need to grow up! haha...

I know 2010 is going to be a year of transition for me in many areas. And I know it is not going to be easy. But ever since I steped into City Harvest, each year has been better and better. I know the best is yet to come. 2010 is going to be yet another year filled with wonders and amazement. I can't wait. Planning out goals and visions, wanting to RUN my life vision even more, DISCOVER more of my destiny, be STRONGER in circumstances, and CLOSER to my First Love.

I am ready for 2010. Are you? =)

When the Saws are in Unison

2009-12-27T20:17:00.000+08:00

Phew...Past week, I have been shopping and shopping and shopping non-stop for DAYS. Well, that is because my dearest mummy was around in KL, and honestly I admire the strength of her legs. She could walk from morning, till the mall closes at night! We have gone to many many different places like Sungei Wang, Pavilion, Time Square, One Utama, Sunway Pyramid...etc etc (not to mention the other days when my mom shop without me....fuh!)

So, I guess, I have compensated my lack of exercise for the WHOLE YEAR within just few days....muahahhaa...and oh boy, I love the dresses I bought. I got to wear them for a shopping spree one of the days. And seriously, it feels different when you wear dress. Normally, I wear t-shirt and jeans, and you can walk pass anybody without anyone noticing your existence. This time, when I wore this new dress.....well, not to say that more people notice me because I was pretty, but....you know how people often notice a very tall, long-legged girl, with long flowy hair, strong perfume scent, and pretty dresses, and sharp heels passing by? Not because they are particularly pretty, but your reflexes just somehow turn around to give a second look...like there's a magnet?? Am I hearing a NO? Ok, let's be honest....I NOTICE THEM TOO! ahakz....well, that was how I felt at least that day. Haha...except that I only fulfill ONE of the many criterias. That is the pretty dress....nyiahahaa....

So you see, sometimes what you wear influences how the crowd looks at you. No wonder, it is important to wear very nicely and appropriately during interviews. So here is my pretty dress...One of it.....Well, it might be unpretty to you, but I LIKE IT! *wiggle*.....so here here

without cardigan

with cardigan

Not to mention some other pictures I took during shopping. Hahahhaa...I was a little bored XP

And presenting...the Heineken Christmas Tree...

Oh boy...uh....I experienced snow at Pavilion too. But phone died, so no pictures....Anyhoo....

Here is some pictures from my dad's birthday. Imagine your earthly dad and your heavenly daddy has the same birthday! So cool Right?!! Yea so it was Christmas, and everybody was all dressed up to a very prestigious hotel for a dinner. Well, I thought it was Taiping, and you needn't have to dress really super nice...So obviously from the picture below you can see I am underdressed compared to everyone else...=_='''

But it is okay! I still have fun!! And uh, there is a sky bar at the rooftop! with swimming pools....so we got into camwhoring mode and tadaa...these are the pictures...

thats my beautiful mom...

that's the very pretty daughter XP

second brother with his muscle hands (we call him Popeye) with his pretty girlfriend (we call her Olivia)

oooo....a perfect match! teehee

big brother and girlfriend...aheemm....wedding bells wedding bells

And finally we got home for the traditional cake cutting ceremony. TADDAA....dad was all shy, but we forced him to do it anyway...teeheee

And there my three monkey brothers.

2nd bro: Look at my muscles man

1st bro: Oh my new touchscreen mobile is more interesting

Little bro: *sneer* Don't he realize he looks like an alien? (in the heart)

Hazel: (The camera person)...nyiahahah...I get to type and say what I want!

Thats me. I plan to bring this to Bali as a beach hat. So cute right? I know.

And then the next day, again they decided to bring me to another prestigious hotel in Taiping. ( I wonder how many big pretty hotels were opened while I was gone? Oh gosh...)

Again as usual I was underdressed...

But I had fun....hahahaha....Oh well...that sums up my week with my family. Crazy gatherings, crazy people, but loving the homely feeling. Mom has been making me do a lot of house chores so that I will be a NORMAL adult when I step into working world. Like know how to cook and all sorts....Love her to bits. hehe.....tadaa...I am done. Time to eat and feed the growling monster...RARRR!

toodles~

Hey Ho!

2009-12-27T16:20:00.000+08:00

This is gonna be my personal blog from now on.

www.hazellearnstobreathe.blogspot.com

Gonna transfer my multiply over here. Learning to use blogspot. Haha. However, there will be cross posting from now onwards. So whatever posted in blogspot will appear in multiply too! *wiggle*

It's gonna be fun!!